May felt herself squinting in her sleep and slowly realized that she was awake, pressing her eyes closed against the blinding sunshine flooding through the window. She was used to room-darkening shades behind room-darkening curtains, with a quilted eye-mask to assure absolute blackout status. She reached to search for the mask on the nightstand, but knocked over a glass of water instead. She opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room, a weight pressing down on her head.
Right, she was in East Hampton.
She groaned and forced herself to roll over, averting her eyes from the window. Her entire body ached, the taste of Cabernet and graham crackers in her throat, as she tried to piece together the rest of last night after leaving the restaurant.
Kelsey flirting with the car driver. Using the paper grocery bags to start the fire on the back deck. Those disgusting marshmallows. Ed Sheeran. And, oh god, heaving on the cold bathroom tile, trying to hold back her own hair. The sight of that dirty bobby pin covered in dust at the back of the basin, and wondering how dirty the rest of the house must be.
She sat up and was surprised to find that she was wearing her pj’s, and her phone was charging on the floor in the corner by the only free outlet. Some rituals could be completed under the most trying of circumstances. Three texts and a missed call from Josh. Two missed calls from her mother. And lots of messages on the Canceled Crew thread, beginning after midnight:
Lauren: We left water and Advil in the kitchen. Text us so we know you’re in, okay?
Lauren: I woke up worried and went to check. May came in. Water glass is gone. Bedroom door shut. Doors locked. I’m going back to sleep!
Kelsey: Oh good. Was just going to look. Going back to bed too.
Kelsey: I’m up FYI! Have breakfast ready to cook once you sleepyheads are up.
Lauren: I’m awake but moving slow. The bee is hard today.
Kelsey: What? You can’t do it without us when we’re under the same roof.
Lauren: Says who?
Kelsey: New rule for the Crew. Starting today.
Lauren: Bossy.
Kelsey: Speaking of bossy, where are you, May? WAKE UP! We want the bee. And the BACON!
She was typing a response when her phone rang in her hand. It was Josh. Based on the pace of yesterday’s festivities, she worried she might not have another chance to talk to him today. “Hey, there.” She wondered if her voice sounded as raspy as it felt.
“You’re alive,” he said. “I was starting to wonder if the entire group thread was an elaborate catfish to lure you out to Long Island to your demise.”
“You were not actually wondering that,” she said. “That’s how my brain works, not yours.”
“True. But I did wonder if you were having way too much fun without me.”
“Trust me, it would not have been your scene.”
“A scene, huh?”
“Just…a lot.”
“Are you okay though?” he asked. His concern was palpable. “If you want to bail, you can blame it on me. Say something came up here and you have to leave because of my schedule.”
“What about your schedule would require me to leave in the middle of a vacation weekend with my friends?” She realized how icy she sounded and wondered if the comments about Boring Josh and him telling her what to do had gotten to her.
“Okay, not my schedule. Appendicitis or something.”
“I’m not going to lie to my friends and, really, I don’t want to leave. We’re having fun. It’s just a lot more activity than I’ve been used to.” May had long ago mastered the science of online delivery orders, but upped her game that life-changing second week of March when the rumors began that the governor was going to shut down the city. Thank god Josh’s apartment had that terrace. Other than the hours they would spend there for fresh air, she literally did not leave the apartment for a month after the move-in, until Josh convinced her it was safe to at least join him for a walk outside with Gomez.
She eventually started to appreciate the permission she gave herself to stay at home in a T-shirt and joggers, the first time in her life when she wasn’t working to reach for some new goal. The only challenge was to make it through the day without crying. More than three years later, she was no longer worried about getting a disease she was once certain would kill her, but that didn’t mean she was back to normal. “We were on the go almost all day yesterday.”
“If you need to wind down, just tell them it’s too much. They’re your friends. You’re still adjusting. I’m sure they’ll understand.” How many times over the past three years had Josh needed to understand? She had abandoned the first indoor party they attended after twenty minutes. Walking up the steps of the Museum of Natural History for his college roommate’s wedding, she’d had a panic attack, turning around while he attended solo. Just last month, she had made them leave Balthazar even though it was her favorite restaurant and they were almost to the top of the waiting list. And, of course, no incident came close to what had happened on the subway platform.
“Actually, being out in the restaurants and everything was fine. To be honest, I’m just a wee bit hungover.” She pressed her free palm against her temple, hoping that might relieve the tension in her head.
