(Day 7, Friday: At sea)
Diane held her breath, not certain what to expect. She knew Charles was blessed with a keen sense of the ridiculous. But where she was concerned, the man tended to have a one-track mind.
Charles found himself rumbling with laughter. After days of being exposed to Diane’s natural grace and beauty, he knew he was weakening. Despite his better judgment, he yearned to talk to her, spend time with her.
“Let’s dance,” he said gruffly, as if he had to get the words past a constriction in his throat. Taking her hand, he led her onto the dance floor.
Every night of this blasted trip he had lain awake wanting what his mind told him he couldn’t have, what his heart and body told him was necessary for his continued survival. Hell! He was the only one suffering. He was tired... tired of trying to convince himself that she didn’t matter to him. For well over a year he’d denied the truth. Charles still cared about Diane. In fact, he’d never stopped wanting her. Despite heartache, hurt feelings, and injury to his pride, his feelings for her hadn’t diminished.
For once, he’d allowed himself to focus on nothing more than how badly he needed to hold her. Lucky for him, the band was playing a slow, dreamy tune, for he couldn’t seem to breathe until her soft, sweet curves were pressed close against his long, hungry length.
Charles suppressed a groan. He was aroused. It had begun the instant her soft hand had brushed his. The strength of his desire pounded with the thunderous force of an African drum in the quiet of a star-filled night... relentless. He ached to make her his.
This once, he didn’t bother with examining his motives. There would be plenty of time for that later, when he was alone. Now, he would savor the sweetness of holding her close to his heart.
They danced several slow songs without speaking. Eventually, as the tempo in the music picked up speed, Charles asked, “Would you like to catch your breath?” even though the last thing he wanted to do was release her.
“I’m fine.” Her warm breath bathed the base of his throat. “How are you? The pain all gone?” She was afraid of disturbing the frail truce they’d managed, but she had to know.
“It was Heather,” Charles chuckled. “You two have been discussing me, haven’t you?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he asked, “Tell me, did you two plan this little rendezvous?”
“You don’t understand...”
“By all means, explain,” he said, as he guided her with rhythmic ease.
Diane looked up at him. But she was unable to tell if his eyes were gleaming from anger or humor. Sighing, she rested her cheek against his wide chest. “I’m sorry you were injured, Charles, but...”
“But what, Diane?”
“Why did you refuse to see me? Everyone at Lawrence was welcome to visit you while you were in the hospital. Everyone except me!”
“You know why,” he said harshly, refusing to be swayed by the hurt evident in her voice. Hell! He was already weakening. He unconsciously tightened his arms around her small waist. Her soft breasts were pillowed on his chest.
Unable to conceal her emotions, she whispered, “I care about you.”
They stopped moving. At first, Diane thought it was because of what she’d said, but then she realized the music had stopped.
Charles didn’t let go. His hands remained at the base of her spine, just above the flare of her shapely behind, as he stared down at her without saying anything. When the band started again, with an old Four Tops tune, he moved with her in time to the music.
“Charles?”
“I heard you.”
Trying to deal with her disappointment and apprehension, she reminded herself of the need for caution. “So, old friend, how are you?”
“Much better.”
“I was so worried when I heard about the accident. You could have been killed.”
Charles was warmed by her concern. “It’s taken me a while, but I’m back on my feet. This little vacation should do the trick. Are you enjoying the trip?”
“Oh, yes. This is my first cruise.”
“Any seasickness?”
“None, thank heavens. Chucky,” she paused, “... won’t you tell me how it happened? The crash, I mean.”
He shivered, realizing how much he enjoyed her calling him by his childhood name and savored the soft, silky intonation of her voice. He imagined her moaning his name as he licked her full breasts then slowly laved each hard nipple in turn. The thought sent a shot of white-hot heat straight into his groin. He was forced to swallow a groan.
As close as they were, there was no way Diane could fail to note the prominent ridge of hard male flesh pressed against her. She was flattered. He felt something for her. It certainly wasn’t love, but at least she knew that he still found her attractive, even desirable. His arousal served to heighten her own awareness of him.
“The incident is over, and as far as I’m concerned, best forgotten.”
“But Chuck...”
“I prefer Charles,” he lied.
Although disheartened, she forced a smile and tried for a light tone. “So, do you miss the classroom, Mr. Vice President of Randol Pharmaceutical?”
Charles chuckled. “I miss Lawrence. I don’t miss teaching. I’ve been coaching during the week at one of the community centers.”
