Gil mucked out one of the Lazy S’s stalls, one of his least favorite chores because it was quiet work. Raking manure into a wheelbarrow wasn’t too miserable. It was combing through the shit in his head that Gil found extremely foul.
In the past, Gil’s days at the Lazy S had gone by relatively fast, the manual labor, the horse training, the talks around the campfire, made each day physically and emotionally draining. Most nights, he was almost asleep before his head hit the pillow, but in the three nights since the gun bust, sleep had been an elusive beast.
As he’d lain awake, his mind had whirled. Isaac and his paralysis, the possibility of going undercover, Mia and whatever was eating at her, nibbled at him… And how the hell was he supposed to spend time with Tessa without getting near the kid? Impossible. Jack was like a cockle-burr, always showing up in the most unlikely places and impossible to shake.
Not a complaint. The kid was hard not to like.
Tessa was right to limit his interaction with Jack, because the truth was, if Gil got the undercover assignment, he could be gone a few weeks if they were lucky. Months, possibly. The lowlifes always had their own schedule. They didn’t care if there was a kid back home who might miss him.
Gil scraped out the pee spot in the middle of the stall and dumped the urine saturated shavings into the wheelbarrow. Out the backside of the barn, he heard a crash and Mia screamed.
He ran toward the sound. Right outside the rear barn doors, Mia lay sprawled out on the ground, a wheelbarrow across her legs, and manure and piss-soaked shavings burying her.
“Son of a bitch.” Mia eyed him from the ground. “What are you laughing at?”
Gil didn’t answer. Didn’t have to. “I told you to come get me when you needed to dump the wheelbarrow.”
She propped herself on her elbows. Dirt stuck to the sweat on her bald head, and the flies were already dive-bombing her. “You going to help me up?”
Gil dropped his manure fork. “Now you want my help.” He dragged the wheelbarrow off her legs and locked wrists with her and helped her up.
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“Yeah?” Gil retrieved his manure fork and started shoveling the mess back into the wheelbarrow. “You’re no golden ray of sunshine, either.”
She grunted in acknowledgment as she brushed off her shirt and jeans, but she picked up her own fork and started shoveling. When the wheelbarrow was full, Gil got a running start up the dump trailer ramp and made it over the lip without slipping and dropping the whole thing on himself the way Mia had.
“Thanks,” she said.
How the hell could anyone put that much disdain behind one little word? “Hey.” He grabbed her by the arm and stopped her before she could disappear back into the barn. She shook him off but gave him her begrudging attention. “Give it a chance. The program, and the process.”
Mia bowed up, daggers in her eyes. Even though the sharp look was aimed at him, it was the first real sign of life he’d seen since she’d shown up. “You have no idea the quantum shit I’ve been through—”
“Try me,” Gil dared. “We can go tit for tat, see who’s had it worse. Better yet, I can go get Mac and Boomer. They’ll want to play along. Is your shit any worse than having to put a bullet in the head of the man you were involved with? Or losing a limb, or dangling from the end of a noose?”
She didn’t say anything when he took a breath, but her expression had shifted from mule-ish to something more receptive. “When you stack everything up, compare shit pile to shit pile, you may find that yours doesn’t stink nearly as bad as you thought it did.”
He leaned on the manure fork and lowered his voice. Losing his temper wouldn’t solve anything. “We’ve all been through our own wicked version of hell. We wouldn’t be at Healing Horses otherwise. So, don’t kid yourself. You’re not a special snowflake.”
He tossed his fork in the empty wheelbarrow and pushed it back to the stalls. Mia followed, the tines of her manure fork scraping on the ground behind her. He couldn’t tell if she’d crawled deeper inside herself or if she was quietly considering what he’d said. Her perpetual scowl hadn’t shifted.
Hopefully, he hadn’t royally fucked something up.
He wasn’t an expert on any of this, but between his time in the Marines and his time with the ATF, he knew a little of what he was talking about. The peer-to-peer mentoring was a big part of Healing Horses.
He left Mia’s wheelbarrow at the front of the stall across from his and went back to work.
Mia stood against the open sliding door. “It won’t help.” She sounded lost, vulnerable…human.
