Chapter 22

Ten Common Cooking Disasters and How to Deal with Them

In This Chapter

Preventing and putting out fires

Preventing and treating burns and cuts

Rescuing a recipe from ruin

Stretching a meal to feed more people

Saving your kitchen counter

No matter how careful you are and how experienced a home cook you are, you’re bound to encounter the occasional kitchen disaster. It happens to the best of us! Whether your stovetop is aflame or you just burned that special birthday cake, we feel your pain. And so do you if your disaster involves a scalding, a cut, a scrape, or a hot apple pie dropped on your foot!

That’s why we devote this chapter to ten common cooking disasters, and what you can do to a) deal with the disaster, and fast; and b) prevent it from happening again (or preferably, prevent it from happening in the first place!).

You Started a Fire

Why oh why did you put the roll of paper towels on the stovetop? Why did you forget to watch the pot? Why did you put that gold-rimmed bowl in the microwave? Why oh why didn’t you spring for the whistling teapot!

When you have a flare-up in the kitchen, you need to act fast to keep the fire from getting out of control. But how you act depends on what kind of fire you have and where it is. Most small fires don’t require a call to the fire department, let alone a fire extinguisher, but just in case, always have an ABC-certified fire extinguisher handy! These fire extinguishers can put out fires caused by electrical appliances as well as grease fires.

If you do have a kitchen fire, don’t panic. Instead, memorize these instructions for putting out kitchen fires:

If you have a fire in the oven, shut the door and turn off the oven. The lack of oxygen will douse the flames. If your oven continues to smoke as if a fire is still going on in there, call the fire department.

If you have a fire in a cooking pan and you can safely put the lid on the pan, do so. Use an oven mitt, clap on the lid, move the pan off the burner, and turn off the stove. The lack of oxygen will douse the flames in a pot just like it will when you shut the oven door. If you can’t safely put the lid on a flaming pan or you don’t have a lid for the pan, use that fire extinguisher! That’s what it’s there for.

To use a fire extinguisher, pull out the pin, hold the fire extinguisher firmly with one hand, point the nozzle at the fire, squeeze the trigger, and sweep the spray back and forth over the fire.

Don’t use water to put out grease fires; the old wives’ tale “Oil and water do not mix” happens to be true. Water repels grease and can spread the fire by splattering the grease. Instead, smother the fire with a wet towel or use that fire extinguisher. If you’re closer to the pantry than the fire extinguisher, throw a few handfuls of baking soda or salt on the fire to cut off its oxygen supply while you get the extinguisher.

If the fire is spreading and you can’t control it, get out of the house and call 911! Make sure everybody in your family knows how to get out of the house safely in case of a fire. Practice your fire escape route. Kids, especially, should practice how to get out of the house safely on their own, in case of fire.

You can do a lot to prevent kitchen fires in the first place:

Keep your appliances serviced, clean, and in good repair. Dump the crumb tray and clean out the toaster crumbs periodically from the toaster or toaster oven. Wipe out the microwave. Clean the oven. If the waffle maker starts sparking or the coffee maker makes strange crackling noises, unplug them and have them repaired or replaced.

Install a smoke detector near, but not in, the kitchen. (You don’t want the small amount of smoke sometimes generated from cooking to constantly trigger the alarm.)

Use caution when lighting the pilot light or burner on a gas stove. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions.

Don’t use metal in the microwave. The sparks can turn into fire or can seriously damage your microwave.

Don’t overfill pots or pans with oil or grease. Wipe up spills and don’t cook on a dirty stove.

Always roll up long sleeves and tie back long hair when cooking. You don’t need your beautiful flowing silk sleeves trailing in the spaghetti sauce, and you certainly don’t need to catch on fire!

You Burned Yourself

Maybe you accidentally touch a hot burner, pick up a hot pot handle without an oven mitt, or burn the back of your hand on the oven coils when taking a pie out of the oven. Always keep a first aid kit in the kitchen that contains antibiotic ointment and/or burn cream and adhesive bandages, as well as gauze pads.

