I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
—Michael Jordan, Greatest Basketball Player of All Time
The Cosplays are the best teen rock band in town, and Sam is auditioning for them. Since their guitarist, Jules, is moving away, he is a shoo-in to take her place. The band members are his best friends, and he can play along to any song on the radio.
“No offense, but you’re not ready for our band,” Ryan says after Sam’s audition.
“But I thought you needed someone right away, since Jules is moving.”
“We do, but you just keep playing the same riffs over and over again. We don’t play cover songs, so our guitarist has to know how to produce music.”
“Just give me another shot to get it right,” Sam says.
“I’ll tell you what—the band is taking a break over the summer, so why don’t you show us what you’ve got when we start back up in a few months?” says Ryan. “Don’t forget, you have to show me something original.”
Sam’s first reaction is to be mad at Ryan and the rest of the Cosplays for rejecting him. He decides to pull up some of the band’s YouTube videos to see why they think their old guitar player is so great.
She isn’t just good; she’s awesome. Now Sam understands why Ryan isn’t happy with his audition. He needs to learn to create his own music so he can contribute to the band. He is going to take their advice and spend the next few months developing his skills. He starts by making a list of who he can ask to help mentor him and how he can go about achieving his goal of playing with the Cosplays.
Sometimes the most amazing stories come out of failures or extreme hardships. People who believe in what they are doing are capable of amazing things. When you love what you do, then every obstacle and challenge is worth it. If you try to be something you’re not, then you feel every bump and bruise that comes your way. Some people don’t know the definition of quit and continue to move forward even when things get difficult. See if you know the answers to the following questions.
How did the surfers at the Bureh Beach Surf Club in Sierra Leone maintain their passion and optimism for their sport after their country was hit the hardest by the Ebola epidemic?
How do youth gymnasts spend day after day, hour after hour falling off balance beams and dealing with sore muscles to be one of five girls or boys selected to represent their country in the Olympics?
How did Manolis Glezos, a ninety-three-year-old man, spend seventy years of his life as a freedom fighter in Greece where he was pepper-sprayed, imprisoned for twelve years, and tortured?
How did a shy singer plagued with anxiety like Adele become a Grammy-winning performer?
The answer to the above questions is resilience. They’ve all demonstrated it during stressful situations and moments of failure. Although the activities in these four questions have nothing in common, the people behind them share some important character traits. But what does this mean, and how does it apply to you? Let’s start by breaking it down.
Be prepared to handle tough situations. I’m going to find a tutor to help me in biology since I failed my last test.
Have you ever seen someone remain calm and cool in a crisis, while someone else falls apart? The ability to cope with tough situations or problems is called resilience. This doesn’t erase the stress or worry over life’s challenges, but it provides you with the ability to recover or bounce back from them. Remember how we talked about grit in the last chapter? Well, grit and resilience often go hand in hand. Think back to the marathon example. It takes grit to push through the training when it gets difficult to run those miles. If you get injured and can’t run the race, then you must rely on resilience to handle the disappointment and bounce back with a positive attitude. Resilience is the difference between being a victim versus being a survivor. If you don’t feel like you have resilience right now, don’t worry, because you can learn this behavior with a little practice.
Think about how you would handle the following situations: your computer crashes before a school paper is due, an injury before a big soccer tournament keeps you out of a match, your parents are getting a divorce, or your significant other breaks up with you. Would you describe your appearance as calm, cool, and collected? Or do you resemble a two-year-old throwing a tantrum? Most people fall somewhere in the middle with plenty of room for improvement.
Having a complete meltdown when things don’t go your way. I didn’t make the school swim team, so I’m never swimming again.
While you can’t specifically prepare for every upsetting situation that comes your way, you can prepare yourself to handle them better. By building up your resilience, you will be more prepared to handle the tough times. Work on the following key items so you can learn from your setbacks and sail through them with minimum recovery time.
Network. Build relationships with people inside and outside of your family. It’s important to have a support system of people you can talk to. Often different people will serve different needs in your life. A trusted coach might be the right person to discuss insecurities you have about your athletic performance, while your best friend is the perfect person to discuss a breakup.
