“Everybody’s journey is individual. James Baldwin
Several weeks after the Holy Rock Massacre, the dead had been laid to rest and life continued, not standing still for anyone. The tally from the massacre included seven dead, eleven people wounded, three of them with serious but non-life threatening injuries and eight with minor injuries which included Xavier. Xavier experienced no residual complaints or problems from the flesh wound in his left arm. He was more traumatized than anything, having been in the midst of the shootings. He was thankful that his life had been spared.
Trying to get back to normal, he and Raymone, had plans to go check out a movie they’d both wanted to see. It was a rare occasion, but Fancy agreed to let him drive, so he scooped up Raymone and they headed to the movie theatre.
Xavier and Raymone had been friends ever since Raymone started at Holy Rock Upper School. Raymone was a year younger but they were both seniors. Neither of them wanted anyone to know that they were engaged in a homosexual relationship.
Xavier started having feelings for the same sex when he was in eighth grade. He didn't know what brought it on, only that instead of finding himself attracted to girls, he was more interested in boys, and often fantasized about being in a relationship with one. He knew what he had been taught all of his life about homosexuality, that it was wrong and a sin. But he still couldn't keep his feelings at bay. So he hid them as much as he could. He talked to girls occasionally, got a phone number every now and then, and as he grew older and started dating, he took a few of them out, but he didn't feel that spark, didn't want to take it any farther than a meal or a movie and being platonic friends.
When he met Raymone, he felt an immediate attraction and it wasn’t long before he realized that Raymone was battling the same homosexual demons. They never openly talked about their sexual preferences; it went unsaid. They had never crossed the line with each other sexually, but they made out ever chance they got.
Unlike Xavier, Raymone's parents and siblings knew about his homosexuality and loved and accepted him for who he was. It was the main reason that Xavier felt comfortable whenever he was at Raymone's house. The whole family treated him like he was a normal kid and didn't pass judgment on him.
Raymone's father talked to Xavier when he arrived to pick up Raymone for the movie. “Xavier, son, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute.”
“Of course, sir.”
“Follow me,” Raymone’s father said.
Xavier joined him outside on the patio.
“I want to know that while we don’t condone homosexuality, we accept Raymone for who he is, and we love him unconditionally. By the same token, whenever you are in our home we want you to feel welcome. I want you to know that me or my wife, or Raymone’s siblings, will never disclose anything to anyone outside of this home. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir. And thank you, thank you for that.”
“I still think you should sit down and talk to your parents," he told Xavier. "It will eat away at you until you do, son."
"Yes, sir. I know. It just never seems like the right time. Plus, I don't know what my parents will say or do. My dad preaches about homosexuality all the time.” Xavier looked away, pushed his black framed designer eyeglasses up on his nose, and hooked one elbow over the backrest of his chair. “He makes sure his congregation knows that the Bible says it's a sin. I don't want to shame my dad or my mother. But I just want to be me."
"God understands, and if your father is truly a man of God, which I believe that he is, then he won't judge you. Now he may not agree with your choice but that doesn't mean that he won't love you just the same. There’s a lot of misconception about how Christians look at people who are gay or lesbian. They think we hate homosexuals, and that’s so far from the truth. Again, I don’t like the fact that Raymone, and you, are gay, but I love my son and I would die for him if I had to. Do you understand where I’m coming from?"
"Yes, sir. Thanks for the advice, and for understanding," Xavier said. He looked over his shoulder and saw Raymone standing at the patio door.
“When you’re done talking, come to my room so we can finish up our game before we leave for the movies.”
“I’m done talking, son. You can go,” he said, patting Xavier on his shoulder. “But just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here,” Raymone’s father assured him.
Xavier and Raymone spent some time playing Elder Scrolls then turned their attention online to one of the sites they frequented. They engaged in conversation via private messenger with other gay teens and young adults.
"Now that you’ve talked to my dad, what do you think about telling your parents that you're gay?" asked Raymone.
"I don’t know. But I probably won’t do it anytime soon. Too much has been going on. I don't want to make things worse by coming out now."
"I know, but I'm just saying, the longer you wait the harder it's going to be."
"Your parents are way different than mine. They're cool with you being gay, but my parents are not like that. They're going to stuff the Bible down my throat and I don't want to deal with that."
"Have it your way, but I'm just saying, you still need to tell 'em sooner or later."
"Yeah, it'll be later then...much later."
"I hear ya. Well, let’s shut this down and get outta here. The movie starts in an hour."
"I’m with ya."
"Mom…Dad, we're leaving," Raymone shouted as he and Xavier headed to the front door.
His mother appeared. "You boys be safe out there. And Xavier, drive carefully. You don't want the police to have any excuse to pull you over. Enough of our black boys are being murdered and locked up as it is, all for no reason. But remember what I told you both. If the police do stop you, make sure you let him know beforehand every move you are about to make. If he asks for your driver’s license and registration, tell him where it is and then tell him when you are about to pull out your license and when you're reaching for your registration. Don't make any sudden moves. You understand?"
"Yes, ma’am," Xavier said followed by Raymone.
The teens walked outside to Xavier’s car parked on the curb in front of Raymone’s house. The night air was breezy but warm for a fall night. Stars sparkled and you could hear a dog or two barking in the neighborhood.
"Your parents are straight," Xavier said as the friends approached Xavier's car.
"Yeah, they aight."
"Mane, I wish I could talk to my parents like you talk to yours. But I already know how they’ll react. Especially my dad."
"Yeah, I hear ya. But at some point they're going to start wondering why you don't have a girlfriend, you know?"
"Yeah they're already asking that. My brother too. I got to tell 'em. I don't know when or how."
"You'll figure it out. For now, don't sweat it. Let's go check out this movie and have a good time. You feel me?"
"Yeah, I feel ya."