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“PIHO, REMEMBER THE day we saw him up there on the road? On his cell-phone? All that stuff about some guys, and.., and.., and on-shore winds and stuff! Remember?”
“Yeah...” answered Piho thoughtfully, then suddenly, “Geez! It all fits! The stuff in the barrels! It’s The Stuff! It’s the Hormone Stuff!!”
Billy didn’t quite get it. Piho told him more about the phone conversation. Billy got it then, and scowled. “Damn it!” He thumped on his steering wheel, “Damn it damn it damn it!” He was silent for a moment, then he suddenly put the van back into gear. “No!” he said firmly, “We can still do this! We know it’s been tested. We know the stuff disappears after it’s done it’s thing. And really it’s nothing to do with Boyd...”
“But the barrels!” yelled Randy, “They had that stuff in them! The seaweed’s all been contaminated, again!”
“You cleaned them, didn’t you?” asked Billy, “You did clean them?”
“Errrrr, one of them...”
“The other two were clean, remember?!” added Piho, “Clean and dry!”
“So,” continued Billy, “no problem, is there?”
“Ahhh,” said Randy doubtfully, “I dunno...”
“Come on, boys!” said Billy assertively, “We’re going to do it. You need the money. I need the money. Especially since I’m no longer working for Boyd!”
“But...”
“But nothing! I ain’t working for no criminal scumbag like that! He can go stew in his own juices now! In fact I might even ring the cops myself!”
#
THEY DROVE ON, SILENT and thoughtful. Piho told Billy where to stop. The three barrels were still were they had left them, quietly cooking in the sun. The the boys had managed to set them in the exact perfect place for the low slanting morning sun to beam right in on them through a gap in the bush.
“Shit!” cried Piho when he saw this, “I told you to put them further into the bush, I told you!”
“Pig’s arse you did!” yelled Randy, leaping out after him, “I kept telling you we had to move ‘em!”
“Did not!” countered Piho.
“Did so!” roared Randy.
“You did not! I did!”
“Bull!”
“Hey!” called Billy, “Quit the argy-bargy and get the goods in the back!”
Still growling and hissing like a pair of crabby cats, the boys grabbed the first barrel and heaved, trying to sort of rock and roll it towards the back of the van without it falling over. Halfway there they lost control. It fell over and bounced with a kind of ‘boi-ing’ noise, like an over-inflated basketball.
“Geez, it’s tight!” said Piho as they struggled it back onto its end.
“It’s just the air inside,” said Randy reassuringly, “Like: hot air expands. Right?”
“Yeah,” sneered Piho nastily, “that’s why your brain’s always in space!”
Randy snapped back, “That’s why your shorts always look too big!”
Piho snorted, “Airhead! This was your dumb idea, anyway!”
“Was not! Come on! Get it up!”
They heaved it into the van and returned for the next one, which only took about a minute to get in beside the first. No mistakes this time.
Then, as they turned to go get the third, Randy suddenly said, “HUSH!”
“What?”
“Shut up a minute!!” he snapped, ears cocked towards the sea They were silent. Birds twittered away somewhere in the bush, and waves washed ashore faintly down on the beach, then gradually a faint burbling noise began to get louder and louder. It was the sound of a motorboat. It seemed to be coming in towards the shore.
Randy seemed to flip out. “Come on!” he shrieked, “Let’s go go go!” He all but single-handedly heaved the third barrel in, slammed the back doors, and leapt back into the cab beside Billy. “C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!”
Billy stayed calm. “Chill out, little dude, I’ve just gotta turn the van around.”
They drove further down the track, looking for a turn. There seemed to be a space by the unfinished house. Billy went past, obviously planning to back into the turn.
“Holy fudge!” screeched Randy suddenly, “Will ya look at that!” He was pointing forwards, down to the end of the track. There, where there used to be a wide gap in the bush that lead down to the beach, was now a huge clump of grass about as high as a truck.
“That’s where we tipped it out yesterday.” Randy said for Billy’s sake. His voice was small and frightened.
“This doesn’t look good,” murmured Piho.
“Geez!” said Randy, “That stuff is rocket fuel!” He was scared. Really scared. It still didn’t seem right, what Billy was urging them to do.
“You washed it out, didn’t you?” asked Billy again.
“Yeah. A bit.” But Randy’s brain was onto something else. Two somethings. ONE: He was going to be the one to tell Tammy and the boffins about this. He was going to be famous! TWO: He was finally, finally, going to get back at that bastard Boyd!!
“So how good was it washed out?” added Billy.
“Err, not so good,” admitted Randy, “I think.., like, maybe we should leave that one behind. Just chuck it out now.”
“Yeah, but which one is it?” asked Billy. Piho and Randy turned as one, like they had just realised they had ‘Alien’ on board. All the barrels looked identical.
