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Ma was getting on my nerves, literally. It was as if she had nothing to do but to get under my skin. I was glad she was here - kinda glad, anyway. But, Grandad and I had already built a great routine, and here she came, messing things up. She walked around the house in the dead of night when I needed my sleep, and slammed drawers and utensils. To make things worse, after a clatter she’d tiptoe into my room and say did I wake you? Umh, any noise that loud would wake a bear in hibernation. One night she rearranged the kitchen so the clanging of the pots and pans woke me up just as I drifted asleep. What was she doing? This was going to definitely make Grandad mad cause he liked things where he liked them. But then again, I’d never seen him mad at anything for any reason. Even when drivers would cut him off to the point of nearly crashing, he still had no reaction. I, on the other hand, would probably have some choice words to spit at the driver who couldn’t hear me anyway.
I guessed that she couldn’t sleep, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to sleep either. Another night she moved furniture in the living room. Chairs dragged across the tiled floor like they didn’t want to be moved, but Ma just forced them. One day after school the plant from the tv disappeared and the tv was no longer against its original wall but up against a window. That made no sense to me, putting it against the window like that, but I guessed that it did make the room bigger. Surprisingly, that worked although it looked like it didn’t. Or, maybe I thought it didn’t work because Grandad never turned it on. Either way, it was fully equipped with an Apple TV and lots of streaming channels. Why didn’t Grandad use it? Nevertheless, Ma was changing everything. I really wished that she’d go home, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen with Grandad still in the hospital.
She tried to make me breakfast before school too, something she wouldn’t normally do. Unlike Grandad, she burnt everything, even the plantains. Who burnt plantains? They were the easiest things to fry - a little oil, watch them brown, then flip them, then remove them from the frying pan.
“Ma?” I asked one day, “why don’t you know how to cook?”
“I do,” she replied, “I know how to cook.”
“How come you always burn everything? Grandad don’t do that.”
“No, he doesn’t,” she sat for a moment as though she was defeated. “He’s been cooking for me since I could remember to be honest. Breakfast would be ready by the time I woke up and dinner would be ready by the time I got home from school.”
“Sounds like a great parent,” I laughed. Ma didn’t do any of that stuff me. I always had cereal and milk though and plenty of take-out menus in the kitchen. I wasn’t starving but I didn’t realize that I was missing homemade food until Grandad.
“He was,” her eyes welled up. “He is. He’s a great parent.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“Daddy tried, though,” she reminisced. “We’d go to the beach sometimes and we’d dive for our dinner –”
“We do that,” I said, proudly.
“We’d catch all sorts of different fish and he’d call out the name of each one like they were old relatives. We even caught a squid once.”
“Did you eat it?”
“No, I can’t eat nothing that look like it should be in a horror movie.”
I laughed, “we’ve never caught a squid.”
“We’d come home with the food, set up the coal pot.”
“Why doesn’t he use the stove? Doesn’t it work?”
“Yeah, it works, but it’s a whole process. You gotta light the gas oven. It’s not like ours where you just turn a nob and it’s on. Plus, daddy always says it’s better to cook in the open air with natural lights.” She smiled.
“Oh,” I said. “He’s never used it since I’ve been here.
“Any way,” she continued, “once Daddy set up the coal pot, I’d disappear.”
“Disappear?” I asked, “where would you go?”
“I’d go in my room or go “do homework,”” she curled her fingers and imitated air quotes as she said do homework.
“Ma, you lied?” I said playfully.
“Not really,” she admitted. “I really just didn’t like cooking, plus he did it so well without me that I didn’t think being out there was helping.”
“Man, Ma, we could’ve been eating good food this entire time,” I joked. “Did you guys stop going to the beach after Grandad realized you just wanted the food but didn’t want to work for it? Cause I don’t think he’d let me do that.”
She laughed, “not even. We still went to the beach but we spent most of the time sitting on the sand and watching the ocean move. Those were peaceful days.”
“Yeah, I like those days too,” I mused. “No matter how far we looked, the sea just never seemed to end.”
