The Art of Deceit

“No, Amira, we can’t do this,” I pleaded, but she wouldn’t stop.

She just kept sucking on my clit. I knew that I was telling her to stop, but I really didn’t mean it.

“Cum in my mouth, Tangie. I wanna taste your cream,” she said as she took her time with me. I watched her tongue slide up and down on me. I let her draw the cum out of me, and I couldn’t hold back anymore. She was making it feel too good.

“Ahh, Amira, I’m about to cum. Please stop. Oh shit, I can’t take this anymore.”

I moaned, but she didn’t stop. She just moved her tongue faster and faster.

“Wake up, Tangie.”

I opened my eyes and saw Shamika standing over top of me. I was lying on the couch in Tay’s dressing room and must have dozed off.

“What in the hell were you just dreaming about?”

“How do you know that I was dreaming?” I asked her.

She looked at me as if I should have known the answer to my own question.

“I know because you were moving around on the bed like someone was laying down some good old dick on your ass.”

Amira had really started to roam through my thoughts a little too often. If I wasn’t daydreaming about her, she was invading my dreams as I slept.

“Well, if I was dreaming, then I don’t remember what about,” I lied.

“Well, what’s been going on with you and Amira? You two have been staying out really late. I hope you aren’t letting her turn you out,” Shamika joked, but that only annoyed me.

I didn’t answer her. If I did, then that meant that I would have to lie, so I just let it go. Instead, I asked her what she wanted.

“Girl, I came up here to get the dirt. You have been out with that dyke bitch so much that I thought you would have something to tell me. Hell, I want to know what you know.”

I looked around the room for something to drink or smoke.

“I really don’t think that there is really much to her. We hung out, and she’s cool and everything, but that’s about it. It’s not like I was just going to come right out and ask her to tell me all her secrets.”

Shamika sucked her teeth, showing her disappointment. “You should have just asked her if she was gay. Then, when she said yes, that’s when you go in for the kill. Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway. I know she’s gay. I know she be trying to cover it up and dress all fem, but she isn’t fooling me.”

“So what if she is? It’s better than her going after Tay or Black. Don’t you think?”

“True, true,” she answered back.

I was getting so sick of her that it wasn’t even funny. I had to remind myself to get the ball rolling as far as me getting rid of her, but that would take time and opportunity.

Shamika stayed in Tay’s dressing room until the show was over. On the ride to the hotel, Amira’s song weighed heavily on my mind. She had taken her time and had written a song about me. It was starting to be clear to me that she had more feelings for me than any other man had ever had for me. Out of all the singers and rappers that I had ever been with, she was the only one who had ever written anything about me that I knew of.

After returning to the hotel, Tay and I fell asleep on the bed within minutes. I woke up a few hours later, and the clock on the nightstand let me know that it was three o’clock in the morning. I had just had another dream about Amira, and it was driving me crazy. My heart raced, and my body was yearning. I looked over at Tay, and he was sound asleep. I got up and went into the living room area, hoping to find more air to breathe. I had to get control of myself, but that was hard to do when you were horny and felt like your insides were on fire. I stood in front of the floor-length mirror that covered one of the walls. I was one sexy bitch who should not be wanting for sex. I should have been getting it whenever and from whomever I wanted.

I got my snow out of my purse and sniffed some out of the baggie as I paced the living room. I needed some sex, and there were only three people whom I could get it from. There was Carl, but I had just had sex with him, so I was damn near bored with him. Then there was Amira, but there seemed to be too many feelings growing between us. I wanted to keep things simple with her, but it was clear that neither of us were really in control of our emotional state when it came to our affair. So that just left Tay. The coke that I had sniffed sent a rush through my body and gave me courage. I put the baggie back in my purse and headed toward the bedroom. I turned on the lights and walked over to the bed. Tay’von was on his back, so I just lay on top of him.

“Damn, Tangie. What are you doing, baby?” Tay asked as he opened his eyes.

“What is this? Still not the right time?”

I pulled off my shirt and ground my hips on him. I leaned over and kissed him, impatiently waiting for him to return the affection.

“Come on, baby, don’t make me beg,” I said.

He flipped me over and got on top of me. I smiled because I was happy to get some love from my man again. He leaned his head down and tongued my chest.

