Chapter 11
by Janine A. Passaretti
When I lost my beloved husband, Michael, two years ago very suddenly and tragically, I went to see Roland a few months afterward. Michael had been only forty-six years old and was a happy and healthy man who loved his family more than anything. We were married for twenty years. We had three beautiful daughters together. Our worlds were turned upside down the day he took his own life without warning or any indication why. We know it was a mental breakdown, and for us it came out of nowhere. It was like being hit by an Acela train in the middle of a silent, snow-filled forest.
I received a Purple Paper from Roland not only on one occasion but multiple times. Michael wanted to make sure Roland delivered his messages to my girls and me. Michael was sorry, and he couldn’t get his “head right.” Everything that was conveyed in the Purple Paper messages could only have come through Michael.
The papers, five different ones, and the messages that were delivered would prove to bring me peace in the fact that I know that Michael is not gone. He is with us in some way. Love does not die. Love remains … love is eternal, as Roland says. I believe this to be true.
The first time I received a Purple Paper from Roland was right after Michael’s death. I was in search of something, anything that could bring me peace (if that was even possible). When I saw Roland, Michael came through first during a small group event. Roland mentioned someone that passed through a suicide. He said, “Michael Anthony.” I knew it was him. The paper mentioned that he was “sorry about the gun.” Roland went on to say that Michael said his “head wasn’t right” and he “didn’t hurt anymore.” Michael committed suicide by a gunshot wound. He died days shy of our twentieth wedding anniversary.
"Michael is so sorry that he did what he did. I wanted to get it cleared up, but I couldn’t. I’m so happy now that my ‘head’ doesn’t hurt. You were so good to me,” read a Purple Paper from December 1, 2015. Another repeated his earlier message: “I’m sorry about the gun. I’m sorry about the gun. I’m sorry about the gun.”
The next paper was from May 10, 2016: “Michael Anthony. There was nothing you could do. I want you to know that before anything else. I know how hard you always tried. When I send a sign, you feel it first. You always feel me. I love you.”
The other paper actually showed a picture of our bedroom and where I was praying with him that last night and burning candles because he had not been himself for a little over a week. The next day he would be gone forever. Roland said things that only I would know. He even took on Michael’s persona. He grabbed my shoulders and repeatedly said, “I love you so much.” That was very much him. He also said he is “OK” and he made it to heaven. He even said, “I found Grandma.”
My grandmother passed just five days prior to Michael’s death. It was as if Michael were answering all the questions I would repeatedly ask him at night while I was alone. I also received other papers via my family who were at an event of Roland’s when I had gone away to England to visit my friends for what would have been our twentieth wedding anniversary and I was hurting so much. The pain I was in was excruciating. I didn’t want to be anywhere familiar without him.
When I returned from England, I had a need to attend another event. Roland delivered another Purple Paper that night. It said, “Michael. Yes, I made it home. Yes, I made it to heaven. Yes, I found peace. Yes, I’m happy.
I hope that answers all of your questions … Of course, I’ll watch out for you.” It also had a note on the top right corner that said, “Keep telling her. She really needs to hear it over and over again.” Though it has been a very long road, the messages that I have received via Roland have been nothing less than a miracle to me. They have given me back my faith when I was losing it, as well as all hope.
I have always been a woman of faith, but the pain and despair I felt was like nothing I could even fathom. Nor did I ever believe I would have faith in anything again. The message helped me realize that love doesn’t die and our loved ones don’t just go away. They are with us always.