Apu Kaka mailed back promptly as Ronen Uncle had predicted. It was around nine in the evening when Sujoy settled down on his sofa, composing himself for the call they had set up. He had decided not to have a drink till the conversation was over. He dialled the number.
Apu Kaka’s voice at the other end was steady: ‘Hello Sujoy, how are you?’ he said in Bengali. ‘You know I was just thinking, while I’d exchanged letters with Ronojoy many years back, you and I have never really spoken. Of course, Ronen Da keeps me updated about how you all are doing. He did call to inform me about Boudi…so sudden. How are you coping?’
Apu Kaka would have figured that Sujoy wasn’t calling to exchange pleasantries, maybe this monologue was a sign of nervousness.
Sujoy didn’t beat around the bush, ‘I’m not okay, Apu Kaka. Ronen Uncle may not have mentioned to you that Ma was suffering from cancer for the last year or so. We weren’t aware,’ he took a deep breath; now came the difficult part: ‘She left a last letter for Dada, to be opened after she passed. The letter dwelt on events that led to Baba’s death,’ Sujoy stopped.
There was a deafening silence on the other end of the line. A few moments passed before Sujoy asked, ‘Apu Kaka, are you there?’
The voice had changed, it was now a ghostly whisper: ‘Yes, Sujoy. I am just at a loss for words here. This is quite a shock, you see. I had never thought Boudi…’
Sujoy pressed on, ‘I would like to meet you, Apu Kaka.’
‘Meet me? But I am here…’
‘I am prepared to come to New Jersey, I’m afraid we do need to meet.’
There was consternation in Apu Kaka’s voice now, ‘Sujoy, can you please give me a day? I just need to sit down and process what you have told me. This is so unexpected. Can I call you tomorrow perhaps, around this time? Please don’t misunderstand, I just need to compose myself a bit.’
Sujoy was about to say something terse but he checked himself; ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘I will wait for your call tomorrow but please do call.’
When Sujoy put down his phone he realized he was soaked through with sweat. His armpits were clammy; he felt trickles running down his sides. Under the circumstances though, it had been a remarkably civil exchange.
What was it that Apu Kaka had said? That they had never really spoken, right? In the thirty-four years of his existence, Sujoy had met his uncle – his father – once, for exactly two minutes. He may not have known the truth all this while but Apu Kaka had. Every day, for the last thirty-four years, he would have woken up with the knowledge that he had a son, growing up in a distant land, and chosen to do nothing about it. Not even a phone call, in all these years.
Well, that was about to change, Sujoy said to himself.
The change happened sooner than Sujoy had anticipated. He woke the next morning to a message on his phone:
Sujoy, you are right. We do need to meet and talk. I would also like to meet Ronojoy. I have decided to come to Delhi. Let me look at ticket options and share with you today. I should be able to see you later this week if that’s okay. Apu Kaka.
Sujoy read the message a few times. He had actually expected Apu Kaka to resist the idea of a face-to-face meeting. This decision to come down immediately surprised him, but cynicism crept in swiftly to dispel any benign motive he may have attributed to it. Apu Kaka simply wanted him not to turn up at his doorstep in New Jersey and spill the beans in front of his family. He was protecting himself, and them, from the consequences.
Sujoy was inclined to go with this line of reasoning, yet something about the message struck him as sincere. Did he detect a hint of acceptance, even contrition?
He typed out a reply:
I would appreciate that, Apu Kaka. I don’t want to inconvenience you but the sooner the better for me. Thanks, Sujoy.
He noticed another message on his phone, this one from Ronojoy, asking how the conversation with Apu Kaka had gone.
Sujoy rang him. ‘Sorry, Dada, it slipped my mind last night. Well, it went off okay. Apu Kaka says he will come to Delhi sometime in the next few days. He wants to speak to both of us.’
‘Apu Kaka is coming to Delhi?’ Ronojoy couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice. ‘Did you…?’
‘No, Dada, it was his decision. I merely told him that I needed to see him and that I was prepared to go to America for that. He said he would rather come down himself.’
‘I see.’
‘You don’t sound convinced.’
‘No. It’s just that things are moving too fast. I have this strange sensation of hurtling towards something. I don’t know.’
Sujoy understood exactly what Ronojoy was talking about – that hurtling sensation.
Ronojoy was speaking again: ‘Aren’t you going to office today?’
This threw Sujoy; it was a regular Tuesday morning yet the thought of attending office hadn’t even crossed his mind.
‘I don’t think so, Dada. I can’t even bear the thought of going through a workday just yet. But good you reminded me, I will just ask for extended leave. I need to close a few things before getting back to my normal routine. We will speak soon, okay?’
