David Cooper opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Night-time was the worst. But last night had been the worst of all. Margaret hadn’t settled easily. It had taken almost an hour of holding her hand and whispering to her before she finally went to sleep. That and an extra pill. Three. More than advised on the dark brown bottle. More than the doctor prescribed.
But what was his opinion worth?
What were any of their so-called professional opinions worth?
The hours when Margaret slept were his. Sleeping himself would have been the best idea. David didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. He preferred to drive, though preferred wasn’t the right word because he wasn’t certain it was a choice. Perhaps in the beginning it had been. At any rate, he frequently found himself in the same place, often with no memory of the journey. Drifting between realities. Slowly becoming someone he didn’t know, didn’t recognise. It was stress, wasn’t it? Had to be. Otherwise, what did that make him?
That wasn’t the end of it. Taking care of Margaret took most of the day and, on the outside, David knew he must seem a dutiful husband, dedicated to looking after his invalid wife. Of course, it was true, he was.
Thank God they couldn’t see inside his head. What went on in there was beyond imagining. Dark thoughts. But last night…last night they’d been close to being more than thoughts. Dark actions.
Gavin Law was a bastard who’d strung them along with his promise of support, then fucked-off out of it and left them – him – powerless against Francis Fallon and that other bastard, Hambley. Cooper hated all of them though his deepest loathing he kept for the obstetrician responsible for turning Margaret into a vegetable.
Wallace Maitland.
Cooper didn’t understand how the man lived with himself knowing what he’d brought about. Margaret was breathing but she wasn’t alive. The woman he had known died on that operating table. In a different way, David had died there too.
Yet, the people responsible were walking around: living their lives, fucking their wives, while he changed nappies.