Chapter Fifty-One

Low tide arrived just before six thirty a.m. The sun had barely been up for twenty minutes when Olivia and Marco climbed onto the skiff.

Their hours on the water had become a welcome respite from Marco’s family drama. His father had unceremoniously kicked Bianca out of the house for publicly shaming his daughter, prompting Bianca to fly back to Florida. Manny had also not spoken a word to Jaci since the night of Carnival, but Lidia insisted he just needed time. As for Lidia, no one was surprised to see her hands-on with the baby, but Marco was not prepared to see the ongoing chill between his sister and mother.

“It’s not ideal; she made some bad choices,” he said to Lidia. “But it’s going to be okay. She’s a good kid. We’ll get through this.”

“What keeps me awake at night is the lying,” Lidia said. “For months and months, never once confiding in me. Going through this alone. And then trying to give her baby away without even letting me have the chance to help. Is this how I raised her? It’s a betrayal. There’s no way around it.”

Marco and Olivia took care of Mira as much as possible, trying to give Jaci and her parents breathing room to heal their relationship. And time was running out—later that day, Jaci was leaving for school.

Marco’s bachelor pad was less than ideal for caring for Mira, so they ended up spending more and more nights at his parents’ house.

“Sorry about this,” he’d said to her just that morning. Both of them were in Lidia’s kitchen getting ready for a few hours on the flats while also trying to feed Mira and get her back to sleep before they left. “I know this isn’t what you signed on for.”

Wasn’t it, though? Wasn’t it exactly what she had offered the morning after Carnival, the day he’d told her it was premature for them to undertake something so serious together?

Now, walking behind Marco through the shallow seaweed-dense water and across the sand to the cages, she noted that the morning was chillier than it had been in weeks. It was a reminder that September was right around the corner—that summer would not last forever.

For days, ever since she’d declined Dakota’s offer to join her in the new company, she’d been thinking about what would come next. All she knew was that no matter what happened between her and Marco, no matter how short or long a time she remained in Provincetown, she could not devote her life to something as ephemeral and meaningless as social media. Her mother, for all her faults, had at least created products that made women feel pretty. Even now, she was making things to help people feel good. Marco spent his time harvesting food, sustaining people in the most primal way. Surely there must be something worthwhile for her to do with her life.

They sat side by side, pulled on gloves, and unlatched their cages. Olivia pushed the oysters to one side to make room for her methodical inspection of each one. She held the first up to measure it, a motion she would repeat a hundred times in the coming hour.

Picking oysters had become one of her favorite ways to spend time with Marco. Sometimes they passed the hours chatting away about everything, from her life in New York to books and movies to Marco’s memories of P’town growing up; other days, they sat in comfortable silence and just focused on the task before them. That day seemed like one of their quiet sessions; Marco was deep in thought. She looked over once or twice to say something, but then, noting his look of concentration, refrained.

When he finally spoke, she was zoned out, completely in her own little world. The sound of his voice surprised her.

“What do you think of this one?” he asked, passing her an oyster. He was asking her advice?

“You must really be distracted today,” she said, taking it from him. It was too light. It didn’t feel like more than a shell.

“Just look at it,” he said. “Tell me what you think.”

“There’s no oyster in there.”

“I think you’re right,” he said. “But something is.”

She opened the shell wider and found a large pearl. No, a pearl ring.

What was going on? Marco took the shell from her, removed the ring, and reached for her hand.

“Olivia, I don’t know…maybe you’d prefer a diamond. But I thought something from the sea would be a more fitting way for me to ask you to become my wife.”

“Your wife?”

“Olivia,” he said, “will you marry me?”

And there, on that wet sandbar in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by water and kissed by the sun, she saw what her life was supposed to be.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He slipped the ring on her finger. In her heart, she’d never be back on dry land.

  

Elise agreed to Ruth’s suggestion that they walk over to the Barroses’ together to say goodbye to Jaci.

She knew that if she and Fern had not had their precious secret, she would not have been able to face Jaci. She still missed Mira every minute of the day. She woke at night, expecting to hear her hungry cry. The emptiness felt unbearable, but at least she had hope.

