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He’d made her hot chocolate. And a plate of fruit and cheese.
Kami sighed and grabbed a strawberry before pushing away from the table and limping into the bedroom. She needed to put on something warmer than the robe, but she hadn’t wanted Rayce to know how much of a struggle that was going to be.
Everything ached. Right down to her eyelashes.
The shower had helped, but even walking the few feet without her cane was exacerbating the pains shooting up and down her body. And the cane lay at the end of the dock. The thought of heading down there to get it made her want to curl up and whimper, but she shoved it aside. In the morning, she could call Gage and ask him to pick it up for her while she explained why she needed to buy him a new canoe.
What a mess.
Kami sat on the edge of the bed to slide on a t-shirt and some flannel pants. Her arms were as weary as if she’d played a ten-set match and bending to slide the pants over her feet was exhausting, but it was finally done.
The bed beckoned her to lie down and sleep, but Rayce was right. She needed to warm up her insides and eat something. Hard to believe he could be so sweet and thoughtful, then so cranky and miserable.
And she still needed to lock the door. The door on the far side of the room. The curtains needed to be closed as well. Knowing people outside could see her moving around gave her the heebie-jeebies.
With a sigh, Kami shoved to her feet, then used the bed frame, the dresser and the wall for support as she made her way to the table. Once there, she sat and got her breath back then sipped at the drink, which was cooling but still helped warm her up. Sweet, and she wasn’t thinking about the drink.
After a few slices of fruit and pieces of cheese, Kami struggled to her feet again. Once she got the door locked, she would need to grab some ice packs out of the freezer. While she had no desire to be cold again, her muscles would need them if she wanted to get out of bed in the morning.
Loud footsteps on the deck had her flinching and looking for a weapon. She should have locked the door first. Finding nothing as helpful as a cast-iron frying pan or knife nearby, Kami stood and gripped the chair. If a lion needed taming, she’d be all set. Even her cell phone was across the room on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Open up, Kami, it’s me.”
Rayce. Tell him it was open and save the steps, or struggle over in the hopes of having him think it was locked? Or hope he walked away. Except it was Rayce, and he never walked away.
Her heart cracked as she remembered that wasn’t true. He might be a guy who had a reputation for always finishing projects, for seeing everything through, for never walking away from someone who needed help but he’d walked away on her.
Only on her.
The door handle rattled as he called her name again, and then he was inside, his face nearly purple. “You didn’t lock it? I’m starting to think you’ve lost your mind.”
There was no way she was telling him she’d fully intended to lock it, but she’d been working up to the effort it would take to cross the room.
When she didn’t answer, he put the cane against the couch and crossed to stand in front of her. At least she hadn’t loosened her grip on the chair. She was going to need the support.
“How long were you in the canoe?”
Her spirits deflated again. How did he know?
“Tell me you weren’t dumb enough to head out in the dark.” The husky voice was rough and shouldn’t be sending shivers of desire over her skin.
“I didn’t.” She hadn’t planned on answering, but she’d never been able to refuse Rayce much.
He closed his eyes, and his shoulders relaxed for a moment before tensing up again. “That means you were out there for hours, Kami. Hours. What were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all?”
All the soft emotions brought on by the hot chocolate and fruit dissipated. “It’s not any of your business.”
“Somebody’s got to watch out for you, you’re sure not doing it yourself.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’ve either got a suicide mission going on or you’ve lost your mind. Someone’s scaring you, but you won’t get any help. Instead, you risk yourself by not paying attention to your surroundings. You don’t even lock your door. You’ve got to be smarter, Kami.”
Anger edged through her veins, pooling in her brain and making her want to take the chair she held and whack Rayce over the head with it. “Time for you to leave, Rayce.”
“Still running scared of conversations?”
“I’m tired of being yelled at and insulted. Here I’d thought you’d turned human with feelings and everything. Go. Now.” She needed him long gone before she collapsed and that moment wasn’t far away.
Anger faded from Rayce’s eyes to be replaced with hurt. He blew out a breath and ran his hands through his hair, a move she’d always found endearing. Now she hardened her heart. He couldn’t know how much he’d hurt her, couldn’t know how she’d almost lost herself. No more power for him. This time, she was keeping it, keeping herself.
“Kami.”
“No. Go, Rayce. Now.” Her voice was nearly unrecognizable. Vulnerable. She had to be tougher, so she put the effort into straightening her spine, trying to counteract the image her voice portrayed. The concern flashing in his eyes told her she’d failed. Miserably.
When his eyes remained on hers, she felt her heart waver, so she looked away and waited, gripping the chair so tightly she was surprised it remained whole.
Finally, he sighed, and she knew she’d won. He’d leave.
Why did it feel like she’d lost and lost big? A love set.
Love means nothing.
Kami thought of her tattoo and kept her eyes locked on the front window.
She felt more than saw the step he took toward her and she flinched away, causing him to sigh again. “Fine.” His soft voice unnerved her, and she held tightly to her resolve.
His steps took him across the small cabin. “Lock the door, Kami. Please.”
“I’m not stupid.” Her voice wavered, and she clamped her teeth together to keep all the other words in.
“We do have to talk, Kami. I’m going now but we’re not done here, not even close.” The door clicked softly as his words sent tremors through her. He was wrong. They were done because he hadn’t wanted her years ago. Didn’t want her now. Only his diehard sense of responsibility kept him coming back.
It wasn’t her. Never her.
Rayce cursed himself throughout the long drive home. Then he cursed Gage for leaving him at the Lodge. Then Kami for taking out a canoe, almost drowning and looking so damn hot.