“Fuck all that bullshit. Just give me the dick.”

Tay could tell that I needed him inside me badly, and that made him smile. Tay had once told me that when I acted that way, it made him feel wanted and needed, but I didn’t do that too often, unless it came to his money. So he slid himself inside me. It had been too long, and both of us were happy that we were doing this. Tay said he didn’t even realize how much he missed having sex with me until then. He had forgotten the warmth and tightness my insides provided, but once he was in, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He had been holding himself back from me because of what he thought he had done to me. He had been too ashamed to sex me. He had felt like if he did, I would remember the monster that he had fought hard to hide. I was just happy that my man wanted me again, and I could tell that I was still the best lover he had ever had.

But as good as our sex always was, it still didn’t curb my appetite for Amira. It just made me want her even more.

* * *

“So did you like the song? I never got to ask you that the other night,” Amira said as she walked up behind me at the hotel bar.

“Oh, yeah. Um, that was really sweet. I didn’t even know that you were going to do that. I loved it.”

She smiled openly, showing her happiness at my approval. “Well, from now on, whenever it comes on, you will know that I wrote it for you.”

Every time this girl came around, I had to smile. She just had this glow about her.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to leave?” I asked her.

“You never keep up with anything. Tonight is our night off. After tomorrow’s show, that’s when we leave,” she said as she pulled my hair from my face and brushed her hand against my cheek.

It sent a chill down my spine, so I pulled away.

“What are you going to do on your night off?” I asked.

She licked her lips and smiled. I knew that my face was turning red, because I was burning with desire.

“Maybe we can spend some time together?” she asked.

I really wanted to, but I knew that if I was alone with her, I would not be able to stop myself from touching her.

“Well, I have some things that I need to do, so I don’t know if we will be able to see each other today.”

She took my hand and held it. “Well, I’ll be in my room if you want to hang out.”

She put a hundred-dollar bill on the bar and headed out. I watched her walk away, letting my eyes go from the back of her head to her feet. Damn, she was sexy.

I finished my drink and headed back to my room. Once in the suite, I looked through my purse, but my baggie was gone. Tay watched me and laughed out loud.

“It’s not there. I threw it all out. You have been shoving way too much of that shit up your nose. Weed should be enough.”

This made me want to jump on him and claw his face, but I didn’t.

“That’s really fucked up, Tay. I don’t walk around here telling you what drug you should take.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sick of you doing all that damn coke. You’re out of control with that shit. Just smoke a jay or two and you’ll be okay.”

He threw a ziplock bag at me that was filled with weed. I threw it back at him and told him to roll me up two blunts. I went into the bedroom, undressed, and came back out in my robe. I sat beside him and watched Mr. Too Fine roll up my weed. We had come so far, but then again, I still didn’t know what it was that we had. We had never really taken the time to talk about us. I took the first blunt and lit it up. My mind ran wild with thoughts of Amira. My nipples hardened at the thought of her. I got up and told Tay that I was going to take a bath.

The water in the tub warmed my already hot body even more. This was getting to be too much, I thought to myself as I ran my fingers in between my thighs. If soft moans didn’t escape my lips, I would have never known that I was playing with myself.

“Fuck it.” I got out of the tub and dried myself off. I lotioned my body and put on my Hypnôse perfume. I slid on a thin strapless dress that I liked to wear while I was chilling with no undies. I pulled my hair back in a low ponytail and left the bathroom.

I walked into the living room area, picked up my purse, then noticed that there were two already rolled blunts beside it. I called Tay’s name, but he was gone. I walked out of the hotel suite and headed for the elevator. I knew exactly what I wanted and where I was going to get it. I went down to the ninth floor and knocked on door number 912. Amira opened the door with a smile.

“I hate to smoke alone. Would you like to join me?” I asked her as I held my hand out, showing her the two blunts Tay had rolled for me. She stepped aside, and I slid into her room.

Amira had notebooks all over her bed, but other than that, it was neat. She had on a wifebeater and pink boy shorts. I took notice of her hard nipples, and it turned me on. Finding it hard to look away, I lit both blunts and handed her one. She took it and sat on the bed, while I opted for the chair. She took a pull and leaned back on her elbows. Her hair was still styled with the bangs in the front and was still long in the back. Her light skin was shiny, but not in an oily way. It was from being blessed with beautiful skin. I looked at her body openly. She didn’t mind. She just stayed there on the bed, in the same position. I loved the way she looked leaning back on her elbows. It was like her body was calling me, begging to be touched by me, but I held back. I just sat in the chair, smoking and looking.

