Chapter 31
Anonymous
The young mother of two sons, ages three and five, I was pregnant with my third child when I found out that my baby girl would be born with Down syndrome. The thought of raising a child with disabilities seemed challenging at the least. This was especially so when I unexpectedly found myself to be a single mother shortly after she was born.
My daughter was a joy the minute she was born, bringing with her an infectious smile and love of life that has since enchanted everyone she meets. Her brothers doted on her, and I couldn’t imagine not having her in our lives.
As it turned out, I wasn’t alone in that feeling.
Steve had been a family friend for years and had never married. He was a happy guy, very smart and so funny, living a life of fun and fancy, unencumbered by challenges of raising children. But he was also one of the most caring men I have ever met, stepping into our lives just when we desperately needed it.
I remember reminding him that I was the single mother of three little ones when he asked me to marry him, incredulous that he had even considered it. That did not deter him. In fact, I think it made him even more convinced that I, we, were the perfect family for him.
He valued life to the nth degree, loving all living beings to the fullest, especially a precious little girl with special needs who was smitten with him from the minute they met. Steve’s love of life was heightened when he was revived after a motorcycle accident a few years before we were married. He was pronounced dead but was saved by a doctor who happened upon the scene at just the right time. So grateful to have been given a second chance at life, he would gather friends and family together every year on the anniversary of his accident to celebrate his rebirth!
After we were married, our family became a true presence in our town. People would comment on seeing Steve at church, with our little girl’s arms wrapped around him, and at the ball games, scouting, and PTO events. Everyone knew this wonderful family man and our three bright, sociable children—and everyone loved Princess Kate, as he fondly called our little daughter.
But one day, after nine amazing and happy years of marriage, I received a call from the police while I was in a meeting at my daughter’s school. “There’s been an accident,” I heard the person on the other end of the phone say. “Your husband didn’t make it.” I didn’t believe what I heard and knew I had to get to the hospital to be by his side. A teacher at the school was kind enough to drive me there. When I saw Steve lying there lifeless in the emergency room and heard the words “blunt force trauma” as the cause of his death, I collapsed in anguish. That sounded horrible. Had he suffered? Was he alone? Was there much pain? I sat with him for a long time trying to make sense of this life-changing moment. I had kissed him goodbye just hours before. How was it possible that he was gone?
I was told that another driver hit his motorcycle head-on. It was an accident, they told me, and Steve didn’t have a chance. Steve loved motorcycles and had purchased a red Ducati just a couple of weeks before. He couldn’t wait to take his Italian-made motorbike on the road. Stylish, sophisticated, and a technological dream, Ducatis are among the most sought-after motorcycles by enthusiasts who are seduced by their beauty and handling. This was his dream bike, and, as I learned after his passing, it was also the second one he had purchased. He had been riding on his first red Ducati, the same model as the one he had just recently purchased, when he had his first “fatal” accident. This time, though, there was no doctor on the scene to bring him back to life.
My friend tried to get me to see Roland for a long time. I finally agreed to accompany her to a radio studio in Rhode Island where Roland was doing a live show. I wasn’t sure what I was doing there, so I was a little nervous and didn’t speak a word. Roland seemed to keep looking at me all during the show and shuffling through a big stack of Purple Papers. It unnerved me at the time, and I felt uncomfortable. Finally, at the end of the show, he called me up to the table where he was sitting with his stacks of papers. “I have a message for you,” he said, and he gave me a Purple Paper.
Roland knew all about my husband’s passing without any of us saying a word. It was a motorcycle accident, he told me. He said that Steve died immediately at the accident scene. He felt no pain. The angels were with him. He wasn’t alone.
“I just slid off to the side,” read the words on the paper. “I passed away at the scene. I couldn’t get my bike under control. I didn’t have any time to get control.” Roland assured me that he did not suffer and no one was to blame. Those were the two questions that kept going through my mind, causing the endless sleepless nights and anguish during my waking hours! He also told me that Steve loves me very much. That is something that every wife never gets tired of hearing and longs to hear once her spouse is no longer with us.
I had been getting signs from my husband before that night. Pictures in my house mysteriously moved and one even dropped to the floor to get my attention. One was a photograph of my husband and our daughter; in it they were both smiling as they shared a special moment together. While I was comforted by the fact that Steve was still with us in spirit, the Purple Paper message from Roland confirmed for me that he was OK, that he passed quickly in the arms of his fellow angels. I no longer held the anger that had consumed me when I learned he was hit by another car. I let go of that as I finally forgave the driver.
I learned the meaning of unconditional everlasting love from my husband. And I also learned how to forgive. Those two priceless gifts are a part of Steve’s legacy. But there’s so much more as well. I learned that angels really do exist, and while they may not be able to stay on earth forever, they are here for a reason. Steve was brought back from his first “death” to bring life to my children and me after we were abandoned all those years ago. I do believe that he was an angel with a job to do. And while he could only be with us for nine short but fulfilling years, the memories, kindness, and love he showed and shared will stay with us forever.