Mostly, though, he was pissed off at himself. The only good thing he’d done all day was pull Kami from the water. Too bad that act didn’t negate all the negativity he’d caused. What was wrong with him?
He’d always prided himself on his control. People often commented on his level-headedness and calm in almost any situation. Nothing much threw him off balance.
Except Kami.
She triggered his temper like no one else.
He’d done nothing but yell at her. No wonder she was so ticked off. He’d have to try again the next day. He didn’t think either of them could face another confrontation at the moment.
When he pulled into his driveway, some of the tension eased. Home. A place he was building himself. Something real and worthwhile and solid. Like he wanted to be. Like he would be.
Rayce headed into the house and did a walkthrough, pulling his brain away from Kami and into the work. Knowing he probably didn’t possess the focus, or the patience required for any of the furniture or fine work, he decided to put up more drywall. Relatively mindless, but with enough measuring and hauling, he’d be able to settle.
When he heard a roar of a motorcycle, he glanced at his phone. Well after three in the morning. He’d been working for hours and his muscles ached. Figuring Max would come right in, Rayce finished the piece of drywall and walked to the kitchen, where he’d stacked the rest and brought a sheet with him.
Sure enough, he’d finished scoring the sheet when Max walked into the office with another sheet. Without a word, the two of them finished the room.
When they finished, Max checked the time. “Beer or coffee?”
Four a.m. “Coffee.” He wasn’t getting any sleep anyway, and Max worked on his own schedule and could sleep whenever he wanted.
They sat on the deck in the dark. The sun would rise behind them in a couple of hours, and it was that quiet time of night when it seemed anything was possible. Good and bad.
“You screw it up again?”
Rayce choked on his coffee. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Max gave him a pitying look. “Seriously? Don’t act dumb. You screwed it up back in high school and you’re out here at ridiculous-o’clock pounding on your house.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“I write horror stories for a living. I’m supposed to be eccentric.” Rayce managed a laugh at that. Eccentric covered it. “I can kill off the woman keeping me up at night. What are you going to do about yours?”
“You’re a scary man, Fortini.”
They sat in silence for a long time. Max could do silence like no one else he’d ever met. Certainly no one in his family could keep it up for so long.
“She doesn’t trust me.”
“Should she?”
And that was the sticking point. He was tired of keeping it all tucked away. “Probably not.” Glad of the dark, he leaned back into the Adirondack chair and studied the couple of stars peeking through the clouds. “I fucked up.”
Max did the silent trick again, and Rayce found himself continuing. “It was a couple of weeks before graduation.” The day existed in his mind in vivid detail, right to the temperature in the high eighties, the few clouds playing in the brilliant blue sky. They’d planned to go sailing in the evening, after Kami helped Carolina settle in for the night.
Rayce had been planning for some serious alone time with her, had wanted to talk about their future. She’d been offered scholarships at a few schools and he’d been scouting those areas, wondering if he’d go to school as well or if he’d look for a job. He’d been ready to go, ready to leave Bloo Moose and his family for her.
“Keep talking.”
He’d stopped?
“I was cleaning up one of the boats when I heard her pedaling up the drive.” Her hair had been flying free behind her as that strong body powered her easily through the miles. Her eyes had glowed, so she looked like a goddess.
And he’d known.
“She had a letter clutched in her hand. She’d ridden the whole way over without crumpling it.” They hadn’t owned a computer, so her mail came the old-fashioned way instead of by email. “Of course, it was an invite to her first professional tournament.” Pain slashed through him. “Not a big one, but it was the tour. Her future was set, and she’d be moving place to place around the world.”
“Big moment for her. I hope you kissed the breath out of her before you helped her celebrate in style.” But Max’s voice told him his friend knew that hadn’t happened.
“In hindsight, that would have been the way to go.” Rayce stood up and paced the deck, finally stopping against the railing to watch the sky lighten behind the house.
“I told her I was proud of her.” He needed to take a few breaths before he could finish it. “Then I said it was time for us to head our separate ways and wished her luck.”
Max’s quick intake of breath was audible in the quiet morning. “You dumped her? On the best day of her crappy life? You freaking dumped her?”
Didn’t sound so noble when Max said it that way. “I didn’t want to hold her back, she didn’t need me tying her down.” But the words twisted his gut.
“Tying her down? You gave her the confidence to try, to reach for those damn dreams of hers.” Max broke off to curse a bit. Nothing Rayce hadn’t been saying to himself for years. “How’d she take it?”
Rayce shrugged. “Don’t know. I went back to cleaning the boat. Hadn’t talked to her until she showed up here the other day.”
Max shot to his feet and poked him in the chest. “You made a hell of a mess here. It’s going to take a lot of work to fix it.”
Another shrug. “I don’t know how Max. I blew it. She can’t even look me in the eye. And after tonight, I doubt she’s talking to me.”
Max groaned. “I don’t even want to know. Have you told her you love her?”
Love her? Hell, no. He wasn’t in love with her.
Max huffed out a laugh and slapped him on the shoulder. “You can’t even admit it to yourself. Time to man up, Rayce. You’re sunk and you’ll stay that way until you fix things with her.”
All he kept doing was making the mess bigger.
Max laughed again. “This would make a great plot for my next novel. And it’s got my brain working again.” He headed down the deck stairs. “Figure it out, Rayce, and don’t leave it too long. Not too many people get a second chance and I don’t like your odds if you need a third one.”
Rayce stayed where he was long after the motorcycle had driven away. After tonight, he’d have to bank on third chances working out.