“Come here,” she called to me in a low, sexy tone, but I didn’t move.

“Come here, Tangie.” This time there was more of a demand in her voice, but she kept it low and sexy.

I stood up and walked over to the bed. She slid one of her legs between mine and made our skin touch. I stayed standing while she moved her head closer to me. Her eyes had become red and slanted from the smoke. When she looked up at me, I melted inside. She leaned her head into me, and I could feel one of her hands on my thigh. It made me gasp for air the higher she went. When she reached my clit, she rubbed it softly and slowly. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it.

“Damn, Tangie. I have missed you so much. You’re so fucking wet. Damn, Tangie. Damn.”

The first time we slept together, she hardly said anything, but now her verbal skills were on full display. I loved the things that she was saying to me. I even loved the sound of her voice.

“I have been thinking about you nonstop. When I’m in here alone, I touch myself as I think about your sexy body,” she whispered.

That bitch was turning me the hell on. My eyes were closed, and all I could hear was her voice. My whole body was shaking from her touch. She never changed her pace. She kept it slow and long as she talked.

“All I can do is think about how you feel, how you smell, how you fuck. You’re so sexy, and touching you just feels good. You’re so soft. You’re so, so . . . Shit, you’re just you, and that drives me crazy.”

After she said this, she moved her fingers faster. She stayed seated, with her head still close to my body, and I couldn’t help but moan out her name.

“Damn, Tangie. I just wish that you were mine. I have got to be able to have you anytime I want you. I have got to be able to taste you anytime I want. Yeah, Tangie, I love tasting you. I want to taste that pussy right now.”

Oh my God, she had me so hot. She lifted my leg up on the bed and brought my dress up around my waist. She stuck her tongue out and let me see it. She lowered her head and licked me. Her mouth was as soft as I remembered it. I moaned loudly as I wondered what she did to her tongue to make it feel so good. There was this intensity about the way she did it. She made me cum in five minutes. I had to push her away because she wouldn’t stop. I pulled my dress off as she lay back down on her elbows again and licked her lips.

“Damn, Tangie. You taste so fucking good. Why did you push me away?”

I got down on my knees in front of her. She opened her legs slightly wider as I rubbed her through her boy shorts. I watched her closely as she slowly breathed in and out. Damn, I really did like her. I felt like I wanted to be with her and stay in that room forever.

“Damn, Amira. So many things are happening to me at once. I know that it’s wrong for me to be with you, but I can’t help myself. I want to be with you. I want to be yours.”

I pulled down her underwear and pushed open her legs. I wanted to eat her the same way she had just done me. I moved my head close to her, but she put her hand on my forehead and stopped me.

“Tangie, I told you before, I don’t want you doing this until you’re sure. I want to really know that your heart is in it.”

I looked at her and answered from my heart. “Amira, I am falling in love with you. I know that this will not be easy, but this is what I want right now.”

I lowered my head, and she let me love her. I mimicked everything that she did to me. First, I moved my tongue fast; then I slowed it down. I loved the way she felt against it. I loved the taste of her, and it made me fall in love with pleasuring her. As I ate her out, she touched her own nipples.

“Oh, Tangie, don’t stop. Baby, don’t stop.”

She reached down and pushed my face deeper into her pussy. She tried to close her legs and push me away, but I held them open and moved my tongue faster. I got a firm hold on her hips and made her take it. She moved her head from side to side, having no choice but to lie there and scream from pleasure.

“Fuck. I’m cumming, Tangie. Ahhh, I’m cumming.”

I kept on going until her body shook uncontrollably. I licked back up her body and let her taste herself on my lips. We moved to the top of the bed and got under the covers. We touched, caressed, and got to know each other’s body from head to toe for the next three hours.

* * *

“Tangie, you know that you don’t have to go. Just stay here with me,” Amira said as I got dressed.

“Yeah, well, I don’t want Tay coming back and getting mad ’cause I have been gone for so long. You know how he can get.”

