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Trish was being held on remand in Her Majesty’s Prison Bronzefield in Surrey, about an hour and a half’s drive away for Tom, depending on traffic. The modern two-storey women’s and young offenders’ institute had been built in 2004 and housed around five hundred inmates. She had a single cell, which was small and austere but clean and private. Remand prisoners were allowed to wear their own clothes, and Trish had taken a small bag of items with her and Tom had another selection of clothes which he hoped were suitable. Many of the inmates had been victims of trauma and abuse which had driven them to criminal and desperate measures. Trish would be assessed to determine whether she was fit to enter a plea in court and what would be the best outcome regarding her long-term rehabilitation into society.
Remand prisoners were entitled to an hourly visit each day, between the hours of 2 p.m. and 5.30 p.m., bookable in advance. Obviously, Tom wanted to see her as much as possible, but he didn’t know whether he could maintain that level of support, as he would find the daily commute exhausting. Clearly, if and when he went back to work, he would have to reduce these visits. For the moment though, he had pushed that thought into the background. This was Trish’s first full day here, and he was desperate to comfort her.
After reporting in at the visitor reception where he had shown his identity documents, he had been ushered to another room where all his belongings and his person had been checked carefully by security, then finally to a waiting room where he sat with others visitors to await the reunion with their loved ones. He was still having trouble absorbing the fact that he was within the confines of the prison walls. Could he ever have imagined Trish being incarcerated?
Eventually, they were allowed into the large airy visiting room filled with tables and chairs where he spotted Trish sitting at a table. She looked calm and composed, but her face looked thinner and her hair rather flat. Perhaps it was his imagination that she had lost weight, after all, she hadn’t been in here long. It was probably the strain of the situation which was making her look drawn. They hugged briefly, but Tom could tell she was merely going through the action, something was holding her back from showing him the affection she normally bestowed upon him.
‘I’ve brought you some things, I hope they are what you wanted.’
‘I’m sure they are fine,’ she replied without looking in the bag.
‘Also, before I forget, I’ve transferred fifty pounds to your account here so you can buy things from the shop. Let me know if you need it topping up any time.’
‘Thanks, I will.’
‘Do you want a tea or coffee?’
‘Er, tea please.’
‘OK, I’ll get us both one, there’s not much of a queue.’
Tom went over to the table in the corner where visitors could get drinks and paid for two teas. Whilst he was waiting, he looked over and saw that Trish was looking through the bag of items he’d brought along.
He returned to the table and set down the drinks.
‘Did you see that I’ve brought you some writing paper and envelopes? I got you some new books from the bestseller charts, I hope you like them.’
‘Are they murders?’ joked Trish.
Tom smiled, ‘Thrillers, I tried to choose ones you’d like, I hope you’ve not read them.’
‘Thank you. I’ve got a lot of time for reading in here.’
‘It’s so good to see you,’ said Tom. ‘Well, I mean, not in here but I miss you so much. Has your solicitor been to see you?’
‘Not yet. It’s too soon. Later in the week, I expect.’
‘What about the mental health assessment?’
‘I’ve spoken to someone today, she took some notes, and I’ll be seeing her again tomorrow.’
‘But you aren’t really guilty. You were provoked as a result of being bullied. It’s not surprising you reacted the way you did.’
‘I should never have sought retribution after all these years. It happened when I was at school for goodness sake. I should have let the past stay where it was.’
‘But you tried to commit suicide, do you still feel the same way?’
‘I’m not sure, I don’t think I feel like I did the other night, but I’m not sure whether it’s worth living any longer.’
‘Don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you, we can get through this together.’
‘Perhaps if I’d had the courage to discuss it with you, then I would have seen sense.’
Tom didn’t know what to reply. She had touched on the subject which was troubling him most. Why didn’t she bare her soul and share her agonies with him? He would never understand that, and it cut him to the core.
‘I think that because I recognised Gina it sort of catapulted me back into my adolescent years, and I was unable to think rationally. I began to relive all the incidents, not just at school but in my home life. It was a sort of perfect storm, and I started to have flashbacks.’
‘You had a breakdown, I wish I’d been more observant.’
‘Well, I suppose I was functioning, and my interest in Gina sort of gave me a reason for living. It’s warped, I know.’
‘Don’t say warped, you aren’t well.’
‘It’s amazing how my resentment about her behaviour had stayed with me all those years. Then, when I saw the article in the local paper about her sitting on the parliamentary committee, I began to compare my humble life with hers. I think from that moment, I sort of spiralled down into a strange world.’
Tom felt out of his depth as he was incapable of analysing all Trish’s thought processes.