“Can’t give it up, huh? Must be in the blood.”
“Must be,” he smiled. He couldn’t hold back the enthusiasm he felt for the project. “My frat brothers have decided to take an active role in our black community, not merely by financing projects, but by developing and participating in a mentoring program with African-American teenage boys.”
“That’s fabulous. And knowing you, I’m sure you’ve had a hand in every aspect of the program.”
Charles grinned. “We’ve been able to reach some boys with heavy-duty problems. Our efforts are working, and that’s all the thanks I need.”
“Congratulations,” Diane smiled. “That many nights doesn’t give you a lot of time for a social life.” When he didn’t respond, she said, “In a minute, you’re going to tell me you decided to embrace celibacy for nearly two years.” She tried to sound as if she were teasing, but she was serious. She wasn’t stupid. She needed to know if he was involved with another woman. After all, Heather could be wrong.
“Why the sudden interest in my love life?” He held his breath, waiting expectantly.
“Why not? We’re not exactly strangers, are we?”
Charles wasn’t about to let her know that for almost three years he’d been without a woman. He’d done without because he couldn’t have the woman he wanted... he couldn’t have Diane. Even he hadn’t realized just how possessive or particular he’d become until he’d acknowledged his feelings for her.
He had fallen head over heels in love with the woman. It had happened so quickly, so unexpectedly, that he hadn’t been prepared for it. For too damn many years he’d accepted her sweet smiles and friendly companionship as a pitiful substitute for the fierce love and passion he craved. He was no wimp, but in order to be close to her, he’d been willing to swallow his pride and pretend. He’d pretended until he’d felt as if he were being eaten alive with jealousy and sexual desire for her.
While she enjoyed his friendship, she went to bed with other men. It wasn’t until he’d bowed out of their so-called friendship that he was able to regain his self-respect. She had put him through hell. He vowed that never again would he permit a woman to emasculate him the way he’d allowed Diane to.
Yet here he was again, hanging on her every word, while painfully aroused from the simplicity of holding her. No, damn it! Not this time.
He hissed, close to her ear so they wouldn’t be overheard, “I don’t believe I asked you who you are sleeping with, lady?”
She whispered back, “It’s an easy enough question to answer. I’m not dating anyone, and I’m not sleeping with anyone, either.”
Charles couldn’t believe his reaction to that simple statement. Despite the pain she had caused him, despite the resentment and anger that wouldn’t let go of his vitals, he couldn’t escape the fact that he ached for her.
Devastated by his silence, she swallowed down the tears rising in her throat. “Okay, Charles. You win.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I won’t bother you again.”
“Did I say you were bothering me? Let’s just dance, okay?”
As one slow song moved into the next and the next, Diane relaxed and concentrated on nothing more than enjoying the moment. As his hard-muscled thigh slid between hers, Diane bit back a moan. She couldn’t hide the tremor in her limbs or the sensitive tips of her breasts.
Diane caught herself just in time, an instant before she rubbed her hard nipples against his chest and pressed her feminine mound against his blatant masculinity. What was wrong with her? She was a heartbeat away from throwing herself at the man’s feet. She must be losing her mind!
Diane felt like shouting her relief when the bandleader announced they were taking a break and Charles stepped away. She could breathe again.
“Let’s get some air. It’s too warm in here.”
Charles nodded, following her without comment.
The trade winds were wonderfully refreshing. The sky was deep and rich as sapphire. There was not a cloud in sight. Charles and Diane walked around the deck until they found a relatively isolated spot. Pausing at the rail, they stood staring out into the distant horizon.
Diane inhaled deeply, savoring the sound and smell of the sea.
“Feeling better?” he asked, his voice deep and husky. The breeze wasn’t doing a thing to cool his overheated system.
“Mmmm.” She tried to smile, but couldn’t quite manage it. “The sunsets have been breathtaking. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t tell her how often he thought of her then, and yearned to share the experience with her.
Her heart fluttered, but she had to know. She just had to. “Why tonight, Charles? Why did you ask me to dance?”
“I thought it was obvious,” he snapped, impatient with his raging hormones and his vulnerability to this exceptionally beautiful woman. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Let’s walk.”
They’d nearly circled the deck in silence when she said, “I’d really like to know why.”
“There are some things a man can’t hide. You felt my erection on the dance floor. I want you. But that’s nothing new. I’ve always wanted you,” he said harshly, his voice edged with bitterness.
