BRENNA knew she must have paled; she was having trouble breathing, stunned by the accusation. It was what she believed, yes, but she had never ever told Lesli that. And she couldn’t remember anything in any of her letters sounding remotely as if she had.
‘You’re insane, Grant,’ rasped Nathan. ‘Worn out from the worry of the last month—’
‘I’m not worn out,’ Grant dismissed impatiently. ‘I’m shocked, disgusted, bloody furious, but I am not insane or worn out.’ He looked at Brenna with accusing eyes, calmer now, although no less angry. ‘I’ve always loved you as a sister, and I thought you loved me in the same way.’
‘I do!’ she cried.
He shook his head. ‘You deliberately set out to destroy me.’
‘Grant, you know Brenna wouldn’t do that,’ Nathan bit out. ‘Let’s all go through to the lounge and talk about this calmly,’ he suggested soothingly.
‘I’m not feeling very calm right now,’ Grant grated, but he preceded them into the lounge anyway.
‘Now,’ Nathan stood in front of the unlit fireplace while Brenna sat forward on the edge of the sofa and Grant paced the room in restless movements. ‘Explain all this as clearly as you can,’ he instructed his brother, his eyes narrowed.
‘This morning Lesli told me the reason she walked out on me,’ Grant revealed grimly.
‘And you think it had something to do with Brenna?’ Nathan said disbelievingly.
‘I know it did,’ he rasped. ‘Do you realise she could have lost the baby, or died in the process herself, being told something like that?’ he accused Brenna harshly.
‘Grant, I didn’t—’
‘Of course it was you,’ he dismissed disgustedly. ‘Who else could it have been?’
‘Grant, if Brenna says she doesn’t know what you’re talking about then I believe her,’ rasped Nathan.
Blue eyes were turned on him pityingly. ‘You’ve always believed everything she’s told you! Tell him now, Brenna,’ Grant jeered. ‘Tell him you don’t believe I married Lesli because she owned a quarter of the ranch?’ He looked at her challengingly.
Her gaze slid away from his, and as quickly moved away from Nathan as she saw the uncertainty register in his face at her lack of a quick rebuttal. But how could she deny what she had always believed to be true? Although she didn’t accept that it was anything she had written that had made Lesli believe it too.
‘Brenna?’ Nathan prompted harshly at her continued silence.
She swallowed hard, and she couldn’t look up at either of them. ‘I can’t deny that,’ she began gruffly. ‘Because I—’
‘You see?’ Grant pounced triumphantly. ‘My God, Brenna, you—’
‘I never ever wrote and told Lesli how I felt,’ she denied desperately. ‘I wouldn’t do that to her.’ She shook her head. ‘I love Lesli, I’ve never wanted to hurt her.’
‘You believe Grant married Lesli because he didn’t want to see any control of the ranch go out of the family?’ Nathan said softly.
Brenna wasn’t deceived by that softness, she could see the coldness in his eyes, the tension about his mouth. And she knew what he was thinking, could feel her chance of even a tentative happiness with him slowly slipping away.
And she knew why. She could see in that moment that she had misjudged him as badly as she had Grant, that he was stunned she could believe he and Grant would want the ranch that desperately. And she could see that he would never marry her now.
She felt as if someone had kicked her in the chest. Nathan had never wanted to marry her for the sake of the ranch, which meant he must have loved her all this time. It was a love that was dying through disillusionment. And she had killed it.
She wanted to go to him, to beg his forgiveness for believing such a thing could be true, but she could see by the coldness of his eyes that he wouldn’t welcome her touch or her apology. He was as remote and removed from her now as he had been when she first arrived here ten years ago.
‘Does Lesli believe I did this to her?’ she asked Grant chokingly.
His mouth twisted derisively. ‘Lesli doesn’t believe you can do any wrong either,’ he scorned. ‘She’s sure that you only meant to help her, not hurt her.’
‘I have to go and see her.’
