1. A player is rolling around on the ice while clutching his head after a borderline penalty. Which of the following would make you suspect a dive?
A) The offending player immediately puts both hands in the air, which is always a sure sign of innocence.
B) The player reacts to the “head injury” in a way that no other player ever does, such as actually going to the NHL-mandated quiet room.
C) The team's media guide mentions that the player's off-season training partners are Peter Forsberg, Sean Avery, and Marcel Marceau.
D) The borderline penalty he was reacting to was a delay of game call for shooting the puck over the glass.
2. A high stick appears to make contact with a player's face. After he recovers from the initial contact, you can see that the player is:
A) Visibly shaken by the impact.
B) Wiping away what appears to be blood.
C) Wiping away what appears to be blood, while holding a handful of empty ketchup packets.
D) Nonchalantly performing his own root canal on the bench in between shifts (Martin St. Louis only).
3. A nearby microphone has picked up the audio of the play, and on the replay you can clearly hear:
A) The sound of a devastating impact that could not have been faked.
B) The crowd murmuring in confusion over whether they'd witnessed a dive.
C) The player's teammate banging a clapperboard while yelling, “And, action!”
D) The player yelling, “NOOO!” as he dramatically falls to the ice in slow motion, which is odd since the replay was at regular speed.
4. A player has been called for diving, but you suspect he may actually be innocent because:
A) The replay seems to show legitimate contact right before he went down.
B) He just told the referee that he didn't dive, and hockey players never lie about that sort of stuff.
C) You're not sure how he would have gotten the ambulance driver and all the EMTs to play along like that.
D) He's one of those weird guys who insists on playing the game as if he has actual dignity and self-respect.
5. After a big hit on the ice, Daniel Carcillo immediately grabs his face and begins flailing around on the ground. This makes you suspicious, because:
A) The incident did not seem significant enough to warrant that much of a reaction.
B) Carcillo has a reputation for occasionally embellishing in an attempt to draw calls.
C) The other player immediately protested that he had barely touched him.
D) Carcillo's team isn't playing in that game, he's currently watching the game next to you in a bar 500 miles away, and he just dusted himself off and explained, “Sorry, force of habit.”
6. When all else fails, the easiest way to tell that a player is about to dive is by:
A) His attempt to make eye contact with the referee first.
B) His use of his hands to brace himself for a fall.
C) His old mattress that he dragged out onto the ice for a softer landing.
D) His Canucks jersey.
You've completed the quiz! To determine whether the play in question was a dive, simply tally up all the answers from your quiz. Figure out which letter you chose most often, and then consult the scoring chart to find out…Oh, you know what, forget it. Just use this much simpler version, like every other hockey fan already does: