II

DAY TWO

There are days when even the cupboard is too roomy, too wide open. There are too many variables in there, too many chances for things to go wrong. You need something more secure. A better fit. On those days, when you just want a giant Ziploc sandwich bag to slide into, I find there’s only one practical thing to do:

Lock yourself in the guest room and fold yourself into the sofa bed.

Yes, only then can you discover the absolute bliss of total restriction. Only in your new hideaway heaven can you finally feel safe from the pain of the outside world.

And if you never leave, you’ll be just fine.