She sat up in the bed and rolled a blunt from her own stash. “I thought you said that you wanted to be with me. Were you just bullshitting?”

“No, Amira, I was telling the truth. I do want to be with you, but I came on this tour with Tay’von. I can’t just be like, ‘Fuck him,’ and move all my stuff down to your room.”

She started to get mad because she knew that she wouldn’t get her way. But come on. What did she expect? That I was ready to jump out of the closet and start waving my pride flag? I was still getting over the fact that I was actually attracted to a woman. Maybe her friend was right. These were things that I should have thought about before jumping into bed with her, but it was too late to go back. I had tasted the devil’s fruit and had become addicted from the first bite. All I thought about was my next meal: where, when, and how was I going to get it. Feelings would have to come later.

“And why can’t you just be like, ‘Fuck it’? You can do whatever the hell you want to do.”

She was right in a way, but I was also comfortable with where I was at, who I was with, and who I thought I was, meaning with being a straight woman. I just didn’t know how to break things off with Tay. Or maybe I just didn’t want to.

“Come on, A. We just had such a good time. Let’s not get into this right now.”

“Okay, okay, but we will have to talk about this eventually. It’s just not going to go away.”

She lit up her blunt and passed it to me. I stayed with her for another hour before going back to my suite.

* * *

Over the next two weeks, Amira and I spent every moment we could together. Our days were spent going out in whatever city we were in, and our nights were filled with stolen moments of sexual escapades. Our love for each other grew every day, and I felt like I was getting closer to leaving Tay for her. She filled me with true love. It was not about what she had or what she could do for me. It was just about us. All I had to do was face the truth: I loved a woman, and that was that.

“Where in the hell have you been, Tangie?” Tay asked me when I finally reappeared one evening. I had been out with Amira so much that he really hadn’t seen much of me.

“I just been doing my thing and staying out of your way,” I said as I sat down and nestled into him. I couldn’t even lie; it did feel good to be in a man’s arms.

“Yeah, but I miss you, baby. You’re always out, and everyone has been asking for you.”

I looked up at him and kissed him. His lips were warm and inviting. I had missed him too at times.

“Well, I’m here now. And since today is your off day, let’s go out and do something.”

He smiled at my happiness to see him. “Where do you want to go? I don’t really know too many hot clubs in St. Louis, but I have heard of this club named Plush. Do you want to go?”

I told him yes while enjoying his touch.

As I showered, Tay called everyone up and asked them if they wanted to go. My heart almost stopped when he told me that Amira had said that she would go, even though she didn’t like clubs. The last thing I needed was to have to take a car ride with both of them. Well, Amira would just have to deal with the fact that I was going to be all about my man that night.

An hour later we all sat in the limo, and for once, Shamika looked normal. Everyone settled in for the ride and popped bottles. I sat next to Tay and kept quiet. Amira shot sexy looks at me while I tried my best to act like she wasn’t there.

Tay noticed that I was quiet. “Damn, baby. It was your idea to go out, and now you’re acting like you don’t want to be here. What’s wrong?”

“I’m all right, Tay. You know how I am. I’m just in my own mind. Pass me a drink.” I couldn’t wait to get to the club and out of that car. I felt like I was suffocating.

We got to the club and entered through the VIP entrance. At times I hated VIP; sometimes I just felt like being around other club goers. We chilled in there, but everyone started to get bored, which tended to happen when you were locked away in VIP. The DJ made an announcement that Tay, Black, and Amira were in the club, and the club goers went crazy. They set a table aside for us, and we went out and sat among the ordinary people. One after the other, their songs were played, and people started to crowd around us. It was too much for me, so I got up to go get a drink.

It was always crazy being around famous people. Other people didn’t know when to leave them alone. Sometimes you just wanted to be able to enjoy yourself without all the things fame brought. When you were famous, it was like you were no longer human. It was as if you didn’t belong to yourself anymore. You belonged to the world, and you had no time to just be yourself and do normal things without people running up to you or doing anything just to be near you. People always talked about the fun side of fame.... They talked about the money. We all forgot that there was a price you must pay for fame. But as some would say, it was a very small price to pay for a life of luxury. The truth was, though, it might just cost you your soul.

