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Roger had taken his second tablet at the appointed time, thus his next would be due when he took his mid-afternoon break. He was sitting on a bench in the shade, relishing the gentle breeze which gave some relief from the stuffy confines of the office.
‘Hello, Bernard,’ he said to a fellow colleague who joined him on the seat.
‘Roger,’ he said, nodding. ‘Roll on winter, this weather is getting me down. I thought I was going to pass out in there just before lunch.’
‘Well, I guess it will be raining in August as usual, once the schools have broken up.’ He was in the process of rolling a cigarette. ‘Oh, you don’t mind me smoking, do you?’
‘Go ahead. I still smoke occasionally. The wife keeps nagging me to give up, but at least I’m down to ten a day now. I’m going to have no teeth though, I chew a lot of mints!’
‘Ha! Perhaps it will cost you more in dentist charges,’ joked Roger.
His roll-up cigarettes were perfectly executed, almost indistinguishable from mass-produced ones. He lit the end and took a long drag which after a few seconds produced a fit of coughing.
‘It’s the coffin that they will carry you off in!’ joked Bernard.
How many times had Roger heard that painful joke, he wondered?
‘Not got any new jokes, then Bernard?’ he laughed. ‘Don’t give up your day job!’
Bernard looked at his colleague with disdain. That was a nerve, he thought, coming from Roger who was usually so miserable he could make even the most care-free and ebullient person feel depressed.
‘Thanks, I won’t,’ said Bernard, flatly.
‘Come on, I was only joking, don’t be such a miserable old stick. You need to lighten up a bit!’
‘Thanks for the advice, I’ll remember,’ said Bernard, flicking through his copy of the Daily Mail.
‘Reading your usual right-wing rag, then I see,’ said Roger, puffing away on his cigarette.
‘What’s it to you?’
‘Thought you might prefer The Sun. All those lovely ladies on page three that you could ogle. I bet that would be more up your street.’ He laughed and made a gesture indicating a woman with large breasts. ‘Bet you get your porno mags from the newsagent, eh?’
‘Roger, are you feeling OK?’ said Bernard, frowning. ‘You seem a bit, er, well I don’t know, I mean, different.’
‘Different? Ha, no, I don’t think so. I can’t help it if I’ve got a sense of humour and you haven’t.’ He punched Bernard hard on the arm.
‘Ow, that hurt. I’m going in now. Are you sure you are OK?’
‘I certainly am OK, couldn’t be better!’ he winked several times at Bernard who stared hard at his colleague. His behaviour was so out of character it was quite unnerving.
‘Well, that’s good,’ he replied, continuing to flick through his newspaper.
‘I tell you, I’d feel even better if I could have a quick one with Sally from accounts! Have you seen the tits on her?’
‘I don’t want to listen to you any longer,’ said Bernard, folding his paper and getting up from the bench. ‘I’m going in now. If you want my advice I think you should calm down a bit before going back into work? Maybe have some water?’
‘It’s not water I need it’s a bloody big drink!’ Roger threw his head back and laughed uproariously. ‘It’s a pity there’s not a pub within walking distance from here. But I’ll have another fag. See you in a minute. If you see Sally tell her to get her knickers off!’
Bernard hurried back inside wondering whether he’d just dreamt that last interlude. He contemplated whether he should get a first aider to check out Roger, he seemed so strange, but it seemed like telling tales on a colleague. He peeped through a window and observed his colleague who was now on his own, smoking and looking around with a huge grin on his face. Bernard returned to his desk, shaking his head and hoping that would be the last encounter with Roger that day.
Roger finished his cigarette and continued to laugh away to himself. He appeared to be enjoying some uproariously funny private joke. He took off his tie and loosened the top three buttons of his shirt exposing several inches of chest and chest hair, sniffed at his armpits then wandered back to his office, swinging his tie.
Instead of heading straight back to his office, he climbed the stairs to the second floor where the administrative section was based. As he reached the top, he felt light-headed, so he held on to the bannister for a few moments until the feeling had passed. Roger tiptoed along the corridor, then peeped in through the door to the Head Accounts section and saw to his delight that Sally was standing at one of the filing cabinets. The other clerical assistants were busy typing or answering the phone.
Roger, threw open the door causing it to bounce back off its hinges. He bounded in, ran straight up to Sally and slapped her hard across her bottom, laughing as he did so.
‘Aghh! What? Who?’ was all Sally could shout. The other assistants stopped what they were doing and stared as if transfixed by some divine apparition.
‘Hello, my lovely!’ grinned Roger. ‘My you are looking even more gorgeous today!’
‘Get off me!’ Sally slapped Roger across the face. ‘Keep your hands to yourself!’ she cried.
‘Don’t play hard to get, you know you are gagging for it!’ shouted Roger, chasing her around one of the desks. He proceeded to strip off his shirt and swung it around like a stripper on stage then unleashed it, so that it flew across the room, landing on one of the desks.
‘Go and get Brian! Graham! Anyone!’ shouted Sally to her colleagues.
Roger continued to chase Sally, completely unabashed, his inhibitions nowhere to be seen. He appeared totally euphoric. His eyes were wide, and he licked his lips provocatively.
Sally picked up a box file and threw it at him but he fended it away with his fist.
‘Oh, you are a feisty one! I like a woman with a bit of fight in her!’ he cried.
She spotted a glass of water on one of the desks and threw it in his face.
‘Oooh, a water fight! You want to play!’
Sally could do no more, she resorted to her final defence which was a high pitched scream.
‘Come here darling! I’ll show you what you’ve been missing!’
Sally never did find out what she had been missing as Graham, Roger’s manager burst through the door, followed by Brian from security and another couple of employees who together managed to restrain Roger. Sally fled from the office to the Ladies’ toilets accompanied by Jane who comforted her. The events of that afternoon would be talked about for a long time.