“Yeah,” Ma sighed. “But it’s one of the most peaceful moments you’ll ever have in life.”
I nodded my head in agreement. Even when it was just me and Tess, we’d sit on the sand, backs to the land and toes buried with the water washing ashore only to clean the sand from our toes just to be buried again. I could sit there all day.
“I wish we had that in Orlando.”
“Me too,” Ma agreed. “You know, no matter how far we look, we could never see the end of the ocean?”
“Okay?” I questioned. “You alright, Ma?”
“Yeah,” she seemed to have snapped herself out of the memory she was having. “I’m good.
Ma continued to cook or what she considered to be cooking. The scent reminded me of why she didn’t cook in Orlando. Each morning the house smelt like burnt something because Ma didn’t even bother to open any windows when she cooked. This may be the reason that Grandad cooked almost everything on the coal pot outside, because of the smell in the house - something I didn’t think Ma knew how to do. Plus, Grandad didn’t burn food. I’d bring home lobsters, crabs, wilks, whatever I caught for dinner, but as in Orlando, by the time I got home, in true Ma-fashion, a half-eaten box of KFC on the table waited for me because she’d already burnt our food where we couldn’t eat it. I guessed I should be grateful that she was trying, but I knew Grandad would say know wa you good at an’ do dat. Ma was not good at cooking. She needed to stop trying. Eventually, I just stopped: stopped bringing home food that I caught. But I’d not stopped going to the beach. Beaching would never end as long as I had any control over it.
“You out here washing clothes?” Ma asked me one day.
“Yeah, they dirty.” I was hand washing my uniform after coming from the beach, something that I was used to at this point.
“You know, you could just use the washer that’s in the little house, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” I continued washing the clothes and later hung them on the clothesline, “but it’s just my uniform, not enough for the washer.”
“Really,” Ma laughed, “is this the same kid who would ask me to wash one shirt just to match an outfit?”
“Same kid,” I replied.
“Lawd, Jesus, is what happen to you?” her accent came out deep on that one.
“Nothing, Ma,” I hung the clothes, “same old Kadeem.”
“Naw, this is Kadeem 2.0,” she smiled. “Is that what they say? An upgrade. I like it, I like it a lot!”
Although Tess and I were still able to go to the beach after school and hang out as Grandad healed, Lenwell, Mr. Headmaster still took us to the hospital some evenings. He’d pick up Ma before school ended and we’d go together. The rides were always silent and awkward. Ma would ride in front and me and Tess would ride in the back while Ma looked out the window, me and Tess just looked at each other wondering why no one spoke. Normally, me and Tess did not talk while we were with her dad, but this was weird. Two grown-ups, who obviously knew each other, said nothing but good afternoon and thanks a lot. Either way, I was sure that Ma was glad for the ride. If not for Lenwell, we’d be taking the bus which, as they whizzed by, did not look safe at all. Passengers or not, even if Grandad was about to turn a corner, they’d still pass us. Crazy!
Both of Grandad’s vehicles stood in the yard, untouched and unmoved, since the night I drove him to the hospital. “Why don’t you just drive Grandad’s car, Ma?” I suggested one day.
“I don’t like to drive here.”
“But it’ll be so much easier.” I didn’t mind riding with Tess’ dad, but it was obvious how awkward it was whether she wanted to admit it or not. I mean, she was quiet during every ride. “I’m sure Grandad wouldn’t mind,” I added.
“I really don’t like driving here,” she admitted, “the roads are narrow, people don’t have patience, plus everything is on the wrong side of the road.”
“Yeah, but it’s not so bad. Grandad lets me drive all the time,” I confessed.
“What?!” Ma seemed surprised.
“Yeah, he doesn’t even drive anymore,” I lied. “I’m like his personal driver.”
“Strupes,” Ma sucked her teeth, “now I know you’re lying cause Daddy don’t ever let people drive his cars!”
“He let me,” I said confidently.
“Ok, if you say so, Kadeem,” she said doubtfully.
“Well, I did,” I laughed. “You know, I run these streets, right?”
“Right,” she grimaced.
