Chapter Ten

Bobby got home to his condo feeling confused, lost. He no longer knew where his place in the world was. Once upon a time, after an evening out, it would be an automatic given that he would get online or bring up Grindr or Scruff on his phone and find someone with whom he could find a few minutes’ oblivion. Now it seemed there were forces beyond his libido pulling at him, questioning him. The effort to go online just seemed like too much.

He turned the TV on and scrolled dispiritedly through the channels. He thought about watching RuPaul’s Drag Race or that Douglas Sirk chestnut, Imitation of Life, on Turner Classic Movies, but he knew his mind couldn’t settle enough to concentrate even on mindless fare like RuPaul or a well-worn tearjerker like Imitation of Life.

He went to the kitchen, pulled out ice, cranberry juice cocktail, and vodka and mixed himself a drink in one of his jumbo tumblers. Hey, it would help him sleep.

He took the drink to the living room, sat on his leather couch, and kicked off his shoes. He pulled his phone from his pocket and switched off the button that silenced it. He always did that when he was out with someone. He liked giving a man his full attention when he was with him. He alternately felt sorry for or held in contempt other couples he saw out these days (straight and gay both), who were busy on their smartphones, rather than busy with the person right there before them, across the dinner table.

Didn’t they realize what they had?

He saw, though, when he glanced down at the screen, that his phone being silenced had caused him to miss two calls. One was from his mother, and the other was also from a Seattle number. He didn’t recognize the number, but there weren’t many people it could be tied to, because his mother and his sister were pretty much the only numbers he had in his contacts list.

Wade? Could Wade have called him? I thought the deal was to wait until I found myself for me to call him.

To verify that the call was indeed from Wade, Bobby pulled out his wallet and extracted Wade’s card.

The number matched.

Second thoughts? Maybe he realizes what he missed. Bobby grinned.

Bobby’s first impulse was, naturally, to call the handsome man. But a part of him quickly put the kibosh on that idea, knowing he had a mother in need.

He pressed the button that would return her call, checking his watch and then reminding himself it was two hours earlier in Seattle.

“Bobby?”

“Yeah, Ma, it’s me. How are you?”

His mother blew out a sigh. “Ah, well, you know, this is taking some getting used to. Whoever coined the term, ‘merry widow’ was full of it. It just seems so weird rattling around the place by myself. I get up in the morning and expect to find him next to me, or listen to see if he’s in the bathroom.” She snorted out a brief burst of laughter. “You know what I did yesterday morning?”

“What?”

“I got up and made poached eggs…for two.” She laughed again. “Your mother is going off her rocker.”

“Mom, that’s perfectly understandable. It’ll take time. Is Dawn helping you out? Does she come by? Bring the kids over?”

“Almost every day.” His mother lowered her voice to a whisper, even though Bobby was pretty sure she was alone. “And it’s driving me nuts! Where did that girl get her ideas? Certainly not from me! I am sick to death of hearing about family values!”

They chuckled together.

“What did you do with the eggs?”

“I ate them!” She burst into laughter again, but Bobby could hear the near hysteria that was on the edge of the guffaw. “With your father gone, I have been consoling myself with food far too much. I may have lost a husband, but two new guys are staying at my place way too much these days.”

Bobby was taken aback. “What? Who?”

“Oh, don’t be that way. As if… I’m joking. I’m talking about Ben and Jerry. That duo has caused me to gain five pounds. I’m thinking of joining a gym. There’s one that’s right along the water, over in Fremont. It’s close enough that I could walk on nice days.”

Although Bobby couldn’t imagine his mother in a gym, or even gym clothes, he said, “That might not be a bad idea. Get you out of the house. You might meet some new people too. Maybe take a spin class?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll think about it.”

They fell silent, and Bobby was about to ask if there was anything he could do for his mom when she cut in, saying abruptly, “I’m so damn alone.”

“I know. I know, sweetheart.” Bobby wished he could reach through the phone and stroke his mother’s face and tuck her hair behind her ears. “You want me to come back? I could be on a plane this weekend.”