Set goals. Tackling new challenges and having success is a great way to prove to yourself you can handle new situations. Take one step toward your goal every day, even if it is really small. Sometimes the toughest part is getting started!
Love thyself. Be your own best friend. It’s hard to make good decisions, bounce back from challenges, or keep your emotions in check if you don’t take care of yourself. Give yourself time to relax, have fun, and get a good night’s sleep.
Problem solve. Accept that stuff happens. Even if this particular moment stinks, try to come up with solutions to your problem. What can you do to get the best possible outcome?
Practice self-control. Try to take a few deep breaths or count to ten before reacting to an upsetting situation. You don’t want to say or do anything you will regret later, so give yourself a little time to process your emotions.
Adapt. Change is inevitable. Life is full of transitions that can be stressful. This never goes away. For example, you may have to deal with moving, changing schools, and making new friends, but think of how the changes affect your parents too. They also have to adapt. Often the changes we are most afraid of turn out to be the best experiences.
Understand that many of life’s bad situations are only temporary. The critique of my online comic book was a total disaster, but I’ll blow them away with my next one.
Kids for a Better Future was founded in 2006 when Akash was just eight years old. Every year this organization run by kids chooses a project to support to help less fortunate kids. They raise money through walk-a-thons, lemonade stands, and fundraising parties. Some of the causes they’ve supported over the years include a shelter for homeless New York teens, a school for girls in Afghanistan, the rehabilitation of former child soldiers in the Congo, and the Crisis Text Line. They have raised over $100,000 for their programs. Akash and his fellow third graders who started this organization are now ready for college. They’ve decided to pass down this organization to the next generation of third graders, led by Akash’s younger brother, Satya. To find out how you can help kids obtain food, education, and shelter, visit kidsforabetterfuture.org. Read on to learn how Kids for a Better Future use resilience, passion, and dedication to help other people.
1. How did Kids for a Better Future get started?
The first time I thought of this was when I was sitting in the kitchen trying to help my mom wash dishes, but I found that I wasn’t good at dishwashing. I sat down and asked my mom what use kids were to the world. She told me we were learning how to be good—we can help the world when we grow up. Plus, when we are kids, we make joy for grown-ups. I said I wanted to do something now that makes the world a better place.
2. Do you have mentors and people you look up to?
My mother is the single most inspiring person in my life. She’s a lifelong women’s rights activist and the founder of the incredible organization Women for Afghan Women. The work she’s done and continues to do is really, really tremendous, and I’m so proud of her. She’s gone through a lot in her life—she’s faced a lot of challenges, but she’s managed to really succeed—succeed in securing herself happiness, building a happy family, doing amazing work, and touching the lives of so many people. I have so much to learn from her. I love and respect her so much, and I’m so lucky to have her as a mother.
3. What advice can you give a young person who wants to be a social activist?
It’s never too early! Kids are constantly told we need to wait to become adults to help other people—that right now, we should just focus on ourselves. I have two responses to that advice. The first is that all of us, no matter what age, have the ability to make a concrete difference in this world, and therefore we have the moral responsibility to do so. The hundred dollars’ worth of food you can raise by running a lemonade stand for a day goes a long way in the life of a kid who doesn’t have enough to eat. No matter how old you are, you can make a difference too.
I have another response, as well: you’re right. Childhood is a time when we should focus, to an extent, on ourselves—when we should try to learn all we can and try to build ourselves into the adults we wish to be. But we profit immensely by doing work for others. We learn about the world around us. We learn about our power to make a difference. We develop the skills necessary to lead, to inspire, to organize, and to succeed. And if, as adults, we want to be compassionate, determined, and ready to do the work necessary to leave this world in a better place than we found it—well, then there’s no better training.
