In sports, records are made to be broken. Or at least that's how it's supposed to work. But every now and then, somebody sets a record that seems untouchable. It's hard to imagine anyone ever beating Wayne Gretzky's 2,857 career points, or Teemu Selanne's 76 goals as a rookie. Glenn Hall's 502 consecutive starts as a goalie? Forget it.
And then there's Doug Jarvis. An excellent two-way forward in the seventies and eighties, Jarvis set the all-time NHL ironman record of 964 straight games. Steve Larmer looked like he may challenge the record for a time, but in the two decades since then no NHL player has managed to get close.
Will anyone ever again challenge Jarvis's mark? Maybe not. But if you're an NHL player hoping to start your own ironman streak, here are some common-sense tips that could help you get started on the road to the record book:
DO: Stay healthy by avoiding collisions that would increase your risk of suffering an injury.
DO NOT: Worry about collisions that carry absolutely no physical risk, such as running Ryan Miller in front of the entire Sabres roster.
DO: Feel confident that the NHL's recent changes to Rule 48 will drastically reduce the risk that you will suffer a serious head injury.
DO NOT: Attempt to actually understand how the league applies Rule 48, as this will cause a serious head injury.
DO: Follow the example of current league ironman Jay Bouwmeester by focusing all of your energy on training and conditioning that will allow you to continue your streak.
DO NOT: Allow yourself to become sidetracked by frivolous distractions, such as playing in the occasional post-season game.
DO: Follow league guidelines by taking and passing a comprehensive concussion screening test after suffering a hit to the head.
DO NOT: Feel pressured to take the test before you're ready; feel free to play in a few more games first, like everyone else does.
DO: Be aware of which opponents are out on the ice against you at all times.
DO NOT: Forget to casually brush the ice shavings from your uniform after uncurling from the fetal position once the referee assures you that, yes, Dion Phaneuf has finished his shift.
DO: Publicly commit yourself to following a strict diet of nutritious foods.
DO NOT: Let Gary Roberts overhear you saying that, since he'll make you actually do it.
DO: Reward yourself for all your hard work and dedication by taking advantage of some relaxation time at home, perhaps by surfing the internet or stretching out in front of the television.
DO NOT: Be surprised when the installation tech from the phone or cable company blindsides you in the side of the knee with a crescent wrench while muttering, “Go Leafs go.”
DO: Hit the gym often to make sure you're in peak physical condition.
DO NOT: Bother working out any body parts other than upper body and lower body, since those are the only ones that anyone ever injures.
DO: Make sure you always wear the best and most modern equipment possible to protect important body parts like your elbows, shoulders, ankles, and shins.
DO NOT: Worry about also wearing something to protect your eyes, because hey, no point going overboard, right?