“Not if you don’t let it.”
“I’ve been in programs before.”
“This is different.” He didn’t understand how or why, just that it was the truth. “Don’t piss away the next ninety days. Do you know how many veterans are on Jenna’s list? The number of people who want to be here? Yet out of all of them, she chose you.”
“I’m a number in a slot.”
“Not here you’re not. As much as you try to hide, we see you, Mia Mann.”
She blinked at him, turning a little green around the gills as if she’d eaten day old oyster that didn’t agree with her. Down the aisle, the landline rang in Jenna’s office.
Before Mia could respond, if she was thinking of responding, Jenna popped her head into the aisle and said, “Hey, Brant. Phone.”
“Yeah, coming.” Then to Mia, he said, “Give what I said some thought.” He turned to go, then stopped. “Oh, and leave those wheelbarrows for me, okay?”
Something shifted on her face. She didn’t roll her eyes, but the tension around them eased, and one corner of her lips twitched, the beginnings of a smile or a snarl. Gil couldn’t be sure.
Jenna left him to his call. He picked up the cordless. The converted office had a desk angled to give Jenna a good view out the open door, and a window overlooking a foaling stall. “Brant,” Gil said as he stepped to the counter along the back wall and washed his hands in the sink.
“Good news,” Spinks said. “IA cleared you in the shooting, and I got your psych report. You passed.”
Gil couldn’t tell if Spinks was pleased or pissed. “You sound surprised.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” He’d been shrunk enough to know what the psychologists wanted to hear. If psych evaluations were an arcade game, he’d have his initials at the top of the leaderboard. “That all you called to tell me?”
“No. Now that the fake news is out that Drew Ross died, he’s started talking. Plus, it didn’t hurt getting that deal from the prosecutor.”
“What’s he saying?”
“Gave up a guy by the name of Bradley Martin. New to the area, which might account for why we have this uptick in gun buys. Sounds like a big fish.”
“But is he the big fish? Is he The Wolf?”
“That’s for you to find out.”
“I’m going in?” Gil waited for the tingle, the thrill that typically zipped through his body when he’d gotten calls like this before, but this time, all he felt was this weight in his belly and this sick, nagging feeling that maybe he shouldn’t have pulled his resignation.
The resignation had been the right decision. He knew that for sure now. One more time. For Isaac.
“You’re going in. First thing tomorrow. Meet me at the office at oh five hundred. I’ll give you the particulars then.”
“Give me the big picture.”
“Finn got you in as part of a security detail. Coincidentally, Martin had two openings on his security team. Finn’s informant is some kind of headhunter, like outsourcing for the criminal world. This is an upscale gig. Lose the hair and the beard and find yourself a suit.”
Gil scrubbed at his beard and grimaced. He didn’t like the beard as much as he hated shaving.
“We’re putting you in deep. We don’t know if Ross and his men were tipped off. Ross refused to say. If that’s the case, it could have been from someone in the sheriff’s department, or hell, even one of our own. Can’t wait until we’ve got our own god damn building. But I’m not risking you. You make something up on your end about why you have to leave your program. Finn and I and the informant will be the only ones who know you’re there.”
“I’m supposed to trust my life to Finn’s flunky?”
“No way around it. Finn vouches for him. If that makes you feel any better.”
It didn’t. Not at all.
It was Wednesday night, and Jack used a knife to scrape the excess pancake mix off the top of the measuring cup and poured it into the mixing bowl. “I wanted to eat at the big house tonight, with everyone else.”
“You love pancake night.” She added the milk and the egg to the flour mix and handed Jack the whisk.
“Yeah, but…”
“But what?”
Jack crushed the big lumps. “Mr. Gil said he wasn’t going to the hospital tonight. I thought he might be there.”
Gil. Tessa pinched the bridge of her nose, but it didn’t ease the tension. Bradley’s lawyer had visited her that morning, and ever since, she’d vacillated from shock and utter disbelief, to profoundly pissed, to scared shit-less, and back so many times she was one hit from being knocked off an emotional cliff.
Good thing she’d had Quinn to take up her slack today, she’d been in no condition to pilot that bird.
