HEIDI AND I bought a house when we moved here. Three weeks later, she left me. I knew she was struggling, and while I didn’t want to give her space, I’ve given her as much as I can. I send her flowers weekly. I call her every two weeks, though she doesn’t always answer. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen her in who knows how long.

I miss my wife. I miss her so much. It’s been too long. The thought of giving up on her, our love, and our marriage has never crossed my mind. She needed time and space, which I’ve given her, but as each day passes, I wonder when she’ll finally come home. When she’s healed enough that she can face our life and me again.

Our practice is a little later today, so I’m only in gym shorts as I start a load of laundry. This house is too big for me. I’m reminded of it every day and especially on those when I’m cleaning it. I wish I could share this house with Heidi like I’m supposed to be. Someday, I will.

A chime rings throughout the house, so I quickly drop in the detergent, close the lid, and head to the front door to see who has rang the doorbell. My jaw drops when I see my wife, looking anxious as she gives me a once-over. I trail my gaze over her, soaking in the curves I haven’t seen in too long, her new hairstyle, and simply how beautiful she looks.

“Heidi,” I smile. Is she here to come home? I step aside so she can come in, but she shakes her head. That’s not a good sign. My stomach twists into knots as I swallow hard.

“I won’t be here long, Jordan. I had to do this in person though.” She clasps her hands in front of her, squeezing her fingers. “Is there a day this week you’re free in the morning?”

I’m confused at what she wants, but I answer. “Wednesday. Why? Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

“I’m making an appointment with an arbitrator for a divorce,” she blurts.

“What?” My heart begins to hammer in my chest fast and hard; my chest aches. She can’t be serious. “Heidi,” I begin.

“This is what I want.”

I shake my head. “No. I’ve given you everything you want; I’m not giving you this too. You were supposed to come back to me. You said you needed time, and I gave you that. You said you needed space, so I gave you that. I’ve done all that you’ve asked, Heidi. How can you want this?” I’m completely baffled and heartbroken. This can’t be happening.

“I’m not in love with you anymore,” she whispers.

Right then, I feel my heart explode and crumble into tiny pieces. “Not once have I given up on you, on us, and you want a divorce?”

“I’m sorry—”

“Save it, Heidi. I don’t want to hear it. I’m living in this house that we bought. I haven’t been with anyone else.” And then it slams into me so hard, I lean against the door for support. “Is there someone else?” Is that why she wants to leave me? Because she’s fallen in love with another person?

“No. I’m really sorry, Jordan, but I wanted to tell you in person. I’ll let you know what time the appointment is.” She turns and walks down the stone path to her car.

I slam the door closed, leaning against it. What the hell? I’ve done everything right. I’ve done everything she wanted of me. Why does she want this? Why doesn’t she want to come home? Maybe she’s been away so long she forgot how good we were together. The time and space she needed might have been for the worse and not for the better. I’m starting to think so, especially now that she’s wants a divorce.

This time, I’m not giving her what she wants. I’m going to dig my heels in and hold on to our marriage, even if she doesn’t want it. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve that much. We deserve a fighting chance, even if I’m the only one fighting.

I’m in a sour mood when I make it to practice. Everyone seems so happy and chipper and it pisses me off. Why don’t I get my happiness? All I need is Heidi and she wants to take herself away from me. It’s always been Heidi. I don’t want to start over and search for someone else. I want her.

My anger and frustration fuel me instead of distracting me, thankfully. After practice, we watch some footage, and then hit the weight room. I wish there was a punching bag in here, but there isn’t. It’s probably for the best. It won’t do me any good to hurt my hand in any way.

“What’s up with you today?” Colby asks. He’s my closest friend on the team and our third baseman.

“Nothing,” I grit.

“One of these days you’re going to explode if you don’t talk to someone.”

“Not today, old man.”

He is one of the oldest on the team and we like to tease him about it. He’s pretty wise though. He is a good guy, helping whenever he can, however he can. He laughs. “All right. I’ll leave you alone then. Let’s do some squats.”

We head over to the bar with weights on each end. We place the weighted bar on our shoulders while we do squats. He’s crazy because he loves doing these. I don’t mind them, but I don’t love them. They are a good distraction though. Once I’m forced to return home, I decide that no matter what, Heidi is not getting this divorce without a hard-fought battle.

***