The voice coming through the phone was familiar, but the question took me (Sean) by complete surprise. “You teach your students to defend their faith, right? Tell me, how do you know Christianity is true?” John and I had a special relationship that has lasted for more than a decade. But this was the first time he had shown any real interest in spiritual matters. Not only did he want to talk about God, but he wanted solid reasons to believe—he wanted proof and evidence before he would consider that Christ was really “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). John later told me his interest in God had been piqued when his cousin was diagnosed with a serious medical condition as a young teenager. His cousin recovered, but as John explained it, this experience “woke him up to his own mortality.”
A few weeks after our phone conversation, John was heading back to college, so we decided to meet for a chat over coffee. As we sat down at the local coffee shop, John jumped right in. “I’m scientifically minded, so I need some evidence for the existence of God and the accuracy of the Bible. What can you show me?” For the next hour and a half we discussed some of the standard evidences for the existence of God, the death and resurrection of Jesus, and the reliability of the Bible. I did my best to answer his questions, trying to show that Christianity is rationally compelling and provides the most satisfying solution to the deepest longing of the heart. John didn’t become a Christian at that point, but he confessed that he was very close and just needed more time to weigh the cost of his decision.
Our interaction with thousands of young people and the various studies conducted among youth convince us that our young people today, like John, are looking for answers. Many of them intuitively sense there is a truth out there, apart from themselves, which offers deeper solutions than what the culture has led them to believe. They may have bought into the cultural line because it is appealing. Who wouldn’t want to think we can create any truth that validates whatever we want to do? And who wouldn’t want a philosophy that prevents others from arousing our consciences by judging those choices? Being our own gods is a heady experience.
The problem is, self-determined morality may feel good for a while, but eventually most young people begin to sense that they are somehow out of alignment with reality. The wheels begin to wobble and they begin to veer into other lanes, causing damage to themselves and others. At that point, many begin to sense that there is something outside themselves that provides answers. The good news is that we have a message that God is there, and he offers a way they can live the life of joy he designed them to live.
Quite naturally, our young people—as well as ourselves—are looking for a belief that is relationally relevant. But created in God’s image as we are, we equally want what is evidentially credible. I (Josh) have often said, “The head cannot rejoice in what the mind rejects.” This generation is powerfully attracted to any message that is both credible and relevant. And the Bible is the ultimate repository of those two values.
As parents, pastors, youth workers, and Christian educators, we have a great opportunity and privilege to offer real answers that are credible and relevant. Throughout these past eleven chapters we have tried to present the credible truth of Christ and his Word that is also relationally relevant.
In this last chapter we want to reinforce that message and encourage you to be diligent in the following three areas:
1. Continually Develop Deepened Community
Building coalitions and connecting with other concerned parents and Christian leaders and educators is a good thing. Yet it will not replace the spiritual and relational nurture and strength derived from fellowship with an entire body of believers.
Jesus said, “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John 13:34–35). Genuine and mature Christian community is powerful and winsome. As our young people and the world around us hear and see us lovingly share our lives with one another, they will want what we have.
Why is it so important to have such a community of believers who know how to love and form deepened friendships? The following example makes the answer abundantly clear.
Wesley Hill is one of the most outspoken voices for the importance and role of celibacy within the Christian church. In his book Washed and Waiting, he writes openly and honestly about his personal journey as a gay man growing up in the evangelical world.
In a public discussion about homosexuality and the church at Biola University, Hill mentioned that many people with same-sex attraction are told there is no biblical justification for getting married to someone of the same sex and that celibacy is the only option. While he agrees with this, Hill did point out that celibacy often has negative connotations in the church because we have lost the art of friendship. The church has often focused solely on marriage at the expense of meaningful relationships in the larger body of Christ. While marriage is critical for the church and society, we must also build loving, committed relational communities that fully represent the entire body of Christ, including those who choose celibacy. We must recapture the biblical role of friendship, which Hill discusses in his book Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian. This is the kind of love that will draw our unbelieving world and provide the context for our young people to understand true tolerance.
2. Consistently Speak the Truth in Love
The underlying theme we have repeatedly emphasized throughout these pages is that moral truths come from the loving heart of a God who is motivated to provide for us and to protect us. Moral truth was never meant to be spoken or understood outside of a loving relationship. Being like Christ and speaking the truth in love are synonymous.
We must consistently speak the truth in love until it becomes a way of life. Doing so will equip us emotionally and relationally to help our young people counter cultural tolerance. Our young people need to see us as models of what moral truth looks like within relationships.
