Chapter Seven

Rough hair brushed her shoulder and Peyton shivered. Her body sighed and urged her to snuggle deeper under the quilt, but her brain registered the oddity. Forcing eyes that argued her body knew what it was talking about open, she stiffened as the heavy arm anchoring her to the mattress squeezed and tugged her closer. Tugged her completely naked body closer to his naked body.

Oh no.

Panic vibrated through every limb even as she recognized who was intimately wrapped up with her legs. If she hadn’t been afraid of waking him, she would have groaned and cursed herself openly and loudly. God, what the hell had happened to her? Miss “Plan twelve steps ahead and know all the repercussions” Brooks?

She remembered a loud crash in the middle of the night had sent her running downstairs and straight into a hard, shirtless body that had enveloped her in warmth and support. Something she had craved at that moment. And with her brain in a sleep fog, fighting her body’s response had been impossible. Who kissed who, she couldn’t recall, but she did remember him asking if she was sure and her agreement.

Well, she’d had a momentary lapse in complete judgment. Now she needed to return to sanity. First step was to get out of the room. Preferably without waking the hulking bear of a man currently warming her in all the ways a woman wanted to be warmed. She held her breath and shifted an inch. No response from the sleeping bear.

Repeating the process inch by painstaking inch, Peyton had a toe centimeters from the floor when the bear asked, “Sneaking away before a proper good morning?”

Lurching the rest of the way, she kept her naked back to him as she said, “There’s nothing proper about any of this.”

Peyton snagged her nightgown off the floor and her duffle from the straight-backed chair and flung open the door. Only when she’d barricaded herself in the bathroom did she allow her body to react. The shakes started in her knees and wove their way through every inch of her body until her only option was to collapse to the freezing cold floor. Good, she deserved to be cold. It was the opposite of the heat some stupid recess of her mind kept remembering.

She pounded her fists on the floor, thankful no one was witnessing her tantrum.

No. Today it ended. Just as quickly as he’d returned. He would not mess things up and leave her in shambles again. She was older, stronger, and for the most part wiser. Ryder Marks would not undo ten years of hard work.

Turning on the shower, she scrubbed away the remnants of their night together, satisfied she had a handle on anything he might throw her way. She spent extra time getting dressed, but by the time her feet carried her downstairs she was confident she could handle anything the lumberjack had for her in the light of day.

Only as her feet hit the living room floor, he was nowhere to be seen. The smell of coffee drew her eyes and there, affixed to the small coffeepot, was a note.

Went to deal with the trees.

Disappointment flushed the adrenaline right out of her system. She’d been ready. Ready to point out all the mistakes. Ready to make him understand that something like last night would never happen again. And the damn man had ruined her plans once again.

She flung open a cabinet, grabbing a coffee cup and slamming it on the counter. Probably not the smartest move, but her anger needed an outlet before she would have to face the ranch hands and workers. Leaning against the counter, she begrudgingly enjoyed the pot of coffee as she evaluated Ryder Marks and how to proceed with him until Friday. There would be no living with him after this.

…

“Need a hand?”

Ryder looked up to see Dan Rigby trotting his mare down the road. A smile overtook the frown Peyton’s hasty exit this morning had placed on his face. They’d been like brothers growing up, and Ryder had been eternally grateful that his parents had pseudo-adopted the young boy when family problems made it impossible for him to remain in his house. His mother was an expert fusser, but with two boys his share had lessened, and he’d likened Dan to an answered prayer.

When he’d made the decision to leave, some of the guilt surrounding his mother had been unburdened knowing Dan would be there to take his place. Dan loved Sky Lake as much as Ryder did. And it appeared it had, if not flourished under his hand, definitely improved. In fact, several of the suggestions his father had vehemently vetoed prior to his leaving had suspiciously made their way to the ranch. Ryder had to wonder if it was Dan’s doing, and if so, why his father had so readily accepted help from the man and not his own son.

“An extra set of hands might come in handy.” He ran his eyes over Dan’s mount, guessing it easily sixteen hands. “That horse of yours skittish? I can have this ripped up in no time but my saw makes a ruckus. The chain’s aged just right in my opinion but not always the opinion of those around to hear it.”

Dan patted the mane of the cremello he was on. “Shady here is about as cool as they come in ranch horses. She’s the offspring of Shine.”

