She held the phone in her hand, a debate waging its battle inside her head. Should she make the call or not? Her emotions felt like a roller-coaster ride, twisting and turning inside, and she needed somebody to talk to. Somebody who wasn’t her therapist, who’d want her to examine her feelings, delve into what had changed in her life to make her anxious.
Anna knew exactly what had changed—Stefan. Last night when he’d kissed her so sweetly, it had stirred emotions she wasn’t sure she was ready to face. He hadn’t pushed, hadn’t demanded anything from her. Hadn’t scared her—in fact, she’d wanted more.
“Just do it,” she muttered, fingers poised above the contacts list. Dragging in a deep breath, she pressed the call button. It was answered on the second ring.
“Hello.”
“Frankie? Hi, it’s Anna Sloane.”
“Anna! How are you? I’m so glad you called.” Frankie Disher was the wife of one of the the Navy SEALs, part of Bogey’s crew. When she’d first come back to San Diego, after the whole debacle in New Orleans, Bogey had introduced her to Frankie. Having gone through something similar, Frankie made arrangements for Anna to see the same therapist she used. She’d also insisted Anna keep her phone number handy, in case she ever needed somebody to talk to. Somebody who’d listen and not judge her or offer platitudes or sympathy.
“I was wondering if you were free. Maybe we could meet for coffee or something.” Anna tried to keep the rising panic out of her voice but failed miserably because Frankie caught on instantly.
“Has something happened? Are you okay? Do I need to get the guys…”
“No, no! Nothing like that. I just wanted to talk.” She ran her hand through her hair, not comfortable talking about this over the phone. “It’s about a guy.”
She heard Frankie sigh. “How about I pick you up in about an hour? We’ll grab some coffee and go sit on the beach, just us girls.”
“That would be great. Thanks, Frankie.”
“No problem. See you soon.”
It wasn’t quite an hour when Frankie pulled up in her driveway. Anna waved to her mother and sprinted out the door to Frankie’s car.
“I appreciate you meeting me on such short notice.”
“Nonsense.” she smiled while backing out of the drive. “I’ve been hoping you’d call.”
“You have?” That surprised Anna. If she’d known, she’d have made an effort to call sooner.
“Now don’t go thinking you made a mistake not getting in touch. I knew you’d get in touch when you were ready to talk—about everything. It took me a long time before I was comfortable talking to anybody but Book about what happened.”
Anna had heard bits and pieces of Frankie’s story, enough to know the woman had gone through her own personal hell at the hands of human traffickers. A shudder ran down her spine at the thought. She’d only had to deal with Danny Cooper. If it had been more, she wasn’t sure she’d have wanted to survive.
“There’s this great drive-thru place that has the best doughnuts. How about we grab some coffee and a few yummy treats and sit by the beach. We can watch cute surfers and talk.”
“Sounds good.”
Frankie drove through the neighborhood and headed toward the beach, but Anna noted her checking the rearview mirror every few seconds.
“Is something wrong?”
“Hmm?”
“You keep looking in the mirror. Are we being followed?” Her whole body tensed, and her hands began shaking.
Is it Aristides?
“What? No. I’m sorry.” Frankie gave a shaky laugh. “Old habit. I thought I’d stopped doing it. Even after all the time that’s passed, I still find myself looking over my shoulder, wondering if they’re coming back—the guys who took me.”
Anna looked down at her hands, balling them into fists and then opening them, pleased to see the shaking had almost stopped. “Does it ever go away? The fear?”
Frankie glanced over and met her eyes. “Honestly? No. But it gets better. Therapy helps, because you can learn how to deal with the panic attacks, and how to take one day at a time. But it never really goes away—at least it hasn’t for me. Fortunately, you can learn to live with it.”
She pulled the car into a drive-thru lane, with a couple of cars ahead of them, and Anna thought about what she’d said. Therapy was helping, but with everything that happened in the last few days, it brought all the horror rushing back. The only thing keeping her from disintegrating into a quivering mess, rocking in the corner of her room, was Stefan.
