Solena
I felt like I’d lost my damn mind. I’d given into him so easily, after everything he’d put me through. Maybe it was because I’d been on my own for so long. Even while I’d been living at home, I hadn’t really had anyone to rely on. My parents had been distant. Even cold most of the time. I didn’t know why they’d had me, but from what I’d overheard once, I thought my mother had gotten pregnant by accident. Since my parents had an unhappy marriage, they apparently wanted to make sure I’d been miserable too.
I didn’t want that for Santiago. Now that I had him back, I wanted to give him a good life. The thought of taking care of him on my own had terrified me, but I’d wanted to do it. Knowing I’d now have someone by my side? It made all the difference. Since the moment I’d met Atilla, I’d wanted to be part of his life. To know more about him, see him laugh, share special moments with him. Now I’d get the chance.
I didn’t know what had changed. He’d said he’d talked to Casey. Whatever she’d said to him, it was enough to make him stop holding back. For the first time, he’d shown me the real him. I was both excited and scared of what the future would hold for me. Not only me, but the children as well.
“Morning,” Atilla said.
I smiled and accepted the cup of coffee he’d handed me. “Good morning. The children still asleep?”
“Yeah. Checked on them when I got up. Nora was clinging to Santiago like he was her personal teddy bear. I heard Casey get up and down with Becca all night. I think they’re scheduled for another feeding pretty soon. Wish I could help her, but she’s breastfeeding. I’m not exactly equipped for that.”
I snickered. No, he certainly wasn’t. Even though he didn’t have the body of a twenty-year-old athlete, he’d kept in shape. The only sixty-year-old men I’d seen who looked anything like him were on TV.
“You all right this morning?” he asked, sliding a plate of toast with eggs in front of me. “Sorry about the lack of meat. I need to get some stuff from the store.”
“I’m fine. Still processing everything, I think. My son is really here, right? You brought him back to me?” I asked.
“I did, and he is. I had a conversation with Wire last night. He’s going to look into Nora’s past a bit more, or rather, he’s seeing what he can dig up on her mother. She’s been in and out of jail quite a bit. He’s hoping to hack into her phone records to figure out who Nora’s father is.”
“Does it really matter?” I asked. “She thinks you’re her dad. Since you said we all belonged to you now, why do you need to look into it more?”
“I don’t. Except what if Nora asks one day? What are we supposed to tell her?”
I reached over and took his hand. “That her dad loves her very much. Her family does. Honestly, I don’t think she’ll ever bring it up. She seemed quite content to latch onto you and never let go. I’m surprised you got her into the bed.”
A scream down the hall had him bolting out of his chair. I was right on his heels as he ran to the kids’ room. Nora sat in the bed, tears running down her cheeks, and yelling until her face turned red.
“What the hell?” Atilla looked around the room before staring at Santiago. “What happened?”
“She woke up and thought you’d left her,” he said.
Atilla picked up Nora and held her close. “It’s all right, little angel. I’m right here. No one left you, okay?”
“Daddy.” She buried her face against him and clutched at his shirt. I’d noticed he hadn’t put on his cut this morning. Then again, he probably didn’t wear it all the time. Not when he was at home anyway.
“That’s right. Daddy is here. And your momma is here too.” He glanced at me. That’s when it really hit me. I hadn’t only gotten Santiago back, but I’d gained a daughter.
My son gave me a distrustful glare, but I ignored it and went over to Atilla and our new daughter. “Good morning, Nora. Are you hungry?”
She nodded against Atilla, still not looking up. I motioned for Santiago to stand up and follow me. Surprisingly, he did so without complaint. When we got to the kitchen, I started making a fresh batch of toast and took the eggs from the fridge.
“Santiago, do you want to help make the toast?” I asked.
He looked at Atilla before coming closer to me. He seemed fascinated by the four-slice toaster, and I wondered if he’d ever seen one before. What kind of life had he led until now? There was so much I wanted to ask him.
“We missed your birthday. I thought we could have a party in a few days. There are a lot of people here for us to meet.” He didn’t say anything. “We could bake a cake, and there would be presents. Do you like balloons? I bet we could get some.”
“You don’t have to try so hard,” he mumbled. “I know you didn’t want me.”
And there was my opening. “Why do you think that?”
He kept staring at the toaster. “Everyone said so. I’m stupid. Ugly. Worthless. None of them wanted to keep me.”
