I FREEZE AT THE RUSTLING sound coming from the forest behind us. My heart hammers and my mouth goes dry. It’s been a while since I’ve heard animals venturing through the woods at night, but I remember the distinct difference between the noises small critters like squirrels, racoons and skunks make, and those of the larger animals.
Blake is staring up at me with wide eyes. He motions me over to him. I was trying to get away from him just a second ago, but now it’s a whole different story – my life is at stake. I don’t hesitate for a second before lunging myself at him and into the safety of his arms. I’m not sure how efficiently he could protect me from a black bear, but he’s more experienced than I am when it comes to this stuff. I’m sure he knows what to do.
I’m sitting on his lap, which is the last place I thought I’d find myself. He smells like tree sap and Irish Spring. My heart is still hammering and I’m breathless. “You… you think… it might be a bear?” I whisper.
“I’m not sure…” He grabs the flashlight next to his feet, and lights up the bushes behind us.
Although it’s quite dark, I can see him. He’s beautiful – I’ve seen a few bucks in my day, but he seems more majestic than most. He’s just as spooked as we are and does a quick turnabout, back into the forest.
My pulse is still racing when I turn to Blake, whose face is mere inches from mine, so close, I can smell the beer on his breath. “Wow,” I say.
His gaze fixes mine. “Wow,” he echoes.
“Do you see them often?” I ask.
His voice is soft when he says, “It’s the start of mating season. He’s probably out looking for a mate.”
I’m drawn in closer to him, a force beyond my control. I study his face closely; his beautiful dark eyes, the curve of his full lips, slightly parted, and his Adam’s apple as he swallows. “Lucky lady,” I say.
He smiles. “Nice to see that some of us are getting some action.”
My knees feel loose and my whole body is hot, despite the cool October night air. “Is that what you’re looking for?” I ask quietly, staring at his mouth. “Action?”
“It wasn’t…” he says, and lets that thought hang into the charged air between us.
My heart won’t stop pounding and I feel a little light-headed. I can’t remember the last time I felt this…
Desire.
His gaze hasn’t left mine, and when he reaches a hand to my cheek, his eyes soften. “God, you’re still so beautiful.”
He’s going to kiss me. I want him to kiss me.
He reaches for the curl by my right cheek, the one I hate. No matter how much care and effort I put into straightening my hair, there’s this rogue strand which refuses to behave; a rebel curl. He slides the strand gently between his fingers. “You still have this. I love it.”
I erase the distance between us, and slowly press my mouth to his. I close my eyes as the soft touch of his lips fills me with want.
I reach for his face, but he grabs my hands and pushes me away abruptly.
I’m shocked. He clearly wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him. I don’t understand. It takes a few seconds for the sting to hit me, for my ego to be bruised. What the heck is his problem?
I’m still sitting on him, and I slowly stand, not quite able to look at him. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I thought…” I can’t quite finish my sentence. What did I think? That we would kiss, and the past and everything we’ve gone through would be erased, just like that.
It was nothing. Just an irrational moment of desire. It happens.
“I’m sorry, Maeve,” he says. “Yeah, I still think you’re hot as sin, but that doesn’t mean I want to get into the middle of this whole thing with you and Parker. And I don’t especially want to stroll down Nostalgia Lane either.”
“Me either,” I scoff.
“You and me… It would be amazing, I’m sure,” he goes on, “but it would be a disaster. You’d want too much, Maeve. You always do. You’re not the type of girl who does casual sex. You’re a good girl.”
Good girl.
There’s those two annoying words again. Ugh…
“I’m going to bed,” I scoff. “Good night.”
I toss and turn. I can’t sleep. It’s cold despite the warm cozy flannel pajamas I’m wearing. I’ve been awake in bed for about three hours. Perhaps it’s because my heart hasn’t slowed down since I first heard those noises in the woods, since I saw that majestic buck, since I kissed Blake.
I’m sleeping in the pull-out bed next to the kids, and Blake is in the bed on the other side of the camper, all by his lonesome. I wonder if he’s sleeping, or tossing and turning like me. I wonder if that kiss meant anything at all to him. I’ve replayed the scene in my mind about a dozen times. He drives me crazy – no one else has ever had that effect on me. How dare he call me a good girl? What does he know?
I flush at the memory of his soft gaze on me, of the taste of his sensual lips, the feel of his hand on my cheek, how it felt to be in his hold; warm and safe. I want his warmth now. I want to taste his lips again.
And I want to show him…
I’m not the good girl he thinks I am.
My heart is hammering when I slowly pull the fluffy comforter off me. I swivel around and settle my fuzzy sock covered feet on the cool floor. Damn, it’s cold. The heater’s working but it’s still pretty chilly. It’s also dark. I can barely see where I’m going. Thankfully, he’s only about fifteen feet away. I pad quietly over to his bed, and climb up carefully, and bury myself under the thick duvet covering him.
My heart hammers. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I don’t really know why I’m doing this. To prove a point?
I snuggle in closer and wrap an arm around his lean torso. He’s so warm and he feels so good. I wonder if he can hear my heart pounding. I suddenly feel hot all over, and I wonder if he’ll ever wake up.
I feel a stir, and a second later, he jerks around. His hands land on my face, and he feels the curves of my cheekbones, runs his hands through my hair, like a blind man. His breath is hot. I bring my hands to his hair, reveling in the soft thick strands. I’ve missed his hair. I draw his hot mouth to mine. His kiss is not hesitant this time, it’s wild and powerful and it feels me with need. He holds my bottom lip captive between his teeth.