They got their order and drove the few miles to the beach. Sitting in the car and staring out the windshield, she took a sip of her coffee, watching the waves lapping against the sand.
“Wanna tell me why you called?” Frankie asked the question calmly before taking a bite of her chocolate-covered doughnut. Anna chuckled at the look of bliss that crossed her friend’s face.
“That good?”
“Chocolate. Enough said.”
“Right.” She paused for a second, deciding on how to proceed. “I’m usually able to deal with what happened, you know? Therapy has been a huge help in teaching me coping mechanisms and getting me to confront everything Danny did. To realize it wasn’t my fault.”
“But you still feel guilty sometimes?” At Anna’s nod, she continued. “That’s natural. You’ll second-guess yourself too. Ask yourself over and over if you could have changed things. What if I hadn’t gone to the bar? If I hadn’t left my drink alone for a few minutes.”
“But I went with Danny willingly. That’s the thing that gnaws at me. Normally, I’d never have done something so stupid. Leave my friends and the club, to go with somebody I barely knew.”
Frankie looked her in the eyes, not shying away. “You’ll always have those what if questions, Anna. I still do. Yes, if you’d made different decisions, the bad things might not have happened. But they did happen, and there’s no way to go back and undo or change it. The harder part is learning to live with the choices that led to the bad stuff.”
“You seem to manage very well, Frankie. Sometimes I look at my mom when she doesn’t know I’m there, and it’s like she’s going to shatter into a million pieces. I did that. My actions aren’t just affecting me, but everybody in my life.”
Frankie sat quietly, staring at the sea, the waves crashing against the shore an almost white noise in the background. Anna expected her to have some platitude or pat answer, yet she said nothing for the longest time.
“I think the people around us have it harder than we do. We have the memories of what actually happened. They can only speculate and imagine, from what they’ve heard and what we tell them. Trust me, the people who love us have very vivid imaginations. Sometimes I think it’s worse for them, because they are dealing with the unknown, the unimaginable.”
“I don’t want her thinking about it, dwelling on what happened. When I see that look on her face, it brings it all rushing back.”
Frankie reached into the bag and handed Anna a doughnut before taking another sip of her coffee. “Sometimes, I’ll see Book watching me. He doesn’t know I see it, but I can tell—it consumes him that he couldn’t do anything about making the men who took me pay. I know he feels helpless because as a Navy SEAL it’s his job to protect people. Your mother probably feels like she’s failed you because she wasn’t there to protect you.”
Frankie’s words hit home like a physical blow, because she heard the truth behind them. Her mother felt guilty because she hadn’t protected her child. It was illogical, because she wasn’t even in the same state at the time, but Anna knew that didn’t make any difference. She was her mother, her protector, and she’d failed.
“How do I make her understand it wasn’t her fault? None of it.”
“You can’t,” she answered. “It doesn’t matter what you say or how many times you tell her you don’t blame her—she blames herself. It wouldn’t hurt for her to talk to your therapist. Maybe you can suggest a family session if you feel up to it. Book’s gone with me a couple of times.”
“Did it help?”
She watched a sad smile cross the other woman’s face. “Sometimes.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Anna watched the sunlight glint on the water, loving the sense of openness and freedom. But she’d called Frankie for a reason, a six foot tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed reason.
“Can I ask you something personal?”
Frankie leaned over and grasped her hand for a second, squeezing it. “You can ask me anything, Anna. If I’m not comfortable answering, I’ll tell you.”
You can do this. Just spit it out, see what she says.
“It’s about sex.”
Frankie grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Oh, boy. Talk about a loaded topic. What do you want to know?”
“After what happened, what was it like when you…”
“Had sex?”
At her nod, Frankie faced forward again, looking out the windshield. “It wasn’t easy. In fact, even the thought of sex terrified me. Made me physically ill. But I cared for Book so much, wanted to be with him. He was so patient with me, because truthfully, I expected it to be awful.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I figured I could just lay there and let him get it over with.”
Anna nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking—”
Frankie gave her the side-eye, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “You got somebody in mind?”
