Work was insane. The ladies all missed me over the weekend, and they told me that they could not survive without me. Which made me happy to be needed but also made me think, what will I do if Jackson doesn’t want me to work? What if he helps me go back to school, what will I want to do? What if we have children? How can I do it all? I was working myself into a panic attack when I ran into Vanessa.
“Whoa there, girl, what’s going on? You look like you’re about to hyperventilate. Talk.”
I stood in front of her blankly staring for a moment then it all came tumbling out.
“I’m engaged. Jackson proposed. What am I doing? How can I work, take care of him, his home, his children? What if I want to go back to school, how can I do it all? The women here need me, how can I not be here? What am I doing?”
Vanessa looked at me confused.
“Did you just say your engaged?”
I laughed. “Is that all you got out of that conversation?”
Vanessa smiled, “It was the only thing that made any sense. Seriously Lace? You’re getting married to that hunk of a man? Damn! Grand slam, fucking way over the fences.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes. I’m going to marry him. It’s so soon and so unexpected, but I love him and I feel free finally. Free to love him and he is the one who sets me free.”
Vanessa smiled at me but the happiness was not in her eyes.
“I’m happy for you Lace. I’m really happy for you. Did you tell Ben?”
There was sadness in her voice and I was concerned, my panic attack gone, thankfully. “No I haven’t told Ben. Besides why would he care. He and George are happy. What’s going on Vanessa? Are you okay?”
She nodded at me, “I’m fine. I’m just lonely. I’ve been alone a long time and sometimes I just get lonely. I’m fine. Call this a moment of weakness. Call it I’m afraid the three of us won’t hang out as much. You got hunk a chunk, Ben’s got George. It’ll just be me and Leo of course.”
She shook it off and came back to focusing on me and my comments.
“Look Lacie. If you want to be here, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, then just volunteer. Come in and see the ladies, take care of them then go to school, or stay at home eating bon-bons. Who cares, as long as you are happy. As far as kids go, there are plenty of women out there that balance, careers, husbands and a family. You can do that as well. If you want to go back to school and you have the opportunity, then do it. But if I was you, I’d be staying at home, filling that house with kids and pleasing that fine hunk of a man instead of burying my nose in a book or working my ass off in a thankless career.”
I laughed, “Vanessa, you are too much. Don’t think I didn’t see how you changed the subject. I’ll let it go, but girl, we’re going to talk about this. Leo is cute and all but the little fur bucket isn’t enough. You deserve to be happy too. As for me, I can’t just sit around doing nothing. I have to do something. I’m not a woman who’s ever been taken care of.”
Vanessa smiled at me,
“Exactly. So let him take care of you. You deserve it.”
I looked at her puzzled.
“I do?”
She laughed at me.
“Of course you do. Lacie, you are here day in and day out taking care of everyone. How can you not see that? You come in early and volunteer your time getting these women to feel good about themselves, you play cards and checkers with the guys and you run from room to room catering to everyone’s needs. What about you? What do you want Lacie? That is the question.”
With that, Vanessa walked away leaving the question in my head, what do I want?
My day was over before I knew it. I went to see Gail and read a little to her from what I was able to write while we were visiting Abigail and Shawn. She was thrilled, but she also looked very tired. I gave her a hug and kiss then headed home.
Home? Yes, I guess Jackson’s place was going to be home. Wow, this has been quite the adventure. My head was spinning out of control and I just couldn’t think anymore. My schedule at work has me off tomorrow, so I can go in and fix up the ladies as I normally do, spend some time with Gail and I can make some food for the poker game for Jackson. Maybe then I can do some serious thinking.
I pulled up at Jackson’s house, or rather our home. I went in and started to figure out dinner. Tonight was going to be pasta. I had ingredients to make meatballs and I had store-bought sauce and noodles. I’d prefer to make my own sauce, but I had no time. I would make some garlic bread with the Italian bread I bought at the store. I mixed up the meatballs and threw them in the oven when the doorbell rang.
I opened the door to a man I had never seen, but he looked at me as though I was the devil.
“Are you Lacie?”
I nodded. He had a table next to him,
“I’m Trevor. I came to drop this off.”