‘I don’t want you anywhere near her,’ he grated harshly, barring her way. ‘I want you to leave here now and never come back.’
‘I’ve asked Brenna to be my wife,’ Nathan put in flatly. ‘She’s accepted.’
Grant looked at him pityingly. ‘You always were in love with her,’ he sneered. ‘I wonder what her reasons are for marrying you? After all, she wouldn’t have you last time, would she? Maybe you were the next one to be destroyed?’ he added scornfully. ‘What were you going to do, Brenna, leave him at the altar? He would never have been able to hold his head up around here again!’
It was impossible to tell from Nathan’s expression whether he believed what his brother was saying or not, but the mere fact that he wouldn’t reveal his emotions to her was enough; he no longer trusted her with them!
She turned back to Grant. ‘I promise you that I have no intention of hurting Lesli,’ she said dully. ‘I just want her to know that she must have been mistaken to ever believe I could have wanted to see her hurt.’
‘And she’ll believe you only meant it for her good,’ he nodded grimly. ‘Because she wants to believe that, because she loves you!’
‘Grant…’
‘If you upset her in any way, say anything else to poison her mind against me,’ he ground out, ‘I promise you, you’ll regret it!’
Nathan stood in front of the window with his back towards the room as she went out to see Lesli, the taut set of his shoulders enough to tell her he believed Grant now, and that he wanted nothing else to do with her either.
Lesli was still asleep when she entered the bedroom, but from the happy flush to her cheeks her reunion with Grant had been all she could have ever hoped for. Christiana slept peacefully in her crib next to the bed, and as Brenna bent over to look at the downy-topped head she knew this was one of the last times she would be allowed on the ranch to see her and Lesli. It was no longer a question of her not wanting to come back here; she wouldn’t be welcome.
She left Lesli still sleeping and went up to her studio, telephoning the airport and booking a seat out on the flight the next day before she began to pack her things, knowing she had lost the one man she could ever love. And he had loved her, not with the half-committed love of a Wade, but with an all-encompassing passion. And now it was dead.
‘You’re leaving?’ Mindy stood in the doorway watching her pack. ‘Now?’ she frowned.
‘You heard the argument,’ Brenna sighed in realisation, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
‘Who could help it?’ the housekeeper drawled drily. ‘Grant must have been shouting loud enough to have woken the dead!’
‘Lesli and Christiana slept right through it,’ sighed Brenna, unable to look at the other woman as she haphazardly packed her case.
‘New mothers and young babies can sleep through anything—except the sound of each other’s voice,’ she mocked. ‘But once Lesli does wake up, Grant is going to find himself in trouble; Lesli doesn’t lose her temper very often, but when she does it’s best to stand clear. And she’s going to be more than angry when she finds out what Grant did to you.’
She shrugged. ‘He thought he had the right.’
‘And did he?’
‘No!’
‘So you’re going to just pack up and run away from it all?’
Brenna sat down heavily on the bed. ‘I haven’t been given a choice.’
‘You could still marry Nathan,’ Mindy suggested gently.
‘No,’ she said self-derisively. ‘He no longer wants to marry me.’
Mindy gave a snort of disbelief. ‘He would want you if you’d committed murder!’
‘In a way I’ve done just that; I’ve killed his trust,’ groaned Brenna.
‘Patrick should have got you all together and explained about his will,’ Mindy shook her head. ‘It’s just caused confusion and misunderstanding.’
‘It doesn’t matter now,’ Brenna sighed. ‘I just have to talk to Lesli and then I’ll be leaving. I’ll stay at a hotel in town overnight.’
‘A hotel?’ Mindy sounded scandalised at the idea. ‘This is your home—’
‘No,’ she denied sadly. ‘I never allowed it to be that. And now it’s too late to try. I’d prefer to stay at a hotel.’
‘Grant is angry right now, but as soon as he comes to his senses—’
‘I won’t be here by the time that happens.’ Brenna squeezed the other woman’s hand reassuringly. ‘Maybe it’s all for the best.’