The bartender handed me my drink at the same moment I saw Amira heading toward me. As soon as she got to the bar, I smiled at her and told her to enjoy herself. Then I walked back to Tay—not to be mean, but I needed her to know that I couldn’t be all about her that night. During the rest of the time we spent at the club, I hardly looked at her. She didn’t seem too happy about it, but I was not her girlfriend. I was Tay’s girl, for the time being.

* * *

The next morning I woke up to Shamika and Black watching the tape of Tay and me dominating Miss Thick. I gave Tay’von a “What the hell?” look, and he understood.

“Come on, Tangie. It’s all good. Plus, it’s not like we did anything too crazy, like piss on her,” Tay said in his defense.

“It’s not about that, Tay’von. You shouldn’t be putting our shit out in the street like that.”

“Aw, come on, Tangie. We’re all friends here,” the hood rat had the nerve to say. I didn’t even know what made Shamika think that she should open her mouth during my and Tay’s conversation, but she did, anyway.

I shook my head. “This doesn’t have shit to do with friends. I’m sure R. Kelly showed his friends his tape, and you see how far that got him.”

“Okay, okay, Tangie. I’ll turn it off.”

Tay’von got up and turned off the camera. I pulled out the disk and went and put it in my suitcase in the bedroom. When I walked back out, Shamika was playing with the camera as if she were some ten-year-old. I sat down beside Tay and threw my legs up on his lap. Shamika turned the camera on us, and Tay leaned over and kissed me.

“You two are always all over each other. Don’t no two people have that much love in a relationship,” Shamika commented.

“Why can’t we have that much love, Shamika? I have made Tangie my world. Don’t you and Black share that same kind of love?”

I had to stop myself from laughing. I knew that Tay’s question made both her and Black uncomfortable.

“Oh, please, nigga. We got that thug love. We’re not into all that kissy-kissy bullshit.”

I just rolled my eyes at her dumb ass. She didn’t know shit about love. She didn’t even realize that Black was dying to have this kind of love, and that was why he was getting it elsewhere.

“Well, since we’re all talking about love, I have something that I was going to do tonight, but I think that this is the right time,” Tay said as he walked over to the phone.

A few minutes later Tony came up to the suite and handed Tay a small light blue box. Tay asked me to stand up. I looked over at Shamika, who was still holding the camera. I wanted to tell her to watch and learn, but I didn’t. What was about to go down spoke for itself.

Tay’von got right in front of me and looked in my eyes. “Well, Tangie, we have been together for a while now, and I must say that I have loved every minute of it. I have been with all types of women, and none of them have ever given me the love that you do. You have a spark that has lit my life since the day I met you. I love you, and I want you to be a part of my life till the day I die.”

Tay’von got on his knee and took my left hand. “Now is the time for us to stop playing house and to make things legit. Will you marry me?”

In that moment, nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about my cars, about Shamika. Not even the love that I had for Amira mattered. It was all about me and that ring. All I could think of was that my dream was coming true. I had been chasing ballers, rappers, actors, and anybody else with money ever since I was old enough to date. Now I had one asking me to be his wife. D-day was here, and all my efforts had paid off.

Tay stayed on his knee until I answered.

“Yes, Tay. I’ll marry you, baby.”

Tears ran down my face as Black got up and popped a bottle of champagne, while Tony and Carl look pissed. I knew why Carl was mad, but I just thought that Tony was being a bitch about this. Shamika just looked like she had the jealous monkey on her back while Black poured the champagne and made a toast.

“Here’s to the beginning of your happiness. And may it last forever. To many more years of love and lovemaking.”

After we all took a sip, Black said that we all should go out to lunch. Since I was the only one who was not dressed, I told them that I would meet them at the restaurant.

“That’s okay, baby. We can all wait for you,” Tay said as he sat back down on the couch.

“No, don’t worry about it, Tay. It’s going to take me at least forty-five minutes to get ready, so you all go ahead and order drinks. I’ll make it in time for the food.”

“I’ll stop and see if Amira wants to go,” Black said right before he walked out the door.

I wanted to stop him, but Tay’s lips stopped me. He kissed me and said goodbye. I was unable to move as I watched them leave.