“They’re all the same,” said Randy hopelessly, “I mean like they all had that stuff in them at some stage.” But then he remembered something and brightened up, “Hey! Remember yesterday? We opened one up, and it was perfectly okay! I mean there’s nothing in there that can actually grow! It’s all just dead seaweed, isn’t it?!”
“And remember?” said Billy firmly and sensibly, “It can’t be detected, and you’ve been eating Bubba’s veges and eggs for days! The stuff’s totally safe, guys! Really!”
The boys nodded slowly, doubtfully.
“So, by my reckoning, it’s still okay seaweed,” said Billy, “all of it. So, like, let’s just proceed as planned, and make this final sale, and then...”
“Then we leave town forever!” said Randy.”
“Agreed!” said Billy. He put the van into gear, turned it around, and started it racing up the track in first gear. The barrels bumped a little in the back, sounding like big muffled drums, but they seemed secure enough.
Randy started to breath more easily. It was going to work out after all, thanks to Billy. Thank God they had a mature sensible adult with them to make the decisions!
He glanced at his watch. Heck! Where had the time gone?! It was nearly nine-thirty already! Oh well, in twenty minutes it was going to be all over. They would put the money in Billy’s bank account, he’d get it back later through Piho, his parents would never find out, and by the end of the day he’d be back home in Kainui, planning never to show his face in Haulaway Bay again.
#
THE VAN REACHED THE country road. They didn’t stop to put up the gate. With a roar they shot forward, the van went into second gear, then third. Up the first little hill, faster and faster. Randy felt his spirits lifting, higher and higher, then “AAAAARGH!” he squawked and once again dived to the floor.
At the top of the hill was a parked yellow car, and there was Tammy’s aunt, standing by her open door with her map spread out on the roof and her mobile phone to her ear. And she was watching them go by, and she looked exactly like someone who was saying, ‘Right! I see them! That’s them all right!’ Then they were past her.
“What’s she doing?” demanded Randy from the floor.
Piho twisted around to look. “She’s getting into her car, oh....” The van had rounded the bend and the car was lost to sight.
Randy popped up and wriggled back into his seat belt. “Okay, okay, I don’t think she saw me. And she doesn’t know you guys..,”
“Does too,” disagreed Piho, “she met me too, remember?”
“Arrrrgh! Damn! That’s right!”
“Cool it, Dude. We ain’t done nothing illegal.”
Randy twisted around and looked back. In their dust he caught a glimpse of the bright yellow car. “Step on the gas, Billy!! Step on it!!!”
“Chill out, Dude! We’re sweet! If anyone’s been doing anything illegal; it’s Boyd!”
“Yeah! Right!” agreed Randy gladly.
“Yeah,” added Piho, “let him take the rap. We just stay right out of it!”
“Right.”
But Randy was still not so sure.
They were on the flat stretch of the road by then, barrelling along past the dump. Then their wheels hit the tar-seal and they left the dust behind. At the main bridge Randy looked back. The yellow car was still following. They were nearly on the main road. In two minutes they’d be at the health food shop.
Randy was starting to worry. It was going to be tricky, keeping Cedar and Cypress away from Jan Turinger, and keeping Jan Turinger away from their three barrels of seaweed, and convincing the health-food dudes to buy such a bit consignment in one hit, but he’d think of something... Billy would think of something... - AAAARGH! -
“Bloody Hell!” yelled Billy and he jerked the steering wheel suddenly to avoid a car that had just come belting around the corner ahead of them. It was not just any old car either, it was a police car, lights flashing. It nose-dived to a smoking stop as the two speeding vehicles passed each other, and, as the boys spun around to watch, the cop-car did a wild U-turn behind them. They saw the yellow car braking abruptly, as if Tammy’s aunt wanted to talk to the police, then they lost sight of them both as the van turned onto the main road and they were finally racing down the last straight towards town.
Piho and Randy kept looking back. After about thirty seconds the police car came lurching into view, lights still flashing.
“It’s not after us, is it?” they asked Billy.
“Nah. Nah.” said Billy calmly, but he was looking mighty worried. He drove very sensibly, but still the police car came belting up behind, closing the gap rapidly. Right opposite the powerboat club place they heard the siren start. Randy was distracted by something else though, a group of four female people running across the powerboat club carpark, waving their arms urgently and shouting words he could not hear. Tammy was leading the charge, closely followed by the three scientists.
“Randy? What’re you doing on the floor!” yelled Billy at him, “Get back in your seat belt!” He was slowing the van down, past the supermarket and onto the final stretch. There was The Bountiful Earth... AND IT WAS CLOSED!
“AAAAARGH!” wailed Randy, “Where are they!?”
“There! Walking towards the beach!”
“I see them, I see them!”
“What’s going on?” said Billy, “Everyone’s heading for the beach?”
“Yeah? ... - Hey! Hey, Randy! Come back!”