Diane was grateful for the darkness. He couldn’t see her blush. She hadn’t expected him to be quite so blunt. “Oh, really? You’ve been avoiding me for days... no, since you left Lawrence.”
“I’m flattered you even noticed my absence. For a sexy woman like you, there’s no shortage of available men, not even on this floating hotel.”
She stopped suddenly. “Don’t! Don’t do this to me!”
“Do what?”
“Bring other men into this conversation. This is about you and me.”
“There never was a ‘you and me,’ Diane. That’s the problem. You wanted my friendship. I wanted a lover... a relationship.”
“I want that, too,” she said, with a tremor in her voice.
“Like hell! All you want is a boy toy, someone who will play the game your way. Well, I’m no boy, and I’m certainly nobody’s toy. You know nothing about love or commitment, lady.”
“That’s not true!”
“Oh?”
“Yes! I’m not like that. I’ve changed.”
“Oh, yeah? You expect me to believe that? I’ve got eyes. Men follow your sweet behind like bears searching for honey.” Charles’s nostrils flared with temper. He wasn’t about to let her twist him into knots again.
Diane hid her trembling hands behind her back as she faced him with her shoulders square and her chin lifted. She forced herself to meet his challenging black eyes. “I’m not responsible for other people’s behavior. But I’m taking responsibility for my own.” She swallowed quickly. “I’ve made mistakes. Yes, I’ve avoided emotional involvement in the past. We both know that. I’m not trying to pretend it didn’t happen. But I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”
“Enough to be my woman?” Charles stared down at her with his heart racing like a galloping bronco as he waited for her response. He didn’t even try to feign indifference.
Diane answered with her heart in her soft brown eyes. “Yes.”
“I’m not interested in sharing,” he shot back.
“Neither am I.”
Charles wasn’t quite ready to believe what he was hearing. He’d waited too long for those gut-wrenching words. It would hurt too much if she changed her mind later. No! He wasn’t going to try to predict the future. He had to deal with the here-and-now. She’d make her choice. The ball was in his court.
Diane lifted a trembling hand to caress his high sculpted cheek. A tender gesture. “Please... give me a chance to show you that I’ve changed.”
He flinched at the action and she moved to withdraw her hand. “No...” he said in a hoarse whisper. His hand captured her slender fingers and held them against his face. “Don’t pull away.”
Never before had he allowed the tenderness, the warmth of his feelings for her to surface. He’d kept them hidden, locked inside. This once, he turned his face until he could press his mouth into the warm center of her soft palm. He tasted her with full masculine lips, then with the hot flick of his tongue. Charles groaned deep in his throat as his defenses crumbled.
His voice was vibrant with emotion when he said, “Let’s get out of here before I do something really asinine.”
Diane nodded, her senses alive with a sizzling desire unlike anything she’d ever experienced. “Where... ?”
“You’ll see,” he said thickly, threading his fingers through hers.
Charles didn’t let go of her hand until they’d reached his stateroom. Nor did he speak. By this time, Diane was trembling with fear of the unknown. It was just as well he didn’t give her an opportunity to absorb the beauty and opulence of his suite. She didn’t even hear the door swing shut behind them before she was pulled against him. He’d flung his jacket into an armchair and crushed her against his silk-covered chest. There was no time to prepare herself for the firm warmth of his mouth as his full masculine lips covered hers.
He explored the succulent sweetness of her lush mouth, relearning the texture, the shape, and the utter softness of her lips. Her soft moans of pleasure heightened his enjoyment. Charles found he had to taste Diane... taste her as he had been yearning to do for so damn long.
His tongue was like damp, soft velvet as he followed the generous curves of her mouth. He reacquainted himself with her soft upper lip before licking her fleshy bottom lip. His stroking tongue thoroughly investigated the enticing seam between her lips. Her soft, husky moans sent him over the edge. He slipped inside, finding the sweetness he craved. Oh, she was as ripe and sugary sweet as dew-kissed strawberries.
Diane gasped, melting against Charles, unable to contain the pleasure he gave her. She’d never felt like this before. Their kisses in the past had always been brief exchanges ... never with such white-hot need.