‘I’ve never heard anything so damned stupid in my life.’ It was evidence of how upset she was by the fact that she swore; Mindy never swore. ‘You—’
‘Mindy, if you don’t mind I’d like to talk to Brenna. Alone.’
They both turned at the sound of that harsh request, Mindy taking one look at Nathan’s coldly set face before joining him in the doorway.
‘Now don’t you start bullying her,’ she reproved. ‘Grant’s already reduced her to tears!’
‘I have no intention of bullying her,’ he bit out tautly. ‘I just want to talk to her.’
Brenna stared down at her hands once they were alone. She hadn’t expected to see him again, for him to come to her like this, and she wondered what they could have left to say to each other. Goodbye, perhaps!
Nathan’s hands were thrust into his denims pockets as he came further into the room. ‘I just want you to know that I don’t believe you wrote to Lesli so that she would leave Grant.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You don’t?’
‘No,’ he confirmed grimly. ‘Above everything else you love Lesli. Her leaving Grant when she did might have been the time when he could be hurt the most; not only would he lose his wife, but also his child. But Lesli was hurt too, and I don’t believe you would ever do anything to deliberately hurt her.’
She swallowed hard. ‘Thank you for that,’ she breathed shakily.
‘So if you didn’t do it deliberately she must have misunderstood something you wrote.’
Brenna gasped at the suggestion. ‘I’ve never written anything that could be misunderstood in that way!’ So much for his unexpected display of trust in her!
‘Lesli was very emotional during her pregnancy,’ he insisted. ‘Maybe she took something you wrote about the two of us and turned it around on Grant and herself?’ he probed.
‘Nathan, I never used to write to Lesli about you,’ she protested.
‘Then what the hell could it have been?’ he frowned his chagrin.
‘Does Grant still have the letter?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s in the bedroom with Lesli, and he doesn’t want to disturb her.’
‘Then I’ll get her to show it to me later.’ She nodded, sure that once she had seen the letter she could explain away this misunderstanding. Although it wouldn’t erase the admission she had made to Grant.
‘Which only leaves the matter of us to discuss,’ Nathan said quietly.
‘Us?’ she echoed faintly.
‘This afternoon you agreed to marry me—’
‘You can’t still want to go through with that?’ she gasped, knowing by the directness of his gaze that he was perfectly serious.
‘After all,’ he grated, ‘you do own a quarter share in this ranch!’
‘Nathan—’
He looked at her coldly. ‘You’re going to marry me,’ he stated flatly. ‘This time you’ll go through with it and become my wife.’
‘No,’ Brenna shook her head frantically at the cold remoteness of him. ‘No, Nathan!’
‘What’s so different from when you accepted my proposal this afternoon?’ he grated dismissively. ‘You’ve always believed I only wanted you to keep control of the ranch in the family, now you’ll know that it’s true!’
‘I no longer believe that—’
‘Really?’ he scorned. ‘You believed it last year when you ran out on me. Didn’t you?’
‘Nathan—’
‘Didn’t you?’
She flinched at the fury in his voice. ‘Yes,’ she admitted in a pained voice.
‘And you believed it the night Christiana was born and we made love. Didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ her voice broke as she made the admission.
‘And you believe it today when we made love. Didn’t you? Nathan prompted again.
‘Yes. But—’
‘And you believed it when you told me you loved me and that you would marry me. Didn’t you?’ His eyes were glacial.
‘Nathan—’
‘Didn’t you?’ he ground out with a fierceness that made her tremble.
‘Yes,’ she cried. ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ She was crying as she choked out the last.
Nathan was unmoved by her distress. ‘Then it isn’t going to bother you that you know it on our wedding day too!’ he ground out remorselessly.
‘Nathan, I told you, I no longer believe that,’ she looked at him pleadingly.
‘And just what’s happened since then to change your mind?’ he demanded.
