XXIV

So.

First day back.

Walking through the courtyard, onto the campus, Flip at my side.

TOP OF THE WORLD, MA!

FAGS RULE, OKAY!

DON’T TREAD ON ME!

I AM THE TEFLON QUEEN.

There was a banner welcoming me back, and that was sweet, I must admit.

The principal was there to greet me (i.e., please don’t sue). “Great to have you back . . . blah blah blah . . .” “Whatever I can do . . . blah blah blah . . .” (Translation: No more trouble out of you, please.)

And I thought: Yes, THIS is how we do it, do it . . . . VIP all the way! The Full Diddy!

In the hallway students stopped and smiled and said hello. Many asked how I was and expressed their outrage at what happened.

I was dressed in flowing white, like a young Gandalf the Gay. Saints should always look their purest, don’t you think? And because I was rather glowing with holy light this morning, I started blessing my well-wishers. “Peace be with you.” And: “Let the healing begin.”

Oh, I’m just such a good person. (CHOKE.) It’s true. Not many people could be as big as I’m being. I’m like Oprah. I give and I give until I’m just an empty husk. . . .