Dreaming doesn’t always have colour or movement:
at times, it is a state. And my dream last night
was silent and green like water,
and like water it was dark, perhaps with the mere trace
of some living thing gliding beneath the sky.
But a mental sky, as when eyes see
with a vision of eyes turned inward:
not sensory vision, nor the recollection
of sensory vision; not the tremulous
colour of a cloud bleeding out,
but that which, red, like an echo of light,
breathes again when the western wind subsides.
The dream of last night was a state: not the center,
but the shore, the outskirts of the world.
Before objects, as though sustaining the object;
before me, before that instant
in which I will say: ‘I am I’, and it will still be a dream,
but, while dreaming, with the feeling that, when opening my eyes,
if I remember it, I will know that already I was someone.
Nothing could jolt me or matter to me yet
because I was not yet a being: I was only
a state, a waiting. At times comes obliquely
a very fine rain, on the first nights
of a winter too long delayed. It is cool already
and the sky is a purple-darkened beacon,
and these half-empty streets seem from another time.
It rained like this, dulcet rivulet
with that dead point of shop windows,
half-blurred by the waters of yesterday’s cities.
This is what I wanted to say: a state of this kind,
unsure if it is lived or remembered –
the very moment we find ourselves in –
without impulse toward anywhere, without feeling
the need to leave anything behind, or that anything belongs to us.
Neither relinquishing nor holding. I was
a thing of which I could not say that it had a name at all.
Poised to pounce, awaiting the bestowal of identity:
the state of flowing water, or of water still,
identical to metal that will strike it all at once.
Brilliance of water mixed with brilliance of metal:
metal doubled in my eyes, made a lone metal of water,
the metal of the mind and of the senses,
one light, freed from being light,
an idea of light. Because the theme of the dream
is the idea of the I. Confusedly, I felt
that in that stunted greenish splendor
I was projecting acts, or the shadow of what I am.
If the sky cries to you, if you hear the sky cry to you
with a cry from the abyss, to suck you
upward, downward, where the mane
of the astral snow goes dark
or the squamous iciness of night,
or if, even louder, you yourself cry
and cannot cease to hear, with a voice as hoarse
as in the pallid ear of a deaf man,
or insidious and naked like water
that wounds the moon with an axe-like splendor:
if you cry toward the center of yourself, if you feel
that all that crying is finding a center
and the knot of light that you are appears to you;
if, within you, you are cried to, will you see,
perhaps, when you rise, that dream I dreamt last night?
See is not quite the right word: I didn’t see it,
rather I myself was my dream.
Not that I saw myself, but rather
there was something and it was I.
The theme of appearances
is the theme of the self. But this time
I saw no concrete identity:
no image appeared to me.
I didn’t unfold, didn’t gaze. It was
a null state, the negative of living,
the silence of the river divested of water,
the clarity of a sky bereft of blue
and yet sky: an invisible glimmer,
sensed as a void of visibility.
Such is the bed of a river: soil, rock, repose
of the devastated drought, branch, green rancor
that abandoned the vegetal world, damp
drunk down by the wasteland. The light glances
and, look, all is rock and hunger and dust:
yet the water lives there. It is a region of absence
violent like the sun, which doesn’t flow,
but instead is immobile. It is an iron enchased,
the water now free from being water, weighing
on the riverbed. Like the murmur water
makes when not running in the bed of the dry river.
Over the tracks the oxen came dark
when I stopped to listen. The luminous
letters and liquids of the gas station
and the weak raking of the crickets. Oil
was poured into the night.
The world wasn’t there,
and it was there more than ever: pricking the ears, a
faraway hunter’s horn.
I have known the synthetic
night, prison of bubbling plastics,
frozen and pestilent brilliance that breathes
to stifle my chest. Above all, the silence
is defined in terms of natural night:
night of earth before man, night
of man before being. To breathe, bit by bit,
as if we weren’t breathing, or as if breathing
was already the whole of life, as if a whole life
did not suffice to feel respiration.
