It was time to move forward. I needed to just let myself close off. It was the only way through this, the only way I wouldn’t break. I got back to work, I hid my pain and I did what I could to make everyone happy around me. At night when I was alone I would ask myself if I was enough. Was I good enough for my family? Did I do right by them? Did I do something wrong to chase the men who were in my life away? Was I too trusting, did I pick the wrong men? Too many questions, I was driving myself crazy. I rarely had extra money and I rarely went out to eat, but I needed a break. I needed a chance to see someone other than my coworkers. I went out and had a drink and dinner at a bar in town. I didn’t expect anything but some peace and quiet. That was just the opposite of what I got.
A man walked into the bar. I know it sounds like a joke, only the joke was on me. He sat down next to me. He seemed like he had no idea what they served there and he was reading over the menu. I offered some advice on a menu item and then he looked at me. When his eyes locked on mine, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The man was gorgeous. He looked like he just fell from the sky. Beautiful brown hair that looked like it was silky and begged for me to touch. His eyes were green and sparkled with a little hint of mischief, but his eyes were kind. We struck up a conversation and we commiserated on our dating lives, or rather lack thereof.
We talked and laughed for a better part of the night and when the hour turned later, I excused myself to leave and thanked him for his company. He had bought me a few drinks as well, so I had thanked him for those. I went to the ladies’ room, then headed out of the bar. My heart was beating in my chest as I really did enjoy his company, but I was too afraid to hope for anything more.
He followed me out of the bar and asked me to give him another night. He wanted a date with me. He wanted me to spend time with him and he wanted to get to know me. He also kissed me. It was a gentle kiss but wow, just wow. Let’s be real, I’d been kissed before, but never did the rockets explode in my head and my body respond quite like it did this time. I gave him my number and address. We had literally nothing in common. I lived in the ghetto practically, and he probably lived some classy life. I was completely off my rocker, but Jackson made me want to take a chance.