“Well,” Kaia said, paused and said, “Well” again, unable to put into words all the thoughts, emotions, and sensations flooding her body and her brain. The sweet humming was receding now, but it still reverberated in her head, lingering like a tuning fork struck hard.
“Deep subject,” he teased, and toyed with her hair, a possessive, intimate gesture, reserved for lovers who belonged to each other.
Lovers.
They were lovers.
But not for long. He’d be flying home to Calgary on Monday. No point in doing this again, no matter how badly she might want to. He had his life and she had hers.
She unpeeled herself from the mattress and sat up, dragging the top sheet with her to cover her breasts, unable to meet his eyes. But she could feel the heat of his gaze on her skin.
“Kaia?”
Finally, she looked at him. He was on his side, propped up on one elbow, the sheet draped over his hips, his bare chest on full display.
His eyes were murky, mysterious. His jawline darkened with whiskers. An urge to run her fingers over that scratchy stubble carpeting his angular jaw captured her, and she simply could not resist.
Leaning over, she traced his chin, marveling that she was here with him. Grateful, oh-so-grateful, that they’d had this one wickedly delicious night.
His arms went around her neck and he tugged her gently toward him for a soft kiss. Her lips were sore, a good kind of sore, the best kind of sore.
“Give me a few minutes to recover and we can do this again,” he said.
She laughed. “That’s a big boast.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You inspire me to great heights.” He nibbled her earlobe. His warm breath sending shivers over her skin dampened by his tongue.
“I’d love to take you up on that offer,” she said, gazing into his eyes. “But if my truck stays parked in front of the chapel after everyone else has gone, it’s going to look suspicious.”
“You don’t want anyone knowing about us?” He kissed her forehead.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve forgotten how claustrophobic small towns are. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Would that be so bad?” he asked with a wicked laugh. “People gossiping about us?”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes it would. I’m the one who has to live here, and live down the reputation you’ll stamp me with. I’d be just another silly girl sideswiped by Ridge Lockhart.”
“Do you really believe that about me?”
“Doesn’t matter what I believe. It’s all about perception.”
Ridge captured her chin between his fingers, forced her to look him squarely in the eyes. “This was special. You’re special.”
Yeah? Maybe. But so what? He was off to China and she had to finish her degree. “It was great sex.”
What about the humming? Huh? What about that? Song of the Soul Mate stuff. It meant something. But she wasn’t about to tell him about that. Keep it light. It was the only way for her to survive.
“There’s more where that came from.” He wriggled his eyebrows like Groucho Marx.
“Listen,” she said, imagining she was a sophisticated city woman accustomed to casual affairs. “I really do have to go. The Cupid grapevine aside, I have animals that need my attention.”
“Ten more minutes,” he finagled, snuggling her against his chest.
Her bones were rubber. How easy it would be to sink into him and let nature have her way.
His intoxicating bay rum and hot male scent enveloped her, and all she wanted was to bottle the fragrance and put it in her pocket so she could pull it out and take a big whiff of him whenever she wanted to remember this night.
“Did you know you have a heart-shaped freckle on the back of your neck?” he asked, tracking his finger over her nape. “It’s cute.”
Kaia plastered a hand to her neck. She did not know she had a heart-shaped freckle there. “Probably just dirt.”
“Let me see.” He lifted up her hair, licked the flat of his thumb, rubbed it against her skin where she supposed the spot was. A sweet shiver ran through her body. “No, no. Not dirt. It’s a freckle.”
He pressed his lips to her neck and the shiver turned into an all-out tremor. How easy it would be to surrender into this, into him. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to sidle away. “I had a wonderful time tonight. Thank you.”
“But . . .”
“I really don’t see this going anywhere, Ridge. You’ve got a life in Canada. I’ve got a life here . . .”
“Can I at least have your cell number?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She shook her head. “It’s for the best. You’ll be out of the country. I’ll be finishing school. We’re both too busy for a long-distance relationship.”
He paused, and for a moment she thought she saw disappointment on his face, but he quickly covered it up with a jovial mask. “You’re right,” he agreed. “Wishful thinking.”
Silence fell over the room. Each of them lost in their own thoughts. Things were awkward now. Strained.