It was a grey, overcast day. Ronojoy hadn’t slept at all, just tossed and turned in bed before giving up finally around daybreak. The pill he had taken had not only failed to do its job but left him with a heavy-headedness he couldn’t shake off. It had been an effort to get out of bed. He wasn’t ill but couldn’t remember feeling worse.
He shook his head as he recalled Sujoy’s words, ‘I have to close a few things…’
That was the banker in him talking. You closed a deal and moved on to the next. If only life was that simple. Nothing was ever closed. Everything that happened to us permeated down to our billion cells and lay in wait. It was only a matter of time before they floated up to the surface again; there was little we could ever hope to be rid of, permanently.
Ronojoy sighed and listed the things he needed to do.
He wanted to spend some time with his nephew. He wished he could see Dida again but it was perhaps wise not to distress her so soon again, considering the state she had been in after their last meeting. His office situation was manageable – his work as a consultant at a global funding agency for development projects gave him some flexibility with work commitments; in any case, he had already taken a fortnight off which covered him till Sunday, so that wasn’t an issue.
He had thought of driving down to Ma’s Ashram in Rishikesh but now with Apu Kaka’s imminent arrival, that would have to wait. A visit to his paternal grandmother at the Vasant Kunj facility was also overdue; Sujoy and he took turns to go across and see her once a fortnight but that hadn’t happened for some time. It was best that Sujoy in his current frame of mind did not visit her, so Ronojoy would need to make a trip soon. Not that it made much difference to her – his grandma was past the point of caring. Her mind was almost gone and new complications assailed her every month, yet the body clung on tenaciously to the last vestiges of life, almost cruelly denying her the release that they all waited for.
He called Anu and set up a plan to pick Jeet up from school in the afternoon, to spend a few hours with him before dropping him back to Anu’s mother’s place in the evening.
The day dragged. Ronojoy had slowed down; maybe it was the lack of sleep that affected his movements. He noticed that he had become very deliberative, pondering endlessly over even insignificant chores like going in for a shower. He just couldn’t make himself get up and do anything. Instead, he sat staring at an object for minutes on end as all sorts of thoughts whirled around in his head. It was as if he was living inside his head with his physical being not in sync.
It was his father who occupied Ronojoy’s thoughts. Dida’s words, about how they were alike, came back to him. The darkness that surrounded them, she had said. He tried to imagine what Baba may have gone through, in those last six years of torment. Ronojoy’s current condition – multiplied manifold, stretched infinitely, day after miserable day. A downward spiral he had never managed to snap out of. Yet, his father had struggled and waited for six long years, before succumbing. Was that in the hope that the pain would eventually subside? Become more bearable with time? Or had he simply wanted to do the right thing by being around for his boys for as long as he could?
And what had finally broken his resolve to soldier on – sheer unrelenting misery, or the suffocating reek of the poisoned air that had corrupted his brain? Or were these intertwined, like two venomous vipers?
While getting out of bed that morning, the thought of contacting Doctor Mirza had crossed his mind. Five hours had passed yet he hadn’t been able to decide if it was the right course of action. Finally, he reckoned that there was no harm speaking to him once, and made the call.
‘Doctor Mirza, this is Ronojoy Chatterjee; you may have forgotten but I had consulted you, a while back…’
‘Of course, Ronojoy, I remember you very well. How are you, young man?’
‘Not too well, Doctor, the reason I called. But is this a bad time to speak? I could call back.’
‘No, not at all. I am actually on a holiday right now and out of the city for a few days. Please continue, I hope it isn’t anything urgent?’
‘No. It’s just that my mother passed away about a fortnight ago. But it isn’t only about that; some facts that have come to light since then have greatly distressed my brother and I. I haven’t been getting any sleep either.’
‘Oh. Doesn’t sound good, Ronojoy. If I were in town, I would certainly have asked you to come by but that will have to wait for a couple of days. Meanwhile, for sleep, if it’s urgent, I can get a colleague to write you a prescription.’ He hesitated before adding, ‘I hope you have not been drinking.’
Ronojoy decided to be truthful, ‘I had been clean since our last meeting, Doctor, but the other day I felt so stressed out, that I did have a couple. I know I shouldn’t have.’
Doctor Mirza sighed, ‘You need to stop immediately, Ronojoy, okay? You know how difficult it was dealing with that the last time. How is your brother doing?’
‘Far worse, I think. I wish I could convince him to see you, but that’s another story. Doctor Mirza, can I request you to send me a message when you are back?’
‘Of course. I will be back on Saturday. We can meet soon after and please don’t hesitate to call if you feel particularly low, okay? Everything will be all right.’
Ever the reassuring doctor. If nothing, it seemed to give Ronojoy the energy to rouse himself from his stupor and get himself ready for the visit to his nephew’s school.