She and Fern had agreed not to tell anyone else about her pregnancy. It was too early; Fern would have waited another few weeks even to tell Elise if circumstances had not forced her hand. For now, they would keep the news to themselves, praying every day for the tiny life inside Fern to thrive.

In the meantime, Elise found great strength and solace in the lengths her wife had gone to in order to make her happy. Every small chip of resentment Elise had been harboring for the past year disappeared; there was no denying or mistaking the fact that she had a truly unselfish partner. Whatever happened with their quest to become mothers, Elise vowed to herself that her new understanding of the true depth of her marriage would sustain her.

“She’s upstairs in her room,” Lidia told them after she greeted them at the back door. Her olive skin showed even darker circles under her eyes than usual.

“How’s Mira doing?” Elise asked—could not help asking. She’d wondered if the Barroses would change her name. So far, they seemed to be sticking with Mira, so maybe Elise’s small contribution to the life of that child would be an enduring one.

“She’s an angel. And as you know, she’s really got an appetite,” Lidia said. “But to be honest, Olivia and Marco have been taking care of her the most.”

Elise nodded, ignoring the tightness in her chest. Why was it still so difficult?

“Is Jaci here? We just wanted to say goodbye,” Ruth said, then held up the paper shopping bag. “I brought her a little care package to start her year.”

“That’s so sweet. She’s in her room. Go right on up.”

Elise headed up; Ruth lingered to make plans with Lidia to meet for coffee. “You need to take an hour for yourself,” she heard Ruth saying. Clearly, she too had noticed the exhaustion in Lidia’s face.

Jaci’s bedroom door was open; packed suitcases stood at the foot of her bed. She was on her phone, music playing quietly. Elise rapped on the doorframe to announce herself.

“Oh, hey,” Jaci said, sitting up straight and putting down her phone. “Come in.”

“I just wanted to say goodbye,” Elise said, coming over to the bed.

“Please, sit,” Jaci said.

Elise perched uncomfortably on the edge. “I can’t stay long,” she said. “And Ruth is on her way up too.”

“Elise, I’m so sorry for any upset I caused. I really had this idea that it would be win-win. I didn’t think it through. It was an emotional decision, not a smart one, and you got caught in the middle of it. Can you ever forgive me?” Her big dark eyes teared up. Her eyes were so much like Mira’s, Elise once again wondered how she could have missed the clues. But there was no sense in going over all of that again. It was time to let it go.

In the spirit of letting go, of moving forward, Elise reached into her pocket and pulled out the tiny beaded anklet Mira had worn the day she appeared on the doorstep.

“Of course I forgive you,” Elise said. “And I wanted you to have this.”

Jaci held the plastic beads and closed her hand around them.

“I made this myself,” Jaci said. “I wanted you to know her birthday, and I wanted you to know that she was loved.”

Elise leaned forward and squeezed her hand. “I realize now all the time you spent hanging around our house, offering to babysit, wasn’t just about avoiding the oyster farm.”

Jaci nodded, sniffling. “It’s been so much harder than I thought.”

“Motherhood always is,” Ruth said from the doorway.

She walked into the room and set her care package on Jaci’s nightstand. Jaci sniffled again and pulled her knees up to her chest. Elise scooted over to make room for Ruth. The three of them sat in silence for a minute.

“Jaci,” Ruth finally said. “I just want you to know that there’s no such thing as a perfect mother. We all make mistakes, big and small, along the way.”

“I can’t be her mother,” Jaci said. “That’s what all of this has been about.”

“Well, your feelings—and circumstances—might change in time. And take it from me, it’s never too late.”

It’s never too late, Elise thought. I hope that’s true.

Two floors below, Lidia let out a squeal. Ruth jumped up and ran into the hallway. “Everything okay?” she called out.

“Ruth, you need to come down here,” Lidia yelled.

Ruth rushed down the stairs. Elise and Jaci looked at each other and ran down after her.

They found Marco and Olivia standing in the kitchen, covered in mud. Olivia was holding out her left hand.

“What’s going on?” Ruth said.

“Mom.” Olivia beamed. “We’re engaged.”