Anna felt heat rush into her cheeks, knew she’d be bright pink. “I…maybe.” At Frankie’s raised brow, she threw her hands up. “Okay, yes. There’s somebody I’ve come to care about—a lot.”
“A lot, hmm?”
Anna’s thoughts raced back to Stefan’s kiss the night before. How gentle and sweet he’d been. Slow and tentative, he hadn’t rushed her or pressured her in any way. And she hadn’t been scared. She’d felt cherished and wanted him to do more.
“Shut up, you.” She tossed a chunk of doughnut at Frankie, who laughingly caught it and popped it into her mouth. “I met him right after. He visited me in the hospital. In fact, he’s one of the men who helped rescue me. He and Sully worked the computer angle and…”
“You mean Stefan Carlisle? Sully raves about how smart he is.”
“He’s brilliant.” She picked at the rounded edge of the coffee cup’s lid, needing something to do with her hands while she talked. “We’ve chatted on the phone, messaged back and forth. Even Skyped a few times since I’ve been home.”
Frankie leaned her head against the headrest. “So, he’s not a stranger, he’s somebody you trust.”
She nodded. “Oh, yes, I’d trust Stefan with my life. He kissed me last night.”
Frankie straightened in her seat, swiveling around to face her. “He’s here? Girl, tell me more. Was it romantic?”
Anna closed her eyes, remembering. “We went to dinner at Antonio’s.”
“Good choice.”
“It was. Mama Antonelli loved him. Gave him the chicken parmesan, and you know she’s picky about who she gives that dish.”
Frankie snorted out a laugh. “Tell me about it. It took me four visits before I warranted her chicken parm. Can’t blame her though, it’s the best I’ve ever tasted.”
“After dinner, we walked for a bit, past the shops, until we got to the fountain. It was lit up with the colored lights, and he asked if he could kiss me.”
Frankie sighed. “It sounds like something out of one of the books I love reading. Tell me it was romantic, please, even if you lie.”
“It was perfect. He didn’t push, didn’t get all handsy, or try and stick his tongue down my throat. It was tentative at first, as if he was giving me a chance to pull away.”
“Like a real hero.”
“Frankie, he’s not like anybody I’ve ever met. It’s not just that I feel safe—I do. But he makes me feel desired and special. I feel things with him, but I’m scared. What if I can’t be intimate with him, or with anybody, ever again?”
“Honey, you’re the only person who will know when you’re ready to be with someone again. And you’ll know when it’s the right person. Don’t rush things because you think it’ll help you heal faster. Trust me, it won’t do anything but make you even more miserable.”
Anna hung her head. “I haven’t felt anything, not since the rape. Now, it’s like I’m being bombarded with emotions and sensations. I don’t know what to do.”
“Who says you have to do anything? There aren’t any rules for love, or sex for that matter.”
Reaching over the middle console, she gave in to her impulse, and hugged Frankie. It felt good to have somebody to talk to who knew firsthand what she was dealing with. Why had she hesitated so long in calling the other woman? At least today, she’d started building a bridge in what she hoped would grow into a true friendship.
“Thank you. I can’t tell you how much talking with you has helped me get my head on straight.” She chuckled. “To say nothing of my suddenly reincarnated libido, that I thought was dead as a dodo.”
“Anna, call me anytime. I mean it, day or night, pick up the phone. All the SEAL wives are there for you, just a phone call away.”
She blinked back the tears suddenly filling her eyes. “Thanks, I’ll take you up on that. Now, I think we should head on home, because I want to call Stefan and see what’s going on with my case.”
“Case?” Frankie’s eyes squinted, and she pulled her hand back from the ignition key. “What case?”
Shoot, she’d said too much, but since the other woman had been such a help, and she was sure she could keep a secret, she filled her in on everything that had happened in the last few days, and their suspicions about Stavros Aristides.
“Don’t worry, Anna, I’m sure Stefan’s got things covered.” And if Anna wasn’t mistaken, she had the distinct feeling she’d just gained a whole passel of Navy SEALs and their spouses as unofficial babysitters.
Things were about to get interesting.