Suddenly, she wanted to be anywhere but here. She needed to get off by herself, think things through. She slid from the bed, using her pillow as a shield as she searched for her underwear.
“Don’t get up,” she said.
“I hope you don’t mean that literally,” he said impishly. “Because I already am. Up, that is.”
Kaia darted a quick glance at him, and sure enough the covers were tented below his waist. She felt her cheeks flush, ducked her head.
“Down, boy,” she quipped, spotted her panties, and slipped them on.
“Kind of hard to do when you just gave me such a clear shot of your beautiful butt.”
“You’re incorrigible,” she said, alarmed by the surge of hope that bloomed in her chest.
“And you love that about me.” He gifted her with a saucy smile and sultry, half-closed eyelids. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“At least until Monday,” she said. Reminding herself more than him that their short-lived romance had an expiration date.
He threw back the covers, got up, giving her a full frontal view of his total male gloriousness. “At least let me walk you to your truck.”
“I’m a big girl,” she said. “I know this ranch like the back of my hand. There’s nothing to fear out there in the dark. I can see myself out.”
Yep. Nothing to fear in the dark, because everything that scared her to the bone was right here in this room.
He wasn’t going to romanticize it. They’d had sex. Very hot, very great sex, yes. But it was just sex.
Hell, Kaia had made that abundantly clear.
And yet, there was a small part of him that held out hope for more, a secret part that melted at Kaia’s endearing smile and dared to think, what if?
She was a lot of fun, and it had been a long time since he’d allowed himself to fully play. There was another feeling inside him, a deeper, darker feeling that he did not want to label. She made him want things. Things he never thought he wanted—like a wife, and a family of his own.
Whoa-ho, he went there.
He wasn’t the kind of guy who did well with family commitments. He’d had no role models for how to make a marriage work. No clue how it was done. People said love was enough. That love would get you through anything.
But Ridge wasn’t stupid. He knew that wasn’t true. He’d loved his mother more than anything, but she’d had no qualms about checking out on him. Hell, if he couldn’t keep his mother interested enough to stick around how could he expect anyone else to?
Love was a gamble. Apparently some people got lucky at the game, found someone they truly cared about, made a life together, stuck it out through thick and thin. Kaia’s parents were like that.
But not Ridge. Not his family. On either his father’s or his mother’s side. Not a single Lockhart male in the past six generations had been able to make marriage stick.
Sure, many of the Lockhart ancestors had been widowed during the settling of the West, but there had been just as many divorces, or just as many wives taking off, disappearing without warning. What made him believe he could make love work when none of his ancestors had before him?
Besides, his home was in Calgary. Hers was in Cupid. No way was he moving back to the town that held nothing but painful memories and his father. The Trans-Pecos wasn’t big enough for the two of them.
A longer relationship between them did not make sense on any level. Tonight was the apex. He’d had fun. It was the best sex he’d ever had in his life, but it had been just sex. No wedding bells. No heavenly angels singing. No with-this-ring-I-do-thee-wed happy ending.
But he couldn’t help chasing after her.
He paused just long enough to jam himself into his jeans and boots, but he didn’t even bother with a shirt, just went running after her.
The party was still going on in the barn, although a lot of cars had already left, giving her room to get out. She was unlocking the door of the Tundra, looking sexy and mussed in the coffee-stained bridesmaid dress.
“Kaia,” he called softly.
She stopped, raised her head. “What is it?”
He caught up to her, feeling a little breathless. “Before you go,” he said, “I’ve got to know.”
She paused, shifted her weight from foot to foot on the high heels she’d worn to the wedding. “What is it?”
“Why did you get mad when I kissed your scar?”
Her hand went to her right hip, as her mouth turned down. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Then what does it hurt to tell me?” He stepped closer. Saw the vein at her throat pulsing hard. It was all he could do not to pull her into his arms and whisper, shh, shh, shh, everything will be okay, until the pulsing slowed.
Kaia cast a nervous glance over her shoulder at the barn, where music was still spilling out. “If I tell you will you go away?”
He nodded, when all he wanted to do was throw her over his shoulder like a caveman and haul her back to his bed.
She leaned her back against the door of the truck, her keys clutched in her palm, closed her eyes, cleared her throat, opened her eyes again, let out a steadying breath. “It’s hard for me to talk about.”