“No, dear. You have a life out there in Chicago. A job. Responsibilities. I can’t expect you to hop on a plane just to be by your mother’s self-pitying side.”

“Oh, Mom, it’s not like that.” Besides, I am being a little selfish—I could see Wade again.

“No, Robert. I need to learn a little independence, even if it’s just to get away from that insufferable sister of yours. I was thinking about maybe getting a job.”

“A job? You?” Bobby failed to keep the surprise—and alarm—out of his voice. His mother had never worked, although she had once come close, shortly after graduating, to teaching a class of third graders. But her impending marriage to his father made her decide against it.

“Yes, me. I’m not that old. I do have a college degree, and maybe I could take a few classes, get my teaching certificate renewed. I could sub at first, see if I liked it.”

“You have been giving this some thought, haven’t you?”

“Bobby, no one takes an interest in our lives as much as ourselves. I have to get my butt out of the house if I’m lonely here. No one’s going to do it for me.”

“I love you, Mom.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment or two, and Bobby wondered if what he had said was not what she had been expecting. The Nelsons, after all, were not a particularly demonstrative family. “Well, I love you, too, Bobby.”

They talked some more—about teaching, about the chill and rain in Seattle, about Bobby’s job, but he had heard little more beyond the words, “I love you.”

He at least had a mother who loved him. And that was no small thing.

When they hung up, Bobby reiterated his offer to come back out west.

“As much as I would love to have you here, I’m going to say let’s not have all the fun so close together. No, why don’t you wait until August or September when it’s beautiful out here?”

They both agreed that sounded like a plan and hung up.

Bobby glanced down at his phone, wondering if it was too late to return Wade’s call. Don’t be stupid. It’s only eight o’clock out there. Wade hadn’t left a message. Maybe he didn’t want him to call back.

Again, don’t be stupid. He called you. So he must want to talk to you.

Bobby entered Wade into his contacts. And called him back.

The phone on the other end rang three times, and Bobby expected it to go to voice mail. He was taken by surprise when he heard Wade’s deep voice answer the phone, pleased that he had used Bobby’s name. That must mean he had entered Bobby’s number into his contacts.

“Bobby? How are you? I just got in. I teach an evening class tonight.”

It made Bobby feel warm inside to hear Wade’s voice. He could picture his handsome, chiseled face on the other end, his dark eyes. “I’m good, just trying to ease back into life here.” He debated about whether he should tell Wade what had really been going on with him, the therapy and the initial visit to Sex Addicts Anonymous. In the end, he decided it would be way too much information. “How are things with you? I was kind of surprised to see you called.”

“Things are good, but something came up that made me think of you, and I wanted to run an idea by you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, my best friend, a woman who teaches French here in Seattle, originally came from Chicago. All her family is back there. Anyway, long story short, she told me she’s planning on going back in July and asked if I wanted to come along.”

Bobby could feel his face heating up with anticipation and maybe something a little akin to joy.

“And you said?”

“Well, I’ve never been to Chicago, but I always wanted to go. I’m a bit of an architecture buff, and Chicago, probably more than any other American city, has all this amazing architecture, much of which, really, was built all at once.”

“After the big fire,” Bobby said.

“Right. So, I know the Architecture Foundation does this amazing riverboat cruise.”

“Yeah, it is great. The company I work for took a bunch of us on it last summer for a department outing. A lot of history here.”

“Plus, there’s so much to see—Millennium Park, the Art Institute, the Field Museum, Navy Pier.” Wade took a breath, and Bobby was beginning to wonder why he was being consulted at all about this obvious tourist trek. He was not, after all, the triple A. “And you.”

Bobby was so sure Wade would never get to that last point that he almost didn’t hear it. But he did. And he smiled.

“Oh yeah, me. There is that.” Bobby laughed.

“Well, of course I’d like to see you, which is why I’m calling.”

God, please say you need a place to stay. Please say it. Bobby stared out the window at the night, his mind already filling up with fantasies about having Wade right here under his roof, doing things like showering in his bathroom. Bobby imagined the steamy room and how he could slip in naked and—

“I just wanted to be sure you’re going to be in town the first week in July. Sabine, that’s my friend, wants to come for the Fourth. I’d hate to come all the way out there and miss out on seeing you.”