Jeet was waiting inside the glass door of the waiting area; his face broke into a wide smile as he saw his uncle walk up the steps. Ronojoy smiled and waved, feeling a tug inside. Jeet ran across and hugged him.
‘Hello, Leo,’ Ronojoy said.
‘Hi, Ron,’ Jeet replied with a grin; these were their play names, stemming from his growing obsession with soccer stars.
‘So, shall we go back to my place or would you want to stop at that pink shop first?’ Ronojoy asked.
Jeet’s face lit up as he turned towards the shop – a pink Baskin Robbins ice-cream parlour.
‘Pink shop please,’ he said matter-of-factly, trying to suppress his glee.
Once they had carried their ice-cream cones into the car, Ronojoy probed gently, ‘So, how’s it going at Nani’s place?’
‘It’s okay, Jethu. This time I get extra TV time once I finish school work in the evening. Nani didn’t have all the sports channels on her TV but I got that sorted out.’
‘Have you spoken to Papa?’
‘Yes, I spoke to him yesterday. He said he is travelling on work and will be back soon.’
So, things weren’t too bad, Ronojoy thought. For a few days, it would probably be manageable. The problem lay in predicting how things would progress after Apu Kaka’s arrival.
‘And how’s soccer practice coming along?’
‘Good. But I missed the last two sessions. Papa couldn’t take me. Jethu, is Papa okay?’
Ronojoy stiffened, ‘Why do you ask? Did something happen?’
Jeet frowned, ‘He seems angry at me all the time. We have stopped watching matches together and he doesn’t always talk to me. Sometimes he fights with Ma. You know, that day, I even saw him talking to himself, Jethu.’
Ronojoy had feared something like this. He looked at his nephew and said: ‘Papa is upset about your Dida’s death, Jeet. You didn’t see much of her but she was our mother. Losing one’s mother is very sad, don’t you think?’
Jeet didn’t seem convinced, ‘But you are okay, Jethu. Dida was your mother too, no?’
Ronojoy reached across and ruffled Jeet’s hair, ‘Yes, she was. And I am sad as well. But your father shows it more openly when he is happy or sad, that’s just how he is. People are different.’
Jeet had finished his ice-cream. He licked his fingers and asked, ‘Is there a chance, Jethu, that Arsenal will win the league this time?’
Ronojoy was thrown for a moment; here he was bracing himself for a difficult chat with his nephew and in an instant, gears had changed. He was reminded that he was talking to a seven-year-old.
‘I’m not sure, Jeet. We always seem to slip up, don’t we? Manchester United look stronger this time.’
‘Should I start supporting Man U, Jethu? Last two years I supported Arsenal and they lost. At practice, most of the boys support Man U or Chelsea. They call Arsenal a loser team.’
‘You should think hard about it, Jeet. The point about being a supporter is to cheer for a team regardless of whether they are winning or losing. When teams are not winning, they need their fans even more. If you chose to support only winners, you would be changing teams every other season, no? No one wins all the time, you know that.’
Jeet didn’t reply immediately. He seemed to weigh Ronojoy’s words before saying, ‘Okay, I am with Arsenal this season.’ With a grin on his face he curled his little fist into a ball and extended it towards his uncle. Ronojoy did the same. A loyalty pact had been sealed, at least for a year.
The afternoon passed quickly. Ronojoy and Jeet went to a multiplex and watched Ice Age, which Jeet thought was ‘awesome’. Ronojoy indulged him with all that he asked for – caramel popcorn, iced cola and a chocolate cupcake. On their way down from the theatre, through the shopping arcade, Jeet even got Ronojoy to buy him a new football jersey.
His nephew was thus in high spirits – a sugar rush to go with some retail therapy – as Ronojoy drove them to his grandma’s place in Vasant Vihar.
Anu’s mother lived on the ground floor of a three-storeyed house she owned. The top two floors were let out to tenants. It was nearly dark when Ronojoy and Jeet walked in, hand in hand, into her beautifully lit drawing room. Paintings, rugs, old teak furniture, shelves lined with books, flowers in vases – Ronojoy always felt a lift when he entered this house. He had a thing for beautiful homes, and always felt that the influence of living spaces on one’s disposition and mood was largely underappreciated.
Anu’s mother, Premilla, elegant in a cream chiffon saree, walked towards them.
‘Ronojoy, how nice to see you again,’ she lifted her cheek to his. Turning to Jeet she asked, ‘And whatever happened to your school uniform, Jeetu Baba?’
‘Jethu gave me a gift,’ Jeet said and ran into the house.
Premilla smiled conspiratorially at Ronojoy.