She couldn’t lay her problems at her son’s feet, but she’d be as honest with him as she could. “I’ve had a dreadful day, and I wanted some time alone. Me and you.” She mostly made it through. Her voice only cracked at the end.
Jack stopped stirring and looked at her, and she blinked back the sting in her eyes. He went back to mixing. “You know when Billy has a bad day…”
Tessa tried to give Jack her full attention as she poured the batter into the hot pan, nodding encouragement and laughing in mostly the right spots, but she felt distracted and detached.
“Mom, Mom.” Jack gave her shoulder a nudge. “The pancakes are smoking.”
Smoke billowed up. She shoved the pan over to a cold burner and cut off the gas. “I’ll get the windows, you go open the door.”
Jack ran for the front door and threw it open. “Mr. Gil!”
Tessa turned. Gil stood on her threshold, his fist raised as if he were about to knock.
“Everything okay in here?” The smoke detector shrieked. Gil came in and waved a hand towel in front of the alarm and pushed the button to silence it as she finished opening the windows.
“Never better,” Tessa grabbed the pan of burned pancakes and scraped them into the sink, keeping her head ducked and her back to Gil as she tried to regain her composure.
Gil must have known something was up because he muscled his way to the sink and took over scraping duty. “Go sit down and take a load off.”
“I can clean up my own mess.”
“I don’t doubt that. Sit.” Then he leaned into her and said, “When he goes to bed, I want you to tell me what’s bothering you.”
“It’s the pancakes.”
“Bullshit,” he mumbled, as if aware that little ears were listening.
She relented. For now. But as much as she needed someone to talk to, she didn’t want to taint the start of something new with Gil with the toxic fallout that had been her marriage to Bradley.
Instead of going to the table to sit, she boosted herself on the counter next to him. She handed him the hand towel to dry the pan with.
“Wanna have pancakes with us, Mr. Gil? We can make more batter, and we have a brand-new bottle of syrup. I can sit on the step stool since we don’t have three chairs.”
Gil glanced at her, then faced her son. “I’d love to, but…”
“You already ate?” Jack’s shoulders sank, and he looked like he’d shrunk a couple inches.
“No, but… I uh…” Gil shot Tessa a quick, help-me-out-here look. He acted like he wanted to stay, but he’d been trying really hard to respect her wishes and stay clear of Jack.
“He has barn chores tonight,” Tessa said.
“But, Mom, he has to eat. My teacher says that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but Billy says it’s dinner. I think all of them are important because if you skip them, then you’re hungry. And if you don’t eat and try to do chores then your stomach is grumbly-mumbly and mad, and all you can think about is food and, and, and I did my chores. I can help him with his. Mom, tell him he has to eat with us.”
Gil raised a brow at her, a light in his eyes as he tried to hold back his smile. “Yeah, Mom.” His voice was low, seductive. Sometimes he didn’t play fair. “Tell me.”
With the three of them living at the ranch, it didn’t look like keeping Gil away from Jack was going to be as effortless as she’d thought it would. Besides, after her crap day, she could use a distraction. “Will you please stay for dinner?”
“Only if you let me and Jack do the work.”
Tough bargain. Not. “Deal.”
While Gil whipped up some more batter, Jack set another place at the table. Tessa wasn’t sure what Gil had done to the recipe, but the pancakes came out extra fluffy and cooked to a perfect golden brown. By the time all the pancakes had been cooked, the burnt pancake smell had dissipated, and they closed the front door.
Jack slathered his food with butter and syrup and dug in. “Wow.” Jack tucked the bite into the pouch of his cheek. “Mom, from now on Mr. Gil gets to cook all the pancakes.”
Tessa laughed. “You little fink. My pancakes are—”
“Passable. That’s what Billy calls the food at camp. It means it looks like food but doesn’t taste too much like it.”
Gil swallowed a big swig of milk, and to Tessa said, “I really gotta meet this Billy kid someday.”
“You and me both.”
Conversation came to a halt as the three of them stuffed themselves.
“Hey, can Billy come over and play when we’re back in the house?”
