I sat on the patio in the lounge chair remembering our wedding day. Jackson was so excited, he told everyone about the pregnancy. I couldn’t be mad at him. I was bursting inside too, but I wanted to share with him before anyone else. I remembered the look in his eyes as we spoke our vows and I most certainly will never forget how he made love to me that night.
Jackson consumes me. He is in my soul and I have never felt anything close to what I feel with him. I look back now at all the reasons I thought I didn’t deserve him, although on some level I still feel like I don’t, and I realize how crazy I was for believing it. My life would not be complete without Jackson. It was never going to be complete until I let him in.
The things we had been through, the ways in which we’ve grown together, that is perfection. I couldn’t ask for more. The man truly treats me as his princess and I don’t want for anything, in fact I have more than I need and the man doesn’t stop. I quit working to be a wife and mother. I put my hands on my now flat stomach and miss the feel of my child growing inside of me. I still go to the nursing home and take care of my ladies, play cards and checkers with my guys and sit with Gail. I enjoy it and I thrive on it.
But now as I watch Jackson moving to me carrying our son who just woke up from his nap, I know this is where I belong. I take our son to the nursing home with me and he lights up with the fuss of everyone. Even Vanessa, who swears she doesn’t want children because she doesn’t understand them, is warming up to him. I truly believe though, there is more to that story. Vanessa smiles at my boy, but there is a deep sadness to her when she looks at him and thinks I’m not watching her.
Jackson moves in next to me sitting on the side of the lounge chair handing me our son.
“He wants his mama. It’s too bad that I wanted her too but his cry interrupted that moment.”
I laugh because prior to Daniel waking up, Jackson was on top of me on this lounge chair and we were just getting to the good part. I take Daniel in my arms and release my breast from the nursing bra so he can latch on and nurse. Jackson growls,
“Damn lucky kid.”
I smile, “Jackson, stop it.”
He watches me while I nurse our son and he says,
“I love you so much Lacie. It never gets old watching you with him. You are perfect, Princess, absolutely perfect.”
I smile at him as he leans in to kiss me. When he pulls away I say,
“I believe this little guy right here is the perfect one. Daniel for my dad, Martin for yours and we have the perfect reminder of the men who brought us to where we are today.”
That’s right, we named our son after our fathers Daniel Martin Hewitt. Jackson was with me for every appointment, during labor and delivery. He also has been with me the majority of the afternoons that he can sneak out of the office. He doesn’t want to miss a second of this little guy’s life. We also came to terms with the fact that the reason our fathers couldn’t be with us was so that they could bring us together.
I told Jackson how I heard my dad talk to me for years. He didn’t think I was crazy, but he asked if I still hear him.
I smiled and told him, “The last time I heard him was on our wedding day. After the minister declared us husband and wife I heard him say, ‘Enjoy your happiness sweetheart. You’ve earned it and although you may not hear me, I’m always with you, guiding you and being proud of the woman you’ve become. You are his princess now, let him take care of you and love you forever. Let this change everything.’”
When I told Jackson that he cried. He held me to him and he cried. That was when we both finally gave up the thought that destiny brought us together, because we both know it was our fathers.
Daniel fell asleep while nursing and Jackson didn’t take his eyes off us while he nursed. He took Daniel from me and I covered up while he took him back upstairs to his room to sleep. When he returned he snuggled against me on the lounge chair and kissed my neck while he stroked my stomach.
“When do we get to start trying for our little girl?”
I laughed and said, “Soon, Jackson, soon.”
I knew in that moment, that my life was here in this home with this man, filling our lives with as many children as he wanted, because I loved him so much I would give him everything. And he’s right, This Changes Everything.