Randy had leap out, just as the van stopped with the police car right behind, and he began running after Cedar and Cypress (why – he could never afterwards recall). The two health freaks, like nearly everyone else in town, were walking towards the beach as if there was some sort of mass-mind-control weird-alien-thing going on.
Of course everyone on the street had stopped about then, turning around to see what the police siren was about. And what they thought they saw was the local cop pulling over a van-load of lawbreakers, and one of those lawbreakers leaping from the van as if trying to evade arrest. That must have been how the cops saw it too. They both sprang out, one to nab those in the van and the other to pursue Randy on foot. Except Billy had started off again, trying to catch up with Randy, so one of the cops went diving back into his car again to pick up the chase.
Randy ran on regardless, oblivious and crazed.
And well back in the field came Aunty Jan’s car, with Tammy and the Egg-heads all hanging out the windows yelling, “It’s the Toxic Dumpers! Stop them!”
#
THE SNOWY WHITE HEADS of Cedar and Cypress had disappeared into the crowd beyond the shops. Randy dodged and twisted between the people and kept on. Someone shouted, “Hoi!” Another called out, “Stop him!” And some idiot yelled, “Maybe he’s got a gun!” That really didn’t help.
Randy was running nicely. He’d passed the Council Offices (closed) the Post Shop (closed), and the bank (closed), getting nearer and nearer to the epicentre of the crowd, which turned out to be the little grassy patch with the two picnic tables and the three rubbish bins in front of the changing sheds. Then someone tackled him and he went down on the grass with a thump. When he looked up again he saw a TV camera looking at him, plus the reporter lady from BAY-TV, plus Councillor Barry Boyd who appeared to have been interrupted in the middle of a speech, plus Randy’s parents, plus Beau and Cedar and Cypress, plus just about the entire population of Haulaway Bay.
And they were all looking rather perplexed, to say the least.
Randy lifted his gaze higher. Overlooking them all was the three-metre tall image of a handsome young Sea-god (Piho Waitere) standing heroically on a beach, and aside from an artfully draped length of bullenima exasperantia giving him as much cover as a necktie would, Beau’s 'Sea-god' was now completely and utterly butt-naked.
#
SHE HAD DONE IT VERY tastefully, even the bits that she would have had to fill in from imagination. (In fact Randy knew, since he had seen Piho butt-naked after rugby, that Beau had actually done Piho a favour.) So this was why everyone in town was here!
And knowing Beau, she would be loving it!
And thus he wasn’t at all surprised that it was Beau who spoke first, “Just what the HELL are you doing, Randy?!” she roared, stomping over to where he lay.
She didn’t get any further because right then, with a wail of sirens from the cop car behind it, and an excited commotion in the outer edges of the crowd, Billy’s van crept to a stop in the middle of the street, finally blocked in by the crowd.
“It’s them!” cried a voice, “It’s the Toxic Dumpers! They’ve been caught!”
Someone pointed to Randy, “He must be one of them too!”
“Hey, police! Over here! We’ve got one of them here, too!”
Someone hauled Randy roughly to his feet. Moments later Tammy, Aunty Jan, and her scientist friends arrived, but the crowd was intense. They could not get any closer, nor could they be heard.
Randy was frightened. Abut five people held him and he was surrounded by an angry babble of voices. Then Boyd, who still had the microphone, called out, “Could everyone please be quiet!” and his amplified voice boomed out of the P.A.
Then Boyd saw who Randy was and went rather pale.
“Uh, Ladies and Gentlemen,” he continued into his microphone, “ah, there seems to be an interruption, ah, I’m sure that the police will soon sort everything out and we can get back to our business.., ah..., can, ah, can someone actually tell us what’s going on here? Please? Constable?”
“Well, ah...” said the main cop, absent-mindedly taking the microphone to answer Boyd, “I’m sorry about the interruption, sir, but it seems we’ve just apprehended the alleged parties responsible for the alleged toxic dumping. It appears that these people here,” the cop indicated Tammy and the boffins, “saw the alleged offenders in the act of trying to escape the area with the alleged evidence, and...”
“No!” shouted Randy, “It’s not us! We’re innocent! It’s him! He’s the Dumper!” and he pointed at Barry Boyd. This caused a huge commotion.
“Quiet, please! Can we have some quiet here!” called the cop through the microphone, suddenly looking confused and flustered.
“A-Absolute nonsense!” added Boyd, looking whiter and whiter, “I’m sure that’s.., th-th-that’s rubbish!”
Even as Boyd tried to avoid the accusation, he blanched even more. Billy had just arrived in the centre of the crowd, accompanied by the other cop, and Boyd knew Billy entirely too well. Billy stopped and stood quietly, like he was watching and listening and waiting for the right moment to speak out.
Piho was quiet too, but for quite a different reason.
He had just noticed that he was now ten feet tall, butt-naked, and painted onto the side of the Haulaway Bay County Council Changing Sheds for all to see.