The door closed, and I walked over to the couch and sat down. What was I going to say to Amira? She was bound to flip out. I got up and went into the bathroom. I thought about it as I showered but didn’t come up with much. What will I do? What would a normal person do? Would they give up on their dreams and go with love? Or would they take everything that is owed to them and be with the person that they can learn to love just for the cash? I just didn’t know. Hell, I hadn’t been normal for most of my life, anyway.

After getting clean, I got out of the shower, dried off, and sat on the bed to put lotion on. The phone rang, and it was Tay. He gave me the name of the restaurant and told me to take the hotel limo.

“Did Black tell Amira about lunch?” I asked.

“Yeah. She wasn’t ready, either, so Black told her to come with you.”

“Was she happy to hear the good news?”

I really just wanted to know if she had flipped out when Black told her. I heard Tay asking Black in the background if he had told Amira about the engagement, and I eagerly awaited the answer.

“He says that he didn’t tell her. But you can tell her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear about it.”

Damn. Now I had to be the one to break the news to her. As soon as I hung up the phone with Tay, the doorbell rang. I knew who it was and thought about ignoring it, but that would be no use; we still had a car ride ahead of us. I opened the door with my towel on and let Amira know that I would be ready shortly. I tried to go back to the bedroom, but she stopped me.

“Hold up. I want to talk to you.”

“Come on, Amira. They are waiting for us. We can’t be too damn late.”

This was not the truth. I just didn’t want to have to face her and tell the truth.

“This won’t take that long, Tangie.”

I sat on the couch and lit Tay’s half-smoked blunt.

“What was with you last night? You hardly even looked at me,” Amira began as she took a seat across from me.

I took a deep pull and blew out the smoke. “Things have been heavy between us, and I know that we like each other and all, but—”

“No, Tangie, you told me that you love me. Not like, but love. And now you’re acting like that meant nothing.”

What could I say? She was right.

“What is the problem, Tangie? We can’t be, because I’m a woman? You have known this since day one.”

“Why are you asking so much of me? Why can’t we just be? Why must you ask me things that I have no control over? Maybe it has something to do with you being a woman, but then again, maybe it has to do with my love for Tay’von. I just don’t know right now.”

She stood up and started pacing the room. “This is bullshit, Tangie. You have known that I don’t have a dick since before we started messing around. You knew this before you told me that you loved me. Hell no! We can’t just be. I’m not one of them dumb niggas, Tangie. I can’t just fuck you and let things be. I want us to be together. Don’t you want to be with me?”

I just sat there. I couldn’t say anything to her without it hurting her. So I just smoked.

“Tangie, I can’t turn myself into a man. I will stay a woman, and that is what I want to be.” By then, she was screaming, and I didn’t even have the guts to look at her.

“Fine, Tangie. You don’t want to be with a woman, right? Fuck it. I’ll do it your way.”

She took off running to the bedroom. I went after her, and once in the room, she started going through the suitcases.

“What in the hell are you doing?” I yelled at her as she opened another one of my suitcases and found my dildo. She took it out and shook her head in disgust.

“You’re so hung up on dick that you even have to travel with a plastic one.”

I just walked out of the room. I wasn’t going to win this fight against her, so it was better that I let her be. She had lost her mind, and I needed a drink. There I was in a hotel room with one of the top-selling R & B singers, and she was crying for my love. And at the restaurant was my fiancé, who happened to be a top-selling rap star. You would think that my life was at its best, but instead I was backed up against a wall.

A few minutes later Amira walked out of the bedroom, dressed in Tay’s clothes. She even had on one of his fitted hats.

“This is what you want, isn’t it? Okay, Tangie, I’m a man. Will this make you love me?”

I looked at her as if she had lost what was left of her mind.

“Don’t look so shocked. You can’t love me as a woman, so here I am as a man.”

By then I was back on the couch, gulping down my drink. She walked over to me and stood in front of me. She unzipped Tay’s jeans and stuck the dildo through the slit.

“There it is, Tangie. There’s the dick that you can’t live without.”

She leaned over and pulled my towel from me. I stood up to get it back, but she threw it across the room.

“You’re really bugging out, Amira. All this shit isn’t necessary.”

She reached out and pulled me close. “This is what you want, right? What, you’re still not satisfied?”

I was standing face-to-face with her, and even with Tay’s clothes on, she still looked womanly. She still held her beauty.