“Ah, in that case, well done. I’m proud of you. You deserve a break.”
She felt an odd sense of relief that he wasn’t resentful that she was having such a good time away from him, and then immediately wondered why she had even been worried. It had been a very long time since she did something that wasn’t for work and wasn’t with him, it occurred to her.
They talked a few more minutes, and May started to yearn for the comfort of their routine in their own apartment. It would only be another two days. “Go have fun with your friends,” Josh said.
“I don’t think they’ll give me any other choice.”
She used one of the towels folded on top of her dresser to sop up the spilled water beneath her nightstand before leaving her room. The smell of bacon struck her halfway down the stairs.
Lauren and Kelsey were sitting at the round dining table on the pool deck, already up and dressed in beach clothes.
“Sorry I stayed in bed so late,” May said as she slid open the back door.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” Lauren said, rising to give her a quick hug. “You feel okay?”
Lauren had on a brightly colored kimono-style cover-up, open to reveal a sunflower-yellow one-piece. Kelsey was wearing a royal blue bikini, also with a matching cover-up. May was still in her pajamas, but her only swimming suit was a black tank-style one-piece, and her “cover-up” would be a T-shirt and shorts.
“Yeah, if okay feels like I got hit by a bus.”
“We’ll fix you up in no time,” Kelsey said. “I’ve got bacon in the oven, a pitcher of bloodies, and the scrambled eggs are all set to go whenever we’re ready.”
“Oof. Bloodies already?”
“Sorry, but it’s the only cure for what you’ve got. Hair of the dog.”
“We’ll see,” she said. “We need to go out to Montauk for Josh’s car.”
“Already done,” Kelsey said. “I hopped into an Uber first thing this morning since it was definitely my fault we ended up leaving it there.”
“Oh wow, I’m way behind, aren’t I?”
“What time did you finally come inside last night?” Lauren asked.
“I’m not really sure.” She was about to mention that she’d thought she heard Kelsey in her room when she went to bed, but decided against it.
“We felt terrible leaving you,” Lauren said, “but we could not get you to move. We even tried sliding the lounge chair, but you definitely vetoed that idea.”
May could tell from the way they were acting that there was more to the story. “Yeah? Wow, I’m really sorry.” She blinked away a hazy recollection of Kelsey grabbing her arm. “I got mad at you for trying to get me to go to bed?”
“I think you were just tired,” Lauren said.
“No,” Kelsey said, laughing, “you were definitely mad. Like, hella mad. I’ve never seen you get that mad.”
Lauren shot her a corrective look across the table, because they all knew that wasn’t literally true. They had seen the video.
“Was I, like, yelling at you?” May asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Lauren said. “We were all overserved.”
“It does matter,” May said. “You guys know what happened before and the reasons why. I’ve been working really hard to get right. If I’m still acting out like that, I need to know.”
Lauren reached over and held her hand. “Sweetie, I promise you it wasn’t like the video, okay?”
Kelsey looked mortified as she realized what they were talking about. “Oh my god,” she said, covering her mouth, “no, not like that at all. I was only kidding. It was just kind of funny because I’ve never seen you that loopy. You kept talking about the water and how you couldn’t leave the water and we were all jerks if we didn’t stay and look at the water. Water, water, water. We finally gave up because it was clear you weren’t in any condition to go anywhere.”
“And, just to be clear, I did check on you,” Lauren said. “My pea-sized bladder can only stay asleep so long. The first time I got up, you were already in bed. I was going to open your door to make sure you were okay, but then I heard you snoring, safe and sound and sawing some big old logs.”
Kelsey pumped her hands in the air. “Moe was in the hou-ouse.”
They burst out laughing, and May covered her face with her hands. “Sorry, it’s so embarrassing.”
“Awww, but we love Moe,” Kelsey said.
Jenny West was the one who came up with the nickname at camp when they realized that the usually quiet, petite, polite May snored like an old fat man if she drank too much. Shhh, Moe, you’re snoring…Moe, roll over on your side. And in the morning, she’d hear all the details about all of her gross Moe noises.
But this morning, May was less interested in whatever disgusting snorts and rumbles Moe had made last night than about her insistence on staying outside near the water. She remembered now. She had been dreaming about Marnie Mann and the night she drowned.