Right there during the dog care clinic Kaia made the decision to tell Ridge about the Song of the Soul Mate.
It had not been her goal when she’d kidnapped him. She simply wanted to spend time with him. But now they were here, now that he had kissed her again, she knew she had to tell him.
The past two weeks had been agonizing as she’d struggled to sort out her feelings and keep him at arm’s length. She couldn’t do it any longer. She had to know where they stood. Had to know how he felt about her. Had to know if they were on the road to happily-ever-after.
Or if she was better off letting him go and grieving the loss of her dreams.
Hope, that jackrabbit of emotion, hopped into her chest and bounced around with big thumper feet.
Whatifwhatifwhatif?
What if he felt the same for her as she did for him? She thrilled at the idea that he could love her too. Her hopes were a candle flame on oxygen, flickering higher, brighter.
Um, yes . . . but what if he didn’t feel the same?
Shh, shh. She wasn’t going to think about that. For now, she needed all the hope and optimism she could muster in order to open up and tell him everything that was in her heart.
And her head.
Because her brain was still humming long after he let her go.
He sat beside her in the Tundra, his masculine presence filling the cab of her pickup truck.
She cast a sidelong glance, admiring his manly profile, appreciating the straight line of his nose, the set of his angular jaw, the cut of his cheekbone. Cataloged the precious face of her beloved. Her breath caught. She loved him so very much.
But what if he did not love her back? Not the way she needed to be loved. What then?
Doubt crept in. Maybe she should just keep mum about the humming in her head. Say nothing. Don’t rock the boat. Spend the night with him. Enjoy the moment.
It was not enough.
With Ridge, it had to be all or nothing. Either he was in or he was out.
She had to know the truth.
Be brave.
She lifted her chin, stared straight ahead. Saw her neighborhood come into view.
Felt her stomach flip upside down, a jellyfish floating on sea foam.
Once the words were out of her mouth, there would be no do-overs. If he told her he did not love her, how would she live without him?
The thought was a spike through her chest, sharp and bleak. Her lungs ached. If he dismissed the Song of the Soul Mate, if he walked away, she would survive. She’d survived a bad car crash, survived being stalked by a crazy man, she could survive losing him.
But she would never, ever love another the way she loved Ridge Lockhart. He’d etched an indelible brand on her heart. That, she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life.
She bit her bottom lip, got tangled up in his masculine smell that now included the scent of dogs and shampoo. And when he reached across the seat to place a hand on her knee, she jumped.
“Did I startle you?”
“A bit, my mind was elsewhere.” She peeked down at his hand, big and tanned and nicked with small scars. His nails clipped and buffed.
There it was again.
The dichotomy that was Ridge Lockhart. A seductive combination of polished and rugged. He was a man of the world. He’d been places, seen things, knew important people.
He was out of her league.
She couldn’t compete.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice kind, concerned.
She turned her head, raised a shadow smile, lied, “Fine. I’m fine.”
His smile was warm and tender and inviting. Nothing to be afraid of. She knew him. Had grown up with him as a child. Had spent hot days and long nights getting reacquainted with him as an adult.
He didn’t move his hand, the heat of it sinking through her skin, flooding her bloodstream. He gave her strength, infused her with energy and courage. Yes. She would do this and let the chips fall where they scattered.
“Do you honestly have any idea how gorgeous you are?” he asked.
The rumble in his timbre sent the rolling heat to every organ in her body. She tingled from head to toe, alive from his touch.
“Here we are!” She spoke too loudly, too perkily, killed the engine in her driveway. Hopped out. Almost raced up the steps to her front door without waiting for him.
He followed. Slowly. Loping.
Her heart was a bagpipe, expanding and collapsing, falling in on itself, wheezing with effort.
She got the door open, automatically put up a foot to block Dart. Frustrated, the orange tabby glared at the bottom of her boot. She’d left Buddy and Bess in the backyard so she didn’t have to contend with them too.
“Back, back,” she urged, gently pushing the kitten away.
Disgruntled, Dart stuck his nose and tail in the air and sauntered off to another part of the house.
Ridge came up behind her. “You didn’t wait for me.”
“I wanted to make sure Dart didn’t get out.” Okay, not totally true, but he bought it. She moved over the threshold. He followed.
“Well,” she said, dropping her purse onto the floor and turning around to face him. How did she start? Ask him to sit and then just dive right in? Tell him, I love you and we’re fated by the Song of the Soul Mate?