“I will do whatever I have to do to be with you, Tangie. Can’t you see that I will do whatever you want me to do for you? Just tell me what it is that you want. Please just tell me.”

I pulled away from her with a sordid heart. It sickened me that all I could do at that moment was think about myself. I was too selfish and could no longer stand my own existence. I felt low, unworthy of the love she had for me, and unworthy of the love she was fighting to show me. Maybe if I went about this situation another way, she would get it through her thick skull and finally understand that I was poisonous. With one bite, I would kill the most wonderful thing about her, her heart.

“You know what, Amira? You talk a lot of shit. Here you are, dressed like a man, but you will never be able to fuck me like one. You are a woman, a woman!”

My words dripped with the venom that lurked deep down inside me. It made her face transform, and the rage that was brewing inside her swam through her veins and exploded when it got to her face. Her sweet outer shell became hard and unrecognizable.

“Fine, Tangie. You say I can’t fuck you like a man, but there’s no harm in trying.”

She pushed me down to the floor and put a leg on each side of me.

“Suck my dick.”

“What?”

“Suck my dick,” she repeated as she took the back of my head and pushed it toward the dildo that was in her pants.

“Amira, you don’t have to do this. We can—”

“Fuck that,” she screamed. Her whole body was shaking. She lifted her hand, saying she felt pain in her chest. She said she knew that it was not from a premature heart attack but from a broken heart.

“You want a man, right? Well, this is the best that I can do. Now, suck my dick, Tangie.”

I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around the dildo as she pushed it deeper into my mouth. After a couple of minutes of this, she pushed me off.

“Now get your ass on that couch,” she ordered.

I sat on the couch and tried to talk sense into her. “Amira, you don’t have to prove anything to me. My feelings for you are still here, and we can make this work. I just need some time.”

“How much fucking time do you need? I’ve been fucking you for almost a month now, yet you’re still asking for more time. Time won’t make me grow a dick.”

She got on her knees and leaned me back. She pulled me toward the edge of the couch until my ass was hanging off.

“This is one thing I know I do better than a man.”

She lowered her head and did what she did best. She had me begging her not to stop.

After a while, she raised her head. “Yeah, I know you love this shit. I knew that once I started, you wouldn’t want me to stop. Now tell me that you love me,” she said, then put her head back in between my legs.

The more she licked, the more I told her that I loved her. I was dripping wet, and at that moment I didn’t give a damn that everyone was waiting for us. They could have waited forever if it were up to me. She stood up and told me to lie down as she climbed on top of me. I reached to pull her shirt off, but she told me no. She took my legs and put one on each of her shoulders. She slowly worked the dildo inside me. I couldn’t do anything but lie there and love it. She worked the hell out of me and hit all the right spots.

Amira moved her hips like any man would. She took my legs off her shoulders and spread them apart widely. She pounded me with the dildo. Her eyes look glazed over and demonic. I screamed and moaned with pleasure. I loved everything that she was doing to me, but right before I went over the edge, she stopped.

She had tears streaming down her face and didn’t try to hide them. She looked down at me and started to move slowly while her eyes stayed on my pussy. She reached down and rubbed my clit. She knew that this drove me crazy, and she didn’t hold back. I reached up and knocked off her hat and ran my fingers through her hair. She came down and kissed me but never lost her rhythm. I came hard, so hard that tears now ran down my face. We both lay there crying, and then she stood up and took off all of Tay’s clothes. She got right back on top of me, and we held each other as if one of us was about to die.

Ten minutes later the phone rang. It was Tay asking me why I was still at the hotel. I told him that I was walking out the door and that I would be there soon.

“I’m going to go clean up. We really have to get out of here,” I told Amira after I ended the call.

She got up and followed me to the bathroom. Now the panic set in. What would she do when she found out about Tay and me? I put my ring in my purse, and fifteen minutes later we headed to the restaurant. My heart pounded as we were driven to lunch. When we got there, I slid the ring on my finger without her seeing me do so, then reminded her of my true feelings.

“No matter what happens, I just want you to know that my feelings for you are real, and I do love you.” I leaned over and kissed her but pulled away and slipped on my sunglasses as the driver opened the door.

“Just remember that I can always change my mind,” I said, speaking of marrying Tay, and stepped out of the car.

I took a deep breath and got ready to deal with whatever happened next.