Chapter 42
by Lina L. LeBrun
The first time I saw Roland was at a little Spiritualist church in Onset, Massachusetts. I did not receive a personal message that day, but I was most impressed with Roland. His words were so sincere and meaningful that people were crying at other people’s messages. I thought then how comforting it was to learn that your loved ones in spirit were there watching over and loving you and that they had made their way to a place we call heaven. And how people of all faiths and ages came together to support others in their grief and newfound peace.
When I had the opportunity to see Roland again, I actually never thought I would get a Purple Paper from my mother! The evening arrived and Roland came up to me right away. He began by saying things that we all recognized as my mother’s words—the way he spoke even sounded like her. She talked about many things through Roland, not the least of which was her adamant refusal to go into a nursing home. My mother told us time and time again how she felt about going into a nursing home and even insinuated that she had made plans to end her own life if the day came when she would be unable to care for herself and, as she put it, “be a burden to others.” If this were not evidence enough that she made her presence known that night, Roland even declared the exact date that she had crossed over! I was in shock.
When Roland was again in my area, I purchased tickets to the show. During the event he addressed me directly and asked me when my mother had passed. I was very surprised that he asked me a direct question without giving me a message; he instead asked me to come to see him after the event. What was that all about, I wondered? I had read about Purple Papers; I had even seen people receiving them at the last event! Could it possibly be that there was one for me in his stack of precious messages? For the remainder of the evening, I was torn between paying attention to the messages being delivered and the anticipation of what was going to happen later.
My prayers were answered, and Roland did have a Purple Paper for me. The message had been written in August 2009, and there, two years later, I was receiving it in August 2011. My Purple Paper read, “I left on 4-14 with no chance to get free.” It has a big heart in the center. Roland later added, “I know you did it so well. Difficulty. (I’m sorry.)”
I have wondered what she meant by saying, “I know you did it so well.” Originally, I had thought she was referring to getting free from a body that was no longer serving her, but how did that relate to me?
As I was writing this, a full six years after receiving my precious Purple Paper, I had a much-delayed aha moment.
My mother worked very hard and did so much for us: cooking, cleaning, sewing, chauffeuring, etc. All hems were perfectly even and bangs were always straight. Everything always looked really good, but there were no hugs or I love yous from my hardworking mom. I do not know what had happened to her in her past, but she was not an emotionally present woman.
Fortunately for me, my great aunt and godmother lived next door, and she, despite having lost all three of her children in their early childhood, was still able to connect with me as a young child. We were very close, and she was my emotional mother. One day, when I was seven years old, I came home from school and found my beloved Tante Clementine dead on the floor of her kitchen. She was blue. I was devastated and I shut down emotionally. I essentially became my mother from an emotional standpoint.
The spirit world has its ways of letting you know what you need, and soon after her death, a visitor who came to me on several occasions within a year or two after that. The spirit had the form of a man who was dressed in the fashions of the early 1900s. I was not at all frightened, and we communicated. I never thought of it then, but it must have been telepathically. One day, my spirit visitor told me that he would not be returning and that was his final visit. I asked his name, and what my seven-year-old brain remembered from that conversation was “Mr. Benson.” For decades later, I fondly remembered the visits from Mr. Benson. It gave me something to hang on to as I had emotionally encased myself in what I described as a ten-foot thick block of ice. Mr. Benson and the memory of my beloved aunt were the rays of light that kept me from freezing over completely in my self-imposed block of ice.
In addition to doing a lot of work in self-help programs, I sought out readings from mediums and past-life visionaries. I also became interested in genealogy. All of these helped me gradually melt my block of ice and also helped me identify who my Mr. Benson was. From old photos that were generously gifted to me from relatives, my genealogy research and confirmation from spirit messages, I am quite confident in identifying my Mr. Benson as my great uncle Benjamin, an older brother of my emotional mother, Tante Clementine.
After all these years, I believe that I finally do understand the meaning behind my mother’s message on my Purple Paper. In life, she was never able to free herself from her emotional bondage, and I have been able to do so, at least in part, and with great “difficulty.”
I get the message now, Mom.