Mixed Lego
Hill takes a long drink from a 550ml carton of Orange and Lime Tropicana and slowly walks up the steep, winding staircase to the third floor. Hill holds the carton up to his mouth, drinks from it again, then rests the empty carton on the floor next to a plastic container filled with mixed Lego. Hill crouches down over the container and picks up an intricate off-plan spaceship.
Remember making this, Hill thinks.
Hill looks at the petrol pump attendant sitting in the central cockpit, expressionless as both its arms point upwards, away from the tiny grey steering wheel. Hill lifts the spaceship above his head and moves it slowly across an imaginary planet and towards a nearby black hole.
Remember making things, Hill thinks.
Hill places the Lego spaceship back in the container and looks down the long, narrow corridor.
Has Trudy ever been up here, Hill thinks.
Hill looks at his phone and refreshes WhatsApp, Gmail, Messenger in rotation for several minutes.
Matthew McConaughey weight-loss journey
Hill stands at the door to Trudy’s building. He is holding a six pack of Coors Light and a bag of Co-op porridge oats. The walk from the house to Trudy’s flat is 10.5 kilometres and Hill can feel the blisters on his heels throbbing.
Bad choice to walk, Hill thinks.
Too many bad choices, Hill thinks.
Hill looks up at Trudy’s window, the light shining through a gap in the curtains.
Am I enjoying this less, Hill thinks.
Will she give me money for the beer and oats, Hill thinks.
Shut up, Hill thinks.
Hill presses the button for Trudy’s flat, takes a step backwards and looks up towards her window.
***
Trudy presses pause and the film freezes on Matthew McConaughey and Penélope Cruz lying on a beach, looking into each other’s eyes. Matthew McConaughey’s character is called Dirk Pitt, Penélope Cruz’s character is called Eva Rojas. Dirk Pitt is a ‘master explorer and former Navy Seal’ and Eva Rojas is a ‘beautiful and brilliant UN scientist’. They didn’t get along at the start of the film and now they do get along. Lying next to each other on the beach, everything has worked out well on their unique and perilous adventure. The viewer is naturally ecstatic at this outcome.
So problematic, rampant fucking patriarchy, Trudy says.
Attractive bozos, Hill thinks.
Why are you smiling, Hill? Trudy says.
Films should come with subtitled trigger warnings, Hill says.
Trudy looks angry and gets up to go to the toilet. She shuts the door behind her.
If you can’t see the problem with that piece of shit film then we have a major issue, Trudy says over the sound of her peeing. And please don’t make fun of trigger warnings.
Hill looks at his phone to check the time. He looks at the projector and follows the light up to the wall. Netflix has automatically reverted to the menu screen, hundreds of incredible viewing options slowly rotating before him.
It makes me consider whether you view anything from the female perspective? Trudy says over the sound of the toilet roll spinning and paper being torn. The toilet flushes and Trudy opens the door and stands there with her hands on her head.
I’m half serious, half joking, I don’t know, Trudy says. Why do we watch these films?
We’re masochists, because that’s the easy thing to be, I think, Hill says. I mean, why am I even here. Not here here, I mean on the island with Roger?
Well, why are you? Trudy says.
I don’t know, truly, Hill says. He’s a lonely, bitter old man. It’s terrifying. Maybe I feel like if I put the time in with him it’ll somehow… I don’t know.
I don’t know what ‘put the time in’ means in your language, Hill, Trudy says.
Hill picks up a can of Coors Light and takes a small sip. He feels the pressure from his fingers begin to squeeze the can out of shape. Loosening his grip, Hill takes a small sip and then a much longer one.
Roger, Hill thinks.
Hill takes another, much longer drink from the can.
He killed my mother, Hill says.
Trudy squats and puts her head face down in her hands. She looks up at Hill, her eyes wide open, her lips pursed.
Fuck, Hill, that’s insane. You can’t possibly believe that? Trudy says. She pulls her phone out of her trouser pocket, looks at the screen, and puts it back in the pocket. You don’t believe that, she says.