‘It’s such a pleasure to visit your house, Premilla Auntie. And you look lovely, as always.’
Anu walked into the room. She wasn’t as neatly turned out as her mother but seemed composed.
‘Hi, Dada,’ she hugged Ronojoy. ‘You should see Jeet now jumping on the bed in his new jersey. Thank you so much for taking him out today.’
‘The least I could do, Anu. We had a nice day together. How are you holding up?’
Anu didn’t answer.
Premilla spoke, ‘Ronojoy, it is such a difficult time for both of you. The news about Mala Di came as a shock to me. Do you think it’s a good idea for Sujoy to be alone now?’
It wasn’t an easy question to answer; Ronojoy tried to choose his words carefully. ‘Honestly, I don’t know, Auntie. Anu would have told you about his behaviour of late. I think he is quite disturbed. He is also drinking more than he should. I am aware he has a self-destructive streak in him and am trying to talk to him every day, as often as he will let me. Yet, I thought it may not be good for Jeet to see him this way. As for Anu…’ here Ronojoy hesitated, he was treading into a personal domain, ‘she is a better judge of what the right course of action is, between them.’
Anu sat quietly with her head bowed.
Ronojoy addressed her directly now:
‘Anu, I know how tough this is for you. The only thing I ask of you – and here I don’t hold a brief for my brother – is to consider his fragile mental state. It’s not just Ma’s death but the circumstances in which it happened, the history of the breakdown in Sujoy’s relationship with her…you know how it has been. I hope things will get better with time. Let him sort out the demons in his head.’
Anu was crying softly, almost imperceptibly. Premilla went and sat next to her, holding Anu’s hand in hers. Ronojoy said, ‘I understand your concerns about Sujoy being alone, Auntie, but I just feel that being together now could be more damaging to them, as a unit. Sometimes one does things, says things that cannot be taken back and they open up fissures that become wider with time.’
Premilla nodded, ‘You are right, Ronojoy. I think it’s better if Jeet and Anu stayed here for a while, but I was thinking… though that may not be easy for you…’ she trailed off.
‘Yes, Premilla Auntie?’
‘Sorry if this sounds intrusive, Ronojoy, but I was wondering if you could ask Sujoy to spend a few days at your place. I know how he looks up to you and if he could just have someone to talk to, about the things that are bothering him. But I understand that it is a difficult time for you too; it’s not fair to place this burden on you.’
‘He is my brother, Auntie. Everything need not be measured in terms of fairness. I will certainly give this some thought but things are a bit complicated by the fact that our uncle, Apu Kaka, may be coming down to visit us this week.’
Anu looked up in surprise, ‘Apu Kaka? From the US? I had no idea, Sujoy never mentioned…’
‘Yes, it just happened, you see. They spoke on the phone yesterday. I was quite surprised myself. Sujoy would have mentioned it, but… I guess you haven’t spoken since.’
‘No, we haven’t.’
Premilla appeared surprised as well, ‘I seem to vaguely remember that you did have an uncle living somewhere abroad but in all these years I have never heard him mentioned even once…’
‘You are quite right, Auntie. I haven’t seen him in nearly thirty years. Sujoy has met him only once. We have barely been in touch. The events of the last few days are all a bit sudden and confusing. What can I say? By now, you must have figured that your daughter has married into a completely crazy family,’ Ronojoy said with a wry smile on his face.
Something happened. Anu suddenly burst out laughing – that bit about a crazy family had struck some chord and she giggled hysterically, wiping tears away from her face. The mood in the room had lightened.
Premilla stood up and exclaimed, ‘Oh Ronojoy, I haven’t even offered you a glass of water since you walked in. This is terrible. What will you have? Can I offer you a drink, or…?’
‘No Auntie, I’m trying to stay off alcohol. And please don’t bother, I was just about to take my leave,’ he said and stood up. He walked to Anu and said softly, ‘This will pass, Anu. Sujoy is a nice guy, I know him. Don’t take all this to heart, okay?’
Anu nodded and muttered a muffled thank you.
Premilla walked him to the door, ‘Ronojoy, take care of yourself. I didn’t mention it earlier but you look very drawn. I admire your calmness and strength, but sometimes the strong get hurt even more,’ she laid an affectionate hand on Ronojoy’s shoulder.
Ronojoy had just turned the ignition key in his car when he heard a loud shout, ‘Bye bye, Jethu!’
Jeet had run up to the gate to see him off, ‘Thank you, Jethu, today was the best day ever,’ he said waving.
It needed so little to make children happy, Ronojoy thought, as he drove off. Just as it needed little to scar them for life.
On the way, his phone beeped once. A message from Sujoy: Apu Kaka arriving at 3 pm day after, Air India flight.