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And LO AND BEHOLD, I was on BOTH the six AND eleven o’clock newscasts!

AND all the commercials, as well! (“Day of the drag queen at one area high school, controversy at six!”)

And it must have been a slow night because I was the SECOND PIECE of the night! The granny suicide bomber got the lead. BITCH! But I managed to beat out the president’s pulled groin and day six of the Jessica Simpson chapped-lip crisis!

So, yeah. That’s pretty wild.

 

And I’m just going to come out and say it: I WAS FABULOUS! YES! AND LUMINOUS! AND RADIANT! AND RIVETING! I looked just like Fashion Fever Barbie! Or mid-career Lindsay Lohan!

Even better: I came off as intelligent and likable—a compelling underdog character with a crackling good hook, fighting against intolerance, and a memorable catchphrase: “Gender is a choice, not a life sentence!”

I’m on fire!

Can’t touch this! HA!