‘I knew I was wrong as soon as I saw your reaction to what Grant was saying. You—’
‘I loved you,’ he finished contemptuously. ‘But do you know what I’ve learnt today, Brenna? I’ve learnt that love can die as quickly as it was born,’ he told her coldly. ‘That it can turn to contempt and loathing even more quickly.’
‘Nathan, no,’ she was crying brokenly now. ‘I was wrong, I know I was wrong…’
‘Past tense, Brenna,’ he bit out scornfully. ‘You’ll be my wife, but in name only. I want your quarter of the ranch, but that’s all I want from you. And if you even attempt to leave me again,’ he warned as he read the panic in her eyes, ‘I’ll make love to you until you’re too weak to do more than stand in front of the preacher and say "I will”! You’ll marry me this time, Brenna, make no mistake about it,’ he promised grimly before forcefully leaving the room.
Hurt didn’t even begin to describe what Nathan was feeling now, what was motivating him to act the way he was. He had loved her, had always loved her, and she had thrown that love back in his face.
She hadn’t needed his cold anger just now to know she had lost his love irrevocably, she had seen that earlier as he listened to Grant. God, what a fool she had been! And how much she had lost because she hadn’t trusted in the love they had always had for each other.
‘You won’t, will you?’ Lesli stated sadly as she came into the room. ‘You couldn’t marry Nathan as things stand between you now.’
‘Oh, Lesli, I—’
‘It’s all right.’ Her sister held her tightly in her arms. ‘Damn Grant and his temper,’ she scowled as she held Brenna while she cried. ‘I told him you couldn’t be responsible.’
‘I might not have ever written it, but I’ve always thought it,’ Brenna admitted gruffly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. ‘Grant suddenly asked you to marry him, and then when Patrick died we learnt that he’d left the ranch to all four of us, and…’
‘Brenna, I saw Patrick’s will today,’ Lesli told her softly. ‘I didn’t need to see that it was dated only the week before Grant and I were married to know that I’d made a mistake in even half believing that letter.’
‘Couldn’t have known anything about his father’s will when he asked me to marry him,’ Lesli finished gently.
‘I’m so glad,’ said Brenna fervently.
‘Not that it would have made any difference if the will had been dated the day he asked me to marry him,’ Lesli admitted drily. ‘I love Grant, and I’ve lived with him long enough to know that he loves me too. If I hadn’t been pregnant, feeling as big as a house, and very insecure about the way I looked when that letter arrived I would never have taken any notice of it,’ she sighed at her own gullibility.
‘But I don’t understand what I could have written to even make you think such a thing,’ Brenna frowned.
‘You didn’t write anything,’ Lesli shook her head unhesitatingly.
‘But Grant said—’
‘Grant was very angry when he found out what made me leave him,’ Lesli explained with regret. ‘He wasn’t thinking straight. If he had been he would have known you would never have written to me anonymously like that—’
‘Anonymously?’ Brenna echoed sharply. ‘You mean it wasn’t something in one of my regular letters that influenced you to leave Grant?’
‘He didn’t tell you that the letter was typed and unsigned?’ her sister frowned.
‘No,’ Brenna shook her head slowly, thoughts crowding her head. ‘Can I see the letter?’ she prompted softly.
‘Of course,’ Lesli nodded with a frown. ‘I’ll go and get it.’
Brenna both needed and dreaded seeing that letter. The fact that it hadn’t been signed exonerated her completely, but that fact also made her fear what she was about to learn.
‘Here you are,’ Lesli returned, handing the single sheet of paper to Brenna.
As she quickly scanned its contents she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. The words written there seemed so familiar, so sickeningly familiar!
‘Where’s the envelope it came in?’ she asked abruptly, her hand tightly gripping the letter.
Lesli shrugged. ‘I threw it away.’
‘But the postmark,’ Brenna protested. ‘It could have helped you trace the person responsible.’
Lesli shrugged. ‘I don’t think so, London is a big place.’
London. It was all she needed to know. The person who had sent this letter was someone she had trusted.