Charles suckled her bottom lip, gently worrying it with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue, then repeating the process on her top lip. Oh, yes! She was sweet... so sweet. Unable to contain himself, he plunged his tongue deep inside her mouth, over and over again, while imagining what he wanted so desperately to do with his shaft in her tight, wet sheath. Diane almost fainted when he gave her the fullness of his tongue, rubbing it against hers. She clung to him, overwhelmed by the primitive fire he kindled within her. Charles was the first to pull back, allowing them both the liberty of breath.
He said her name, sexual tension evident in the dark tone of his voice. His nostrils flared as they filled with her scent. He was swollen, aching for still more of her sweetness... more of her incredible heat. She felt so soft and pliable in his arms... so right. He’d nearly lost control when she’d rubbed her breasts against his chest.
Dizzy with longing, Diane was forced to lean against him for support. Her long, dark lashes slowly lifted, offering him the beautiful depths of her large topaz eyes. Her eyes were as faceted and mysterious as the brown stone they resembled. But there was no hardness, only her magical warmth. She was the most desirable, responsive woman he’d ever known. He wanted her so badly his jaw ached from clenching his teeth.
“Should I apologize?”
She shook her head, momentarily lost for words.
He caressed her beautiful creamy tan face, trailing a lean dark finger down her cheek to her small chin. “I love the taste of your mouth, Diane. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to taste every last inch of your beautiful body... tonight. I want you, baby. But what we both need is time.”
She surprised them both when she said, “I want you, too.”
“Don’t tempt me,” he whispered. “We need to really talk.”
“No...” Diane brushed her lips against his, which would have been impossible if he had not dropped his head, thus allowing her access to his mouth. “When we talk, we fight. I don’t want to argue. Honey...” she said nervously. “... If we just made love.”
Charles shivered with anticipation. But he refused to let his engorged flesh do his thinking for him. There was just too much he didn’t understand. With his hands balled at his sides so he couldn’t touch her, he stepped back, purposefully putting more space between them.
“Why the change in attitude? There was a time when you wanted no part of me except as your buddy. In fact, you said...”
“I know what I said,” she whispered defensively. She closed her eyes briefly, calming herself. It seemed that if she wanted her dreams to come true, she had to take yet another risk. In a soft whisper, she said, “I was afraid. You wanted so much from me. Don’t you see... ?” she stopped suddenly.
Charles frowned, waiting for clarification.
Diane moved closer to him and thus robbed him of coherent thought. Her breasts nearly touched him. He could see the outline of her nipples against the soft fabric of her bodice. Unable to look away, he couldn’t help wondering about the hue of her nipples. Were they a deep, rich ebony, or lush chocolate brown, or the dark hue of ripe raspberries? He ached to see every inch of her. He knew he wouldn’t be satisfied until he knew all her sweet secrets.
Charles placed a wide palm against the small of her back sending her off-balance and into his body. With her softness crushed against him, he groaned an instant before he took her mouth. He ravished its sweetness the way he wanted to bury his erection deep inside her heat.
“Yes... oh, yes,” he whispered, as he felt her trembling response. He intended to make her wet, dewy with hunger for him... only him. He forgot about questioning her motives ... he forgot everything but the sizzling intensity of his own desire for Diane.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she managed between his hard, sweet kisses.
“Diane...” he said huskily, his mouth devouring hers. It wasn’t enough. He needed more... more of her. His lips slid down her throat. Her skin was as soft and smooth as satin, he thought, as he tongued the hollow at the base of her neck. He cupped her wondrously lush breasts, stroking the nipples with his thumbs.
“Charles!”
He stopped as he realized she was trembling like a leaf in a whirlwind. It took only an instant to recognize the rapid change within her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she whispered, unable to explain.
Sexual frustration and doubts from the past caused him to gruffly demand, “You’re pushing me away again. Am I wrong? Didn’t you agree to become my woman—my lover?”
“Yes. But...” she bit her lip thoughtfully. “It’s happening so fast. Give me a moment to get used to the change.”
He scowled but said nothing as he walked past the small sitting area, which consisted of a sofa and armchair, to the floor-to-ceiling patio door that led out onto a tiny private veranda. But his mind was not on the beauty of the sea. He stared down into the churning water, hoping time and space would calm his raging desire for Diane.
She stood watching him, terrified by the possibility that she’d really angered him this time. She waited with a heavy heart. It was all her fault. She was a coward. Once again she had let her fear control her.
After several long agonizing moments, he said, “You’re right. It’s happening too fast.” Slowly he turned to look back at her.
“I should say goodnight,” she whispered unhappily. Better to leave before he threw her out for leading him on. She didn’t dare meet the smoldering passion in his eyes.