‘Perhaps we shouldn’t keep going over the past. We need to stay positive. When you get out of here, we can get you better. I’m going to help you.’
Trish drank some of her tea. ‘I don’t mind if you want to get rid of me, have a clean break. After all, I’m completely screwed up.’ She looked at her hands and began to pick at the skin on her arm.
‘Don’t do that, love,’ said Tom, placing his hand over hers.
‘Sorry.’
‘Well, I want to be with you. What’s happened doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You shouldn’t feel you have to shoulder all the blame yourself. And what’s more, I won’t let you.’
Trish smiled and squeezed Tom’s hand. Tears began to run down her cheeks and on to her top.
‘Here,’ said Tom, reaching in his pocket for some tissues. ‘See, I came well prepared, I’ve been crying a lot recently.’
‘Oh, Tom, I’ve made you so miserable. How can you ever forgive me?’
‘I forgive you, and I love you. Please remember that.’
Trish shook her head and blew her nose.
‘I’m sorry I never told you the true story of why I had to have the skin graft. I told you I’d tipped over a pan of boiling water, but it was because my hand was weak.’
Tom raised his eyebrows to indicate that his wife should continue. She relayed the same details as she had to the police.
‘Look, I’ve already said, that’s in the past,’ replied Tom. We all did things we aren’t proud of. Do you know I broke a window in my neighbour’s house by kicking my football and I blamed it on my brother? He got such a beating as he’d done it before, but on that occasion it was me. I still feel bad about it to this day.’
‘But what about him?’
‘Oh, he can remind me how tough he was and how he didn’t cry when my Dad gave him a good hiding. I don’t think he’s one to bear grudges.’
‘Whereas, I am one to bear grudges.’
‘I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t have said it.’
‘Don’t worry. You can’t keep treading on eggshells all the time.’
‘No, I suppose not.’
‘I killed the squirrels. Did you not suspect?’
Tom shook his head. He felt slightly perturbed at the sudden change in subject. Trish seemed strangely detached. At times her eyes looked past him into the distance as if she was accessing a different world.
‘I got the idea from my Dad, I guess he wasn’t all bad. I found out he’d killed next door’s cat.’
‘Oh, God. When did you see that?’
‘One night when I couldn’t sleep, and I heard him in the garden. He’d lied about food for the hedgehogs, and so Bella, the cat, ate the poisoned food and he buried her in the garden. Mrs Granger, the neighbour, was distraught and got her son to put up posters on lampposts about Bella. They thought she’d wandered off and all the time she was in our garden. I wanted to tell them, but I knew my Dad would know it was me and I’d get a good beating.’
‘It’s hardly any wonder you were disturbed, was it?’ said Tom, shaking his head. ‘Well, you didn’t kill your guinea-pigs, did you?’
‘No, but I did abuse them by getting them to eat Salvia divinorum, I actually rigged up a sort of contraption to get them to inhale it. A balloon containing vapour from my e-cigarette. It worked to some extent, and they started to behave very oddly.’
‘Well, they are fine, and I enjoy looking after them. They are no trouble really.’
‘I think you should rename them.’
‘I didn’t know you had named them?’
‘Eugenia and Harriet! But I didn’t tell you. Decide on some new names and tell me when you next visit.’
‘OK, I will. I suggested Pinky and Perky before!’
‘You did but perhaps something different?’
‘OK, I accept the challenge.’
Tom was relieved his wife seemed much more animated and happier than when he’d arrived. She seemed back in the present, rather than occupying a distant land.
‘It was the birthmark. That’s how I knew. If the wasp hadn’t stung her, I’m not sure I would ever have realised it was her. She’d changed so much since I knew her at school. Her accent was different, her hair, her build. She’s still short like she was at school, but that’s not enough to recognise anyone is it? Besides, she was always quite plump in her schooldays.’
Tom wasn’t really following all she was saying, he frowned. Trish hadn’t mentioned this about the wasp before.
‘At the inquiry, it was so hot and a wasp must have got in somehow. Gina has a most distinctive egg-shaped port-wine birthmark on the side of her neck, quite low down.’ Trish indicated the area on her own neck. ‘Normally, I guess it’s covered with her clothes, but I saw it when we had gym at school.’
‘So that’s what caused you to pass out, not the images of the abuse at the care home?’
‘It must have been. It was the shock which triggered the amnesia and the memories. It’s a pity I don’t have amnesia about all the events in the past but those have been laid down and the foundations are so deep they will never be uprooted.’
‘No, they won’t, but you will learn to cope with them.’