He couldn’t resist coming closer, but she held up a stop-sign palm, warning him off.
“Please don’t,” she said, the crack in her voice letting him know that while she longed to touch him again, she couldn’t stand it if she did.
Respecting her wishes, he took a step back, even though everything inside him wanted to rush to her and draw her close.
“Listen,” he said. “Forget I asked.”
“No. It’s okay. Maybe it’s time I talked about it. But not out here where everyone can see.”
He glanced over his shoulder at his house.
“The chapel. It’s safer,” she said, but didn’t explain what she meant by that.
Nodding, he went into the darkened chapel ahead of her and took a seat in the last pew. A minute passed, he turned to watch the door, wondering if she’d decided to take off and leave him in the lurch. But he didn’t hear the Tundra start.
Finally, she appeared, her curvy figure silhouetted in the doorway, clutching her high heels in one hand. On silent bare feet she made her way to him, settled in beside him. Close, but not close enough for him to touch her without leaning in. Her shoulders inched up to her ears.
“Who was the guy who destroyed your self-confidence?” he growled.
“Am I that transparent?” Her voice was weary, sagging with a heavy emotional weight.
He shook his head, smiled softly, held her gaze. “No,” he said. “It’s just that you’re normally so happy that I knew something more had to be behind your edginess when I kissed your scar.”
“I didn’t mean to be edgy—”
“Hey, I’m not judging you for it. You’re entitled to your anger. But it did make me curious. You don’t owe me an explanation, Kaia. None at all—I just thought maybe talking about it would help.”
She laughed.
“What?”
“Ironic.”
“What is?”
She swatted him playfully on the shoulder. “You. The strong, silent type here encouraging me to spill my guts, when your cards are smack up against your chest.”
“Ah,” he said. “I get it. You want tit for tat. Okay, you tell me your ugly secret and I’ll tell you mine.”
She crinkled her nose. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
“Why not?”
“Swapping stories leads to getting to know you better and getting to know you better leads to liking you more and liking you more leads to . . .” She trailed off. “Do you see where I’m headed?”
“Back into my bed?” he asked hopefully.
“You are such a guy,” she said, and swatted his shoulder again, but her voice held a teasing note.
“So who was he? The guy who took your joy.”
“Don’t worry about him. I got my joy back.”
“Okay,” he said, disappointed she wasn’t able to tell him her story, but fully understanding her reluctance to splash in water under an old bridge.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I . . . I don’t know how to start,” she confessed.
“Leave it lie. You’re right. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it.”
In the silence they heard distant voices, laughter, and a car door slam. Through pursed lips, Kaia hauled in a deep breath and slowly released it. Ridge reached over to take her hand and she did not pull away. He smiled into the darkness.
He gave her space. Letting her get to it in her own time.
“After my accident, I met a guy at the rehab hospital. He was there visiting his father and we had a lot in common. Both came from a family of five kids. Both loved animals. He was charming and I was vulnerable, feeling insecure after my accident . . .” She bit her bottom lip.
He stayed quiet, holding space for her to continue in her own time and way.
“After I got out of the hospital, I still needed a lot of therapy. He was so attentive. He wanted to start dating, but I wasn’t in any shape for that. He told me he was happy to just be friends, and I took him at his word.” She traced the coffee stain on her dress with her finger.
It was all he could do not to pull her into his lap and kiss her until she forgot everything but the feel of his lips on hers.
“He insisted on driving me to my appointments, and in the beginning it was so nice. He called me several times a day to make sure I was doing okay. I’m not going to lie, I was flattered by his attention and blind to what was behind it. But I wasn’t sexually attracted to him and had no desire to take things to that level.”
He squeezed her hand. Letting her know she was safe with him. It was the most he could offer her right now.
“Then things started to change. He moved into my apartment complex so he could be near me. If I didn’t answer the phone immediately when he called, or I drove myself somewhere, he’d yell at me. Tell me I was still too sick to be going out without him. Honestly, I was flattered that he cared so much.” She shook her head. “I was so stupid.”
“No,” he said sharply. “Not stupid at all.”
“By the time I realized how possessive he was, and how dependent he’d made me on him, my self-esteem was in the toilet.”
Ridge clenched his fist, his teeth, and his anger.