But that was a bit abrupt, wasn’t it. Shouldn’t she ease into the topic?
“Are you hungry?” she asked. “I could order a pizza. Or make grilled cheese sandwiches if the bread hasn’t gone moldy.”
“I’m hungry,” he said, drawing her into his embrace. “But not for food.”
His mouth found hers and she leaned into his kiss, even as she needed to tear herself away before he destroyed her reason. How easy it would be to let him sweep her away to the bedroom. To make love to him and forget all about her confession.
She forced herself to pull away. “We need to talk.”
They stared at each other. Silence stretched between them so taut she could barely stand it. Finally, she dropped her gaze, plunked down on the sofa. Patted the cushion next to her.
“Please sit down,” she said more formally than she’d intended. She was building it up, making a bigger deal of it than she should.
His brows knit in concern and he ran a palm along his jaw, but he sat beside her.
“What’s on your mind?”
“How is your father?”
“Much better. He should be released from the hospital soon. But that’s not what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?”
She shook her head.
They inhaled simultaneously.
“Kaia,” he said, “what is it?”
“You’ll be leaving then.”
He nodded. “I have to go to China.”
“For six months.”
“That’s the plan.”
She emptied her lungs in one long exhale out through her mouth. Tell him. Just say it and be done.
“When will I . . .” She swallowed, entranced by his navy blue eyes drilling into her. “When will you be home again?”
“I don’t know.”
“I see, I see.” She bobbed her head like a loony person. God, this was hard. He was going to think she was nutty as a pecan factory once she spilled the story.
His eyes scorched her face. “What did you want to discuss?”
She couldn’t hold his gaze, stared down at her hands clasped in her lap. “You sure you don’t want a pizza?”
“Whatever you have to tell me, it’s going to be okay.”
He said that now. Just wait until he heard about the humming.
She cleared her throat, straightened her shoulders, raised her chin, but kept her eyes downcast. Her chest was a vise, squeezing her heart, smashing her lungs. “Here’s the deal . . .”
Here’s the deal, I’m not sure I know how I’m going to survive six months without you . . .
Here’s the deal, I’ve loved you since I was eight years old, if not before, and always will . . .
Here’s the deal, according to Granny Blue and the humming in my head, you’re my soul mate and we’re destined to be together . . .
“Kaia,” he prompted, placing emphasis on the last syllable of her name.
Just say it!
She wrung every ounce of courage she had in her body, and met his sultry navy eyes that were trained on her and her alone.
Lord help her, he was the most handsome man she’d ever come across. His thick hair was mussed from the morning of bathing dogs and he finger-raked it off his forehead.
“Here’s the deal,” she blurted, jumping in with both feet. All the way. No lead-up. No soft pedal. No preamble. Moment of truth. This was it. “I love you.”
A heavy hush settled over the room. Neither of them breathed.
Ridge did not say a word. He didn’t move. Or look away. His gaze frozen on hers. Had he heard her? Had she actually spoken? Was he so stunned he could not respond?
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Her heart stopped beating, or so it seemed. She tried to haul in a breath, but could not. Her lungs simply would not cooperate. She clenched and unclenched her fist, feeling goofy with shame. She wanted to bury her head under the sofa pillow, burrow deep into the upholstery, shrink herself down to the size of a dime, and get lost in cracks between the cushions.
She wanted, she wanted, she wanted . . . Oh God, he was still staring at her, unblinking. Silent. Stony. Ridged. A rock of a name. Ridge.
Her chest vapor locked. Her lips parted, panting, but she didn’t have the strength to suck in air. Her head spun, dizzy as the day they’d pulled her from her crumpled car and settled her onto the ambulance gurney.
It was worse than she feared. She’d told him she loved him and he had not reacted. Ohgodohgodohgod. All this time. All the fantasies. It meant nothing. She’d bought into a myth, a fable, a silly lie.
The humming in her head was her imagination. Wish fulfillment. Desperation.
She closed her eyes. Please God, kill me now.
Nothing. No words from him. No movement. No touch. Nothing. She opened her eyes, found him sitting statue still.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
In a rush of words, the legend spilled from her mouth. Granny Blue’s tale. The Song of the Soul Mate. The hum she heard whenever his lips touched her. The fact they were destined to be together.
She purged all of it. Held nothing back.
Her hands trembled. Hell, her entire body was trembling. Her heart was a bilge pump dramatically shoving blood through her veins. Hot and swift and hard. When she finished her story, he stayed stock-still.
