WITHOUT OPENING MY eyes, I just know she’s gone. If she were still here, she’d be in bed with me. Disappointment filters through me as I open my eyes to confirm it. Somehow, I can’t be too upset because I was able to have one night with her. I’m so happy about that, even if she did leave.

Sighing, I throw the covers to the side and get dressed. I need to head out so I can make it back to Memphis. We have a home game tonight, and then I’m flying out for three days. I think Gemma and Sam are coming back over once I return, but I’m not sure. They just hop back and forth when they feel like it.

On the flight home, I try to figure out why she might have left. Did she get her night of normalcy and leave because it was over? Did she leave because it was amazing and felt so good to be us again and she couldn’t handle it? With Heidi, who knows?

I can’t help but feel like I made progress. In all the time since Eden died, Heidi has been different, often unrecognizable from the woman I married. Last night? Last night, I was with my wife. If I weren’t, we never would have made it through dinner. That small bit of progress makes me want to puff my chest in accomplishment and gives me the renewed energy to keep fighting for us. It’s like one small step for Heidi, one giant leap for Jordan.

The jet lands with just enough time for me to make it to the field for pregame activities. There are a few questioning glances from most of the guys, considering I up and left Tanner’s party without a word to anyone other than Sofia and Blake. Thankfully, there isn’t any time for anyone to ask questions, especially Colby because out of everyone here, he would want to know what’s up.

We stretch and warm up, throwing the ball to one another to loosen up. There’s a slight pep in my step, and I just know that no matter the outcome of the game, I’ll go home in a mostly good mood.

It’s as if that single thought jinxes us. Felix is off his game, Blake is pissier than usual, and as a whole, we’re not playing anywhere near our best. We’re down by six runs at the end of the second inning. We’re missing the target when we make our throws; our gloves have butter or something in them on the occasional catches because no one can manage a grip. Fans aren’t happy, not that I can blame them.

Negativity fills the dugout, and Hector is the only one with a smile on his face as he slaps our shoulders and jokes around. Around the fourth inning, we’re able to regain some of our footing, but it’s not enough to turn the game around. Sometimes, it feels like losses like tonight are more tiring than those hard-fought wins. I’m exhausted from my mini trip and the game, and I’m eager to crawl into my bed.

I’ve just walked into the house when I remember I promised Heidi I would check out her car. After grabbing the spare set of keys, I get right back in my car and drive to her salon. The car is alone, so I’m able to park next to it. Hopefully, I can discover the issue quickly because if there’s anything I’ll need from the store, I’ll need to get it before they close.

She needs a new battery, so I go and get one, texting Colby and asking if I can pick him up for a quick favor. At first, I was just going to leave the car at the salon and text her that it’s fixed, but I don’t think I’ll let her off the hook that easily. Not after she left. So once I have the battery and have picked up Colby, we head to the salon.

“How’s the online dating going?” I ask.

Colby heavily sighs. “I’d have better luck picking a random person from a crowd and marrying them.”

I chuckle. “That bad?”

He glances at me. “I had one girl in her early twenties message me, asking if I could be her sugar daddy.”

I bust out laughing, trying to imagine Colby as one of those men. “And you turned her down? Was she hot?”

“I didn’t reply and yeah, she was pretty. Where did you disappear to at Tanner’s party?”

Immediately, I sober. “I went to South Carolina.” That’s all I say. He knows what South Carolina means to me, and he doesn’t need to know Heidi was there. I don’t want to get into it.

Colby mentions her anyway. “How’s it going with Heidi? Is it some sort of good sign that you’re fixing her car?”

“No, it’s not. I heard it was messed up, so I told her I would look at it. Nothing’s changed with her. Not enough anyway.” I close the hood with a thud. “Follow me to her place and then I’ll let you get back to being a sugar daddy.”

He shakes his head at me and promptly ignores me. I get into Heidi’s car. It doesn’t take too long to reach where she lives. I hold my finger up to Colby as I get out and head up to her door, letting him know I’ll be just a minute. I rap on the door and wait.

It slowly opens until Heidi is standing on the other side, her jaw hanging, and her face pale. “Jordan. What are you doing here?”

She probably thinks it has to do with this morning, but it doesn’t. I’ve decided not to mention it at all. I need to pick my battles with Heidi, and there are too many bigger ones on my hands for me to get pissed she left me, especially when she’d said only a night.

“Your car is fixed.” I hold up her keys. “I thought I would bring it back here for you, and I figured you would want the spare keys back anyway.”

 

“Oh.” She almost sounds...disappointed? God, this woman is driving me crazy. “Thanks.” She reaches for the keys, being careful not to touch my hand as she takes them.

“You’re welcome. In the future, if Sam is around, you’ll have to ask him to look at it for you.” If she follows through, she won’t have me around to take care of it for her. I know I’m going to fight like hell for us until it’s officially over, but I need to try to brace myself, and her, for the alternative. Call me cocky or whatever you want, but I don’t think Heidi has truly realized what will happen and all the changes to come if she gets the divorce. How pathetic am I that I want to prepare my possibly soon-to-be-ex-wife for life without me? “I need to go.” I turn and leave her standing there. The pain of being around her is too much.

After dropping Colby off at his house, I go home. My stupid head is full of thoughts and scenarios of what might happen. Is Heidi going to stay in Memphis? Or try to open a salon in South Carolina? Where am I going to be once I eventually retire? South Carolina is no longer an option because it’s where I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with Heidi. I can’t retire there now. I shouldn’t worry about it yet, considering I still have a ways to go before that happens.

Either way, my life is going to be a hell of a lot more lonely, dull, and sucky without her.

***