“The more I tried to stretch my wings, the more controlling he became. Then he got verbally abusive—”
“Did he ever hit you?” Ridge growled, anger a black thing in the pit of his stomach.
“No.” She shook her head. “Not while I was still friendly with him. When I couldn’t take any more of his yelling and cursing at me and I told him I didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life, he begged my forgiveness. Said he was just concerned about me, begged me to give him a second chance.”
“And because you’re a forgiving soul who believes the best about people, you did,” he guessed.
“Foolishly, yes.” She cringed, hitched in a deep breath, and finally got out the rest of the story on a long rush of air. “But of course, he didn’t stop. I was too ashamed to tell my family what was happening. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I moved out of the apartment complex while he was out of town. But then he started stalking me. Endless phone calls. Showing up at my school and at my job.”
His entire body flushed hot then cold. He didn’t want to hear anymore, but he knew she needed to tell it.
Her voice grew softer. “One night as I was leaving evening classes, he cornered me in the parking lot. He told me he loved me. I told him it was over between us. We argued. He attacked me.”
“No!” Ridge said hotly, hoarsely, her words hitting him solid as a blow.
Her nod was barely there, as if she had no energy for it. “He choked me. Said if he couldn’t have me, he’d make sure no one else ever did. I thought I was going to die.”
It killed him to think of her suffering like that. Ridge knotted his hands into crabapple fists.
“It was terrifying. If another student hadn’t happened by when he did . . .” She trailed off again, brought a hand to her neck.
Thank God for that other student!
Ridge’s fists were squeezed so tightly the veins on his knuckles bulged. If the man who’d hurt Kaia had been there, Ridge would have beaten him to a pulp.
“He dropped me and ran off. The other student took me to the police station and I got a restraining order against him. The cops went to arrest him, but he’d disappeared. Even so, I was too afraid to stay in College Station by myself. That’s the real reason I took a break from vet school. Not because of the accident. But because of him. I needed to come home.”
Ridge grunted. Anger pulsed through him with every beat of his heart. Not knowing what to say that wouldn’t scare her or make things worse, he said nothing.
“With the help of my family and a counselor, I worked through the emotional baggage. I’ve put it behind me, and honestly, I hardly think about him anymore. But once in a while, like when you kissed the scar, the fear bubbles to the surface.”
Simultaneously, they both blew out pent-up breaths. Ridge ached to draw her into his arms, to promise her no man would ever hurt her again, but her tense body language warned him off.
“Did the police ever catch him?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice growing even heavier than before.
Relief loosened his muscles. Thank God the stalker had been apprehended. “Did he go to prison?”
“No.” Her answer was matter-of-fact, to the point, but her shoulders drooped, and she crossed her arms over her chest. Pulling herself in, making her body small.
There was more to the story and it was hard for her to tell.
Ridge’s gut clamped down. Had the justice system failed? Was the son-of-a-bitch still out there? Still threatening women? Still searching for Kaia?
“What happened?” Ridge heard outrage boil in his voice. Felt it like an electrical jolt. “Why isn’t he rotting in a prison cell?”
She shook her head. Moistened her lips. Paused for a long time. Finally spoke. “He killed himself.”
“Good. Saved me from having to track him down and do it for him,” Ridge said fiercely, a kneejerk reaction.
But then he immediately felt a punch of guilt. As horrified as he was that Kaia had been through such an ordeal, the troubled man had committed suicide. Obviously, he’d been in great emotional pain and hadn’t gotten the help he needed. Society had failed him.
She laughed, a strange, mirthless sound of relief, followed by a troubled noise of shame as she dropped her face into her hands. He touched her shoulder, felt her muscles bunch. He lowered his hand. Unsure if he was helping or making things worse.
Raising her head, she bravely met his eyes. “It was sad.” Pity rearranged her face. “He was mentally ill. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about him anymore, but what a tragic way for a life to end. I . . .” Her voice cracked. “He was nice to me at first. I had no idea he was so unhinged. I wish . . .”
Remorse.
He could see it on her. She was a good person. And a man had died. No matter how deranged he might have been, no matter how much he might have hurt her, the depth of Kaia’s compassion triggered regret.
