Holly returned several books to the shelves in Victoria’s study. Despite the endless doctors’ appointments and meetings with various specialists to get her life back on track, her days dragged.
It had been two weeks since the children had returned home, almost three since she had started to live at the Hastings residence. The early morning and the evenings were wonderful. Alexia was a bundle of fun and energy, always dragging Holly around to do anything from watching movies to playing games. Hugo was intelligent and focused, like his mother. Holly adored spending time with him. They debated political matters and he spoke about what he was learning in school.
And then there was Victoria. Now and then she’d become involved in whatever the three of them were doing, but then she’d remember herself and pull back. Holly just couldn’t understand it. One moment Victoria was laughing and joking while they played a video game, the next she was coming up with an excuse to close herself in her office. Holly then spent the quiet days replaying conversations in her head and trying to understand what had caused Victoria to leave.
Alexia had broached the subject a couple of times. She told Holly not to give up on her mom, saying that Victoria clearly had feelings for her but was struggling to show them. Holly couldn’t see whatever Alexia was seeing. She was wondering if the girl was merely projecting her wishes for a cohesive family unit onto Holly and Victoria.
She couldn’t blame Alexia, she imagined it must be a lonely existence to be the only person in the house who was full of energy and bounce. Hugo and Victoria were serious and steady. Alexia just wanted to have fun.
As the days passed, Holly’s hope grew cold. Where she had once felt certain that Victoria felt more for her than simple friendship, now she doubted herself. Just because Victoria was being kind and generous, it didn’t mean anything.
And Victoria’s refusal to spend too much time with them convinced Holly that she was deluded to think someone like Victoria would want anything to do with her.
She sighed as she slid the last book into place.
It was time to leave. As luxurious, comfortable, and homely as it was living with the Hastings family, it had to end.
She’d quickly started to feel like one of the family, and that was dangerous. She was nothing more than a former assistant who had an accident and snagged on the heartstrings of a wealthy woman. Guilt was all Victoria felt. Guilt that would be alleviated if Holly left.
Not to mention the fact that she needed to get out now, before she became more integrated into the family. It would already be a huge pull for her to leave. Every extra day she spent there would just make leaving worse.
She already spent her long and quiet days wondering if Hugo was acing the math test he was so confident of, or if Alexia had managed to get through an entire lesson without her grouchy science teacher telling her off for chatting. And if Victoria was looking after herself at work and remembering to eat.
Of course, she had to leave. And soon.
She had enough money in her savings account to put a deposit into a small room in a house share in Weehawken, across the river. And she had a couple of part-time temping job offers lined up that would fit around her doctors’ appointments, which had been reduced to a few days a week. It was a giant leap into the unknown. But she couldn’t stay.
The thing that devastated her the most was the finality of it all. When she left, she would be leaving permanently. She was a nobody. She had no reason to come and watch a movie with the children. No reason to call up Victoria and ask her if she finally decided to go with the greyscale background for the summer suit selection.
When she said goodbye and stepped out of the door, it would be forever. People like her didn’t cross paths with people like the Hastings.
She walked across the room and ran her fingers along Victoria’s desk. She’d tell them that evening. Her heart broke when she considered what Alexia’s reaction would be. Hopefully Victoria would allow them to stay in touch by email.
She took a deep breath, taking in Victoria’s scent that lingered in the air.
This room she’d miss the most. Even though it was the place where Victoria hid the most, she’d still managed to spend time with the older woman in this room. She’d attempted to assist her, like the old days. She’d read books from the extensive collection. She’d even caught Victoria asleep in the armchair one evening.
She smiled to herself. She’d have the memories, somewhat ironically.
She walked towards the hallway, turning off the light and closing the door.