“And they told you I didn’t want you?” I asked, fisting my hands at my sides. I wanted to strangle all of them! How could they tell my precious boy such awful lies? He might look a lot like his dad, but he wasn’t ugly. In fact, his father had been one of the cutest boys in school. I turned Santiago to face me. “Santiago, you were very much wanted. What I told you last night wasn’t a lie. I didn’t have a choice but to give you up for adoption, but it was the last thing I wanted to do.”
“Your mom was a mess,” Atilla said. “She missed you. Wondered if you were safe. If you’d found a good home. Not knowing what happened to you was eating her up inside. It’s why I promised to bring you home.”
“You called her Nora’s mom,” Santiago said.
“Well, Atilla is her dad.” I wasn’t sure how he’d take this next part. “And since Atilla and I are together, that means I’m her mom.”
“So, he’s my dad?” Santiago asked. For the first time since he’d been brought home, I heard hope in his voice.
“Yeah, son. I’m your dad,” Atilla said.
“What’s my job here?” Santiago asked.
I stopped what I was doing. Job? What the hell did he mean by that? Had the other families made him work? Or did he mean chores? We should probably assign both children something to do, like make their bed and keep their toys picked up. They could help set the table.
“Santi, what kind of jobs have you had before?” Atilla asked.
“Scrubbing floors and toilets, throwing out the empty bottles around the house, or helping package stuff. If I didn’t do a good job, I got punished.”
My heart slammed against my ribs as I stared in horror at Atilla. Packaged products? Like… drugs? And what sort of punishment?
“Did they put you in a timeout?” Atilla asked.
Santiago shook his head.
“Did you get a spanking?” I asked.
Santiago refused to speak. What had my poor boy been through? I didn’t know if this was something Atilla and I could handle on our own. Would Santiago speak with a stranger? A therapist, for instance. Nora might need one too.
“Atilla,” I murmured. He gave me a nod, and I knew he’d look into what the children had been through. “Santiago, how long have you and Nora been together? Was she your foster sister at your last home?”
He wouldn’t answer me. It seemed he’d spoken as much as he’d planned to. Having my son back meant everything to me, even if we had a hard road ahead of us. Would he be able to go to school soon? I’d need to register him, but I didn’t have any of his records. Same for Nora.
“Atilla, we need their school records,” I said.
“I’ll talk to Wire. I’m not sure if the kids will even have school records. May have to ask the school to test them before they start classes.” He shifted Nora on his lap as I set a plate of eggs and toast down for her. Santiago took his and sat beside Atilla. “You don’t have to call me Atilla when only the family is around. If anyone can use my actual name, it’s you. Call me James.”
“While I appreciate that, you seem more like an Atilla to me.” I smiled at him. “James sounds more like someone who sits at a desk or manages a construction crew. It’s not very biker-like.”
“Call me whatever you want, Lena.” Nora continued to sit in his lap while she ate, dropping crumbs all over both of them. He didn’t seem to mind. He wiped a few off her mouth and gave her a warm smile. “Don’t eat too fast, angel. You might choke.”
“We haven’t had anything in a few days, except what we were given last night after you found us,” Santiago said. “She’s worried the food will go away.”
“We’ll always have plenty for the two of you to eat. Your mom and I would go without before we’d ever let you suffer.” Atilla patted Santiago on the back. “I know this is going to be a big adjustment for the two of you. Things are going to be different from before. This is your home. Not just for right now, but for the rest of your lives. You will always have a spot here with me and your mom.”
“Is that our room?” Santiago asked.
“For now. Casey and the baby will move across the street once their home is ready. Once they’re settled in their new place, one of you can have the room she’s in now.” Atilla hugged Nora and kissed her cheek. The little girl cuddled against him, not saying a word. Other than daddy, she hadn’t spoken much. Not around me, anyway.
“Would the two of you like to go shopping today?” I asked. “I have some toys for you already, Santiago, but we don’t have anything for Nora. You’re both going to need more clothes and shoes too.”
“Are all of us going?” he asked.
“Not Casey and Becca,” Atilla said. “They need to stay here. It’s just going to be me, you, your mom, and Nora. Is that okay?”
Santiago nodded. “I don’t think she’s been shopping before. Neither have I.”