“I took him to the hospital,” I went on.
“You didn’t call the ambulance, Kadeem?”
“No, Grandad didn’t want me to.”
“That does sound like him,” Ma admitted.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
***
THE DAY FINALLY CAME when Grandad was released from the hospital. “Released” sounded like he was in jail or something, but for Grandad, being kept in that hospital was exactly like being in jail. I knew he was coming home too, so school seemed a little longer that day. It was like Christmas when I knew that Ma was getting me what I really wanted, but I had to wait until 12:01 a.m. to open my present, usually a video game I’d been scoping out. Grandad coming home felt like it was about to be Christmas Day, 12:01 a.m.
“You excited, Kadeem?” Tess asked.
“Yeah.” I was actually. I totally missed being around him even though he cheated at games and stole the people’s sugar cane on walks home from school, along with the golden apples that belonged to his neighbor which hung in his yard. Grandad had a strange way of explaining things but, when I really sat down and thought about it, he was mostly right.
We skipped the beach that day so that we could go straight home. Tess and I walked from the school directly to my house just in time to see Tess’ dad’s minivan drive up the hill. He parked outside the fence instead of going inside with Grandad; however, Ma opened the bigger gate.
“See dem day,” Tess said.
“Yeah,” we quickened our steps, almost running to get to the top of the hill.
“Bwoy,” Grandad said, “school done a-ready?”
“A long time ago,” I said, “lemme help you Grandad,”
“A got it,” he fanned me away. “A got it, all are you ack-ting lak’a dead a some-ting.”
“Well...” I said.
“Daddy, you’re going to have to let us help you,” Ma demanded, “the doctor said...”
“De dack-ta say wa? Strupes,” Grandad sucked his teeth.
He still couldn’t stand up entirely on his own, so although he refused our help, he still relied on both Ma and the headmaster to walk inside. Ma and the headmaster shifted sideways with Grandad’s arms draped over them so that they could all fit through the smaller gate. That I didn’t understand because Ma had already opened the wider gate probably to avoid this very thing. They both helped Grandad lift each leg on the steps to help him inside. I imagined that the headmaster could just lift Grandad and take him inside, but he didn’t. Grandad would probably fight him off first before that ever happened.
“Is wa dis?” Grandad asked as he entered the house. I knew he wouldn’t like it. “Are you done change every-ting lak’ a dead. Me no dead yet! A want it change back!”
“Daddy,” Ma said, “that’s not even important right now.”
“You mean to tell me a gone a couple a days and you rearrange de whole ting like me naw come back. Kadeem is how you lay she do dis?” He looked at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. I knew better than to come between Ma and Grandad. No matter who’s side I took, someone wouldn’t be happy. Tess and her dad also remained silent.
The headmaster and Ma helped Grandad into his bed and got him settled. Me and Tess heard him fussing with them.
Grandad said, “I doan waan jus’ lay here.”
“Just tucking you in for a little bit, Daddy,” said Ma.
“Me ain’t you chile, eh,” Ma closed that door and we couldn’t hear them anymore.
It was just me and Tess alone in the kitchen now, the headmaster in Grandad’s bedroom with Ma and Grandad. Although we couldn’t hear them, I could imagine Grandad was not making it easy. He wasn’t the type to just sit and let people take care of him, and this is what he was mostly fussing about.
“You tink you gon’ gah tu go back?” Tess asked.
“What? What do you mean?” I hadn’t thought ahead of getting Grandad out of the hospital, what his condition would be and what that might mean for me.
“A mean, you know,” Tess fumbled with her words like she didn’t really want to ask what she wanted to ask. “Because you gran-far-da doan seem able to tek care a you right now.”
“I don’t need taking care of, Tess,” I blurted out, “I’m basically a grown man.”
“Basically,” Tess said doubtfully. “Dis why you gon need somebody who able, and right now you gran-far-da doan look like he able.”
“She’s right,” Ma said. She and the headmaster came out of the bedroom. “You can’t stay here, you and Daddy gonna have to go back with me; that’s the only way I can do this!”
