The phone rang and Shawn answered. “Shawn, is Abigail home?”
“Lacie? Are you okay?”
There was worry in his voice.
“I’m fine, just needed to talk.”
Shawn sighed, “No, she took the girls to gymnastics. I’ve got an ear open. Can I help?”
I thought for a moment then said, “Why me Shawn? Why would someone like Jackson want someone like me? He could have anyone, anything. Why?”
Shawn was quiet for a moment. “Why not Lacie? You are a beautiful woman. You have always cared more about everyone else around you than you do for yourself. You work hard and you’re a fighter. You have a good soul and heart, you’ve just spent too much time trying to close everyone out lately, only you are just hurting yourself.”
“I appreciate what you’re saying but you give me too much credit.”
Shawn let out a frustrated groan. “No Lacie, you don’t give yourself enough credit. Everything I said was true. Everyone sees how wonderful you are but you. You want to close off yourself to anyone that can hurt you but you leave yourself open to those people you work with every day. The seniors you care for you let in and they could hurt you Lacie. Eventually something could happen to them and they will, God forgive me, die too. But you love them and care for them anyway, right?”
I thought about what he said. He was right, only I just let them so far inside. I didn’t open up completely to them, but if they died, I would be sad as well. I just wouldn’t be broken. Gail. Well she was different and Lou. Those two I was closer to than I cared to admit.
“I guess you’re right Shawn. I only let them in so far, but you are right some of them have passed into my heart.”
Shawn sighed, “So you’re not as broken as you think Lacie. You still can love and let people in, you just choose who and when to let them in. You are hurting yourself more by not letting people in. Why did you start a conversation with Jackson? Why did you go on a date with him? And why did you sleep with him, then run away?”
I heard his questions and what he said, but how did I answer? “There was something about Jackson that first night I met him. He drew me in with his eyes. He looked completely out of place at The Tavern and I couldn’t help myself. When we started talking, he seemed so honest and real I found myself wanting more, but I was too scared to try. When he followed me out of the bar, I couldn’t say no. The date we had was incredible, but I got spooked. I was pulling away from him. He knew it and called me out on it and I just gave in. I told myself I would give myself one night to just take in what he offered and then I would leave, never looking back.”
I stopped for a moment. Shawn didn’t say anything.
“That night with Jackson meant more than I wanted it to. I couldn’t forget. I tried.”
I lost myself in thought for a moment and then Shawn spoke. “I think you know Lacie. You know you need to give yourself and him a chance. Look Abbs would never say this to you, but I can. You are being a coward shutting down like this. You’ve pushed us away, you stopped coming around because it hurts too much. You use the money as an excuse when you know we would give you anything to have you come around more. It’s hard for you to see me and Abbs together and the girls. It breaks your heart because of the baby you lost and because this town holds memories that you let consume you. Instead of letting go and trying to come to terms with the things that have happened to you, you push everyone away and wallow. I love you to pieces Lacie, but you are a coward. Taking chances, letting people in, letting them see you, the real you that is brave. Letting Jackson in and letting him maybe love you someday is scary, but it’s worth it.”
I was shocked. Shawn never spoke to me this way. He never called me on my bullshit. Let’s face it, he’s right, I am a coward.
“Thank you Shawn. Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Always Lacie. Abbs is going to be mad at me for saying all of that.”
I gave a half laugh, “Tell her to call me. I’ll make sure she knows I needed it. I can’t promise I’ll follow through with Jackson, but you’ve definitely given me something to think about.”
Shawn said one last thing. “I’m not saying that you don’t need to be careful Lacie, but I am saying that you can be too careful. You can push people away one too many times and then they may never come back. Don’t push too hard and don’t let go of something because of fear. Only let go of what or who is truly bad for you.”
“Thank you Shawn. Tell Abigail I called, give the kids a kiss for me.”
We hung up the phone and I didn’t feel any better after the call. I had a lot to think about.
I went to work on Tuesday and I told Gail I couldn’t come in after work to read to her. I needed to work another job for a friend. She understood and confirmed that I would be there on Wednesday. I smiled at her and told her of course. I made sure she still had the pages I printed out. They were in the nightstand where I always left them.
