From his bed, Dylan could see the sun inching its way over the hill in the distance. The pale morning sky silhouetted the gums on the ridge and for a moment he was content. He looked down to where Tamara was sleeping by his side and wished that things could stay like this forever. He closed his eyes, he could pretend that this was enough for her … but somehow he knew it wasn’t.
She stirred next to him and he was torn between letting her sleep and holding on to the moment a little longer or waking her up, like she’d asked him to do. He hesitated as the cool morning air fluttered through the old lace curtains and over to where he was lying. It was fresh, almost bracing against the warmth of his skin.
He was caught in a charade, not of his choosing. They had been seeing each other for almost a year. Tam wanted to keep it a secret, so no one knew—not even their closest friends or family. At first it had been almost exciting to have a secret and keep it. The thrill of hidden meetings in secluded spots was heightened by the threat of discovery. But as time passed the feeling diminished; not how he felt about Tam—the love, the wanting and the longing only intensified—but the sneaking around part.
Every now and again he’d suggest or hint, and once he’d almost begged, that they act like a proper couple. Yet each time Tam said that their relationship was fine as it was and people knowing would only complicate things. Maybe she was right—he could only guess how Seb would react when he found out that his best friend was in a relationship with his sister.
And each time he’d mentioned it, Tam had pulled away. He’d loved her ever since they were seventeen but he was frightened that maybe she didn’t feel the same way. And yet the idea of not having her in his life terrified him more.
Tam stretched and let out a sigh.
‘Good morning,’ Dylan said as he leant over and kissed her forehead.
She looked up at him with her pale blue eyes and smiled. ‘Hey, did you sleep okay?’
Dylan nodded. ‘Yeah, how about you?’
‘I could stay here all morning,’ Tam said with a yawn as she sat up.
‘So stay.’ Dylan kissed her. ‘We could just take the whole day off.’
Tam shot him a grin before throwing back the covers. ‘Tempting as that is, we’ve got stuff to do, remember?’
‘Nothing that we couldn’t put off for a day,’ Dylan said hopefully. He watched her get out of bed and start searching for her clothes.
‘I seem to remember that you promised to do some building around the summer house,’ Tam said as she glanced out the window and saw the rising sun. ‘Damn, it’s getting late, I’d better get moving.’
Dylan propped his head on his hands as he leant back against the rustic wooden bedhead. ‘It’s barely dawn, Tam—how can you possibly be late?’
‘I’ve got a lot on today. Besides, I thought I’d get home before everyone else gets up.’
‘You’re a grown woman, you can come and go as you like,’ Dylan reminded her.
‘That’s true—but if no one knows then they won’t comment. You know that I hate speculation, especially when I’m the point of interest.’
‘I don’t know why we can’t just tell people that we’re together.’
‘Because it’s no one’s business but ours.’ Tam shrugged into her leather jacket.
‘But I hate all this hiding about. I don’t want some sort of grand gesture in the middle of town but can’t we at least make it official by telling Seb and the rest of the family?’
‘Why muck up a good thing?’ Tam replied as she leant across the bed and dropped a quick kiss on his mouth. She pulled back before he could wrap her in his arms. She was already picking up her bag which was sitting on an old, scuffed rocking chair in the corner of the room. ‘I’m off. Apparently, I’ve got a hot builder turning up later to build a deck.’
‘You’re dodging the question again,’ Dylan said as she headed for the door.
She yanked open the door before looking over her shoulder. ‘I love you, Dylan—isn’t that enough?’ Then she disappeared.
Dylan sat up and ran a hand through his blond hair before grabbing a pillow and tossing it towards the foot of the bed.
God, she could be infuriating sometimes.
Moments later he heard her motorbike kicking into action. He got out of bed and wandered over to the window, in time to see Tam ride off. He waited until she’d vanished from view as she followed the winding dirt track back to the front gate. Her words danced around his head: I love you, Dylan—isn’t that enough?
He stared out the window at the bush that surrounded the cottage as he thought about what she’d said.
Maybe it wasn’t enough, perhaps this time he actually needed more.
Dylan sighed as he rubbed his hand over his face. He needed coffee, with any luck it might clear his thoughts. He took one last glance at the empty driveway before turning on his heels and walking towards the kitchen.
* * *
Tam rode down the winding track but she didn’t see the beauty of the bush in the morning light because her mind was stuck on what Dylan had said.
In high school, Tam always had the sneaking suspicion that he liked her but she didn’t see him that way back then. And she’d never had a chance to. When her parents died, there was no more time for parties, fun or even boys. She had to step up and look after Lix, Gray and Lucy. She’d made a promise and she intended to keep it. Because of that promise, she had worked hard and did her best to always make the right decisions for her family.
She remembered the night she, Seb, Lix and Maddie had sat around the old kitchen table and made a list of what they had, what was owed and how they could generate enough money to keep the family going. What they had was a pub that neither Seb or Tam could run, a broken-down farm that hadn’t been worked in decades and a rambling old house that, even though it could house everyone, was in need of repairs. A small inheritance from their parents and Maddie’s savings were enough to keep them afloat for a while, if they were careful. But along with her money, Maddie had brought a surprise that none of the Carringtons saw coming—she had been about six months pregnant when she’d arrived.
At first, Tam had thrown herself into keeping the family together. If she worked as hard as she could then maybe she’d be able to forget the pain of her parents’ death, even if it was only for a moment or two.
She kicked over the traces whenever she could. Perhaps it was another form of escape but she partied hard anytime she was able to snatch a little time for herself. She became unpredictable and even reckless when she allowed herself to and because of it lost most of her friends, except for Gemma. Even though they weren’t together back then, Dylan had always been around and he had brought her back from the edge numerous times. She was lucky to have him in her life. It hadn’t been a lie what she’d said this morning, she did love him but she knew that he wanted more. He wanted the whole damn fairy tale even down to the picket fence and the happily ever after. The problem was that she didn’t know if she was ready for that. Hell, she probably didn’t even deserve it.
Maybe she should walk away and let him find a future with someone else, someone who could actually make him happy? She didn’t want to let him go but perhaps it would be for the best.
No, she told herself, everything would be fine. Dylan would drop the subject like he always did. All she had to do was let it blow over.
Tam drove up the driveway of Carrington Farm and parked her bike behind the house.
‘Hey,’ Lix said as she walked into the kitchen.
‘You’re up early,’ she said as she walked over and picked up the kettle.
‘I just boiled it,’ Lix told her. ‘There should be enough in there for you.’
‘Thanks.’ Tam went about making a cup of tea.
‘Everything all right?’
She paused. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine.’
‘You’re really not good at that,’ Lix said as he sat on the bench and sipped a steaming mug of coffee.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘You’ve never been a good liar. I can see through the bullshit, what’s up? Did you have a fight with Dylan?’
Tam shook her head as she poured the water into her cup. ‘No, I didn’t. It’s just …’
Before she could finish, Maddie walked into the kitchen. ‘Good morning!’ she said happily. ‘Gosh, you two are up early. Shall we have breakfast together?’
Tam shot Felix a glance before turning to Maddie. ‘That would be nice.’
‘Good idea,’ Lix added. ‘How about I make pancakes?’