Ryder whistled. “Good ole Shine. She’s a damn fine horse.”

“Was,” Dan said.

Damn. He should have expected that. Shine had been nearly fifteen when he left. Time hadn’t stood still. He hadn’t been naive enough to think it had, but hearing about the passing of Shine punched home just how much time had marched on while he’d been in Alaska.

Dan jumped down and pulled the reins over Shady’s head. “It’s part of life, Ryder. And definitely part of ranching life. She passed on at the water paddock. Laid down, went to sleep, and never woke up.”

Ryder nodded, unsure if the emotion currently clogging his throat would spill over into words. Dan led the horse to a nearby tree and looped the reins. Tugging the end tight, he scratched the mare between her ears and crossed back.

“So you and the saw are intimately acquainted?”

Ryder laughed and stroked the hand guard. “This baby and I cuddled many a cold Alaska night.”

Dan clapped him on the back. “It’s good to have you back, man.”

“Thanks. Nice to know there are a few of you who feel that way.” He thought of Peyton’s parting words this morning and her subsequent fleeing. Memories of the night, which, granted, was something of an unlooked-for surprise, were now tainted by her obvious regret.

“Give her time.”

Ryder looked up. “What?”

“I said, give Peyton some time. You don’t know what it was like for her. And now in the same abrupt fashion you left ten years ago, you’ve come back. You know her. She likes order. You messed it up.”

And just like that, the confusion of the morning and Dan’s words converged into a shot of jealousy. Dan knew Peyton. Knew her well enough to believe he understood what Ryder was hinting at. He should be the one supporting Peyton, not Dan. Shouldn’t he?

He gripped the hand guard tighter. “Sorry to disrupt everyone’s life. Wasn’t aware that coming back to my home needed preparation.”

Dan kicked a rock. “Man, give it up. I’ve never sugarcoated anything before and I’m not going to start now. You left. You left in the middle of the night. Your mother was a wreck. Your father walked around snapping off everyone’s head. Even the horses wouldn’t go near him for months. And Peyton—”

“Please don’t talk to me about Peyton.” Ryder placed the saw on the ground. He couldn’t take anymore. He hated what his leaving had done to her. Done to them. To his daughter.

“She was pregnant!”

He shoved Dan. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. Damn it. Don’t you think you could stop for two minutes and realize that I lost ten years of my daughter’s life? Ten years!”

“Then why the hell did you leave? How could you leave her?”

Ryder growled. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“Stop it. Everyone has choices. No one knows that better than me. Whatever it was, you face it like a man. You don’t run out on your family.”

“You know what, I don’t need help. Go do whatever it is you do around here.”

Ryder busied himself checking the choke and chain on his saw. Dan walked away and mounted his horse, but Ryder refused to look at him again. Add one more person to the not happy he was home list. Shady whinnied and the ground vibrated under Ryder’s boots as Dan moved closer to where Ryder stood.

“You just make sure that chip of regret that’s permanently attached to your shoulder doesn’t affect your daughter. Mel’s amazing, and the last thing she deserves is a father who brings his baggage into the relationship.”

“Get the hell out of here and don’t you ever tell me what to do with my daughter again.”

Thankfully, hoofbeats thundered, sounding farther and farther away. Ryder pulled the ripcord and felt the familiar vibration work through his body. He’d never focused so hard on ripping up a tree in the ten years since he’d harvested his first log.

…

Peyton watched Ryder from the safety of the Loop Trail. Her vantage spot allowed her to look down on him as he took care of the pesky tree with a single-minded purpose. He’d argued with Dan. She may not have heard the words, but the stances and the way Dan tore off led her to believe that the argument hadn’t been pleasant. Now Ryder attacked the wood like a man whose very soul depended on the job he did. She could see the frustration with every splinter of wood. Leave it to Ryder to be home less than two days and already be stirring up more trouble than a rattlesnake under a hoof.

Ryder paused, cutting the saw off and laying it on the ground. He stretched and flexed his hands and the resulting warmth through her body produced a snort. It really was ridiculous. Ten years she’d been without a man, despite being surrounded by them. A few, she knew, had just been waiting for a sign, and yet she hadn’t given in because she hadn’t felt anything. No spark, no warmth. And then five minutes in that damn lumberjack’s presence and her body was a raging inferno. Fourth of July fireworks mixed with a volcanic eruption. What had she been thinking sleeping with him last night? And what had he been thinking letting it happen?