And Ridge loved her all the more for her kind-heartedness. The way she was able to step outside her own experiences and walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
“The police found him . . .” She had to pause again. He could tell how much the story was taking out of her. “Hanging from a tree in the park where we’d once picnicked, a suicide note in his car.”
“Jesus, Kaia.” Ridge pulled his palm down his face, a tumult of feelings knocking him every which way—anger for what had happened, sorrow for what she’d suffered, fear that there were plenty more trouble people out there, and distress that he hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed him most. But how could he have known?
“I survived.”
Yes, she had. Brave woman. “I’m sorry as hell you had to go through that.”
“I just wish he could have gotten the help he needed.” There were tears in her eyes. “I wish I’d seen the signs before things got as bad as they did.”
“You’re a much better person than I am,” he said. “I can’t grieve for him. Not after what he did to you.”
She raised her head, met his gaze. “He was a boy once. He had a father who loved him. He had family and friends who suffered as much as I did. I can’t forget that. And I can’t help thinking I could have done more to help him.”
“His mental health wasn’t your responsibility.”
“Whose responsibility was it?” she asked, searching his face as if she genuinely wanted an answer.
“Not yours.”
“That’s easy enough to say, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I should have done something. But then again, another part of me is relieved I don’t have to constantly look over my shoulder, waiting for him to pop up. I’m not proud of those feelings, but there they are.”
“Aww.” He shook his head. “You poor kid.”
“No! Don’t you dare feel sorry for me!” she barked, and shook a finger in his face. “Don’t you dare!”
Whoa! Her quick about-face brought him up short. He held up a palm, lifted apologetic eyes.
“He used to say that to me all the time. I’m not a poor anything. I’m lucky and blessed and loved. Yes, I’ve had struggles and challenges, but it’s made me stronger, not weaker.”
Ridge slapped a hand over his mouth. Dammit! No wonder she’d reacted the way she had when he’d kissed her scar.
“The last thing I want is anyone’s pity.”
“I get that,” he said.
She squeezed his hand.
He squeezed back.
“I was stupid,” she whispered. “So trusting. I grew up in a place where most people have your best interest at heart. I’d never brushed up against someone like him before.”
Tears tracked down her cheeks. It struck him like a blow—her shame. She blamed herself for the way that crazy bastard had treated her.
“But I forgave him because I needed to do it for me. I realize now he had mental issues and I wasn’t adept at reading the signs.”
“Kaia,” he said gently. “Look at me.”
Reluctantly, she raised her head, but skimmed over his eyes, fixing instead on his brow.
He reached out, cupped her chin in his palm.
She tensed but didn’t draw away.
“Kaia”—he repeated her name, drilling down, and tapping in—“look at me.”
Finally, she met his eyes and he felt the jolt of their connection. It was strong. Unmistakable. The instant they peered into each other, the magnetic pull yanked their gazes together, until he was unsure if he could look away, should he want to.
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“No.” She hitched in a breath. “I’m not being hard enough.”
He rubbed the flat of his thumb against her knuckles. Felt her shiver. “Beating yourself up for someone else’s bad behavior solves nothing.”
Her laugh was a bark, short and bitter. “I was such a poor judge of character. That was my fault.”
“You are a trusting soul, and you shouldn’t have to apologize for being who you are.”
“Who I am landed me in a world of hurt.”
“Sweetheart, please. Ease up on yourself.”
She cocked her head and studied him for a long breath. “You could take your own advice and get a couple hundred miles farther on down the road of life.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’re pretty hard on yourself, Ridge Lockhart. You’re not responsible for either your mother’s or your father’s behavior.”
“Touché,” he agreed. “But right now, we’re talking about you. You are a strong, competent, capable woman with a huge heart, but you can’t save the entire world. And you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.”
“I’m starting to figure that out.”
“You have family and friends. You don’t have to carry this burden on your own. We’re here just waiting to help you. All you have to do is ask.” He touched her jaw, tilted her chin up. “Are you hearing me?”
She squirmed away from him. “Your turn.”
“What?”
“You promised me, remember? My dark secret for yours.”
He had made that promise. Wished he hadn’t. Cast his mind around for another story he could substitute for it.
Luck was with him. The light in the chapel came on and Ember and Ranger walked in looking for Ember’s lost purse.
And Ridge was off the hook.