“Maeve…” he groans. His hand travels to the curve of my waist and down below to my ass. He grabs my fleeced covered rear hard. “What… are… you doing?” he whispers, breathless. His mouth travels to my neck and his tongue licks a slow line up to my ear. My hands travel the length of his torso – he’s wearing a soft t-shirt and flannel lounge pants. I pull up his shirt and run my hands over his hot skin. A growl escapes him as I travel lower. I cup him over his pants – he’s hard. I close my eyes, imagining him inside me, and I get aroused at the thought.
This kiss is nothing like the ones we shared when we were younger. For him, it’s probably very similar, but for me, it’s a whole new ball game. Back then, I didn’t feel sexual desire the way I do now, the ache for a man to be inside you, to desperately want him to make you come.
God, this feels so good, but I know we can’t – the kids are just about fifteen feet away. I was just trying to make a point, but now I’m really second guessing myself.
“I’m not a good girl,” I say in hushed tones, and then pull away abruptly… let’s see what he thinks about that. He reaches for me, and grabs a soft hold of my arm.
“I was wrong,” he whispers. “You haven’t changed at all.” I can’t see his expression, but I can hear the playfulness in his voice. “You’re still a tease.”
I smile as I walk away from him. I feel vindicated. I also feel incredibly turned on, but I’m sure it will pass.
I know I probably won’t be able to fall asleep now, but it was so worth it.
Blake and the kids are up early. I’m pretty sure he didn’t get much sleep last night either, and the thought of that makes me incredibly happy for some reason. I hope he’s dreadfully tired all day. I myself, have slept in, and feel pretty refreshed. Blake is cooking up blueberry pancakes, and the smell fills my nostrils. I could get used to this.
“Look who’s finally up,” Blake teases. “Did you guys know your auntie Maeve was such a lazy bum?”
Maddie laughs. She’s setting the table, and Jake is playing a video game on his small device – I think he may be addicted.
“Are you hungry?” Blake asks me. He’s still wearing the same t-shirt and lounge pants he wore to sleep. They bring me back to last night, and a flush rises to my cheeks – I can’t believe I did that.
I walk over to the small washroom right next to the kitchen. It’s close quarters in here, and my bladder is shy for a second, but as I sit quietly and listen to the clatter and chatter outside, it gets going.
Blake shoots me a quick playful look when I step out. He’s probably been thinking about last night all morning.
I settle in at the small kitchen table. “So did uncle Blake tell you we saw a deer last night?”
“A buck,” Jake cheers. “You guys are so lucky! I wish I’d seen it.”
“Maybe we’ll go for a drive at dusk and see if we can spot some,” Blake offers as he hands Maddie her plate of pancakes. They look delicious. He’s even put a little square of butter on top – it’s all in the details. I love his many little thoughtful actions. If only he could be mute, he might be the perfect man.
My stomach is growling by the time I get mine. I dig right in – I’m famished.
Right after breakfast, I quickly check my messages. My stomach drops when a Gmail notification slides down the top of my screen. It’s another email from Peter. I eagerly tap on my Gmail app, hating myself a little. I hate the fact that he still gets to me, that he still makes me excited, curious, and eager to hear from him. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could just say, “Screw off, Peter. Have a nice life.” After all he’s done to me, I still want him. It makes no sense.
Hello sweetheart,
You didn’t reply to my last message, and I completely understand. After the way I’ve treated you these past weeks, I don’t blame you.
But I’d love to hear from you, Maeve. I want to know how you’re doing. I want to make sure you’re okay. I hope you’re enjoying your stay back home. How is your mother? How is Mandy? Marilyn and Tim? And the kids?
I’d love to get together when you get back. We could start over, just see each other casually.
Well, bye for now. Looking forward to your message.
Love,
Peter
I draw in a long breath and resist the urge to fling my phone. How is Mandy? What a fake. He never cared for Mandy much. He used to always say she was beneath me. No one is beneath me. And no one is beneath him. Unlike him, I don’t judge a person by their jobs, education, marital status, income, or interests.
…just see each other casually.
So he wants to have his way with me, with no strings attached, no responsibility, and no commitment. He wants me to give away the milk for free, which is what I’ve been doing all these years. Does he want to sleep with other women too?
Ugh…
I hop off my bed and jump to my feet. Blake is crouched low on the floor, digging into the pantry cabinet where he keeps the drinks. I grab his arm and pull him up to me. “I need you.”
He studies me curiously, wide-eyed. “Okkkaay.”
“I need a picture,” I explain as I drag him over to my bed. “It’s for the plan.”
He smiles wide. “Oh… the plan.”
I sit him on the edge of the bed, and snuggle close to him. “Wrap your arm around me,” I command. “Pretend you like me.”
He laughs. “Okay… I’ll try.”
I snap a selfie of the both of us smiling, genuine wide grins. I quickly check the picture – it’s actually a really nice photo of us. “Okay, get lost.”
He laughs. “I’m not sure if I like being a pawn in your little game. I should start charging,” he quips. “Twenty bucks a photo.”
I smile up at him. “You seem to forget that I’m unemployed at the moment.”
He grins. “Okay, I’ll let you use me for free.” He smacks his lips. “Maybe you could give me a foot massage later.”
“Ewwww.” I pull a face. “I’m not going anywhere near those big dirty feet.”
“Well…” He bites his lip. “I could think of other options.”
I smirk at him and say nothing.
“Maybe you could tease me some more,” he says, all smiles.
I know he’s joking around. “You enjoyed that?”
“Very much so.”
Jake suddenly swoops in with a big jug. “I got the water, uncle Blake.”
Blake smiles down at him. “Good job. You’re a good sidekick.”
I pull my gaze away from them and focus on my phone. I select a few pics, including one of the s’mores I took last night, the selfie with Blake, and a sunset photo of the lake. I post them on Instagram and Facebook under the caption, Having a blast camping… just like old times!
There you go, Peter. Take that.