4. What advice can you give teens who are trying to find their passion?
Be bold! There will always be people who tell you to stick to the beaten path and to do what everyone else is doing. They’ll tell you that when you’re an adult, you can develop your passion—for now, just keep your head down, get through childhood, get good grades, and worry about all that later. Ignore them! Life is about seizing the moment, about following your whims, and about doing what you love. If you don’t start now, it’ll only be a whole lot harder later.
5. What challenges have you faced while building your organization?
Some of the biggest challenges have been those moments when there’s a ton of work to do, I’m pressed for time, and I feel lazy. The solution has always been to reinspire myself into the work I’m doing. I remind myself how important the work I’m doing is to me, and how wonderful its results can be. Once I’ve re-energized myself, even the dullest work doesn’t seem like such drudgery after all.
An epic fail is a huge, monumental disaster! It’s regarded as the highest form of failure. Sometimes these are considered failures in the eye of the public (classmates, media, business community, and so on). At other times, these are personal failures where the individual feels the personal humiliation or letdown. Here are some perceived failures when things actually turned out better than just okay.
Believing bad situations last forever. No one will ask me out ever again.
Jennifer Lawrence tripped on her way up the stairs to collect her best actress award at the 2013 Oscars in front of millions of people. She laughed off the embarrassing moment, made a joke, and became the girl everyone wanted as their new best friend.
Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Harland Sanders’s secret chicken recipe was turned down more than a thousand times before being accepted. Now the fast food franchise has over eighteen thousand restaurants all over the world.
Winston Churchill was defeated in multiple political elections. He eventually became prime minister and won the Nobel Prize in Literature.
Jerry Seinfeld was booed off the stage his first time doing stand-up comedy. He became one of the most popular comedians of all time and the star of a major sitcom.
Stephen King received thirty rejections for his book Carrie. It went on to sell over 1 million copies in its first year of publication and was made into a feature film and a Broadway show.
Melissa McCarthy was called “tractor-sized” and a “hippo” in a review. She’s had the last laugh at her fat-shamers with her huge success as an actress, comedian, and mother.
Stan Smith was told he was too clumsy to even be a ball boy at a Davis Cup tennis match. He went on to win eight Davis Cups and even Wimbledon, and he designed a really cool pair of Adidas shoes.
Anna Wintour was fired from her junior fashion editor job at Harper’s Bazaar. She became the infamous editor of Vogue and is now the director of all Condé Nast publications.
Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Christian Bale, Chris Colfer, and Selena Gomez were all bullied and unpopular at school. They have gone on to become successful celebrities and respected performers.
Learn from your failures. The next time I try to set up a lawn-mowing business, I’ll find a mentor to give me advice.
Sarah Elizabeth Lewis is a multitasking extraordinaire as an art historian at Harvard University, public speaker, and author of The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery. She has served on President Obama’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities and was a curator at the Museum of Modern Art and the Tate Modern gallery. She speaks about mastery as something that can be done over and over again versus success, which is usually a celebration of a single moment. The inspirational speech she delivered at the 2014 TED Conference can be watched at ted.com/speakers/sarah_lewis. Read on to see how you can change your view about failure and the creative process.
1. Describe your book The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery.
The Rise is an atlas of stories about how it is that we truly become our fullest selves, about how incredible, breakthrough ideas actually happen, from the arts to the sciences, from athletics to entrepreneurial life. I wrote this book not because of the importance I ascribe to failure itself but because of what the irreplaceable advantages from improbable foundations tell us about the nature, needs, and demands of the creative process, about how we each build and fashion our worlds.
2. How are creativity and discovery related to failure?
Most failures are not really failures in the context of innovation, invention, and creativity. As Thomas Edison said after his thousands of aborted attempts to create the lightbulb, “I haven’t failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” The question is, how do we give ourselves enough room to make productive mistakes?
One way is by lowering the feelings of shame and embarrassment that prevent us from even trying things that might go awry. Inventors and artists have long had ways to do this. Playwright August Wilson would start his plays on napkins in restaurants then retreat to his typewriter once the ideas started to flow. His napkin became an incubator, a safe haven, a way of silencing the inner critic. Two Nobel Prize–winning scientists, Andre Geim and Konstantin Novoselov, have an exemplary, playful way of doing this. They have a practice of Friday Night Experiments, times when the lab works on problems outside of the realm of their expertise. Creative solutions and innovative ideas, after all, are often so counterintuitive that they can, at first, look like failure. When we give ourselves permission to be wrong, we find breakthrough ideas that might never have emerged otherwise.