The saw wound up again and Ryder finished up the last of the cuts. He picked up the round circles and stacked them off to the side of the lane. A ranch hand arrived to lend some muscle and Peyton smiled. Most likely Dan’s doing.

The two of them finished moving the wood and Peyton stood frozen long after they’d left. She’d thought she’d find answers. A way forward with him. She still didn’t believe he planned on staying despite his words last night, but he’d helped her this morning with the downed trees, without being asked. Jumped right back into the place he’d abandoned. Plus, he wanted to see Mel. And even more, he deserved to see Mel. But what did all that add up to? What was her role vis-à-vis him? And why the hell had she slept with him?

A gust blew through the small strand of trees around her and she shook off the chill. Eerie premonition if one believed in them, but Peyton didn’t. She believed in calm and order and dictating where things needed to and should go. So she would dictate this. All interactions henceforth would be strictly platonic. Strictly businesslike and totally and completely in public.

She arrived back at the main lodge without encountering Ryder. Entering her office, she plopped in her chair and pulled up her email. She may be running the ranch, but she still had her normal tasks to complete. At least enough to tread water until Shelby and Mitch returned.

Five minutes later, her chin was propped on clasped hands, visions of a night she shouldn’t be thinking about filtering through her head.

“While I’m a huge fan of letting inspiration strike, I somehow imagine the answers you’re seeking won’t be found in a still portrait of a moose.”

Peyton smiled at Emily and motioned to the chair across from her desk. “I don’t know. Moose are stately, majestic creatures. Perhaps I need help being stately.”

Emily settled into the chair, tucking her legs up under her. “The only help you need is figuring out how to wipe the silly, I-had-sex grin off your face.”

To deny it would be fruitless. Only a best friend would look close enough to recognize it, and only this particular best friend would have prior experience in the “I had sex, what hell was I thinking?” department.

Emily continued. “Is the moose contemplating more about dealing with regret, or figuring out a way forward?”

Peyton drummed her fingers on the desk. “Kinda hard to regret something you can’t stop replaying.”

Emily sighed. “Been there myself, sister.”

“But I feel like I need to have the regret to find the way forward. Does that make any sense?”

Emily held her questioning gaze for a long time, and Peyton wondered if her always-astute friend had finally been stumped. The reality was a little rougher.

“Can’t the way forward be a happy one rather than one full of what you think it should be?”

Peyton’s mouth snapped open then shut. Emily surely wasn’t implying that she be with Ryder. That was crazy. The trust was gone. Her heart would be shattered when he left again.

Except you were with him. Last night. And he’s staying.

When Peyton continued to stare despite the warmth flooding her cheeks, Emily managed a weak smile. “Honey, no one knows better than me the power of the past. The power of what we think we knew. But take it from me. There’s always three stories in the past and none of them are worth your future.”

She didn’t understand. “Ryder isn’t my future.”

Emily shrugged. “Maybe he isn’t. But promise me. Before you discount him and toss him away with years of questions and emotions, think about the fact that in two days he’s managed to rock your world and put a smile on your face.”

Oh, he’d rocked her world all right, and the foundation that came with it.

Emily came around the desk and gave her a quick hug. She was halfway through the door when she looked over her shoulder. “You still coming over for dinner tonight?”

Crap, dinner with her and Adam. She’d forgotten about it. A red flag the size of China. Peyton Brooks didn’t forget things, as evidenced by the constant replay of scenes from last night. But she’d forgotten dinner plans with her best friend.

“I’ll be there, and I’m bringing the wine. No arguments.”

“Deal.” She tapped the doorframe. “See ya later.”

Peyton forced herself to focus on her work, but when she found herself compiling a list of pros and cons to being with Ryder, she threw her notepad on the floor and went in search of food.

Broken heart, no trust, lack of communication. She chanted the top reasons over and over but when she caught a glimpse of Ryder through the lobby doors, rubbing a mare’s snout, she had a hard time convincing herself that the pain she might endure wouldn’t be worth the chance to get to know the man he had become.

Until then she needed to steer clear of him and keep to her public-space-only plan.