Charles sighed heavily. “I’ll walk you to your cabin.”
“I’ll be fine on my own.”
“My aunt would be horrified if I didn’t,” he said, with a sudden cocky smile. “Won’t take a moment.”
The smile reminded her of the dear friend that she’d cherished and trusted. He didn’t breathe easy until he’d escorted her through the door and into the hallway. They were silent until they reached Diane’s cabin on a lower level. At her door, Charles leaned forward to briefly brush her mouth with his.
“Breakfast at eight, followed by a fun-filled day in Port of Spain?”
She smiled radiantly. “I look forward to it. Charles, I’m sorry about...”
“No need to apologize. We’ll take this one day at a time, okay? See you at eight. Sleep well.”
Diane was still smiling when she let herself inside. She couldn’t seem to stop. Happiness bubbled with a wonderful effervescence inside of her. He wasn’t angry! He was even willing to give her time to adjust to their new relationship.
She was still humming to herself when she came out of the shower and prepared for bed. It was only as she lay in the darkness that the old, painfully familiar doubts emerged.
She’d been so proud of herself when she’d gone to his stateroom. She’d wanted to be alone with him as much as he’d wanted it. She’d even allowed him to touch her and caress her. It wasn’t until he’d seemed close to losing control that her anxiety had surfaced.
But miraculously, he hadn’t held it against her. Perhaps he’d found nothing unusual in her behavior? Oh, she hoped so! Things hadn’t ended badly. She’d been silly to panic, she’d forgotten she was with Charles.
She’d spent her entire life building up walls around herself. She hadn’t allowed anyone to get so close... not Heather, who she loved and trusted like a sister... and never a man.
Charles was different from other men. He was her friend. He really cared about her. It didn’t matter to him how she looked on the outside. Charles was the only man she’d ever been close to, the only man she truly felt safe with.
Yet Charles was one-hundred-percent male. And that male part of him wanted to know the female part of her. When the time came for total intimacy, would she be able to let him make love to her? She wasn’t sure! What if she couldn’t? What then? Would she lose him forever?
Diane’s eyes filled. No... no... she mustn’t lose him. She told herself she would do whatever it took to keep him. Anything!
When he’d first given her the ultimatum, she’d lost it. She’d been so terrified. He’d always been so generous to her, sharing so much of himself. He wasn’t afraid to show his gentle side, his tenderness. Not for a minute did she suspect he’d be cruel enough to walk out of her life. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. He didn’t understand that she hadn’t rejected him. How could she when he meant so much to her?
Yet it wasn’t until after their separation that Diane had recognized the sheer depth of her feelings for him. She loved him with all her heart. With him she didn’t have to worry about her physical beauty. He cared about the woman she was on the inside. With him she could be herself. He was a man who could be trusted. A man she could depend on.
Their estrangement had been the loneliest time of her life. She’d missed him desperately His disappearance from her world had been devastating.
There were things about her that Heather and Charles could never know... horrible things. They were both from middle-class homes and had grown up comfortably, securely surrounded by loving families. They had no comprehension of the hell she had survived. And as much as she loved them both, she knew she could never share the ugly, hateful parts of her past with either of them.
If only she weren’t so deeply in love with Charles. She shivered with terror at the thought of his disappointment and disillusionment if he ever knew her secrets. Her whole life was a lie. But that was her choice. It had nothing to do with Charles or what she felt for him. Nothing!
She had to be strong. She could give him what he wanted. Those first few moments in his arms weren’t frightening at all. They’d been wonderful. His kisses were electric. They exceeded her wildest imagination.
For the first time in her life, she felt beautiful... adored by one special man... her man. Diane placed a hand over her heart, acknowledging the pleasure she’d found in his embrace. Her body had felt so soft and pliable in his arms. Her breasts had felt so heavy, her nipples had ached for his touch. She had wanted to feel his hands on her body... his mouth...
Yes, she had wanted that. She’d been so moist in her womanly center that she’d found herself craving the hard pressure of his thigh between her legs. She had just managed to stop herself from rubbing herself against his thigh. Although she yearned to love and be loved completely as a woman, she was still unsure of herself.
It had been her experience that only women like Heather found that special kind of deep happiness with a man. Not women like her or her mother.
No! She wasn’t like her mother. She might look like her, might even attract men like her. That was where the similarity ended. She couldn’t be like Lillie! Never... like her!