Another piece of the puzzle. What sort of parents never took their children to the store? Between the jobs Santiago had to do previously, the fact they punished him in a way he didn’t want to speak of, and now discovering he’d never been to a store… my mind was reeling. Who the hell had my parents given my baby to? Since Atilla said Santiago had been through many homes since then, it was clear the people hadn’t really wanted him. But still… how could so many people have neglected him?
“We’ll go to the nearest Target,” Atilla said. “It will have everything they need, plus groceries. We should pick up a few meals and some snacks.”
“I guess we’d better all put our shoes on so we can head out,” I said.
“I need your apartment keys first.” Atilla held out his hand. “Going to have someone go pack up everything. It will be here when we get back.”
I went to get them from my purse and set them on the table in front of him. It felt surreal knowing I wouldn’t be going back to the apartment. It might not be much, but I’d worked hard for the few things I had. Wait.
“Um, does that mean they’re going to rifle through my panty drawer?” I whispered.
Atilla snorted. “Not unless they have a death wish. They’ll probably just dump everything from the drawers into bags. Only other women here are Casey and Meredith, and both are busy with kids. I’m afraid I can only send a man over there.”
“Fine.” My cheeks warmed. “But tell them to close their eyes when they open the top dresser drawer. I won’t be able to look at any of them ever again if I know they’ve seen my underwear.”
“They won’t look,” he assured me. “Now go get ready. First thing we’re buying at the store are booster seats. These two are probably still small enough to need them.”
Santiago puffed up. “I am not!”
Atilla chuckled. “Son, it’s the law. I’m not saying you aren’t a big boy. You’ve done a good job watching over your sister. But there are rules we have to follow. One of them is making sure the two of you are safe when we’re in the car.”
“Fine,” Santiago mumbled.
Casey stumbled into the kitchen, yawning widely. The dark circles under her eyes made me wince. Had she gotten any sleep at all? How many times had Becca woken up? I knew Atilla said he’d heard them off and on all night, but my heart broke for her. She looked exhausted.
“Y’all going somewhere?” she asked.
“Taking the kids shopping. If you need anything while I’m out, text me. Or if it’s not something I can pick up at Target, ask one of the guys to go fetch it for you. Just not Stinger, Ravager, or Lucas. They’re going to be putting your house together.” Atilla stood with Nora still in his arms. “I’m going to grab my cut, then I’ll meet everyone in the car. I’ll take this little one with me.”
“I’ll bring her shoes out,” I said.
“I hope you enjoy your time together,” Casey said, giving us a tired smile. “I’m going to grab something to eat, then try to sleep while Becca does.”
“Would you like us to pick up a breast pump while we’re out?” I asked. “It would give you a break from having to take every single feeding. Your dad or I could feed her from her bottle. It would still be your milk.”
Casey nodded. “That sounds great. I’ll text you the bottles the hospital recommended. I don’t want to switch her to one just yet, though. They said it was an important part of bonding with her, so I’d like to give this a try for another day or two. After that, I may be bawling my eyes out and begging for a break.”
“We’d still let you feed her most of the time,” Atilla said. “But if Lena and I each took one feeding, that’s an extra four hours of sleep for you. Sounded like she was up every two hours last night.”
“She was. I don’t think I’m producing enough milk to fill her up to go longer than that.” Casey yawned again. “I may call the doctor’s office today and ask if there’s something I should do that might help.”
“Just let us know if you need anything,” I said.
“I take it Dad pulled his head out of his butt. Welcome to the family.” She paused. “Dad, can you check and see what happened to Su and Mark? Since they don’t have my new number, they can’t reach me, but I’m still uneasy about the entire thing.”
“I’ll ask Wire for an update later. I need to talk to him about something, anyway. Go get some sleep.”
Atilla walked out, my keys in his hand, and I heard him heading for the bedroom -- Nora still clutched in his arms.
“Good thing she knows how to walk already,” Casey mumbled. “Otherwise, I don’t think Dad would ever let her learn.”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “I’d been thinking the same thing.”
Casey stumbled from the room, and I truly hoped she could sleep for a little while. I hadn’t been able to raise my baby, so I didn’t know a lot about what she was going through. Well, except for what I’d seen on TV or read in books. She looked both happy and miserable at the same time.
“Go brush your teeth, Santi. I’ll put your dishes in the sink.”
He gave me a long look before leaving the table, and I realized it was the first time I’d shortened his name. I’d heard Atilla say it earlier, and it seemed to suit him. I hoped I hadn’t just made a big mistake with him. I wanted us to move forward, not go two steps backward.