She said, “It’s right where you left it my dear. I can’t wait to hear about your date with, what was his name again?”
I smiled at her and said, “Jackson.”
Wait, what did she just say? She couldn’t wait to hear about my date?
“Gail, you know this story is made up right?”
Gail looked at her a moment, “Of course dear.”
I looked at her a moment longer, then said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Gail nodded, “I can’t wait.”
She was smiling from ear to ear. Lacie thought it was good that she was so happy. She hadn’t seen her this happy in a while.
I went to my locker and grabbed my clothes. I changed to head over to The Tavern for my shift. I was working through the dinner crowd, which was busier than last night and a couple came in sitting down at the tables. The woman smiled at me and when I introduced myself she seemed to smile wider. I took their order then moved away from them to get their drinks and place their order. It was closer to seven by now so the dinner crowd was through and I only had them and another table that was just lingering after their meal.
I took the drinks back to the table and the woman smiled up at me. “Forgive me for intruding, but I had to meet you.”
I looked at her puzzled, “Excuse me?”
She stood up and reached out a hand to me. “My name is Lydia. I’m Jackson’s secretary.”
I took her hand on autopilot and said, “Did Jackson send you here?”
She took her hand back and said, “No. Please don’t tell him I was here either. He wouldn’t be happy I stuck my nose in where it doesn’t belong.”
The man with her chuckled. “I’m Grey, the nose sticker’s husband.”
I laughed despite the situation and shook his hand.
The woman stuck her tongue out at her husband then looked back at me. “I’m here because I wanted to try the food since Jackson raved about it after he met you here. But getting to meet you is quite a bonus for me. You have changed my life.”
I looked at her confused. “I don’t understand.”
She looked at me and smiled, “Can you sit for a minute?”
I looked around the bar and said, “Sure.” I sat down and she followed suit.
“I was the one at Jackson’s house the other night when you had your date. I lit the candles then left once you two headed to the back yard.”
She smiled when I said, “It was beautiful. Thank you.”
She looked at me for a moment, “All I did was light the candles and arrange the food on a platter. Jackson set it all up. He agonized all day over how to impress you. He talked to me for the first time in months. I was ready to quit that job because he was such an ass to work with. Until he met you. Something in him has changed. He’s happy. He’s still driven at work and a perfectionist, but he’s softer, more open to things and really happy.”
I listened to her and said, “I can’t take credit for him being nicer and happier. I didn’t do anything.”
She covered my hand with hers. “Oh, that is where you are wrong Lacie. You woke him up. You made him see beyond work. You’ve given him something to look forward to and you brought him back to life.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything.”
Grey cleared his throat. “Forgive me, but I think you miss the point.”
I looked at him for a moment.
He started to speak again. “Jackson has hope now. Since he’s met you, he has hope for a life with someone. He’s been alone a long time. A man gets hardened. He’s met you and he feels like anything is possible. The world is open again, he’s looking to you as a start. A possible new beginning.”
I looked at the two of them bewildered. “I’m, I mean, I can’t,”
Lydia looked at me. “I know you left Jackson and told him not to contact you. He was crushed, but he wasn’t going to give up Lacie. There is something between you two and he can’t let that go. You shouldn’t either. He’s a good man. He won’t hurt you and he genuinely cares.”
I stood up and said, “I really need to go check on your order.”
I moved away from them and went into the kitchen. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. What were they talking about? I didn’t do anything to Jackson. I mean, I laughed with him and I definitely felt an attraction to him and him to me. But what did I do to change him? She said that she lit the candles for our date and that Jackson set it all up. So it was all him. She said he is a good man. But how could he possibly want to be tangled with me?
I took their food out to them and placed it in front of them.
“I appreciate what you say, but really, I don’t see that I’ve done anything to Jackson. I also don’t know where this will go, most likely nowhere but I do appreciate you coming here and talking with me, but I just, I mean it was just a date.”
Lydia smiled at me and winked, “Okay. Good luck this weekend with your, date.”
I walked away from them and wondered what that meant.