“Do you need a place to stay?” Bobby, single-minded, blurted.

“What? No, no I don’t think so. Sabine’s parents have a big house up in—what was the suburb? Something ritzy—I can’t remember.”

“Lake Forest? Kenilworth? Winnetka?”

“Winnetka sounds right, but not quite.”

“Wilmette?”

“That’s it! Anyway, they have a big old house near Lake Michigan, and she said there’s plenty of room. They also have a home up at a place called Lake Geneva in Wisconsin, and she said we could go up there for a few days too.”

“Sounds like you’re all set, then.” Bobby’s spirits took a nosedive. Why was he getting all excited, anyway? He hardly knew the guy. Yes, they had gone to high school together, and yes, they had connected (even shared a kiss) on his recent trip back home, but really, the amount of time the two of them had spent together had been short, very short. Dispiritedly, he asked, “So what were you thinking? Maybe we could get together for dinner while you’re here?”

“Well, yeah. Sure. But maybe spend a little more time together than that. I was thinking that when Sabine went up to Lake Geneva with her family, I could bow out and maybe hang with you. If you’re up for it, you could show me around. Take me to that Boystown that I’ve read about.”

Bobby grinned. “Oh, I could be a world-class guide for that part of town, that’s for sure.” Bobby did not want to stick his foot in his mouth by offering his place up again, so he stayed quiet on that score. “I can show you lots of places off the beaten path here in town, not all of them gay. But Chicago is a great food city, and I could take you to some real hidden gems.”

“That sounds great. So you think you’ll be there? I mean, I don’t expect you to be there if something comes up, of course, but just wondering—as it stands now.”

Bobby thought about the summer stretching out before him and how, really, he didn’t have a single thing planned.

“Yeah. I think there’s a very good chance I’ll be here.” He wanted to pinch himself, bite his lip, pull his hair, to prevent himself from saying the words, but they tumbled out anyway: “And you know you can stay here. I live right on Lake Shore Drive.” Shit. Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut? Bobby slammed his hand into the bed, cursing his lack of self-control, even in this small way.

“Well, thanks, Bobby. I’ll think about that. We don’t have to make any decisions right now.”

“No, you’re right. July is still a few months away.” Bobby moved to the window, looked down at the drive, alive with headlights moving north and south. He felt isolated, wondering what he should say next.

Wade made it easy for him. “Well, bud, I need to get moving here. I have a shitload of compositions to read and grade before I go to bed tonight. I just wanted to touch base with you and make sure you’re going to be in town when I get there. How lucky am I? I’m really glad you’ll be in town, Bobby. And I’m really happy I got to hear your voice tonight.”

Bobby felt like his emotions, with this short and simple phone call, were on a roller coaster. Right now, he was riding high.

“The feeling is mutual, Wade. I’ll look forward to seeing you, spending more time together.” Before hanging up, Bobby gave Wade his email and Wade returned the favor.

Bobby hung up the phone, feeling he had something to look forward to.

*

His mother handed him a picnic basket. “There’s my world-famous ham salad in there, on marble rye. Potato salad, dill pickles, a nice bottle of chilled Riesling, and apple turnovers for dessert.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course, I did!” His mom laughed. “How often does a mother get to see her son go off on his first date?” She pushed him gently. “You better get going. You don’t want to keep him waiting.”

Bobby started away from her and cast a glance back at his mother over his shoulder.

“There’s cutlery, napkins, plates, and glasses—everything you need—in the picnic basket. I even remembered a corkscrew! Now shoo!”

And just like that, his mom was gone, and Bobby found himself standing alongside the Chicago River. The picnic basket was on a park bench beside him, and if he looked west, he could see the docking station for the riverboat tours and, above that, traffic bustling by on Michigan Avenue. He admired the gothic presence of the Chicago Tribune tower rising up and the white elegance of the Wrigley Building, across Michigan Avenue. The newer skyscrapers, with their chrome and glass, had nothing on those two old grande dames.

The sun was up high. Noon? Its rays beat down on Bobby—summer hot, but they felt good as the cooler wind, rushing across the water, made for a very pleasant contrast.

