V
THE NEXT MORNING . . .
The nurse told me I had a visitor, but that she couldn’t catch her name.
“Did it sound like Blah Blah Blah?” I asked.
“That’s exactly what I heard.”
“Send her in.”
My only friend, Blah Blah Blah, bustled in, arms spread, voice full of concern: “Billy!” she cried.
“Buttercup!”
“I brought you some cold mush. My own recipe. You’ll love it.”
Why, I was just craving mush, too! How thoughtful!
She couldn’t stay but a minute. Her friend Mumble Mumble was outside in the car. She just wanted to say she was SO SORRY, it was TOO TERRIBLE; but rest assured, EVERYONE WAS TALKING. I was a hero and a “martyr to the cause.” (Of what? Swamp Zombies?) There was even talk of giving me some sort of award or medal. (“Most Loathed!”)
She pulled up a chair and began furiously whispering all the news from school. Such an odd duck, right? Always whispering. Always scurrying about. But God bless her for it. She knows everything about everyone.
Of course, I had probably heard all about the assembly they had recently, right? (UM . . . NO.) Well, it was about the “hate crime.” Although my name was never mentioned. Anyway, a “sensitivity speaker” was brought in, and he showed a filmstrip about tolerance. (THAT’LL SHOW ’EM!) And the upshot of everything is that the school now has a zero-tolerance policy on hate crimes of any kind. So that’s progress, huh?
And what most people didn’t know, she whispered, was that Flip BEAT THE CRAP out of Bernie the day after I was attacked! It’s true! KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD. It caused quite a rift with the other Manatees, and now he and Bib aren’t getting along, either. They practically tackled each other to death during practice the other day, and ended up wrestling in the locker room afterward. The coach is frantic, what with the big game coming up . . .
Then, quickly, quickly, what else? What other gossip did she know? Well . . . seems Lynnette Franz broke up with Bo-Bo Peterson, but nobody knows why. (I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE GOING OUT!) Oh, and you know Sesame Blixon’s monster snoobs? TOTALLY FAKE. A seventeenth birthday present from her dad. EW, RIGHT? And apparently, word on the street is she got the boob job specifically to get Flip’s attention. In fact, she’s planning on asking him to homecoming next month. Ten-to-one odds he doesn’t accept. Of course, he never accepts. He never even seems interested in any of the girls at school. HE’S SO MYSTERIOUS.
Once she had exhausted her gossip supply, she was off and running.
“Kiss, kiss,” she said as she scooted out the door. “Feel better!”
“Yeah, thanks, I feel much . . . better. Yeah.”