“Do what?” I shouted. If my skin were a lighter color, I was certain that everyone could see my skin turning red.
“Take care of you and Daddy both.”
“You ain’t been taking care me, Ma,” I shouted, “we been fine, right here, without you.”
“Calm dung, Kadeem,” Tess suggested.
“No!” I shouted, “she can’t just come here and change everything.”
“Kadeem,” Ma said calmly. Her voice always dropped when she was trying to convince me to do something. “It’s just not feasible for you to stay here. Daddy is not at his best...”
“Who not at day best?” Grandad came out of the bedroom and joined us in the now crowded kitchen.
“Daddy,” Ma shouted, “you should be in bed!”
“Gyal, I done tell you is me is de parent eh, not you,” Grandad said as he tried to make his way to one of the seats in the kitchen. The headmaster helped and this time Grandad steadied on his arm without fanning his hand away. “Now, wa stru-pid-ness you out ya a talk bout?”
“She wants me to go back with her,” I complained hoping that he could change her mind.
“Fuss’ off, is who is she?”
“Ma, Grandad,” I corrected, “Ma wants to take me back.”
Tears welled up at the corner of my eyes threatening to show my anger and frustration.
“Doan go bawl dung de place, bwoy,” Grandad said.
“Is okay, Kadeem.” Tess stood closer to me and intertwined her fingers in mine.
“It’s not okay.” I yelled. “It’s not, you can’t just come here and all of a sudden change things. I like it here,”
“Fuss’ off, Kadeem,” Grandad looked up at me from his seat at the table, “lower you voice in ya.”
“Yes, Grandad,” I said.
“Gwendolyn, you cyan jus’ come root up de chile lak’ he a running vine, grow here, day, and every way.” Grandad looked right at Ma when he spoke,
“But, Daddy...”
“But, Daddy, nut-un,” Grandad pushed himself away from the table and tried to get up. Finally, he gave up. “Watch de bwoy. He look like he need or even want to go back?”
“No,” Ma whispered.
“Egg-zack-ly,” Grandad declared. That looked like it took a lot of energy from him to say that because his body sunk a little bit lower into the seat. “He naw go no way,”
Tess squeezed my hand. I had a choice here: float and go along with whatever the ocean brought or swim in the direction I chose. I knew that Ma loved me, you know, cause she had to. All mothers had to love their young, right? Except them animals that kill off their young right when they are born, but the others, like Ma, she had to love me. I knew now, though, that Grandad loved me too cause he was fighting to keep me here with him.
“Daddy, you’re going to have to come with me. I won’t be able to take care of you from Orlando, and I’m not leaving you here like this.”
“Lak’ wa?” Grandad asked. “Is tem-pa-rerry dis be, dis naw go lass for-ever. Me and Kadeem gon be fine.”
“We are!” I declared.
“Plus, Lenwell naw go let nut-ton happen to us.” Grandad looked at Tess’ dad for confirmation, “right ,Lenwell?”
“Yes, of course,” the headmaster agreed. “You’ll be in good hands here!”
Ma gave him that death stare, that stare that she gave me when I was getting suspended, like she wanted to bury me where no one could find me ever again. The headmaster looked like he was sorry he’d said what he said, but the words had already left his mouth, and as much as he might like, he couldn’t pack them back in.
“That’s it den,” Grandad pounded his hand on the table. He tried his best not to grimace, but his face betrayed him, sharing the pain that he really felt. “Me and Kadeem staying. Glad fa de visit, but is wa yo does say, Kadeem?”
“I don’t know, Grandad, I say a lot of things.”
“You know, dat ting.”
“What thing?”
“We got dis!” Grandad shouted like he’d just discovered water in a dry desert land.
“Ok, Daddy,” Ma submitted. It was like she finally got it. She finally understood that life was better for me here. This reality was the one that I wanted and needed. Here, like the ocean, possibilities didn’t end.
We did it, we had it! Grandad and I were going to be fine. He was going to be playing soccer in no time, diving in no time, walking me home from school in no time, peeling sugar cane in no time. I’d found a home in the place and a person that I’d least expected.