Your children are growing up in a culture that says they can tell if something is true by whether or not it works. They want to see things work before they accept them. This gives you an opportunity to be a working model of what truth looks like in the context of relationships. You don’t have to be a perfect model, but you can be an authentic one. Your young people know you are not perfect, but they do want authenticity. So it’s important that you be real, warts and all, and share with them the truth that is the ultimate in authenticity. That will show them that Christlikeness not only works, but it is also attractive. And that will draw them to emulate it.
3. Build Relationships with People of a Different Mind-Set
How can we Christians change the perception that we are hateful, bigoted, and intolerant? There is one vital step each one of us can take—build genuine relationships with people who see the world very differently than we do. We will overcome the cultural perception that Christians are intolerant bigots only when people hear this claim and their first thought is, That doesn’t seem right. I know Christians, and they’re loving, gracious, and thoughtful. Each one of us has a responsibility to build real relationships with people who reject our most cherished beliefs. It is easy to build relationships with people who are like us. How many of us are willing to do it with people who are unlike us?
Not too long ago, I (Sean) had one of the most interesting and memorable evenings I had had in years. For two and a half hours, I had a dialogue with fourteen skeptics, atheists, and agnostics from a freethought organization based in Southern California, close to where I live.
How did this come about? The idea for this conversation came from a book I cowrote on the New Atheism.1 The purpose of the book is to give readers the tools necessary to respond to the toughest questions raised by the New Atheists but without the typical rancor and divisiveness that so often characterizes such exchanges. Our goal in the book was to take atheists’ objections seriously but to respond with “gentleness and respect,” as Peter counsels (1 Peter 3:15 NIV). We hoped to answer their critiques while modeling how to engage nonbelievers lovingly.
Since Christians seem to be the primary readers of Christian books, I wondered how I could get non-Christians to seriously entertain the arguments of the book. How could I really reach out to atheists? After all, that was one of the main reasons we wrote it. Then the idea hit me. The book is about personally engaging skeptics, so why don’t I put the message into practice and actually try to converse with atheists? So I e-mailed my idea to Bruce, the leader of the freethought group, wondering if he would share my enthusiasm. To my pleasant surprise, he loved the idea!
Bruce began the evening by expressing his amazement that I would come to such an event. From his perspective, few Christians are willing to voluntarily sit on the “hot seat” with a group of skeptics. He may be right. While I appreciated the compliment, it actually saddened me: Why aren’t Christians regularly going to skeptics’ meetings? Why aren’t we building relationships with nonbelievers? What are we afraid of?
Some of the questions the skeptics asked were predictable while others caught me off guard. They ranged from my views on stem cell research to separation of church and state. We also talked about the common ground shared by atheists and Christians. They were very cordial, respectful, and quite interested in what I had to say. Bruce even began the evening by giving me permission not to answer any question that made me feel uncomfortable. While I passed on the offer, it was a very gracious gesture.
After doing my best to answer their questions, I turned the tables and asked some questions of my own. Rather than trying to “nail” them with tough apologetic questions (as some of my friends suggested), I wanted to build common ground and try to understand how they perceive Christians. I asked questions such as, “How can Christians improve their interactions with skeptics?” and “What bad impressions do Christians leave?” Their answers were eye-opening. They included the following:
• “Hypocrisy. Christians often focus on particular sins, such as homosexuality, while they are committing other egregious sins in their own lives.” (The young man who shared this mentioned that some of his Christian friends regularly get drunk but also frequently condemn homosexuality as immoral.)
• “Christians don’t take their religion seriously. Why don’t they read, study, and follow the Bible if they really believe it is a word from the almighty God?”
• “Christians often criticize me for not having good reasons for what I believe, but when pressed, they can’t provide evidence for their beliefs either. They should at least be consistent and admit this.”
• “Stop making slanderous remarks about non-Christians. I grew up in church and heard more cheap shots made at atheists than any other group.”
I listened to their concerns and did my best to articulate the Christian position as clearly and graciously as I could. My goal was not to persuade them that Christianity is true in the course of the evening, but “to put a stone in their shoe,” as apologist Greg Koukl often says.2 In fact, rather than defining success as persuading them on any particular issue, I hoped to show them that Christians are thoughtful, compassionate, and likable. I also brought them a free signed copy of my book and was hoping they might read it with an open heart and mind.