It was quiet. Bobby had never seen the riverfront so empty, especially on a perfect summer day like this one. His gaze moved to the east, where he spied Navy Pier and its iconic Ferris wheel jutting out into the sparkling blue waters.

Maybe everyone is at the pier today.

“Maybe they are.” Bobby jumped a little and turned to see Wade standing beside him. The man looked gorgeous, wearing a simple white tank that showed off the muscles in his shoulders, arms, and chest to good advantage, and a pair of navy blue cargo shorts. On his feet, of course, were the requisite flip-flops. Bobby noticed his feet, the well-manicured toenails and the little tufts of dark hair that crowned each toe.

“What?” Bobby asked, grinning. “Now you can read my mind? How did you know I was thinking everybody must be over at the Pier?”

“I can read your mind, sweetheart. I always could. Even back in high school, I knew what you were thinking. And, oh! The filth that went on in that teenage mind. Gave me fantasies for years.” Wade chuckled. “Come on, give us a hug!”

And Bobby fell into his arms, reveling in the delicious sensation of being completely enveloped in Wade’s strong arms. Off Wade’s firm body came the scent of sandalwood and a slight undercurrent of sweat that Bobby found undeniably sexy. His cock stirred in his cargo shorts—camouflage for him. Wade stroked his back and slid his hand up under Bobby’s black T-shirt to rub his shoulder blades and trail his finger down Bobby’s spine.

In spite of the heat, Bobby shivered. “God,” he whispered in Wade’s ear. “You’re gonna make me come in my shorts.”

Wade pulled away, dark eyes twinkling with mischief. “Not yet.” He took Bobby’s hand and led him silently along the path that ran parallel to the river, passing through the cool darkness of the tunnel beneath Lake Shore Drive, where he stopped, turned Bobby toward him, and kissed him deeply, their tongues dueling. When he moved away, Bobby was breathless, casting his gaze around to see if anyone had witnessed their passionate kiss.

But the area all around them remained sun-dappled and empty. Strange.

Wade took his hand again, and now they were finding a place in the grass that bordered the running/blading/walking/bike trail that ran along Lake Michigan. Bobby looked out at the boats moored along the waterfront, how they bobbed in the glimmering waters.

He saw not even one person aboard any of the boats.

There were no runners or bikers along the trail either. The grassy area all around them was deserted.

Bobby sat down with Wade in the grass, opening the picnic basket and pulling out first the bottle of wine. He handed it to Wade, along with the corkscrew. “It’s strange, you know?”

“What?” Wade expertly pulled the wrapper from the top of the wine bottle and inserted the corkscrew and began removing the cork.

“There’s no one around. Usually, on a day like this, that trail is a traffic jam of bikers, runners, and bladers. Yet, I don’t see anyone.”

Wade motioned for Bobby to hand him the wineglasses, and he poured each of them a glass. “That’s because today is our day. No one else’s.” He smiled and held up his glass. “A toast. To our very first date.”

They clinked glasses.

The wine tasted crisp, icy, as it coursed down Bobby’s throat.

The next thing he knew, he was lying in Wade’s arms, his head on his chest. It seemed as though the two of them had talked for hours. Indeed, the sky above them had grown gray, edging on dark, the water lit up brilliantly as the sun set behind them, below the skyscrapers to the west.

A gust of wind rose up from the water, bringing with it the smell of the lake, and Wade repositioned himself so he could kiss Bobby once more. Bobby watched as Wade’s face came closer, blotting out the sky.

*

And Bobby awakened. Morning light was coming in through the blinds at his windows, and he sat up and stretched, feeling contented and happier than he thought a dream should have any right to make him.

He wandered over to his windows to open the blinds and gaze down on the day, which was much like the one in his dream, the water shimmering under a brilliant ball of orange. Across bustling Lake Shore Drive, the early morning runners and bikers were already out, crowding the trail.

Bobby stretched again, yawning. He felt he had not had such a satisfying slumber in years. Already, the images from his dream were fading, but not enough to prevent him from searching for Wade down below, somewhere along the water.