Don’t ruin this smoothie for me

Hill moves his index finger over the trackpad and scrolls through the categories.

Violent Revenge Thrillers

Films With Happy Endings

Zany Comedies

Strong Female Leads

Tom Cruise

Films With Sad Endings

Violent Revenge Thrillers

Don’t like choosing, Hill thinks.

Don’t want Trudy to choose, Hill thinks.

There’s nothing, ‘literally’ nothing, Hill says.

Language evolves, Hill, you literally need to accept that, Trudy says.

Hill looks over towards the kitchenette area of Trudy’s flat. She is standing on one foot and chopping up bananas, strawberries, raspberries, passion fruit with a large Global knife. She is wearing a dark green oversized cable-knit sweater, black leggings, barefoot. Her iPhone is resting horizontally against a white toaster, playing music that Hill doesn’t recognise.

Who is this? Hill says.

Urgh, Hill thinks.

Do you like it, it’s very relevant, Trudy says. She doesn’t turn around as she carries on chopping the fruit whilst standing on one foot. She changes foot and shouts, I just beat my single leg record, do you like this music?

I love it, Hill says, trying not to sigh. I want us to choose a film before we have our smoothies. What genre do you want?

Hill looks again at the categories on offer and feels anxious that Trudy will ask for Violent Revenge Thrillers. Hill moves the laptop to the other side of the futon. He looks at his iPhone and sees that Ed is messaging him. Hill puts his iPhone back into his pocket and leans over to pick up the laptop. He looks at the screen.

Jason Statham, Hill thinks.

Liam Neeson, Hill thinks.

Era of Most Violent Revenges, Hill thinks.

Jack Black, Hill thinks.

Hill looks over towards Ralph. Ralph is asleep in his basket, snoring.

I hate you, Hill thinks.

Nope, don’t mean that, Hill thinks.

Trudy walks over to the futon and sits down, passing Hill a half-filled glass of fruit smoothie. Don’t you wish we could spend all our time in here, watching films and drinking smoothies? Trudy says. Imagine what we’d learn about ourselves.

I know probably everything there is to know about myself, Hill says.

Jesus, Hill thinks.

I honestly just thought, Trudy says, laughing. No, nothing.

Trudy leans over and takes the smoothie glass from Hill’s hand and drinks it all. Fuck that’s good, she says. I really think we should do some more filming, like make a film film. What’s stopping us? Did you read that Mark Duplass interview I emailed you?

Hill looks at the Netflix menu.

Are you going to respond to me, Trudy says. Don’t ruin this smoothie for me. I think it’s ridiculous how you punish yourself. If you don’t do the things you love—

What? Hill says.

If you don’t do the things you love or make you feel good, then that’s self-harm, Trudy says. If you read about it, and I’ve read about it, you’ll see that that is actually what self-harm is, and you’re doing it, she says, her hand gesticulating wildly but awkwardly, like a bird learning to fly.

Do you want to watch a film with Jason Segel in it? Hill says. I read a review that said his performance in Sex Tape was haunting, that he starved himself to try and look like a leading man, that you can see his pain and self-loathing in every scene. That’s entertainment isn’t it? I first watched it on an aeroplane, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

Hill, please, Trudy says. Please try and relax, please try and talk to me like you’re comfortable in my company. It’s not that I don’t want to know, um, Jesus, I mean, let’s enjoy these smoothies. Let’s enjoy just sitting here.

Trudy finishes drinking from the smoothie glass, tilts it up and waits for the remaining smoothie to drip into her mouth. Hill looks at her neck, long and pale. Hill looks at her hair, long and blonde. Hill watches as the smoothie drips into her mouth bit by bit.

Trudy picks a small piece of pulped strawberry out of the glass and puts it in her mouth.