“We’ll see if we can get you two together.” Tessa didn’t want to commit to a play date at the house. While she didn’t think Bradley was a danger to Jack or his friend, she wasn’t convinced she’d seen the last of Bradley’s minions, and she didn’t want to take a chance they might show up while Jack had company.
“Speaking of the house, did Boomer say when he’ll have your back door fixed?”
“A few days to a week maybe. That door was a non-standard size. The hardware store had to order one in.”
“In the meantime, you two get to bunk with the abundantly cheerful Mia Mann.”
Tessa took one last bite then pushed her plate away before she ate enough to max out her helo’s carrying capacity. “It’s okay. She mainly keeps to herself.”
“When it’s not a work night, can we get flashlights and follow her at night and see where she goes? I think she sleeps in a cave with the bears—”
Tessa nudged Jack with her foot under the table.
Gil pinned her with a look. “What’s he talking about?”
“Oops.” Jack ducked his head, forked another bite into his mouth, and wiped away the drip of syrup from his chin.
“Tessa?”
She gathered her and Gil’s plates and dropped them in the sink as she tried to figure out how to answer that question without lying to Gil’s face or betraying what little trust she’d built with her recalcitrant roomie.
“You can’t say anything, Mom. We promised. Billy says if you break a prom—”
“Jack, if you’re finished eating, I want you to go get your shower.”
“Awh, Mom. I’m supposed to help Mr. Gil with the chores.”
“I don’t really have all that much to do, Squirt. Maybe you can help me another time.”
After the day she’d had, Tessa needed a little peace and quiet. A short time to herself to figure out what the hell she was going to do with Bradley. She gave Jack a you-aren’t-going-to-win-this look.
“Okay, okay.” He put his plate in the sink and slunk off toward the bathroom.
Gil filled the sink with soapy water and started washing the plates. “You going to tell me what’s going on with Mia?”
Jack ran back out of the bathroom, grabbed his pajamas and ran back in. The lock on the bathroom door clicked.
Gil glanced behind him as if to make sure that Jack was really gone. Tessa opened her mouth to speak, when Gil said, “Hold that thought.”
He shook the bubbles from his hand and cupped her cheek, pressing a kiss to her lips. The tension in her shoulders eased, and all she wanted to do was sink into this man who somehow righted her world and calmed the chaos.
“I’ve wanted to do that all day.” Then the softness left his eyes, and he dropped his hand. “Now, about Mia.”
“It’s not really my place to say anything.”
Gil handed Tessa a plate to dry. “Then answer me this. Do you think her behavior is putting her at undue risk?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a therapist.”
“Neither am I. Do we need to talk to Jenna? What’s your gut say?”
Her gut.
She almost laughed out loud. Her gut had a losing track record, and these days, she wasn’t sure she could trust it. But she also didn’t want to break the confidence of a woman who didn’t seem to have a friend or even anyone batting on her team. “I think she’s okay. She’s unsettled. Angry, even, but I don’t think she’s a danger to herself if that’s what you’re asking.”
Gil handed Tessa the last plate, plus the knives and forks. “If anything changes, I want you to tell Jenna.”
“Okay, but I’ll probably run it by you first, I—”
The furrow that appeared on Gil’s brow had her swallowing the rest of her words. “What is it?”
“I came over here tonight because I’ve got something to tell you.”
While Gil didn’t have any ranch chores, he did have some things he needed to take care of before he turned in for the night. Like packing and feeding Tessa the same sorry excuse he’d concocted and told Jenna, about why he had to leave on such short notice.
He left before Jack got out of the shower with the promise to go back later that night. He and Tessa needed to talk without interruption or little ears listening. If that time also involved a little kissing and heavy petting, well, selfish bastard that he was, he wouldn’t say no.
The moon had risen high by the time Gil stepped back up onto Tessa’s porch later that night. He rapped softly on the door, not wanting to wake Jack. The wait wasn’t long before Tessa opened the door and stepped outside wearing a pair of old gray sweats tucked into her boots and a navy-blue hoodie that hid her slender curves.
But Gil didn’t have to use his imagination to know what she looked like under those baggy clothes. He’d had her in his arms, had her breasts pressed against his chest, had her athletic thighs across his hips.