To feel the respiration of the world? Yes, at times,
up on a hillock, the idea of dominion, perhaps
of a peace that reconciles the world
with its appearance. From inside to out,
a path that divides what it unites: the two provinces
of what is and what is seen. We hear a pounding
like the faraway machinery of night:
it never ceases. To go deaf, to leap
past this lone murmur,
like nude prey in the fauces of the void,
the molars of the snorting and shifting darkness.
Not swallowed: at a distance, as though suspended, without center,
to leap past the center, to see the world respire.
Acorn, honeysuckle,
powerful citron,
Peiking lilac,
the violent splendor of the sparrows in summer,
the rosebush under the sun,
the pomegranates like red fog,
reverberation of the eye,
the church of green apples,
colour of canes blown by wind,
word of mud and marsh,
carob tree in flames,
the marigold, the begonia,
the carnation of whitest light,
parliament of river and moss,
the breath of the plant when it speaks,
treading a silence made of vibrations,
when we walk through the water,
when we are wind,
when the brightness prods and transfigure us,
dissolved in a carmine of clouds,
the lances level all of it:
the path, the pickets,
the fruit,
the blue pear at nightfall,
with the blue of iridescent sky,
the darkened, tragic ivy,
the corruption of the pepper,
the twilights like water,
the lances level all of it, the flattened
paths make a creaking like wheels
of dead carriages, of wood and carcasses,
scent of sandalwood rotting,
lividity of trees besieged,
lances of light and of gold,
pillage of peapods and Japanese medlars,
brilliance of buckshot and old shotguns,
the hunting pavilion,
the dark gazebo,
the body of this woman is an inferno of silk,
moist like burnt leaves
in a November forest, when the light
has the colour and savor of ash,
rivulets of resin and juice from the bark,
the taste of roots and bruised fruit,
the taste of a woman’s urine, pearling and warm
like the ambarine night, taste of summer and memory
when the lances labor on the stubble of winter.
Yesterday, I saw an apparition:
beneath the colonnade, at night, the queen of the harvest
and of the fruit trees, queen of gifts
and offerings. When the year turns
these vapors make their way,
when the harvest overflows like a river of corn
and fructescent blood,
when the sickle slices the air, naked as a ring,
the queen comes
from the fires of the night and the corners,
queen of garlands and sap,
of flourishing and fruiting,
the queen nude like a fatuous fire
and draped in the cape of the imperial forest,
queen of water and trunk,
summoned to the hearth with charcoal and embers,
who, when it darkens, is called to the circle,
by those who are now but a voice in the night.
Queen of time and of environs,
blazing scratch
on the live skin of clarity,
queen of the gold on the nuptials of the trees,
of the light that batters the cavern,
queen of the canticle intoned by the willows,
queen of the seed that empties light,
of the olive and the voices of grape clusters,
queen of the brilliance of the belfry
heard in the depths of the chest, like the clang of handbell
of very clear and very white sound that we recall
when dreams spill over us glasses of darkness.
It is this clang, so pallid
it is not even a clang,
soft as the skin of a magnolia,
this shaded transparency,
that rings in the far away like the shadow of a garden,
like what we remember after living,
this clangor that brightens,
clang of darkness and seasons,
which perhaps we will be, clang of water blue and dead,
clang of women’s eyes when they see morning,
sweet like an almond in the blackness,
it is this clang, the feel of your stomach on my lips, warm
as the scent of cinnamon inhaled in the night,
it is this clang, the voice of the world and the harvests,
the baskets of light of summer and winter,
the lead of autumn, the white of spring,
the brambles, the honey,
the fig trees in flower,
this clang that hears us whenever we hear it,
like our past or like the earth,
that will leave us the world full of forests,
of apparitions and transparencies,
the clang of this life that trembles,
the dark flame we bear in our breast,
the one gift this life grants us: pallid
and friable as it is, we call it love.