‘I did learn to cope for many years. I had loads of counselling after Dad’s death and later when Andrew was killed. A lot of people who go into my line of work have mental health issues. It’s what drives them to help others.’
‘You did help lots of people over the years, try to remember that. You were good at your job.’
‘Not with Melanie though, I missed just how depressed she was. I think that was also a factor.’
‘A factor? How do you mean?’
‘Well, she had also been bullied at school, it sort of set my mind thinking about my own experiences. Together with seeing Gina, I suppose I became totally focussed on my past.’
‘Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry.’
‘She could have killed herself. I feel guilty about that. Thank God she is OK, now. Well, I hope she is.’ Trish paused, distracted by some shouting from another table. ‘Do you think you could ask Francine how she is doing? I’d like to know she’s OK.’
‘OK, I’ll see what I can do, but she might not be able to breach confidentiality though.’
‘Please try. It will help me to know she’s recovering.’
‘OK, leave it with me.’
‘I sent the strange items to her office as well. I wonder whether she ever worked out who it was? Can you find out?’
‘Gina’s office?’
‘Yes, her chambers in town.’
‘What items, I don’t understand.’
‘Oh, I forgot, you don’t know, do you? I sent her packages which I thought would unnerve her. An unsigned card, then one was related to school, a notebook and the mouse had some skin removed to represent my skin graft.’
Tom’s eyes widened.
‘Sorry to upset you. You must be shocked to hear how devious I was. I was trying to mess with her mind. I even sent her on a wild goose chase to look at a house which was completely unsuitable and not even available for rent.’
‘But how did you know about that?’
‘I’d been following her and saw her go into an estate agent. I phoned up and pretended to be her. It’s amazing how helpful people can be. I just said that I’d changed my mind about the house I was interested in, they looked up my details and started chatting all about a house and so on. It all happened so easily.’
‘Where did you get the mouse?’
‘I bought it at the pet shop, then killed it.’
Tom listened in silence.
‘I just don’t want there to be any secrets between us. Oh, there was one more thing, I sent some cupcakes to her office. There was nothing wrong with them, but I wonder if she ate them?’
‘What do you mean by nothing wrong with them?’
Trish shook her head, ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not important.’
‘But I still don’t know the full story of what she did to you. Do you want to tell me?
‘No, not now. But I’d like to know if Gina worked it out.’
‘Trish, I don’t think I can help you with that.’
‘I’ll get James to tell the police then. I thought it might have triggered her memories, but it seems she must have managed to erase them somehow. Unfortunately, I never did.’
Tom sat for a few moments. As the afternoon had progressed the conversation had revealed some disturbing information. It was upsetting to hear how scheming his wife had been as she had waged a psychological campaign of intimidation.
‘Trish, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to tell James about the items you sent to Gina’s office, or the phone call about the house.’
‘Oh, why?’
‘Well, it won’t help you, not in my opinion.’
Trish shrugged and appeared unconvinced.
‘Is there anything else you need me to bring tomorrow? Have you checked?’
‘I don’t think so. The toiletries are very posh by the way, thank you.’
‘Enough clothes?’
‘Yes, fine, I’m not going to be going out much,’ she smiled.
‘Trish, don’t.’
‘Sorry, I can’t help it. Isn’t it better I joke about things?’
‘Well, yes I guess so.’
Tom smiled, he had to admire his wife. She was certainly putting on a brave face but how much was bravado he couldn’t really gauge.
‘What if Beth and Derek want to visit?’
‘I don’t know, not at the moment, it will be too embarrassing. I need to think about it.’
‘OK, I’ll tell them that. They’ve not asked, but I just wanted to know how you felt about it, in case they do.’
‘No, not at the moment. Just you. I’d feel it a strain having to talk to them. I put Beth through enough with my incident at the inquiry. She had enough stress, and she ended up looking after me. Then I’ve done all these dreadful things, I won’t be surprised if they never want to speak to me again.’
‘They will do, they aren’t like that. They understand.’
‘They might say that but how do you know?’
‘Let’s not speculate. We will deal with things when we have to, that’s the best way.’
‘OK, you’re right.’
The bell rang to signal the end of visiting time and Tom looked at his watch as he couldn’t believe that the time was up so soon. It had passed in a flash, and now the gut-wrenching separation would begin, and he would have the lonely drive back with only his thoughts and the radio for company.
‘You’d better go,’ said Trish. ‘See you soon.’
They hugged and tears flowed again. The remand prisoners began to file back to their cells, and Tom joined the queue to leave the room. Trish turned back and gave him a wave which he returned and blew some kisses to her.
