Chapter 40
by Kaitlyn Bouchard DiCicco
When I was eleven years old, my best friend suddenly passed away. He was my dad and only thirty-seven years old. I couldn’t understand what had happened. How could life be so cruel? My parents were divorced, and I only got to see him every other weekend, but we had so much fun together. Go-karts, mini golf, amusement parks, late-night snack runs—memories I’ll never forget. They were extra special since I was an only child.
My dad meant the world to me, and I longed to know if he was OK. Was there really a heaven? Is his spirit still around me? Has he been watching me grow up? Am I making him proud? In February 2010, almost eight years after my dad passed, my mom and I went to see Roland at an event. I was skeptical and nervous about going and almost backed out. I’m so glad I went, because that night really had a profound impact on my life.
My dad came through. A lot. It was insane. Toward the beginning of the night, Roland looked at me and said, “He keeps yelling ‘Kaitlyn,’ trying to get through.” Then Roland kept looking me in the eye saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you, you’re still mine, I love you, I love you.” At one point, Roland was on the other side of the room talking to someone else, and then he stopped midsentence, walked over to me, and said, “Where’s the heart? You have the heart—it’s in your pocketbook.” Then he went back to talking to the other person. Not even my mom knew I had brought the gold heart necklace with my dad’s face on it. It has “always in my heart” written on the back of it.
Later on, Roland went around the room and talked to everyone, and once he came back to me, he said, “Where’s the heart?” I handed him the necklace and he looked a little confused. He then said, “Where’s the pink heart?” I was confused for a second, but then I gasped, remembering that I brought a card Dad had handmade for me when I was little. It said, “To my very special little girl,” and on the inside was a giant pink heart that said “Happy Valentine’s Day” and “I will be home very soon. Be a good girl for Mommy. Love, Daddy.” Everyone there was in disbelief.
Roland asked what I put in my dad’s pockets. I had Father’s Day gifts I was planning to give to him that I put in there. Roland acted like my dad when he spoke: “He’s a young guy, a character.” At one point he called me Katie—my dad was the only one who called me that.
Later that night, Roland presented me with a Purple Paper he had drawn on December 15, 2009. It was a drawing of the gold necklace with the words “I’ve been with you for so long.” It also had the date “12/03” written on it, which at first I thought meant December, but I recently realized that my aunt gave me the gold necklace in December 2003.
That night and experience with Roland gave me some closure on the loss of my dad. It meant the world to me to know that he is OK and is with me every step of the way. Since losing him, I’ve helped many others with their own losses and even won an award for a film I made that honored my dad. I will never forget that night and the comfort it’s brought me every day since then.
In October 2017, devastating family circumstances brought me to seek out spiritual guidance. I learned that Roland was having an event, so I went with my mom and my aunt (my dad’s sister).
During a break, I was getting my photo taken with my 2010 Purple Paper for consideration for this book. Roland asked me who it was from. I said my dad. He asked how long he’s been gone. I told him fifteen years. He asked for his name and if I thought he had any more messages for me. I said, “His name is Kevin and I hope so.”
Then he looked over my shoulder and said, “Oh! He’s here right now! You’re here because you want to know what to do next.”
After the event, Roland said, “I want to go over there and talk to that girl about her dad.” He came over to me and said, “He’s been gone a long time, and he’s not here to talk about him being dead. It’s about your family.” He went on to say, “I wish it wasn’t so complicated. It wasn’t easy to live, easy to die, or easy to stay. I still left too soon.”
He asked if I was a mother. I said, “Yes, my son is four months old.”
Roland said, “He’s talking about a baby. He met him. He was there. He met all the kids. He says he would have been a good grandfather.”
I only have one child so far, so this statement makes me think that my dad has met my future children as well. Roland also said, “He’s moving you along, guiding you, encouraging you. You’re brave.” Later on, Roland spoke with me, my mom, and my aunt and showed us a Purple Paper. He wasn’t sure if it was about my dad or not. The paper said, “Kevin loved life, his family and friends. I did get very, very sick fast. I found so much peace from all of you. During my last day, I knew I had to go. I’m good because of you.”
The paper also said he was adventurous and he died at home before making it to the hospital. My dad died suddenly while at home alone vacuuming. He was cleaning his house and even got a nice suit out. It’s like he knew. He even told my mom a couple days before to take care of me. The day he died he had an appointment at the hospital to see if he needed open heart surgery. He died before he could make it to the appointment. This paper was definitely from my dad. It gave me, my mom, and my aunt so much comfort. Roland also said to my mom that my dad “wasn’t her ex,” that she was “his one and only.” Most people would be surprised to hear this, but those who knew him well knew how much he loved my mom even after their divorce.
In November 2017, my mom and I went to the Mind Body Spirit Expo. We bought a couple of Roland’s books and had him sign them. He asked, “Can I write what I hear?” We said yes, and he wrote, “I will always be there for you. I will always look out for you. Dad.” In my mom’s book, he wrote “You were right.” Then he started saying “Kevin” without us telling him anything.
Later on at the expo, Roland gave a talk, and my dad came through again. A lot. “Don’t you think your father wants to whisper in your ear one more time? Don’t you think your father wants to give you more courage and strength, and don’t you think he’s been holding you together in some way? ’Cause that’s why you’re here. You’re here for the entire audience to stand by your side. I’m asking everyone who can hear me to stand by this woman’s side as her father gives her a moment of hope. You have come here for all of us to embrace you in some way. Your father has been standing there with you on your path. Helping you. And your father wants me to tell you for the last four and a half months that he’s been holding you together. Your father wants me to embrace you like you’re my own kid and he wants to talk with you about life and the experiences you’ve been going through. He says you feel him already, and he’s so happy that you’ve done so well in your life.”
Roland begins clapping, and then the entire audience starts clapping for me. “Your father is holding you with all the love that he has.” These messages from my dad mean the world to me as I’m going through the most difficult time in my life. Knowing that he’s by my side gives me hope that things will be resolved soon.