Hello Friend We Missed You

Hill and Trudy arrive at the leisure centre. Hill parks away from the other cars and turns the engine off. He is wearing an unbranded loose-fit black T-shirt, pale blue shorts, and a pair of brown Asda trainers. Trudy is wearing a Nike headband, navy cable-knit sweater, green and white Dunlop shorts, red Converse.

Are we going in with a strategy, playing to win, steamrolling these mothers? Trudy says.

I think we need to go, play for half an hour, make an excuse about Roger and then leave, Hill says.

Feel like we should be listening to DMX or some such, Trudy says. Music to win to.

What, um, I don’t know, Hill says.

Hill is sweating a little. He doesn’t want to see Stuart again. He has been dreaming about school every night for the last week, wondering how much of his career the people in his year have followed, specifically how much research Stuart has done. He tries to imagine what Stuart would think of the Jack Black situation. He tries to imagine what kind of film Stuart would pay to see at the cinema. He tries to imagine what kind of film Stuart and his wife watch at home once their children have gone to bed. He tries to imagine what Stuart’s wife looks like, whether she’s better or worse looking than head girl number one, head girl number two, Lucy, Trudy.

But we’re playing to win? Trudy says, reaching across to Hill and putting her hand on his leg and squeezing it, smiling.

We’re definitely playing to win, Hill says.

Hill and Stuart walk over to a table. Stuart is wearing a full Arsenal kit with the socks pulled up and folded over just below the knees. His shoes are expensive looking training shoes, neon orange with a bright blue mesh covering the toes.

Casual knock-up? Stuart says.

Hill throws the table tennis ball in the air, lets it bounce and plays a shot straight into the net.

Fuck, man, Hill says.

You shut your eyes, Stuart says. Pro tip: don’t do that.

Stuart throws a ball in the air and plays a slow, high, and central serve across to Hill.

Don’t patronise me, Hill says, playing a deliberately slow and looping backhand across to Stuart.

We’re just lads having a casual knock-up, Stuart says, playing a forehand return that drives towards the back of the table.

Hill becomes more confident in his play and starts hitting the ball harder and with topspin. He moves Stuart around the table and begins winning the rallies.

Die, Hill thinks.

Would you go to a reunion? Hill says.

Yeah, of course… I mean, we did, three years ago, Stuart says, playing an aggressive forehand.

We? Hill thinks.

The ball bounces up and hits Hill on the nose before he can readjust his position. Hill picks the ball up from the floor and makes a show of inspecting it for cracks.

What did people say about me, Hill thinks.

Better to be an enigma, Hill thinks.

I wasn’t there, Hill says. He picks up the ball and serves it over to Stuart.

Yeah, pretty lame, Stuart says. I see most of them anyway, but some of the randoms were just absolutely classic.

Hill returns the ball, attempting a backhand spin that does nothing. Stuart plays a mis-hit backhand straight into the air. He reaches his bat up and hits the ball over to Hill’s side of the table.

Clemmy Edwards is still a total slag by the way, Stuart laughs. That’s all I can say in this environment, but details available on request from Pete Bane.

Hill waits for the ball’s bounce to reach the highest point and angrily attempts an overhead smash that goes way too high and deep, missing the table by two or three metres.

Clemmy who? Hill says.

Trudy plays an overhead smash and beats Stuart’s wife 21-0.

All-court Serena game, Hill thinks.

Hill, Trudy, Stuart, Stuart’s wife walk out of the table tennis hall, Stuart turning into the men’s changing area as the rest continue onwards in silence.

Hill, Trudy, and Stuart’s wife queue up at the cafeteria till with their drinks.

Hill, Trudy, and Stuart’s wife sit down on fixed plastic chairs and sip from their sports drinks. Stuart, now in a change of clothes, sits down with them.

So I heard you were making a film and that? Stuart says.

Hill nods his head. Trudy puts the bottle of energy drink to her mouth and drinks half.

So is it on Netflix or? Stuart says, opening and then closing Netflix on his phone.

Trudy puts the bottle of energy drink to her mouth and takes a long sip.

You want a major studio involved, Stuart says. If this is your one decent idea, it has to get out there.

Hill, slumped in his chair, his arms tightly folded in on themselves, looks at Trudy as she fixes a stare on Stuart.

Stuart, what do you do? Trudy says.

Well, this has been really great, Hill says. But, my dad is ill and…

I know, hope he gets better soon, Stuart says. The legend.

What? Hill says. How do you know about Roger?

So I helped him out with some stocks last year, sent a few choice cuts for his portfolio, Stuart says. Can’t win them all though, but that’s the market. Roger gets it. Do you still fish?

I have never fished, Hill says. I don’t. Wait, what market?

So we were fishing and these dolphins, Stuart says, laughing loudly. These ridiculous dolphins are swimming close to our boat and–

No, Hill thinks.

Hill looks at Trudy, her left hand gripping the energy drink, her shoulder stiff.

So Laura actually catches one, a baby, Stuart says, laughing, the upper half of his body shaking. It’s… she…she actually has it hanging there off a line, a baby fucking dolphin. I was pissing myself.

Hill looks at Trudy, a wild look in her eyes.

Hill looks at Laura, Stuart’s wife, laughing along but urging restraint, her hand on Stuart’s leg, squeezing.

So the dolphin is making these noises, thrashing everywhere, Stuart says. Just incredibly—

Was the dolphin experiencing pain and fear, do you think? Trudy says, grinning, her eyes locked on Stuart.

Just, it was just, so funny, Stuart laughs.

Stuart, it’s a question, Trudy says. I’m asking you a question.

Fine, yes, probably, Stuart says. It was just, just incredibly, incredibly funny.

It actually, it’s bad, but, actually, God, it was, it really, really was eff-ing funny, Laura says, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Stuart, laughing uncontrollably, Laura, simultaneously laughing and grimacing, both reliving the moment so lucidly, appear to temporarily depart the astral plane.

Don’t look at Trudy, Hill thinks.

Hill looks at Trudy, jaw clenched and eyes frozen, unblinking.

So we’re going to make a move, mate, Stuart says, wiping a tear from his eye. Kids are with their grandparents today and that?

Okay, Hill says.

I’ll call you and we can have some beers yeah, really catch up, Stuart says. I’ll get Bane, Pinney, and Adams involved. It’ll be a smash.

Sure, Hill says.

Absolutely not, Hill thinks.

Stuart smiles and moves in to embrace Hill, wrapping his arms around Hill’s back and squeezing, briefly attempting to lift him, saying something that Hill can’t make out.

Smells the same as fifteen years ago, Hill thinks.

Lynx Africa, Hill thinks.

Over Stuart’s shoulder Hill looks across the cafeteria to Trudy; her nose is pressed against the glass wall that looks down onto the swimming pool. She has a neutral facial expression, her eyes focused on a small boy hesitating on the top diving board. She mouths something as the boy eventually jumps, her eyes following him down to the water and watching as his head bobs back up again moments later. Hill pulls away from Stuart and waves him and his wife off as they walk towards the stairs, watching as Stuart’s wife puts her hand in the back pocket of his baggy fawn chinos.

Hill looks at them. They are happier than he is, and they know it.

Basic pagan couple, Hill thinks.

Hill hears Trudy calling him over to the glass window. He smiles and thinks about lying down with Trudy in a room full of sleeping Boxers, closing his eyes and drifting off to the sound of their collective snores.