Treat burns by running cold water over them for five minutes. If your skin is seriously blistering, see a doctor. Otherwise, follow up your cold-water rinse with an ice pack for pain and, when the pain eases, apply antibiotic and/or burn cream and an adhesive bandage. For larger burns or burns that aren’t healing quickly, look inflamed or infected, or ooze fluid, please see your doctor for treatment.

Prevent burns by following these tips:

Always use oven mitts when taking things out of the oven or removing things from the stove. The large, heavy mitten-types are good because they protect the backs of your hands, too.

Never touch or put anything other than pots and pans on the stovetop, especially if you aren’t sure whether the burners are still hot.

Stand back from hot pans when you remove the lid, to avoid steam burns.

Be very careful when draining hot pasta or pouring hot liquids like soup from a pot into a bowl or a blender. A splatter of boiling water, hot soup, or hot oil can burn you.

Never mix hot liquids in a blender. They can explode out of the blender container, even with the lid on. Allow liquids to cool to lukewarm before blending.

Stand back from spattering grease (such as when you are cooking bacon or deep-fat frying) and vigorously boiling liquids, including water, which can also spatter and burn you.

Keep pot handles turned inward, not out over the edge of the stove where someone could bump them and send a pan full of hot food flying.

Teach kids to stay away from the stove, oven, and microwave, and to never touch anything on the stove or in the oven.

You Cut Yourself

Knives can be very dangerous, whether they’re super sharp or too dull. Very sharp knives can easily cut skin, and dull knives can slip instead of easily cutting through food, putting you at risk for losing control and getting cut.

Always keep your knives sharp (see Chapter 4 for instructions), but keep them out of reach of children! Use them carefully and always keep your fingers curled under when chopping with a knife. Better to ding a knuckle than slice a fingertip!

Also use caution with steak knives, and please don’t lick the cream cheese off that butter knife! It really can cut your tongue. Also use caution when handling mandolines, cheese graters, food processor and blender blades, and coffee and spice grinder blades. To secure your cutting board if it doesn’t have rubber feet, put a wet towel under it when cutting. Also, don’t ever slice things freehand over the sink. Slice that raw carrot on the cutting board, not against your own hand!

If you do cut yourself, wash the cut and apply pressure to stop the bleeding. Fingertip cuts can bleed a lot. Raise your hand above your head as you press on the cut with a cloth or paper towel until the bleeding stops. Then put antibiotic cream on the cut and bandage it. If the cut won’t stop bleeding after a few minutes or if it is very deep, see your doctor or an emergency care facility; you may need stitches.

You Burned the Food

The best way to avoid burning food is, of course, to keep an eye on it! When the recipe says to stir the sauce constantly, that’s what it means. When the recipe says to bake the cookies for 12 minutes, that doesn’t mean 18 minutes. Use meat thermometers, candy thermometers, and deep-fat frying thermometers, and watch them carefully. Buy and use a kitchen timer instead of believing you’ll remember when the pizza is done. Many microwaves, stoves, and ovens come with kitchen timers built right in, including digital ones with loud beepers. Let technology help you prevent a kitchen disaster! But if you do overcook something, here are a few suggestions:

If you burn a large piece of meat, you may be able to cut off the burned sections and save the rest. Or cut off the burned sections, chop up the rest of the meat, and stick it in a nice soup. Will anyone know the difference? Probably not (unless you then proceed to burn the soup!).

If you burn soup, pour the unburned soup into a separate pot, removing any blackened pieces, and reheat.

As for your poor burned pots and pans, a good soaking and some elbow grease along with a steel wool scrubber (if it’s safe to use on your particular type of cookware) can go a long way toward rescuing them, but sometimes, you can’t do much other than buy a new pan. If your roaster looks like it has been lined in black, shiny volcanic rock, you probably need a new roaster. Just be thankful you didn’t start a fire!

