Email Sent to Jack Black whilst listening to real life ‘ambient rain on car roof noise’ at 3:30-3:45AM

Dear ‘Jack’

I want to say thank you for showing an interest in my work, truly a great compliment and something that has kept me in good spirits over the last eighteen months that I have been waiting, at great personal cost and through the darkest moments imaginable, for something to happen.

How many times have you watched my film? A good many times I imagine, seeing as you are so enthusiastic to develop it and bring it to a ‘whole new audience’. What’s your favourite part? Specifically, and in detail. I’m looking for precision in your analysis, Jack.

In absolute concrete terms what direction do you want to take the project in? ‘You’ said that television was your ‘vision’ (I can only assume that ‘you’ are ‘relating’ your ‘vision’ to me in an ‘accurate manner’?) In this context, and citing clearly defined examples, what exactly is ‘your’ ‘vision’? I’m keen to hear you tell me this. Perhaps we can arrange a Skype for some time in the next seven to ten days? I am currently looking after my father at his house (he is very ill) and as such can speak with you ‘at the drop of a hat’. When is ‘good’ for ‘you’, ‘Jack’?

Have you ever had to deal with a terminally ill person, ‘Jack’? Unlike, or like – I guess it’s subjective, your films, it’s not a ‘barrel of laughs’. It’s ‘really fucking awful’. Roger is not going to ‘make it through this’, this is one ‘battle’ that he is not going to ‘win’. What was/is your father like? Is he ‘belligerent’? Is he ‘for all intents and purposes’ the ‘reason’ your mother died? Has he ‘skewered’ your ‘world view’ ‘seemingly permanently’? Does he ‘suck’? Do we have this ‘in common’? I’m trying to find ‘commonality’ between us, so you can maybe ‘go the extra mile’ towards putting some ‘concrete steps’ in place to make my life ‘better’. I have less money today than the day we Skyped. Is that ‘bittersweet’ for me? Well, perhaps it is, ‘Jack’. You will have more money now than the day we Skyped because of ‘sound investments’ and a ‘great team’ ‘behind you’.  Maybe we can talk about it when we Skype in the next ‘seven to ten days’?

All I ever wanted was money, success, happiness. Was that ‘too much to ask’ hahahahahahhahahahahaahaahhaa. I’m so sad hahahahahahahaha. I look forward to our Skype hahahahahaha

Hahahahahaha,

Hill