| |
I don’t know how long we lay on my old mattress before the soft scratching started.
“Give us a couple more minutes, Levi,” I said and stared at the ceiling. Julia nuzzled into me and I ran my fingers over her shoulder. Her warmth and sweetness penetrated every fiber and I closed my eyes, wishing we could stay like this forever.
“Forever isn’t in the cards anymore, is it?” she asked.
I let out a snort and met her gaze.
Her beautiful doe eyes glazed over with tears when I shook my head. I couldn’t speak. Words were not enough to explain away the agony in the center of my chest. The emptiness surrounding that pain would follow me until the end of time. You see, there would never be another Ramsay to take the helm.
The royal bloodline had been severed with my death.
Julia buried her face in my chest, her hot tears pooled on my skin and all I could do was hold her tight and stare at the ceiling. I couldn’t unleash my tears, not with what I knew. This path was my choice because the alternative was inconceivable.
I gave her a squeeze and sat up. The barren room met my scan and I hung my head for a moment, wishing for clothing for both of us. Julia let out a small laugh and I opened my eyes, finding cause for a smile to appear.
“Maybe there’s an upside to this,” I said and reached for the neatly folded piles on the end of the bed, pulling on my clothes without any further comment. I glanced at Julia as she slipped on her underwear, adoring the shyness she displayed, especially after the complete abandon she had shown a little while ago. When she met my gaze, I wiped the grin off my face.
“All it took was me dying?” I nodded my chin toward the bed and pulled the Red Sox jersey over my head. Her face tightened in that way I knew all too well and I took a step back out of her swing range. It wasn’t far enough and the edge of her shirt swatted across my cheek.
“You can be such an ass,” she whispered and her barely suppressed aggravation faded as she slipped on her shirt. Julia bit her lip and her eyes glazed with tears.
I closed the distance between us. “I’m sorry. That was rude.” I pressed my lips to the top of her head and she unfolded, wrapping her arms around my waist. She held on tightly and I knew it was her way of trying not to let go of all we had together.
“This was the only time, wasn’t it?” she asked, her voice muffled against my chest.
I squeezed her tighter and my vision blurred. “I don’t know,” I said and she pulled away, leveling a stare that crushed me.
“Don’t bullshit me.”
“I’m not,” I answered, and took a moment to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I’d like to believe this will not be the last time I get to hold you in my arms, but there’s a war I have to fight,” I said and my voice cracked. I blinked back the hot tears burning my eyes and choked down the bitterness filling the back of my throat. “I honestly don’t know if I’ll survive.”
“Don’t go.” Her eyes pleaded, tugging at the emptiness filling my soul.
The scratch at the door interrupted us again and I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead on hers.
“You can change all this, you know,” she whispered and I opened my eyes.
“I already cashed in those chips, babe,” I said and planted a kiss on her lips before she could ask any questions. “I have to go. You’ll be safe here with Noah.” I pulled away and stepped toward the door.
Julia grabbed my arm. “Nick, what did you do?”
I glanced over my shoulder at her and kept silent long enough for her eyes to widen. “I did what I had to. Besides, we both knew I’d have to take over eventually,” I said. “We just didn’t think it would be this soon.” I shrugged and covered her hand with mine. “No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you more than you can possibly fathom.”