He motioned to the table. He seemed gruff and to the point. The man had a serious look about him. He was bald, whether it was due to shaving his hair or naturally that way I didn’t know. He had a light brown beard, deep set blue eyes and he looked almost mean. His body structure was definitely toned, firm, hard muscle underneath the suit he wore and although he came off looking mean, there was something soft underneath.
I stepped back and welcomed him in.
“Come on in. Jackson told me you’d be stopping by. Can I get you a drink?”
He grunted at me as he lumbered the table in and I followed him.
“Where do you want this?”
He muttered to me.
I was stunned, “I don’t know. Where do you guys usually set it up?”
He motioned into the living room and I nodded.
“Wherever, this is Jackson’s home so wherever you normally put it is fine.”
He grunted again.
Then said, “I hear congratulations are in order. You snagged the big man.”
Finally, it hit me. This is Jackson’s friend and business partner, and I’m a threat to all of that. I watched him set up the table and said, “Yes. Jackson proposed last night. I guess that makes me the enemy.”
That got his attention. He looked at me then I continued.
“I didn’t ask for this. I even fought Jackson initially. I didn’t want to fall in love with him. I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I still don’t feel like I deserve it. I know you don’t know me Trevor, but I don’t want anything from Jackson except the man himself. The short time I’ve known him, I have fallen so in love with him that if I lost him, I would be lost. He woke me up and he taught me that I deserve to be loved and I can be loved. That is a lesson I needed. For a very long time I felt like I didn’t deserve love from someone else.”
Trevor cut me off, “You don’t owe me any explanations, Lacie. I’ll just be going.”
He turned to leave walking past me.
I placed my hand on his arm and said, “Trevor, wait.”
He stopped to look at me.
“Don’t leave. Come in. Sit. Have a drink with me. Stay for dinner. Give me a chance.”
He pulled his arm back and said, “Why? Why should I give you a chance to bankrupt the company, break his heart and ruin him? Why? Tell me that.”
I was stunned by the anger from this man. He’d been hurt, it was evident in his voice and his words.
“Fair enough. I don’t want the company. I don’t even want Jackson’s money. I’ve always worked for what I have. I never took a handout from anyone and I don’t intend to do that with Jackson either. He wants me to stop working, he wants to take care of me and I don’t know how to do that. I’ve never let anyone take care of me. I have no intention of bankrupting the company and absolutely no intention of breaking Jackson’s heart. I love him.”
Trevor snorted. “Love, in what, three days?”
I was angry now. I moved into his face and said, “No, not three days. It’s really none of your business of how long we’ve known one another. Furthermore, I do not appreciate you standing there judging me in that way. If you want to doubt your life, fine. If you want to judge people, fine but you do not have the power over me to judge me. I have let people beat me down my whole life because I felt unworthy. I have given that power to them. No more. I will not stand here and allow you to try and put me back there again. If you want to get to know me, fine, then let’s talk. Ask me questions, tell me your concerns and let’s move forward. But do not stand here and pass judgment on me without taking an opportunity to get to know me. Are we clear?”
Trevor stood staring at me and I could see his demeanor changing before me. I stared him down and I did not back off.
The man quirked a smile and said, “Yes ma’am.”
He grinned openly at me after that and said, “I apologize Lacie, and you are right. I have no right to judge you or anyone else for that matter. Let’s start over. Hi, I’m Trevor.”
He reached out his hand and I took it.
“Nice to meet you Trevor. Won’t you come in and have a drink with me?”
He nodded and we headed into the kitchen.
Trevor smiled at me and said, “You know, I love a strong woman. That just turned me on. Jax is a lucky bastard.”
I looked at Trevor and cracked up laughing. The man was a player. No doubt about it. Too bad. I know a woman that could give him a run for his money.
We talked for a while and we had a beer together. By the time Jackson came home, I had talked Trevor into staying for dinner and we were laughing when Jackson walked in. He came up to me and kissed me, paying no mind to the fact that we had company.
“Hi there, Princess. I missed you.”
I grinned at him.
“Oh really? Did you miss me or my cooking?”
He grinned and said, “It’s a toss-up.”
I slapped him playfully on the shoulder and turned to pay attention to the pasta boiling on the stove.
“I’m surprised you’re here.”
Jackson said to Trevor.
Trevor nodded, “You can thank her for me still being here.”