Your Barbecue Is Ablaze

Just because you’re cooking outside instead of inside is no guarantee that you won’t experience culinary misfortune. Especially with charcoal grills, controlling the flame height and the heat of the fire can be difficult, so grilling does take a little bit of practice. Here are a few tips for keeping your outdoor cooking experiences safe, sound, and savory:

Before lighting the grill, make sure it’s a safe distance (4 feet or more) from deck railings, roof eaves, patio umbrellas . . . anything that could catch on fire.

Use extreme caution when using lighter fluid to soak briquettes. Never let children use lighter fluid.

Keep matches and lighters out of the reach of children.

If the grill fire gets too high, cover the grill and close the vents to smother the flame.

Always know where the fire extinguisher is, just in case the flames get out of control.

Always follow the manufacturer’s instructions for grill usage, especially for gas grills and propane tanks.

Use long-handled tongs, spatulas, and other grill tools rather than the regular tools you use in the kitchen. Grills can get much hotter than indoor stoves, and those long handles on grill tools keep your hands farther away from the heat.

Don’t overcook food on the grill. Charred food could pose a health risk, and it certainly doesn’t taste very good!

Your Recipe Misses the Mark

Sometimes, no matter how closely you follow the recipe, the food you cook just doesn’t taste very good. Maybe the recipe wasn’t a very good one, or your ingredients weren’t great. But food that doesn’t taste good can sometimes be made to taste better. Here are some tips:

Too bland: If your food is bland, it’s usually under-seasoned. Just add salt (a little at a time, tasting after each addition). Salt perks up just about everything, from a boring soup or piece of meat to a tasteless tomato or slice of watermelon.

Add herbs and spices to any savory dish. Herbs and spices can add interesting flavor to bland casseroles, meats, fish, egg dishes, soups, stews, and salads. Try adding Italian-inspired combinations like oregano, basil, and thyme to tomato-based or egg dishes. Creamy soups can taste great with some dill, marjoram, or tarragon. To meaty dishes, add chili powder, cumin, paprika, or some of the hotter spices like cayenne pepper or hot pepper flakes, for some jazz. (See Chapter 3 for more ideas on using herbs and spices.)

For boring soup, stew, casserole, sauce, or gravy, enhance the flavor and make the texture silkier by stirring in any of the following: 2 tablespoons butter or olive oil or 1⁄4 cup cream.

Too salty: If a soup or stew is too salty, the simplest solution is to add water. Or, try adding paper-thin slices of potato. Cook them until translucent — they tend to soak up salt like little sponges. Leave them in the dish if that’s appropriate, or fish them out with a fork and discard them. Tomatoes, either fresh or canned (but unsalted!), do the same thing. You can’t always save a dish that’s overly salted, but you can try.

Flat-tasting fruit: Sugar does wonders for fruit. If you were planning a fruit-based creation but the fruit leaves something to be desired, sprinkle it with sugar and let it sit for a few minutes. Sugar will do lovely things for berries, melons, or orchard fruits. Or drizzle fruit with honey or cream. A squeeze of lemon or lime juice can also perk up bland or boring fruit.

Uninspiring desserts: Here are tips for trying to enliven a dull dessert:

• If it seems appropriate, add some cinnamon, nutmeg, or a tiny pinch of cloves.

• If your cookies are ho-hum, perk them up with frosting or jam. Try making them into sandwiches with peanut butter filling or dipping them in melted chocolate and letting it harden.

• If your cake is too dry, poke tiny holes all over it with a toothpick or a skewer and soak each layer with a quarter cup of sweet liqueur such as Kahlúa, amaretto, Kirsch, or Grand Marnier. For a nonalcoholic version, drizzle with a little warmed honey, chocolate syrup, or strong coffee. Add some homemade whipped cream (see Chapter 14), and suddenly you have a very special dessert.