Who was that? Hill says.
It was no one, Trudy says. Answer my question.
Trudy moves over to the futon and lies down next to Hill. She takes the Coors Light from his hand and takes a large gulp and then another large gulp. Hill looks at Trudy and then towards the wall.
Maybe, I think he’s vindictive, even if only subconsciously, Hill says. He considers me firstly to be his wife’s son. That’s always been my understanding. My mother, in her will, left the house to me. Roger is allowed to live there until he dies or chooses to leave. He took that out on me. It wasn’t my fault. Maybe it explains a lot, I don’t know. What’s the difference? I don’t think she intended to mean anything by it, other than protect me in case he got married again. But Roger is such a fucking egotist, it killed him.
Trudy runs her hand through her hair, pinning it back as she takes a small sip from the Coors Light.
Roger got older … ill, Hill says. The emails, endless streams of shit cut and pasted financial growth clickbait, siding with Lucy’s parents over her funeral, her ashes, the obsession with converting the clock tower. I don’t know, sorry.
Hill finds Sahara and selects the resume watching option.
‘Matthew McConaughey weight loss journey’, Hill thinks.
Matthew McConaughey weight loss journey, Hill says.
Yeah, great, Trudy says. But don’t you think it seems like all of that was Roger’s way of saying sorry, trying to help maybe? Seems like his whole life revolves around you.
There is a vibrating sound in the room and Trudy puts her hand over her trouser pocket. The sound still audible, Trudy presses her hand down harder.
Roger doesn’t…, Hill says, looking at Trudy’s trouser pocket.
Trudy takes the phone out again and looks at the screen. Trudy slides the phone back into her pocket. He doesn’t blame you for your mum dying if that’s what you think, she says.
Hill stares at the wall and tries to make out individual grains of sand in between Penélope Cruz’s toes.
He told me he forgave you for saying you wished he’d died instead of her, Trudy says.
I was fifteen when I said that, Hill says. He’s an absolute maniac if he’s still—
He told me he forgave you, Hill—
Which obviously means he’s still sore over it, Hill says. Which isn’t even the point. It’s really fine though.
Hill looks at Penélope Cruz’s black and white striped swimming cap, her sunglasses, her long nose, her lips.
He’d like it if you could forgive him, Hill, Trudy says.
I think we should watch another problematic film, Hill says.
***
Hill presses the light button on his watch. The time reads 03:30. There is a faint smell of damp in the room, made worse by the radiator having been turned on at full power all evening; Trudy repeatedly promised to turn it off before they fell asleep but evidently hadn’t.
Hill looks over to Trudy and she is lying on her front, face pressing into the pillow, arms tight to her sides, her fingers pointing down towards the duvet, half off the bed, the other bunched around her calves and feet.
Hill gets up from the futon and walks over to the radiator, kneeling before it and twisting the radiator valve to the off position. He walks over to the window and prises two of the blind’s plastic strips apart. He leans forward and presses his face against the blind. A large fishing boat moves slowly and silently across the water in the direction of the pier. The island is mostly in darkness. Excluding the lights that outline the two bridges, Hill counts five house lights. As Hill moves away from the blind it springs back into position, making a sudden clattering noise. He looks over towards Trudy, still perfectly still, but her left arm now stretched across onto the other side of the bed. Hill presses the light button on his watch. The time reads 03:30.
Hill walks into the kitchenette and over to the fridge. He opens it and puts his hand on the last can of Coors Light. He puts his hand on a one litre plastic carton of oat milk. He puts his hand on an unopened two-litre bottle of Evian. Hill shuts the fridge door.
There is a vibrating sound coming from Trudy’s trousers. Hill walks over to her trousers. He looks over towards Trudy. He puts his hand in her trouser pocket. He takes his hand out of her trouser pocket. He walks over to the futon and places the duvet over Trudy so that it covers her from her neck down. Hill lies down on the futon and presses the light button on his watch. The time reads 03:30.