The highlight of the evening came toward the end. Bruce had intentionally set aside some time for us to share our grievances with each other. He began by asking me to share my grievances with atheists. In other words, what are my problems and frustrations with atheists? I could tell he had a few gripes against Christians that he was anxious to share! But instead of taking the bait, I shared about my atheist friends and family members whom I dearly love. Rather than lumping all atheists into a group and stereotyping them, I told them that I loved atheists. That’s right, I had the opportunity to share my love for atheists with a group of skeptics on their own turf. And I meant it. Then I said, “My problem is not with atheists but with atheism. It’s a false worldview.”
I don’t share this to give myself a pat on the back. It’s not about me. It’s about Christians learning to love people with the same love with which Christ loved us. We can no longer maintain a fortress mentality—we must get out of our comfort zones and truly engage different people with the love of Christ. Here is the bottom line: If we want to overcome the perception that Christians are hateful bigots, we must each be willing to build genuine, loving relationships with people around us and show them otherwise. We must humbly approach people, not as opponents, but with eagerness to listen to and learn from them as fellow human beings and a willingness to love them despite our differences.
In 1995 Laura McCorvey, the “Jane Roe” of the famous Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case of 1973, shocked the nation by converting to Christianity, getting baptized, and joining the pro-life movement. Most powerfully, it was the director of the pro-life group Operation Rescue who influenced her. According to McCorvey, her worldview began to change when the director stopped treating her like an antagonist and simply loved her as a human being. Thus, while proclaiming truth is necessary for transformation, love and grace are what soften the heart.
4. Consistently Take Advantage of Resources
I (Josh) remember vividly when I held my firstborn child in my arms. As I looked at little Kelly, my knees went weak. It dawned on me that now I was a father, but I didn’t have a clue about fathering.
To correct that deficiency, I sought wisdom from some good role models on fathering and gathered as many good resources as I could find. Raising children in today’s world isn’t easy. Neither is being an effective youth worker or a capable pastor to today’s families. It is an uphill battle. Take advantage of the experience of others. Tap into resources from those who have insights into our culture, who understand where our young people are, and who offer biblically based solutions.
Here are a few recommendations for helping youth develop a Christian worldview:
1. Summit Ministries. Summit offers two-week student conferences to help sixteen- to twenty-two-year-olds develop a biblical worldview. They bring in world-class speakers to help students develop convictions about the reliability of the Bible, the validity of being pro-life, and the legitimacy of a biblical view of sexuality, as well as about God and politics, intelligent design, and more. Conferences are held in Tennessee and Colorado, and I (Sean) personally host a conference in Southern California each June (www.summit.org).
2. As for apologetics resources, we recommend Stand to Reason, a ministry that has a popular radio show, books, and articles, and hosts student conferences nationwide (www.str.org); Reasonable Faith, the ministry of philosopher William Lane Craig (www.reasonablefaith.org); and Cold Case Christianity (www.coldcasechristianity.com), the ministry of our friend J. Warner Wallace.
3. Biola University offers an MA in apologetics that is distance-based for working professionals. If you have ever thought about studying apologetics formally, we certainly recommend Biola. They also host multiple conferences across the nation each year.3
4. You also might consider holding a group study of this book. A group study guide is available at www.barbourbooks.com/SG2. You can either introduce this book and its study guide to the church small group you are a part of or form your own group. Both of us have additional books and group courses you can tap into as well. Visit www.josh.org and www.seanmcdowell.org and click on Resources.
As an added resource, for a limited time we (Josh and Sean) are teaming up to give our young people and their parents answers through live events. We will be conducting a Friday night and all day Saturday event called the “Heroic Truth Experience.” We want to help your children realize that God has given us a reliable and trusted Bible. We will dig deep into the questions young people are facing in a skeptical and anti-Christian culture. We will cover questions about God, creation, how you can know what is true, and a host of issues designed to equip your children to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15 NIV). We must not allow the world to confuse our young people with false reasoning and lure them out of their faith. For more details about these events, go to www.heroictruth.com.
You can make a difference in your family and community as you continually develop deepened community within the body of Christ, consistently speak the truth in love, build genuine relationships with nonbelievers, and constantly take advantage of biblically based resources. Setting a generation free to know truth and love as God designed is a day to day, month after month, year after year process. And remember—there are no quick fixes, magic bullets, or guarantees when it comes to influencing the next generation. We are called to patience, long-suffering, and even allowing adult children to make their own choices while we labor and pray for them fervently. True tolerance involves loving people and suffering while they do something we think is absolutely wrong, which is exactly what Christ does for us. Whether or not young people respond to our love, there is something beautiful about responding as Christ did—even if our culture considers such love intolerance.