3. There seems to be a lot of pressure regarding academics, athletics, and extracurriculars to view failure as a weakness. How can teens look at it differently?
I’d focus on things that help you become gritty, someone who perseveres in pursuit of your goal despite failure feedback. Grit is a better predictor of achievement, more so than talent or IQ alone. This is what psychologist Angela Duckworth has found. You can develop grit by doing anything—by sticking with a hobby, a side project—from learning to code to learning to kayak.
4. Can you give me a few examples where failure had a positive outcome?
There are too many examples—this is why I wrote The Rise, but here are a few: choreographer Paul Taylor’s early dance that defined his now award-winning style was a catastrophe—the audience flooded out of the auditorium. Martin Luther King Jr. received Cs not once, but twice in seminary school and went on to lead the nation as the most prodigious orator of his time. The 1930s RKO screen-test response “Can’t sing. Can’t act. Balding. Can dance a little,” was in reference to Fred Astaire. Author J. K. Rowling—who wrote Harry Potter on napkins in restaurants, struggling on welfare as a single mother—said in her Harvard commencement speech that “rock bottom became a solid foundation” on which she built her rise. The title of her talk: “The Fringe Benefits of Failure.”
5. If you could go back and give advice to your teen self, what would it be?
Don’t worry about being perfect. Focus on growth. Know that your life will be a constant journey and that your greatest gifts and strengths will likely come from your most difficult trials.
Spotlight
Thomas Suarez, Chief Engineer, CarrotCorp
Have you ever played a whack-a-mole app on an iPad or iPod? What about one that involves Justin Bieber? If you have, you were probably playing Thomas Suarez’s creation called Bustin Jieber! When Thomas was seven years old, he started computer coding and released his first iPhone application two years later called Earth Fortune. This fortune-teller app would be the first of many for Thomas. By age fifteen, Thomas was developing apps for Apple iOS, Android, Google Glass, and smartwatches through his technology company, CarrotCorp. His next venture is to revolutionize the 3D printing industry with a printer that is ten times faster than the current models. Knowing how much programming has changed his life, he is active with the nonprofit STAR Education to create curricula where youth can learn to code. His TED Talk about kids teaching kids to program has been viewed millions of times. If you would like to bring STAR Education to your school, visit starinc.org. For more information about CarrotCorp apps, go to carrotcorp.com. By igniting his spark, Thomas has proven that you’re never too young to become a programmer!
What if you were guaranteed success at whatever you did? Would this change how you decided to spend your time? Would it change what you wanted out of life? How would it affect your hopes and dreams?
Giving up when you fail. My vlog looks and sounds terrible, so I guess I can’t have videos on my website.
Don’t let the fear of failure keep you from taking risks. It’s riskier to stand by and do nothing or to do what’s safe. And a sure thing is never as rewarding as something you’ve really worked hard to accomplish. Treat your failures like setbacks that give you an opportunity for growth. With each new failure, you gain insight, new information, and resiliency. You can use this to learn so you can come back stronger and better than ever.
Have you ever failed at something? Maybe it was an epic fail like missing the game-winning shot in a championship game? Or getting up on stage and forgetting all of your lines? Sometimes, simple failures can totally derail us. These can be things like forgetting your homework, tripping in the hall at school, or mispronouncing a classmate’s name. It’s impossible to be perfect all the time. Everyone has major and minor failures, but how they handle them is what makes them different. If you’re going to fail, shouldn’t you at least get something out of it? How would you handle the epic and simple failures listed above? Do your answers represent resilience or defeat? Make a list of three different instances when you have failed. Next to each “failure,” write down what you’ve learned from these experiences. Get used to seeing failure as an opportunity for growth!
