Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream. Euripides
Half past midnight.
Pastor, Josie, and Stiles approached the front door of Pastor's house, all in a state of disbelief. Pastor walked inside the house, shoulders drooped, gait slow and unsteady. His distinguished face was now like a mask of stone. He went into the bedroom and flopped down on the edge of the bed, leaving Stiles and Josie in the front of the house. The sorrow he felt was beyond explanation. Seeing the lifeless bodies of his daughter and Tim would forever be etched in his mind. Then there was David and Meryl Jackson, his longtime friends and Rena’s parents. They were gone forever, gunned down like they were nothing. He felt responsible for the death of his daughter, his son-in-law, his dear friends, and basically everything that had happened. He knew she had mental issues, but never did he think she could do something like this.
The pain he felt caused him to question everything. Why did this tragedy have to happen? He tried to live a life pleasing to God, but somehow he must have failed. Margaret had to show up and revealed his past, a past life that he had tried hard to forget over the years.
Pastor felt guilty now that he looked back over how everything went down. He once loved Margaret, adored everything about her. But during those two years they were together, things quickly began to change. Margaret wasn't the same person anymore. He could do nothing to keep her happy. When he got her pregnant he thought their relationship might have a chance, but then she told him she lost their child, and their relationship died too.
After their final break-up, she left Memphis to go back to Chicago where she was originally from, and he established Holy Rock, a long time desire of his heart. He'd been called to preach God's Word when he was a young buck and always had dreams to pastor his own church. At one time, Margaret promised to stand behind him and support his efforts and for a while, a very short while, she would attend church with him. But it wasn't long before she had a change of heart and stopped going altogether.
The day he first encountered Audrey, she walked into Holy Rock, looking fine as ever. He wondered who she was. There was something so enticing about her that he couldn’t resist. He soon approached her at their church picnic and the rest was history. He gave in to his flesh and his heart quickly submitted.
Audrey had mentioned that she had a sister, but explained that they did not share the same mother. She did tell him that her sister was schizophrenic and that they did not have a close relationship or any relationship for that matter. During their years of marriage, Audrey never brought her up again and Pastor didn’t see the need to either. Now, after all these years, the past had come back to haunt him in a way that was unimaginable.
Pastor forced back the thoughts of the past and in its place thoughts of Sunday's horrid events saturated his mind. He swallowed hard, biting his lips to keep the sobs at bay.
Josie entered and stood motionless in front of him. Her voice was fragile and shaking as she spoke. "Pastor, you should try to get some sleep. It’s been a long day. I know it wasn't easy making funeral arrangements, contacting Francesca's friends, and trying to reach out to Rena on top of everything else. But, baby, you have to rest. The next week is going to be tough." She sighed, clasped her slender hands together, and stared at her husband. Tears welled in her eyes.
Pastor looked up at her. A heaviness centered in his chest as he spoke. "I don't know if I can sleep, Josie. I don't know how I'm going to move forward from all of this. It's too much, too much to take." Pastor couldn't hold back any longer; wrenching sobs burst forward like a broken dam.
Josie sat on the bed next to him and tried to console him. Her own tears found their way down her cheeks as grief and despair ripped at her heart. She held Pastor against her chest like he was her child instead of her husband. She rocked him back and forth as he wept and cried out to God for mercy.