Ronnie eased the boat back into the dock and tied it up.
“You mean that?”
“I want to kill him so badly. What he did to my mother, my family, I won’t let that go unpunished. I want Arkov dead, too. I want to do it myself.” Her eyes met his. “So will you teach me to do that? To kill them?”
“Have you ever killed anyone, Carla?”
“No, of course not.”
“To kill someone, up close, to feel their last breath on your face, and hear the life going out of them, that’s maybe the most heart-wrenching experience you can ever have, if you’re in any way half human.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if the man or woman you kill is an evil serial killer or a brutal terrorist. If you have a shred of humanity, even killing someone like Shavik can take a huge bite out of your soul.”
“I’m not worried about that. My killing would be just. I’m not a soldier obeying orders. A man like you could train me to kill. Will you do that?”
“I’m not a gun for hire. You’ve come to the wrong man.”
“Why?”
“Because asking me to help you to kill another human being is asking too much. I’ve put those days behind me. I’m done with killing and I’ve paid the price.”
“What price?”
“Believe me, there’s always a price. You need to really think this through. What if you’re caught trying to kill these men, or after doing it? You could face life in prison.”
She didn’t answer. He looked at her.
“If I helped you, I could wind up joining you behind bars as an accessory. Even if the men you kill are the scum of the earth it’s still murder.”
“You don’t get it, Ronnie.”
“I get it. I understand your need to confront these killers. But there will always be evil people who don’t deserve to walk this earth. You need to step back. Think hard about what you’re getting into.”
“I won’t change my mind. And I really don’t think you do get it, Ronnie.”
“Why?”
She met his stare. “When Jan was killed, I felt as if someone punched a hole in my heart. Then I found out about my past, and the hole got bigger. Now, with Luka, I feel like whatever remained of my heart was ripped out. That I’ll never be able to heal, not ever.”
He stayed silent. The silence seemed endless.
She seemed to lose it then, and exploded, pounding the boat’s handrail with her fist. “Don’t you see? I can’t let the same killers who destroyed Jan and my family get away with their crimes. I can’t let them. Shavik and his kind, they shouldn’t be free to walk this earth. They’re worse than animals.”
“It’s still revenge, Carla. It’s killing someone to settle scores.”
“So what if it is? But it’s not just that. It goes deeper.”
“How deep?”
“I don’t want a child of mine to grow up to have their lives destroyed by people like Shavik and Arkov.”
She looked into his face.
“I wouldn’t want anyone’s child to know the fear and terror I went through, Ronnie. So long as men like these are allowed to walk this earth, they’re capable of doing to others what they did to me.”
From her bag, she took the piece of blue blanket and clutched it fiercely in her hand.
“Look—look at what I have left of my brother. A small, frail, beautiful little boy, and this is what I have left to remind me of him. What if they were your son’s bones that lay in that closet? How would you feel then?”
He fell silent again. She stared at him.
“I hate pleading but I don’t have time to find someone else. All I’m asking is a week—a week of your time. Could it be done in a week?”
“It’s not long enough. You’d just about cover the basics.”
“Any more time and I’d be taking the risk of Shavik and Arkov fleeing the country.”
“How do you know?”
“Angel tipped me off. She warned me I may not have much of a window, and I have a gut feeling she’s right.” Her face darkened. “Just looking at you I know what you’re thinking, Ronnie.”
“What?”
“That you’re all Josh has. That if something went horribly wrong and we were caught or were implicated, you’d destroy Josh’s life. Destroy both your lives.”
“I love him, Carla. I can’t let him down. I did once before and I promised my boy I’d never do it again.”
“I understand. I wouldn’t ask you unless I was desperate.”
She looked into his face.
“I’d never tell on you, Ronnie. Never. I’d never tell anyone you helped me. I’m not asking you to kill for me. Just show me how to do it.”
“I’d still be involved. I’d still be putting my life on the line. Josh’s, too.”
“So you won’t do it?”
“I can’t, Carla.”
His lips pressed together and then he looked out over the lake.
Carla stumbled off the boat. “It’s okay. Let me out here, please.”
“Carla . . .”
“Let me out.”
And she jumped onto the dock, hurrying along the boardwalk toward her car.