Damn if he didn’t want her straddling him again.
The yellow glow of the porch’s bug light couldn’t conceal the red rimming her eyes and her splotchy complexion.
She’d been crying.
Awh, hell. Gil’s heart squeezed.
He held out his arms, and she walked into them. “Hey, hey, hey.”
There came the clomp of a boot on the steps behind him, and Mia said, “What’s wrong with her?” She had that tone people get when they’re afraid to get too close because they’ll catch something.
As if having emotions were a communicable disease.
Mia shouldn’t have worried. Gil figured she was immune.
Gil tucked Tessa tight against his chest, and to Mia said, “Can you give us a minute? Better yet, can you watch Jack for a bit? I think a little air would do her good.”
Tessa swiped at the moisture on her cheeks and tried to take a step back. Gil loosened his grip, but he didn’t let go completely. “I can’t ask her to do that,” Tessa said. “We can stay on the porch.”
Something shifted on Mia’s face. Maybe her scowl softened, or the permanent crease between her brows eased. Hard to tell. “Go. I’ve got the kid.”
“But this is when you…” Tessa made a vague motion with her hand that was lost on Gil, but Mia seemed to understand.
“Go,” Mia repeated. “Before I change my mind.”
Gil wasn’t going to give Tessa a chance to argue or Mia the opportunity to change her mind. With a hand at the small of Tessa’s back, he led her down the steps. Over his shoulder, he said, “Thanks, Snow.” Short for snowflake.
Mia made a noise between a grunt and a snarl, but he’d used the nickname a few times since their confrontation in the barn and she hadn’t decked him yet. She must not have hated it too much.
“Where’re we going?” Tessa said as she slipped her hand into his.
“Wherever you want.”
She didn’t choose a location, but the moon wasn’t very bright, so he led her up the dirt road toward the barn. This late at night, it should be deserted, but more than once he’d caught Sidney or Jenna up there at night over the past months. Seemed like the horses always made them feel better. Probably could do the same for Tessa.
A floodlight on the corner of the barn shined on one of the paddocks. Insects swirled and dived, like the bug version of a World War II dogfight.
He and Tessa leaned against the paddock rails and watched the horses graze, the rhythmic chomping as they munched on grass he found more soothing than those nature CDs with birds chirping or waves crashing.
Since she wasn’t talking, he decided he’d start the conversation. “You going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
One of the horses came over and sniffed Tessa’s hand looking for treats. “It’s my ex.” She rubbed the soft velvet at the end of the horse’s nose.
When she didn’t elaborate, he took her hand and turned her to him. What had the asshole done this time? It took every last gram of control that he had, not to let the anger seep into his voice. “Tell me.”
“Shit,” she said as she swiped at her cheeks. “You sounding all concerned and sincere got the waterworks started again.” She took a couple of deep, shaking breaths. The tears stopped, but her hand shook in his. “My ex filed for emergency custody of Jack. We’re supposed to be in court on Friday.”
“That’s the day after tomorrow. What the fuck?” The words came out too fast for Gil to moderate his tone.
Tessa laughed. Dark. Stormy. “That’s what I said.”
“On what grounds? You’re a terrific mother, what—”
“He said that I can’t provide a safe environment for Jack. With the break in—”
“That’s complete horse shit.” Gil stalked away a few steps, then came back. “He’s the one responsible for the break-in to begin with, right?”
“I can’t prove it.”
“You have a good lawyer?”
She nodded. “She says that my ex probably doesn’t have a chance. I’ve got a good job. A support system for Jack while I work. He’s well adjusted, and he does well in school.”
Probably. Gil caught that one word. That one word that stuck out from all the others, that one word that made his gut clench and his fist want to find a wall…or a jaw.
“I’m scared.” Her voice quivered, and she sniffed. “I’m so fucking scared. That’s my kid. He’s got no right. He’s the one who left. He’s the one that didn’t want any part of having a kid in the first place, and now he wants to fight me for full custody?
“Jack barely even knows him. They’ve had a handful of visits since he’s moved closer to us. If he cared at all about his son, he wouldn’t take him away from his home, from me.”
“I think it’s clear your ex only cares about himself.”