Jackson looked at Trevor, then turned his attention to me, then back to Trevor.
“She handed you your ass didn’t she?”
I looked at him with my jaw dropped, “Jackson!”
Trevor laughed and said, “She sure did.”
The three of us laughed comfortably with one another and I turned my attention back to the stove. The two men talked behind me and all felt right. Trevor told me that he doesn’t trust easily and he apologized for not giving me a chance. I told him it was fine, I understood.
Jackson and I were quite a surprise and we happened very fast. We talked about how Jackson steamrolled over me until I had no choice but to fall for him. We laughed as we talked about him and our relationship. I assured Trevor that I was not Diane, I was not after anything from Jackson except his love.
Trevor seemed to relax as we talked very little about him before Jackson got home. The little bit that I got from him, I could understand his lack of trust where women were concerned. He’d been hurt and burned as well. I assured him that if it made him feel any better, I would certainly sign any legal documents protecting the company and assuring him that I was truly not in this relationship for the money or the company.
He nodded at me and said, “That is between you and Jackson. I already voiced a concern that I feel ashamed of now, after meeting you and talking with you. Jackson is a lucky man.”
I smiled at him and said, “No. I’m the lucky one.”
We talked about Jackson and laughed about some of the stories he told me about the two of them until Jackson came in. I left the men to talking and then we sat down at the dining table to eat.
Jackson and Trevor were both devouring the food in front of them, moaning over the meatballs.
Trevor took another bite of the meatball and said, “If you change your mind about marrying Jackson, I’ll step in. Damn you can cook.”
Jackson looked up at Trevor and growled, “Do not even think about it. She is mine.”
Trevor laughed and said, “Just giving the girl options.”
I was laughing at the two of them and Jackson smiled at me.
“She doesn’t need options, she has me and whatever she wants. Isn’t that right, Princess?”
I grinned back at him, “All I need is you Jackson.”
Trevor muttered, “Damn!” We all dissolved into laughter and finished our meal.
I finished clearing the table, Jackson’s phone rang and he had to excuse himself to take a call. Trevor came to the kitchen helping me clean up. “Trevor, you’re a guest, you don’t need to help clean up.”
He shook his head, “Please let me help. It sounds like Jackson is going to be tied up on that call, so the least I can do is help you.”
I smiled and said, “Okay. So tell me about you, Trevor.”
He shrugged, “Not much to tell. I met Jackson shortly after his dad died. I interviewed, we hit it off and eventually I bought into the company with him. He’s a workaholic and so am I.”
I laughed shaking my head, “You men. There is more to life than work you know.”
Trevor shook his head.
“I have no time for anything else. My schedule keeps me pretty busy. I have obligations and responsibilities beyond work, so when I’m not at work, I’m home dealing with family.”
“Are you married Trevor?”
He shook his head no.
“Do you have family?”
Trevor nodded yes. “I have my mom and a piece of my heart and soul, my son.”
“No women in your life? What about your son’s mother?”
Trevor bumped my arm, “Is that an invitation? Giving up on the big man? Did my charm over dinner win you over?”
I laughed and he smiled.
“No. No one in my life. Hasn’t been for three almost four years. His mom isn’t in the picture.”
I grinned at him. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it so I let it drop.
“Oh no! I don’t like that grin Lacie. I’m not looking for a woman either. I don’t have time for a relationship nor do I want the complications of a woman.”
I stopped washing dishes giving him a full glare.
“Women are not complications, nor are relationships.”
Jackson entered the room, “Says the woman who damn near broke me while I tried to convince her to just let us happen.”
I threw the wet dish rag at Jackson and Trevor laughed.
“See, even you realize the complications of relationships, Lacie. That just proves it.”
I shook my head at him.
“Trevor, I was wrong. What I have with Jackson is incredible. It has shaken me to my core yes, but it’s worth everything to me now. Don’t close off, don’t give up on relationships due to one or two bad ones.”
Trevor’s eyes hit mine. “I never said there was a bad one.”
“You didn’t have to. The right one is out there, don’t shut her down when she crosses your path. I almost did and it would have been a huge mistake. I have one question for you, what do you think of baseball?”
“Baseball? Where did that come from? I like it of course, I’m a guy. I love sports.”
Lacie smiled and said, “Good answer.”