Didn’t react. Didn’t speak. Didn’t even breathe.
Stone. Marble. Granite.
“I know it’s crazy,” she said. “I know I sound like a crazy person. It’s irrational. It’s nonsensical. I know that, I know that . . . but the thing is, it happened.”
His eyes were twin flames of fire, burning into her. Unreadable and dark. Blistering her inside. Charring her to ash.
Shame cut through her, sliced her thin. If only she could take it all back. Pretend she’d never uttered a sound. In that moment, she died a thousand deaths.
The ringing of a cell phone jarred them both.
His eyes widened. Still, he did not say a word. Showed no emotion. He might as well have been a sea sponge for all she got out of him.
“You’re ringing.” Kaia nodded.
“I swear to God,” he muttered, his voice low and buzzy as a rattlesnake’s tail. He pulled the cell from his pocket. “I’m going to throw this damn thing away.”
At the shift of topics, Kaia felt as disoriented as a first-time surfer clobbered by a big ocean wave, sputtering, coming up for air, grasping for her bearings. She gulped. Smiled.
“Promises, promises,” she quipped, trying to keep things light, deeply grateful for the interruption.
He glanced at the screen, grimaced. “It’s Vivi.”
At his ex’s name, jealousy rose up in her throat. She had nothing to feel possessive over. Yes, she loved him. But Ridge was not hers.
“The surgeon has been by to see Duke,” he said. “They’ve released him.”
“That’s great news.”
“Vivi wants me to fly him home.”
“Of course.”
He looked as if he were going to say something, but then pressed his lips together, bobbed his head. Got to his feet.
She was both relieved and disappointed. She remained seated, fearful that her legs weren’t strong enough to support her weight. She’d laid her heart bare to him and he acted as if nothing had happened. She still had no idea how he felt or where they stood.
“Go on.” She made shooing motions.
He hesitated, his gaze meeting hers again, but she took a page from his book, iced up her eyes. Detached. Disengaged. Disconnected.
“Get out of here.” Her voice came out like gravel, spiky and rough. “Go now.”
Before I fall to my knees and humiliate myself by begging you to stay.
Kaia loved him?
Ridge’s heart was a whirligig in a sandstorm.
Blistered. Battered. Beat up.
He stood perched in the doorway, gazing back at her on the sofa, warring with his desire to stay and the hot fear telegraphing panicked messages through his nerve endings.
Her declaration left him shocked, stunned, blown away.
Not just because her story was far-fetched, unbelievable, loony flipping tunes . . . but because he ached to believe it was possible.
In truth, he felt it too. Love for her as big and bright as the sun. So bright that if he stared at her for too long he’d go blind.
And that’s what scared him.
The intensity. The overwhelm. The loss of control. The terror that if he dared to let himself fully love her, and then he somehow lost her, it would be the end of him.
No one had ever told Ridge they loved him before.
Oh, he supposed his mother had, but he couldn’t really remember. Duke wasn’t prone to words of endearment, and none of Duke’s wives had said it. Sabrina and Lucy had had kids of their own, and well, Vivi . . .
As for the women he’d dated, Ridge had always gotten out of the relationships if he got the slightest inkling that they were falling for him. But usually, he was careful to pick women who wanted to keep things casual.
Until now.
Until Kaia.
He opened his mouth to tell her he loved her too. But he’d never uttered the words out loud before, didn’t know how to start.
It hit him then, and he knew why he couldn’t wrap his tongue around, I love you. He was too damn broken for Kaia. She deserved so much better. She deserved someone who knew how to love with all his heart and soul. Someone who could and would put her ahead of everything else.
And Ridge just didn’t know how to do that. Work was the only thing that had ever saved him. If he didn’t have his work, he had no idea who or what he was.
“Go on,” she said. “Your family needs you.”
Still, he hesitated. Torn in two. Desperate for her, but committed to putting her needs before his own. If he told her he loved her, she would surrender herself to him one hundred percent—heart, mind, body, and soul.
It was a precious gift he had not earned.
She was so loving and generous and he could ruin her so easily.
“Later,” he said. “I’ll come back.”
She nodded, but her face was pale, dark shadows under her eyes. “Later.”
He met her gaze, sent her all the love he was feeling in that glance. “I will be back,” he said firmly. “We’ll talk this through.”
“Okay.” She smiled a gentle smile, soft and full of sadness. A smile that said she didn’t believe him.
Not for a second.