Tessa gripped the top rail of the paddock. The nails in the boards creaked under the strain. “He’ll never change. I used to think he was focused on his career because he wanted to be the best husband, the best provider because he loved me. But I know the real him now. The only thing that man loves more than money and power is himself.”
They heard hoof beats behind them, and out of the darkness, Eli, Sidney’s buckskin gelding, aka the Houdini of Horses, came trotting up from the direction of Sidney’s cabin. He jumped the fence as if it had been a log on the ground and joined the other horses in the paddock.
“Sidney must have gone to bed,” Tessa said. “I can’t believe Eli doesn’t run off. I guess some men stick around after all.”
“Hey, now.” While she scratched the withers of the horse grazing nearest them, Gil wrapped his arms around her from behind. “We’re not all assholes.”
Because what he had to say next was true and because she probably needed to hear it, he added, “Any man would be lucky to have you and Jack to call his own. A man like your ex doesn’t deserve a minute of your time. You are worthy. Don’t ever forget that.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up at him. “Someone like you?”
Yes… but no. She was worthy of so much more than him. “Don’t settle. Look around. There are plenty of better men than me out there.” He just hoped like hell she never found them.
She turned in his arms, and kissed her way up his neck, her teeth scraping against his bearded jaw. Her hair was damp from her shower, and he caught a hint of helo exhaust beneath the spring-clean scent of her shampoo.
He backed her against the railing as she kissed her way to his lips. His mouth opened to hers, his tongue inviting and enticing her in. But he didn’t want to take her up against the paddock.
He broke the kiss and held out his hand. “Come with me.”
She placed her hand in his and followed him into the barn without a word. He snagged a couple of the quilted horse blankets from the tack room and led her up the stairs to the hayloft. They could have gone back to his cabin, but the bunk bed was hardly big enough for him, much less the two of them.
However, the real reason he didn’t want to take her back to his cabin was that he was afraid if he did, she’d change her mind. He wasn’t too proud of that, but that didn’t stop him either.
Moonlight filtered in through the open hay lift door at the rear of the barn. Gil pulled the strings off a square bale, kicked the hay into a fluffy bed, and laid the blankets over the top.
Even though the night was chilly, between the heat that had gathered in the hayloft during the day, and the insulating powers of the hay, they were plenty warm as he stripped to his briefs and pulled her down beside him.
“As much as I’d always wanted to have sex in my helo,” Tessa said as he pushed up her sweatshirt and started kissing his way up from her delicate belly button to her delectable breasts. “This is definitely more comfortable.”
“Mmm.” He pushed her sweatshirt higher and discovered she hadn’t bothered putting on a bra. Sweet Jesus. He molded one with his hand, teasing the nipple to a peak with his thumb and taking it into his mouth to suck.
She arched beneath him, her hands going to his hair and fisting there. A little sound escaped the back of her throat, driving his blood south.
After stripping her sweatshirt off, he took her hand and held it against his arousal. “This is what you do to me.”
“I’m pretty sure if you had any woman’s naked breasts in your face, it would have the same effect on you.”
She was teasing, but for some reason, he couldn’t let what she’d said go. “Probably. But you’re the only woman who does that to me when she’s fully dressed, when she’s sitting at a table eating syrupy pancakes or stealing my coffee or straddling the stick in her cockpit.”
“You have…” Her words dropped off as he skimmed his hand down her abdomen, under the waistband of her sweats, and cupped her through the cotton of her panties. They were damp. He had a feeling it wasn’t because she hadn’t toweled off after her shower. “Y-You’ve got a kink for female pilots?”
“When they’re you I do.”
She kicked off her boots, and he stripped the sweatpants down her long legs, taking her panties with them. He kissed his way up her calves and settled between her thighs, loving the way her hands held tight to his head, encouraging. He didn’t make her wait, but he also didn’t rush. He traced lazy circles around her clit with his tongue.
She bucked up against him, her legs moved over his shoulders as he licked and teased until he drew soft moans from the back of her throat. The sexy, sweet taste of her and the sounds she made, drove him to the brink. He needed to find that condom. Quick.
He pulled away.