You’re Out of an Ingredient

If you suddenly realize that you’re out of an ingredient you need for a recipe, think twice before substituting something else. Sometimes, substitutes work great — soy milk for regular milk, yogurt for sour cream, strawberries for blueberries, chicken for pork. However, substitutions don’t always work. Ounce for ounce, baking soda and baking powder are not the same thing. Flour and cornstarch are not the same thing. Neither are wine and vinegar, eggs and mayo-nnaise, condensed milk and evaporated milk, or brown sugar and white sugar. Your idea might work, but we’re not going to take out an insurance policy on it.

The safest way to go about substituting ingredients is to check reliable cooking resources. For advice on smart substitutions, check out Appendix B.

You Have Too Many Mouths to Feed

What do you do when the good food you have prepared, or are in the process of preparing, doesn’t quite stretch? Try these tricks for making your dinner stretch to feed a few more mouths:

Transform your menu. If you planned to serve each guest a chicken breast or steak, cut the meat into bite-size portions and mix with rice or pasta and lots of veggies sautéed in butter or olive oil. Suddenly, your dinner for 6 will serve 12 . . . or more! Or, put everything into a wok with hot oil for a delicious stir-fry.

Soup it up. Throw meat and rice into a soup pot with some canned chicken broth. Get out all your fresh veggies, sauté them in a little butter, and add them to the pot. Let it all simmer for 30 to 45 minutes and serve. See Chapter 12 for some easy soup recipes.

Add a course. Serve smaller portions of the entrée and add a big salad, a simple soup, a dish of pasta with butter and herbs or a simple sauce, a bowl of creamy risotto (see Chapter 13), or a stir-fry of fresh vegetables. Cut up some fruit, and you’ve got significantly more food.

Set up a buffet instead of serving everyone at the table. Put out the dishes you had planned to serve and then fill out the meal with more items you already have on hand: a bowl of fruit cut into bite-sized pieces, chips and salsa, or a salad mix topped with a quick homemade vinaigrette dressing (like the one in Chapter 12).

You Damaged Your Kitchen Counter

If you accidentally scorch, scratch, knick, or otherwise mar your kitchen counter, don’t despair. Some of these goofs can be repaired. You can also do a lot to prevent wrecking your kitchen counter. Here are some tips:

Always use a cutting board when cutting with a knife, pizza cutter, or other sharp utensil, to prevent nicks and scratches.

Clean up spills immediately to prevent stains. Foods that contains food coloring or that naturally have lots of color (such as tomato sauce or berries) can quickly stain a counter. If you do get a stain, try a bleach-water solution, a bleach pen, or vinegar. Certain enzyme-based stain-removing products can also work well.

You can place a ripping hot pot or roasting pan on a slab of granite or on a countertop made of ceramic tile. But when you place hot pots and pans on most other countertops, including those made of expensive Corian (a synthetic, solid-surface material), they can scorch. As a general rule, set hot pots and pans on your stovetop or on a heat-resistant ceramic or metal trivet.

If your countertop does seem irreparably damaged, consult a countertop repair specialist to see whether the countertop can be refinished or repainted, or whether it needs to be replaced. Every surface is different, so it pays to have a specialist advise you, but get several estimates so you can best assess what needs to be done. In the meantime, maybe your canister of flour or your coffee pot could sit right there.

You Have to Do All the Cooking

Okay, maybe this isn’t such a huge disaster. If everybody clamors for your famous brownies or your to-die-for lasagna; if your children beg and plead for you to make dinner “because it’s always so good”; or if the dinner parties always end up at your house, we don’t feel too sorry for you. But here are a few tips to make sure you don’t spend all your time in the kitchen:

Plan your meals a week in advance. If you already know what you’re going to cook and you shop accordingly, you won’t waste time trying to decide what to make or running to the market at the last minute to pick up the necessary ingredients.

Enlist others to help. Even the most kitchen-challenged person can tear lettuce leaves, chop veggies, or fetch meat from the freezer.

Share cleanup chores. Shouldn’t all the people who benefited from your fantastic meal help clean up the mess after dinner? We think so.

Take a break now and then. Just because you can cook doesn’t mean you always must cook. There is no shame in the occasional take-out or a visit from the pizza delivery guy. Everyone does it.