“Don’t stop.” The frustration in her voice brought a smile to his face.
He nipped at her inner thigh, then laid across it as he snagged the leg of his jeans and pulled them closer. “Patience, Sunshine.”
His wallet fell out of his back pocket, and he dug around for the condom he’d stowed there. He sheathed himself and rolled on top of Tessa again. He was careful to take his weight on his arms, though unlike some of the women he’d been with, Tessa’s height and athletic build made her substantial enough that he wasn’t afraid he’d crush her or break her.
He slid his arms under her shoulders and cupped the back of her head, pressing open mouth kisses at the base of her neck where her pulse throbbed, fast and erratic.
Reaching down, he adjusted himself at her entrance, but as much as he wanted to plunge deep inside her, he held back, touching his forehead to hers. She pressed her pelvis against his, trying to take him in, but he pulled away.
A strangled sound escaped the back of her throat. “You want me to beg, is that it? Because you’re killing me.”
“I don’t want you to beg, but I don’t intend to rush this either.”
She put her hands on his ass and drove him inside her. Warm, wet, welcoming. His brain seized, his thoughts scattered, and his heart tumbled in his chest. He found her hands and twined his fingers with hers above her head and met her slow, languorous strokes.
He stared down at her, amazed to have a woman like her in his life. She was tough, but sweet. Strong, yet yielding, and content to give but not afraid to take what she wanted.
He didn’t want to leave.
As much as he wanted to take down the bastard responsible for Lang and Rivera, for the first time in his life he wanted something more than justice or vengeance. What he wanted, was Tessa.
Which meant he also wanted Jack, because they were a package deal.
But wanting something didn’t mean he’d come close to getting it. His gaze locked on Tessa’s face. On the curve of her lip, on the way her dark lashes fanned across her cheek, the look of unadulterated ecstasy on her face as he drove her higher and higher.
Opening her eyes, she gazed back at him.
“There you are,” he said as he ducked his head for another kiss. He’d never get enough of her taste. Was it that awful that he didn’t want to leave?
Her eyes cleared, then narrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m making love to a beautiful woman. What could be wrong?”
The rhythm they’d been building slowed to a gentle, skin tingling stroke. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“I lie for a living. I’m actually pretty accomplished.”
“Is it what you came over to talk to me about earlier?”
He didn’t want to get into that right then, and not because they were making love, but because he didn’t want to lie to her while he was. “Yes. Can we talk about this later?”
She stilled beneath him. “No.”
Fuck. Gil almost laughed at his frustration. Not at stopping, but at himself, at how hard this lie was going to be to sell. He didn’t want to do this, but he had to. Even though Tessa had stopped moving, she felt too good. He continued the slow, slick, slide in and then out to the sensitive tip and back again.
She didn’t protest.
“It’s my grandmother, she—” He started to feed her the same crap line he’d told Jenna about how his grandmother had died and how he had to go to her funeral and take care of her estate. But the lies didn’t roll off his tongue the way they usually did. Probably because Tessa mattered. He didn’t know if that was good or bad. It just was.
“Oh, no.” Tessa freed her hands and cupped his face. “Is she okay?”
“No.”
“I’m so sor—”
He shook his head. “No. She’s fine. Well, she’s not fine, she died five years ago actually, but…” Don’t tell her. Deep undercover was just that. The more people who knew, the higher the chances were that that information would get out, putting his life in danger. But this was Tessa. This was different. She was different.
“I told Jenna my grandmother passed away, but that’s my cover story. Finn found a way to get me undercover with the organization we believe is behind the gun running. No one is supposed to know, but I didn’t want to lie to you or disappear without explanation. You won’t be able to reach me except through Spinks. I don’t want you thinking I wanted to leave, because that would be a damn lie.”
“Is it The Wolf?”
“Possibly. That’s what I’m trying to find out.”
She kissed him. Gentle and sweet. “Thanks for telling me the truth. I’ll keep your secret safe.”
Hugging him to her, she started to move beneath him. The pleasure, the tension, the heat building. He got to his knees, his hands on her hips as he drove into her, her breasts bouncing, her head thrashing, her eyes closed tight. Soft, little moans drifted to him, her breath hitching, matching his own.
He placed a hand on her mound, his thumb circling her nub as her breathing grew more and more labored. She stilled in his hands, her internal muscles squeezing, squeezing.
Her body shuddered. “Fuck me.”
He grinned down at her. “I’m doing my best, Sunshine.”
The base of his spine tingled, and his balls got tight. He dropped down on all fours, pounding into her as the sweat slicked their bodies. His rhythm became frantic, erratic, then with one last thrust, he emptied himself inside her.
Holding her close, he rolled to his back, taking her with him, enjoying the aftershocks that wracked her body, tightening her internal muscles around him. He ran his hands down her sides to the curve of her ass, loving the feel of her breasts squished against his chest. “You feel so good, you know that?”
She folded her arms across his chest and laid her chin on her hands. “I could say the same about you.”
He started going soft and as much as he wanted to lay there all night with their bodies joined, they couldn’t. “I’d better take care of the condom before things get messy.”
She grumbled her displeasure but rolled onto her side. Gil turned the other way, pulling the condom off. He held it up to the pale light. “Oh, shit.”
She came up behind him and threw an arm over his shoulder. “What is it?”
“The condom broke.”
He waited for her to get mad, to yell or holler or at least say something. She didn’t. She draped and arm over his shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of his spine.
He dropped the condom in the hay and kissed the palm of the hand. “Did you hear me?”
“I heard you.” Her voice barely carried as she moved away from him.
She laid on her back, a knee raised, covering her face with her hands. Gil stretched out beside her, propping his weight on one elbow. The breeze through the open loft window cooled his skin and raised goosebumps on hers. Moonlight filtered in, making her skin glow.
Their breathing slowed, and he skimmed his hand over the flat of her stomach, wondering what it would be like to feel her belly round with his child. Feel their baby kick and squirm. She covered his hand with hers and stared at the ceiling.
His place a light kiss on the ball of her shoulder. “I guess it’s a little late asking you if you’re on birth control.”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry.” It wasn’t his fault the condom broke, but still. “Not about making love to you, but the condom…”
“You don’t have to apologize. Condoms break. We’re both adults here. We knew the risks.”
“I’m clean if that helps any. The hospital did a full screen a few months ago when I was shot. I haven’t been with anyone since.”
She rolled on her side, resting her head on her upturned hand. “Besides a screening when I enlisted, I haven’t been tested. My ex was my first and the few guys I’d been with since we’d always had protected sex. I could get tested if—”
“Let’s not worry about that right now, okay?” He gathered up her clothes and handed them to her.
They both dressed in silence, a pall cast over the evening. They cleaned up the hayloft as best they could, returned the horse blankets to their proper place, and walked back to their cabins, their fingers loosely locked together.
The door to Tessa’s cabin opened before they made it to the porch as if Mia had been standing at the window waiting for them.
Mia stepped out, a pack strapped to her back. “Took you two long enough.” She glanced from Tessa to Gil and back again. “Who died?”
“What?” Tessa said. “No one died.”
“Coulda fooled me.” Mia shouldered on past them and disappeared into the darkness, the slap and scrape of her footfalls fading away.
“Would it be awful having a kid with a guy like me?” He was kidding. Mostly.
“No. It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’m a pilot. I make my money flying. If I’m pregnant, I’m no good to the task force if I’m grounded.”
“I’ve got some money saved and—”
She pressed a finger to his lips, shutting him up. “I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We don’t have to solve this tonight, and with luck, there won’t be anything to solve.”
With luck? The words prickled though he knew she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. But this wasn’t about him, he understood that.
“When I go undercover, you won’t be able to contact me whenever you want. I understand that this could have a more profound impact on your life in the short term than mine. While I’m gone, I want you to know, that if you have to make any decisions, I know you will make the right one.”
“This isn’t up to me. I’m not the only one my decision would affect.”
“I get that. But I’m leaving it up to you to make the best choice for you. Promise me you’ll do that.”
“You need to go undercover and do what you need to do to catch these guys. Then we can make our decisions together.”
He wrapped her in his arms and nuzzled crook of her neck, taking in her scent. “I’ll do the best I can.”